InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I did! I did saw a putty tat!"

Dean Thomas (artistdean) wrote in finnigans_rpg,
@ 2014-10-23 21:01:00

Entry tags:

character: dean thomas, character: susan bones, status: complete

RP: Baby you're a firework
Who: Dean Thomas & Susan Bones and/or Seamus Finnegan
What: Fireworks for Diwali do not make this bloke happy
Where: Various locations, London
When: Thursday October 23rd
Rating: NSFW - swearing, trigger warning: flashbacks and significant PTSD episode

It had been a bit of a weird week, depending on how you looked at it it had all started with Sunday lunch with Seamus and Jess, and hadn't that been a delight?! Come Monday he had originally been planning to take Ophelia to lunch and actually properly explain his PTSD better to her, but he just hadn't felt up to it. Instead he'd put it off, and put it off all week, and then it came to Thursday and she'd been out meeting some sort of client for most of the morning and he'd been working on the painting of his father that had perpetually sat in the corner of his studio for the better part of a year now. It wasn't something he did often, but he did do it with great care and attention and he'd been feeling the awkward mood and the journal messages with Roger inspire him. It was also fairly draining to do, because he tended to wallow in the feelings of regret and disappointment that he'd never known the man. So come 5.30 he was packing up and heading home.

Apparating back to his flat he immediately switched on the radio on to fill the flat with noise as he did some chores. First hovering he’d neglected for the last couple of days, then sorting the laundry and sticking it in the machine. He knew he could use cleaning charms on the lot but they’d never been his strongest suit, and crap though his neighbours were he couldn’t discount the fact they’d notice him never doing any of the noisier housework muggles needed to participate in to keep tidy.

Even though he'd spent a good portion of Saturday making meals for the next week or two it seemed stupid to waste them when he was home with plenty of time to spare. Since he had plenty of lasagne, portions of various stew-type meals in the freezer he decided to go in a totally different direction and make something with Chinese flavours and set about putting together Sesame chicken, planning to serve it with some stir fried vegetables. Busy marinating the chicken and pre-preparing the sauce and vegetables and singing or humming along to the radio Dean wasn’t particularly paying attention to what was going on outside the flat, although he did pause, frowning a couple of times at something he couldn’t place. He’d closed the curtains earlier though, knowing he’d be too lazy to get up afterwards.

Looking down at the pile of vegetables he’d chopped he pulled a disappointed face. A small carrot, half a pepper, the remains of some cabbage and a quarter of a head of broccoli did not a satisfying stir-fry make. And he was short on garlic. Trip to Tesco it was. He cast a quick protective spell over the veg to preserve it for his short absence, checked the washing machine only had a spin cycle left, and grabbed boots, jacket and muggle wallet, before apparating to the slightly larger store that would likely have a better selection of vegetables he might want.

The hint of smoke and cordite in the air hit him immediately he appeared in the alley a short walk from the store and stiffened, looking to the sky. For long moments there was nothing and he set off on his walk, thinking himself safe.

He was walking across the carpark when the next flash of light erupted into the sky. It was pure white, startling Dean’s heightened senses which had been expecting the red or green of spells. The next flash moments later was green, the powerful flare of Aveda Kedavra and he dropped behind the nearest car, heart in his throat, eyes wide, breath coming in pants.

His hand grasped his wand, ready for action. Still crouched he made his way to the corner of the corridor. Hugging the wall he stuck his head out, looking for danger. At first there was nothing, and then the bright yellow-white of a pair of spells swung around the corner and he shrank back. Rocking to his feet, back bent to keep him protected from the hole in the wall he changed his mind. He turned to ask Seamus what the plan was and found him missing, and his heart clenched. Arms reaching out .

“Seamus!” he called. Throwing caution to the wind he ran down the short corridor. He picked up speed, ducking quickly around the corner-

He jumped back out of the path of the car whose horn had honked, tires screeching slightly as the man applied his breaks. Dean was flattened against the back of a small van, and back in reality. His chest was heaving, wand in hand and he began to shake. He had to get out of here. Now.

“Look where you’re fucking going!” the man yelled from his rolled down window as he drove away with a parting “Wanker!” thrown out of the window for good measure.

Dean was shaking in earnest now, and aware enough to know he needed to get out.

Get somewhere that there were people to help him.

There was no way he could make it back to his apparition point. He could barely stay upright.

He could do this. He had done this before when fleeing for his life.

He took a deep breath. Then another.

He brought up the safest place he knew into his mind and stepped forward, twisting into the void.

He arrived a split second later in Seamus’ flat. Seamus’ empty flat. The lights were off. He wasn’t home.

