Dean Thomas (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} artistdean) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} finnigans_rpg, |
Dean clung onto Seamus' hand. As much as therapy and Battlescars had got him used to talking it still wasn't always easy, especially in a private situation like this. He knew telling Seamus probably wasn't helping him stay calm at Ophelia, but he needed to get the words out.
"Seamus!" he said sharply, and then deflated, shaking his head. It wasn't like he wanted to defend her really. It had and did hurt like hell. "I know. She knows too. It's not actually what she said, and definitely not how she said it, but my nightmares twisted it," he said. "I'm not saying it doesn't hurt. Because believe me I am really pissed off, but she wasn't as bad as my nightmares made out. Maybe." He couldn't keep his half defence up though and he just shook his head, the words dying in his throat, squeezing Seamus' hand and trying to pull him back down, cold though it was lying on the ground. "She wouldn't have ever understood. And I'm glad I found out when I did. I mean the last date fucking sucked and I'm pretty sure the best bit of Valentine's isn't meant to be falling asleep with your best friend, but it was." Half of his best memories involved Seamus. More than.
"Some days I'd take you up on that, you know. Forget everything about her. Especially near the end, and since. Godric, if anyone could take away the things that cause nightmares they'd have a permanent fucking queue from our generation if nobody else," he said. He pulled his feet up, so his legs were bent at the knee, swinging idly into each other. "She didn't deserve me," he said quietly, trying to believe it, but sounding like he didn't. Sometimes it felt like he shouldn't inflict his problems on anyone else. He knew the danger of that thinking though. Frankly before his PTSD had been diagnosed, or his medication sorted, and he was at his worst he was amazed his friends had stuck by him, and he loved them all for it.
"Yeah, I'm about due for a check in anyway, but I should probably report the latest," he sighed again. "For now it's just taking my potion this week and making sure I use all my strategies." He shook his head. There was a time where all he had to worry about was what homework was due next, and maybe what idiocy sharing a room with Harry Potter was going to bring to the end of his school year. That was a long time ago now.