InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Happiness can't buy money"

friendlyjustin (friendlyjustin) wrote in finnigans_rpg,
@ 2014-11-03 11:09:00

Entry tags:

character: justin finch-fletchley, character: susan bones, status: complete

Birthday dinner between Susan and Justin
WHO: Justin and Susan
WHEN: Monday November 3rd
WHERE: Justin's flat
WHAT: Justin wanted to make a little something special for Susan, so he's making her dinner.
RATING: PG
STATUS: ongoing

Justin put the pasta in the pot and grinned, stirring them so they wouldn't stick. "I'm glad you could come over." He said happily now putting the veggies in the skillet and mixing them up gently before turning to his friend. He was so happy to be able to be doing this for his friends when they had done it for him so often. A nice little dinner to catch up, eating something else than take out.

"I don't usually have days off during the week but, hey, I'm happy to switch shifts here and there. I possibly sold my soul this time though, I agreed to work this Friday night." He blushed and stirred the pasta and the veggies again. He hoped Seamus wouldn't mind.

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friendlyjustin
2014-11-12 04:03 am UTC (link)

"OH!" Justin exclaimed. "I thought you meant the hypothetical fivesome I could be having!" He said, then sighed, shaking his head. "I know you like them tall and sexually attracted to you. I'm kidding you, Love. I mean.. you are utterly awesome." He reached out and took her hand to kiss the top of her fingers.

"It was nothing really," Justin didn't want to make a big deal out of it because it really was. "You know we get. I mean, a bit of wine, lost of flirting and we just tried it out."

"Seamus.. it's complicated." He started, then shook his head again. "And I'm ashamed of how pathetic it makes me sometimes." Justin was really ashamed of how things were turning out for him in this story. "I deal with the moods, I don't mention it and that's how it is." Not only that, but he didn't mention any kind of feelings on his part either.

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susanamybones
2014-11-12 07:20 am UTC (link)

Susan threw her head back and cackled a little bit. "No no dear, we'd stopped talking about you for half a minute and started talking about me," she teased good naturedly. "I mean it is my birthday, we should be talking about me yeah?" She laughed again to show she was just joking. "I do like them tall, handsome, and attracted to me don't I? Also emotionally available, that's a big one for me apparently." She allowed him to kiss the top of her fingers, and laughed slightly at the scene. "I am awesome right?"

She shook her head and gave him a mock pout. "Really you two and your drunken osculations, tut tut dear," she joked with a smile, though Merlin knew she'd found herself innocently kissing more than one of her friends in the past. "I'm glad it's not a big deal though."

"He is," she agreed absently, before frowning at him in confusion. "What makes you pathetic? Justin you're not pathetic at all, what are you even talking about?" She pushed her empty plate away and stared at Justin for a long moment. "Are you happy with Seamus?"

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friendlyjustin
2014-11-12 05:25 pm UTC (link)

"Ah well, yeah. You deserve to have a bunch of tall, handsome and horny blokes just for you." He gave her a wink and a smile.

"Nah, it's no big deal. I mean, has it really changed anything?" He asked, raising one eyebrow. "Had I not told you, you wouldn't have noticed, right?" It was nice to see that things had not gotten that awkward with with Ernie after that night and they still flirted like they meant it too, but everything was defined between them.

It got a little tense there for a minute as he considered her question, terribly tempted not to answer it. "Well, um.." He sighed and looked away. "That's the problem." Justin sat back on his chair, no longer holding Susan's hand or holding his fork. "I'm.."

He chewed on his lower lip for a while before he could figure out how to explain this. "I tried to make more time to see Seamus and it worked out kind of okay. We see each other steadily on Fridays." He was happy with that, it was regular and it made him much less desperate for sex. "I don't know how to explain this.. but there is one time he was more snuggly than usual. More, I don't know, more relaxed. He was smiling more, he was in a good mood and.. I don't know, he seemed more affectionate and he said something.." He reached out for his napkin and started to play with the corners without looking at Susan.

"I didn't know what to answer at first, but I did a little later and that's when I realized I had misinterpreted what he had said. I thought he was speaking romantically and he didn't. So that moment.." He sighed in frustration with himself. "So that moment that I considered what he had said to me and figured out that I was okay with it being on the romantic side, then it just.." There was a gesture with his hands and he shrugged, feeling more and more angry with himself.