He had nothing more in him. Not after that.

He stumbled to Seamus’ bedroom and shoved the covers out of the way, shaking, his arms wrapped around himself as he began to cry.

He hadn’t stopped for his self-care box. Hadn’t even taken off his boots, but all he could do was curl up as tight as he could and tremble, tears falling down his face.

(Post a new comment)

susanamybones
2014-10-24 12:52 am UTC (link)

Susan was tired and ever so slightly pissed off by the time she got home from supervising the arrests of a group of blood terrorists. She kicked off her shoes and had just knelt down to give Shadow a hug when she heard the first firework go off. She paused for a moment, trying to figure out why fireworks were going off when she suddenly remembered that it was Diwali. She chuckled to herself and followed the dog into the kitchen to see about some dinner.

Then she remembered Dean. Usually Dean kept his wards going but he always got a bit forgetful whenever he and Seamus entered a funk - which was always helpfully whenever Dean began dating someone and Seamus got monstrously jealous. Muttering to herself, she flicked her wand and re-tied the guardian spells around Shadow before disapparating.

She reappeared in Dean's studio and found it to be empty. It had been a long shot, but worth a try. She paused for a second and decided to check to see if he was in his flat. When she apparated, she saw the vegetables under their preservation spell and heard the sound of the washing machine finishing it's load. "Oh fuck," she groaned. "Dean please tell me you didn't go outside. Please." Honestly scared now, she went to the last immediate place she could think of looking: Seamus' flat. When she apparated she found it dark - a disheartening sight - but her intuition told her to make sure Dean wasn't present before widening her search.

"Dean, are you hear," she called, as she headed towards the bedroom, making enough noise to announce her presence. She poked her head into the bedroom and saw him curled up in a ball on the bed, tears streaming down his face as he shook uncontrollably. "Oh Dean," she said with a sigh. "It's me, Susan, okay?" She moved towards the bed slowly, giving him plenty of time to adjust to her new presence. The sound of fireworks could still be heard distantly, and she decided that it would probably be best to take him home with her. She moved the last few steps until she was hovering just close enough to be comforting, but not too close. "Okay, I'm going to take you home with me now, yeah? You've got your box at my place, and the bedroom all set up for you."

(Reply to this) (Thread)

artistdean
2014-10-24 01:03 am UTC (link)

Dean wasn't feeling very coherent, in fact most of what he was feeling was the rawness of pain and fear. When he heard a noise he thought it was Seamus coming back upstairs and his heart lifted. But it didn't sound right. The figure in the doorway was too small, shadowed in the faint light from the bedroom window, far enough away from the fireworks that they didn't flash.

He lifted his head enough that she would know he'd heard her and he whimpered. "I-" he managed, before cutting off, shaking his head, unable to form the words. Then he nodded rapidly, begging silently for her to come closer. "'es," he managed. The sound tiny, bringing on another wave of sobbing.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

susanamybones
2014-10-24 01:15 am UTC (link)

She sighed to herself and made the last step over to the bed, where she pulled Dean into her arms, letting him sob for a few moments. "Okay," she said kindly as slowly pulled Dean to his fit. With a flick of her wand, she fixed the bed and then held out her arm for Dean before disapparating back to the room she kept for him in her flat.

Gently, she pushed him down onto the bed and walked over to the self-care box he kept at her house, taking out a couple of sandalwood candled and lighting them with a poke of her wand. At the sound of a scrabble at the door, she walked across and opened it to reveal Shadow, who was shaking her tail so vigorously that it made it hard for her to walk. "Right, Dean," she said, walking back over to the bed and lying down beside him. "You're safe now, okay? You've got two scary women to look after you, so you are fine." Absently, she pulled his head over to her chest and began to stroke his hair, willing him to relax.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

artistdean
2014-10-24 03:23 pm UTC (link)

Dean clung to Susan as soon as she came into reach, taking comfort from the warmth of her body which helped his own trembling somewhat. With her help he could make it to his feet and stand for long enough to have her apparate them to her home.

He lay on the bed without protest, curling up again, tears falling a little slower. "He was gone," he said, curling an arm around Susan. "He was gone, Susie. And I couldn't find him." He shook slightly still, even though the smell of the candles was beginning to penetrate.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

susanamybones
2014-10-24 04:04 pm UTC (link)

Susan sighed and nodded. For a single moment the hyper rational, no nonsense side of her brain wanted to tell him that it had just been fireworks; that Seamus was probably still at Chess Club or possibly even boning Justin. But she quashed it. She knew that for Dean, the first casualty in an episode was the ability to think rationally. She also knew that Dean wasn't really talking about the flat, but about the battle. So she put on the face that no one got to see very often, and stroked Dean's hair. "I know, but he's not gone, he's safe," she said kindly. "You're both safe, and you don't have to worry anymore."

