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Theodore Nott (nottfinished) wrote in finnigans_rpg,

Later on, once the potions had drained out of his system and the fireworks had silenced and his heartbeat had dropped back to it's usual abnormal off key tune Theo would be mortified, not only that he'd disturbed Ernie so thoroughly but also because he'd let slip some of the dark parts he'd wanted to keep inside. He'd never felt like this about anyone, not the sense of security he had, not the odd sensation of trust or the stability that Ernie made him feel and, most quiet of all in the deepest part of him, those little blooms of warmth that he cut and carried and cherished that were growing into something else entirely. Theo had never known anyone who made him feel a little better about the world when he thought about them and that alone frightened him a little, but it had condemned him now too.

He'd fled here out of his mind because even in the midst of whatever drug-induced breakdown he'd had Ernie had been a beacon, a dry dock for him, but at the same time this thing between them was so fragile and undefined that he would feel sure that he'd broken it. He didn't know who he'd been kidding when he thought he could hide the damaged parts from Ernie - telling him he had them was one thing but showing him even the edge of the septic mass of poisons locked away in his head was another altogether. He had to fight to stay around himself, who the hell else would stay around that? Should stay around that, even, especially Ernie who gave so much of himself that Theo had to wonder how much he had left in him in case he needed it.

Those thoughts would come later on. Right then, Theo's mind was in tatters and as much as he started at the touch of Ernie's hand against his arm he curled in towards Ernie when Ernie told him the little lie that whoever he was right then had needed to hear. He was trembling hard and hadn't really leant in against the other boy, not really. He had his arms around himself, trying to hold himself together, and he was biting his lip so hard it bled where he'd bitten at the skin there before. "Th-thank you." he stammered, shivering, pathetically grateful and holding still while Theo's mind paused itself for a moment, teetering on some edge between the past and present.