InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I am your father"

waynecymraeg (waynecymraeg) wrote in finnigans_rpg,
@ 2014-11-12 08:54:00

Entry tags:

delivery: ernie macmillan, delivery: wayne hopkins

Owl to Ernie MacMillan
Ernie --

Justin just recently told me he had a thing for me in school?? And I'm not sure what to do with that information because I totally would have gone out with him, but now it's not really an option?? Please help. Thanks.

Wayne.

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	erniedtmac 2014-11-13 03:02 am UTC (link)
	Wayne, Are you seeing someone new since we saw each other last? Is that why it's not an option? Or have you both changed so much that you wouldn't be interested anymore? Ernie (Reply to this) (Thread)

waynecymraeg
2014-11-13 05:00 am UTC (link)

Ernie -

No, it's nothing like that. I think it's probably best I stay away from casual sex for a while, especially with what happened after Dennis. And while I'm mostly sure I didn't sleep with my new sponsor-ish person, it's not entirely clear. I'm sure she'd've said something.

Anyway. Sorry if that's too much - I'm trying this whole...honesty type thing. Trusting people. Whatever. I forget what they call it. They say to trust God and all that, but I think it's a load of shit. So I'm trying to trust my friends.

So yeah, I'm officially "in recovery" or whatever. It's going better now than my last two botched attempts of staying sober, but it's nearly a month. Muggle meetings don't work for shit, the whole, hi, I'm an alcoholic, let's share rock-bottom stories.

So that's basically it. I shouldn't start anything, I'm not entirely sure I could take it, I'm more than sure that I'd fuck something up, and I don't want to fuck anything up with anyone especially important to me, like Justin. Or you.

Did ANY of that make sense? Sorry. It's been a while since I've slept.

Wayne

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erniedtmac
2014-11-14 02:19 am UTC (link)

Wayne,

Whoah there, information overload, mate. Let's try to narrow it down a bit.

First - what the bloody hell happened with you and Dennis? I didn't even know you knew him.

All right, I know a little bit about recovery, we've a few patients who had some addiction issues as well as spell damage. Have you ever thought of starting a group for witches and wizards? I know there are quite a few with issues, especially any who've had previous trauma.

It sounds to me like you've more issues than whether or not to shag Justin. Have you been to see anyone for help on this? A counsellor of some sort? Maybe I could refer you to someone at St. Mungo's if you'd like. I've known you too long so I'd be too close to be objective.

Ernie

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waynecymraeg
2014-11-14 05:01 am UTC (link)

Ernie -

Sorry. Once I open my mouth it tends to not stop.

First - an ill-advised, blurry evening full of sex, followed up by awkward avoidance and something that started as an apology that went quite pear-shaped and now we're okay but Rolf at the pet shop probably wants me for ferret food.

I dunno about a group. I'm not really keen on exposing myself to loads of people I know. That's why I liked the anonymity of AA. But hiding magic was too much, and by crazy random happenstance (and another somewhat-ill-advised, blurry evening) I found someone in the same boat.

and it sounds to me like you've more issues that whether or not to shag Justin? First of all, thanks a bunch. Second, that's kind of my point. He doesn't need all my shit on top of his. No good person like him deserves that.

And it's still awful that I still kind of want to. Even though it's, like, the worst idea ever.

Wayne

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erniedtmac
2014-11-15 05:35 pm UTC (link)

Wayne,

We can't take you anywhere, can we. All right, let's consider the Dennis thing settled, but if Rolf comes near you, you tell him you've a band of badgers watching your back. I love Dennis, almost like the little brother I never had, but Rolf I don't know much. Him I wouldn't have a problem messing up if he messed with you.

That's sort of what I meant, something like your AA for wizards, but I'll leave that for you to decide what would and wouldn't be good. You know more about it than me.

Hey, do you want me to be honest or not? You've been away for years, you're working on your recovery, you have a son to help raise, you're filled with doubts and are worried about fucking things up. And don't think I didn't notice how you dodged my question about getting some help. And from the way you worded that bit about "No good person", you make it sound like you're not a good person. So yeah, I think you have a lot of issues.

Thing is, many of those other issues will always be there for the rest of your life. Your son will always be around. Recovery will be a life-long process. So on and so forth. So the question then is - are you going to keep putting off potential somethings with people you care about for the rest of your life, or can you find a way to work on your issues and start something with someone you care about? Because if you didn't care about him, then you wouldn't be worried about fucking things up. And if you're honest and you both know what you're getting into, well, don't you respect him (or any other person) to be able to make up their mind about whether they want to get into it?

Ernie

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	waynecymraeg 2014-11-16 05:29 am UTC (link)
	Ernie - Thanks. You really know how to make a guy feel good about himself. That being said, please never stop being blunt like that. Sometimes it's what I need. It's just happening so fast. I just got everyone back. I don't want to alienate anyone so soon. Wayne (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	erniedtmac 2014-11-16 03:58 pm UTC (link)
	Wayne, You know you can always rely on me, for anything. (Well, almost anything, within reason! You know what I mean.) The only way you'd alienate anyone would be to lie to them and be dishonest. So my question to you is - what do you want? Ernie (Reply to this) (Parent)