"And then there was an opening for something more regular at work and I really just kept on a straight face and he comes here on Fridays and.. and sometimes I wish he'd just say he made a mistake and, you know.. want this. But he's not." Justin closed his eyes and wiped his face. "That's the part that's pathetic. I should just let go and I can't because.." Because I rather have that than being alone..

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susanamybones
2014-11-16 04:41 am UTC (link)

"Thank you," Susan replied with a warm smile. "I'd take one of course, but thank you. You deserve them too of course."

She tilted her head again and levelled him with a extra strong dose of Long Suffering Expression No. 4. "Where's your healers dictionary, I need to go look up the symptoms of an aneurism to see if I had one," she quipped with a cheeky grin. "In all honesty it doesn't bother me who you snog, as long as it's not me, my brother, or someone I'm dating. You two still flirt like you're about to go bump in the night so what would I know yeah?"

She sat back and let his words wash over her, taking in his nervous tics, his lack of eye contact, and the meaning of both what he was saying and not saying. "I know you're frightened of being alone, Justin," she began after he'd finally trailed off. "In fact the thought terrifies you." She reached across the table and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. "And you know I love Seamus, and I love you, and this in no way an indication that I don't, and you are perfectly welcome to discount my words. But I have the weight of very painful personal experience, and my honesty hat is on so I need to say them: you need a relationship, and I worry that Seamus isn't emotionally equipped yet to give you that."

She closed her eyes and squeezed the bridge of her nose for a moment, mentally deciding to leave out any mention of Seamus' attraction for Dean - there was no need to cause any tension in the friend group on top of what there already was. "Seamus has... issues. He constantly worries about his scar, and while you're fantastic for him in the sense that you haven't left him because of it and aren't bothered by it at all... He cares about it, you know?" She took a long sip of her wine finishing it off completely. "He has all these issues of guilt and shame and body horror and they've basically coalesced into this cycle where he pushes people away subconsciously, thus proving that they don't love him, and thus that he's worthless and needs to build up more defenses, with which he then pushes the next person away with." She cracked her neck tiredly, feeling exhausted, but continued. "If you've the patience to bring those walls down, then I think it would be amazing - but I don't want you to get hurt either."

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friendlyjustin
2014-11-16 05:01 am UTC (link)

"Yeah, well, it's mostly teasing between Ernie and I." He said with a sigh and a shake of the head. "It's all there is." He gave her a smile.

Justin listened to Susan as she spoke about Seamus and he nodded. "I do my best Susan. I swear I do." He said softly. "I'm trying so hard to be there for him, to hold onto him.. There is just those times where he just.." Justin felt terribly guilty at not being able to be a better friend than that. "I wish he'd talk to me but he doesn't. We're supposed to be friends, but when he's in a mood he doesn't say much."

He swallowed thickly. "I care about him. And sometimes, I wonder if he cares back." He lowered his head in guilt, knowing he probably shouldn't be doubting like that. But he did.

"I get it that he's probably trying to push me away, heck I do it with Ernie sometimes. But I wonder if I can help him. If he'll ever let me." He looked at Susan and he cleared his throat because he wouldn't let her see that it was affecting him.

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susanamybones
2014-11-18 03:09 pm UTC (link)

Susan shook her head for a moment. "That's what I'm saying dear, it's fantastic that you're holding onto him so much but don't lose yourself along the way. Don't let his moods and self-loathing swallow you up, and if you think he doesn't care - make him talk about it. Don't let him off." She shook her head for a moment to collect her thoughts and then continued. "One of Seamus' bits is that he pushes people away and then plays the martyr when they eventually fuck off, and Justin don't let him do it. He may not be in love with you or you with him but he should respect you okay? You're important."

"Anyway," she said, getting up and dragging him into a rough hug. "It's time for me to leave I think. Love yeou dear heart."

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	friendlyjustin 2014-11-18 04:15 pm UTC (link)
	Justin hugged her back just as fiercely, burrowing his face in her neck. "Thank you so much for coming though. I know I scare people away with my cooking." he told her as he pulled back. What Susan had said about Seamus was definitely food for though. "Take care, okay?" he asked her even though he knew she was a careful person. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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