There was a small huff from next to the bed, and Susan looked up to see Shadow looking at Dean with her head tilted. Carefully, the dog began to inch forward until her head was resting on the edge of the bed. "This is Shadow," she supplied helpfully. "She's my brave samoyed protector dog."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

artistdean
2014-10-24 09:28 pm UTC (link)

"It felt so real, it always feels so real," he said, sucking in a deep breath, trying to will his tears to cease. Seamus being gone was always one of his biggest fears, from when they were at odds during their fifth year, through the terrified flight of his seventh when they couldn't keep in touch, the confusion of he battle and Seamus' injury, right up to now with the pair of them not quite connecting with each other. Seamus who was the first instinct of where to go when he was hurting, who had brought him back from the depths of his own mind more times than he could count or was wiling to remember. He almost never had flashbacks about the battle, they were far more likely to be about his flight from Snatchers or Hermione's torture, but that gave them no less of an effect.

He blinked his eyes clear of the fuzz of tears, even though he still felt the threat of tears, and the odd one escaped they were slowing. "Hi, Shadow," he said, shifting slightly so he could reach over and let her sniff his fingers. She appeared to be white and fluffy. Trust Susan to choose a name like Shadow for something so white.

"I wish my brain would get the message about me not needing to worry," he said quietly, silently cursing his brain's various malfunctions.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

susanamybones
2014-10-25 03:08 pm UTC (link)

"I know darling, I know," Susan said soothingly. She knew that Dean's greatest and most debilitating fear was losing Seamus, and in a related sense she also knew that he was Dean's first port of call when he was angry, confused, or frightened - a fact exhibited by the fact that she'd found Dean in Seamus' flat. It was this fact more than anything else that always irritated her whenever Seamus pulled back from Dean, even if he wasn't consciously aware that he did it. "You did the right thing though dear: you got yourself out of the situation and into a more calmer and less confronting one."

She watched Shadow sniff Dean's fingers solemnly and then begin to whine pitifully. "Oh come on then," Susan said with a sigh, scooting herself and Dean over slightly so that the dog could jump onto the bed. One of the benefits of magic was that any errant fur could be cleaned off surfaces with magic. "This is Dean, Shadow," she told her inanely. "He's one of my best friends, and yes as you can tell allowed in through the wards."

Susan hugged him a bit tighter for a moment and nodded. "I know you do, but it's not that easy unfortunately. Do you want us to send an owl to Seamus?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

artistdean
2014-10-27 05:07 pm UTC (link)

"If I'd not managed to get there I don't know how anyone would have found me," he said, staring fixedly into nothing. "I was going to Tesco, I'd forgotten all about Diwali, it is Diwali, right?" he asked sounding slightly hollow. "I literally mentioned the date to Ernie and then I just... forgot."

He moved over compliantly as Susan made room for Shadow. As soon as she made it onto the bed he reached over and stroked her idly. he softness of her fur made a smile tug at the corners of his mouth for a moment or two. It was so opposite from his flashback that it was immensely comforting.

"Tell me about it," he said with feeling. "It would make my life so much easier." He considered her offer. He really wanted to say yes. But he didn't want to bother Seamus. Part of him knew that in this situation Seamus probably wouldn't consider it a bother at all, but he was probably busy with chess or Justin, or whatever else it was he did when he and Dean were... whatever they were at the moment. "I dunno," he said quietly, not sure what Seamus could actually do that Susan couldn't at this point. Except maybe finish quieting his heart.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

susanamybones
2014-10-28 04:38 pm UTC (link)

Susan shrugged delicately. "I'm an auror and my mother is the head of the Department of Mysteries, Dean. We would have found you." She stroked his hair and let him speak, well aware that doing so would allow him to come down to earth. "It is Diwali," she confirmed after a moment, holding him tightly. "But you're allowed to forget things, so don't beat yourself up about it."

Shadow snuggled down, making Susan smile. The dog's presence seemed to calm Dean down, something that she filed away for future reference. "I take it you like her?"

