InsaneJournal

Journal Entry: Tristan Travers

[Charmed, Warded, and Runed Private. Breakers Will Be Jinxed, Cursed, and Hexed.]

It's strange when your house elf remembers your birthday better than your family does after so many years. It's even stranger watching two of them fight over who remembered first and who got you the better present.

I didn't expect my mother to remember my birthday (though, somehow, she did), but I'd have thought my grandparents would have at least sent a note of acknowledgement. I've grandparents and great-grandparents and aunts and uncles and great aunts and great uncles and a surprisingly large family outside of my immediate one, but could the majority of them be bothered? Of course not. It hurts more than I thought it would. Being ignored in prison is a punishment I understand. But if it's meant to still be a punishment, then I do not understand it, especially when some of these people acknowledge my existence on other days.

I had no delusions of a grand party with all my friends there (and not just because I don't think I have any friends left), but I guess I had some delusions of being acknowledged, of being wished a happy birthday, even if it it was a note that said, "Happy birthday. Try to spend the next year out of trouble instead of going back to jail for murder," or something else along those lines. I guess I had delusions that I matter more. I didn't think I had them, but I apparently do.

This is where spending all week trying to make a nice cake for Pandora comes in handy because I have several cakes that didn't make the cut to eat by myself. And with Mum. She seemed to really like the cakes and taste testing them. And Fluffy and Titus don't seem to hate the cakes, either. Julian had some of it as well, but I couldn't tell if he liked it or was being polite.

Working last minute last night (tonight? I've not been to bed yet, after all, but it is Sunday now instead of Saturday still) both did and didn't help distract me from my birthday. But maybe next year will be better. Maybe next year they'll remember, even just to make snide remarks.

One thing remains the same; the ceiling of my room at home. Going through old things may not have been the catharsis I hoped for, but there's an odd comfort in knowing that Julian and Fluffy kept my room the same, complete with the charms. It's been nice to stare up at it this past week, to watch stars and planets and comets, to pick out constellations I thought I'd long forgotten. I wonder if I could have it replicated in the bedroom at Pandora's flat.

[/Private]