"It would," she acknowledged with a nod. "And one day you'll get there, but you have to appreciate the fact that you've made a lot of progress." She sighed at the way Dean paused to consider whether or not they should tell Seamus. Things between them must be really screwed up if he wasn't sure about something like that, particularly since in times past they would have had Seamus 'round as a matter of course. "Shall I just leave it then?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

artistdean
2014-10-28 10:17 pm UTC (link)

Dean shifted slightly against Susan, snuggling closer. He usually wasn't the one who curled up into others, but it was so good to be cared for when he was feeling so vulnerable. "I know, but it would have taken longer, and that's never good. At least I snapped out of it before I got hit by the car. I don't need physical pain dumping on top of the mental pain," he said, pulling a face.

"I know I'm allowed to forget, but it's still a bit annoying. Usually I'm better at remembering, or think to set a reminder. The show's got me all screwed on the planning for anything but that front." And the Seamus thing too, but he didn't exactly want to talk about that. Maybe with his therapist. He had his monthly appointment coming up anyway.

He continued to stroke Shadow, feeling the calm in him growing as the fear receded. "Yeah, she's great. Pets are a thing they suggest in therapy sometimes, the unconditional love thing, you know? And all sorts of more complicated stuff," he said, waving his hand briefly before going back to his ministrations. "I just honestly don't keep a schedule regular enough to feel good about having a pet. Luna offered when she had some kittens a while back, but you know what I'm like."

Feeling the need to move he shifted slightly and rolled onto his back, head shifting off Susan's chest to lay right at her side as he stared at the ceiling. "I really do appreciate that. I mean this is a once in a while thing now rather than multiple times a week or even day, right?" he said.

"Yeah, let's leave it. We can let him know tomorrow or something." Suddenly he sucked in a huge breath and sighed it out loudly. "Guess this means I can't put off telling Ophelia properly any longer either." He always looked like a special kind of hell the day after even a semi-major flashback attack.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

susanamybones
2014-10-30 03:54 pm UTC (link)

Susan wrapped her arms more securely around Dean, her tactile Hufflepuff pleased by his unusually demonstrative cuddling, if not the reason behind it. "I'm glad too," she admitted, hugging him even tighter. "But like you say, it's good that you got yourself away from the cars and people and went somewhere safe."

She nodded, allowing him to vent at her. It was important that he be allowed to get these things off his chest, and she knew that an affirmation was in some cases far better than trying to fix the problem. "I am excited for the show though," Susan replied with a smile. "I had the paintings you wanted wrapped up and put in my vault along with the pieces Ophelia want, you know so they don't get lost in the moving process," she added, hoping it would give him something else to latch onto.

"Well, you're always welcome to come and see her whenever you feel like it," Susan said seriously. "She get's bored during the day and even if I'm not here you can just come over and give her a hug." She paused, smirking for a moment. "Of course the place I'm thinking of buying is actually just across Regent's Park from you, so I might even occasionally take her for walks to come see you on my lunch break." She stroked his hair and nodded in understanding. "That was lovely of Luna, but it's good that you did what you think is best."

Susan grinned at him resolutely. "You're getting better, which is great," she said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "I also appreciate the fact that you're able to do self-care so well these days too," she added. "Which, once again Shadow is always here for you to snuggle if you need her."

"Agreed then," she said, feeling a little bit chuffed that he trusted her enough to not need Seamus with him also. Of course she was fairly certain that Seamus was being weird with Dean but she chose to ignore that. A ghost of a smile crept onto her face. "Oh I don't know, if you were really adverse I could scrounge up a bit of makeup for you? A bit of foundation, some eyeliner, a bit of concealer? Oh and a pair of borrowed heels and maybe a dress and you'd be a new man. Dressed as a woman." She turned to look at him, dropping her face back into neutrality. "But in all honesty, you should only tell her if you feel comfortable."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

artistdean
2014-10-31 04:04 pm UTC (link)

"Okay, little tight there, grabby," he said shifting so she relaxed her arms slightly. Not that it had actually been painful, just a little restrictive.

He smiled slightly and nodded. "Yeah, me too. Well, somewhere between that and I'll be massively glad when it's over. And thanks, it'll be much easier if we don't have to go hunting through boxes or something."

"You found somewhere already?" he asked, surprised. Although of course Susan tended towards being far more efficient than he was about decisions like that. "I might just call in on her sometime," he added, still idly stroking Shadow.

"Yeah, thanks for lighting the candles by the way. It's incredibly grounding, the whole smell thing, and yes, dog licks apparently," he said, chuckling as Shadow licked his hand. "Not exactly something I associate with any of my trigger events."

"Oi! Not a fan of makeup thanks, and I doubt you have it in my colour anyway. I mean I'm sure everyone would find it hilarious but, not my thing." He was grinning at the mental image of himself dressed as a woman but then he sighed and slumped slightly. "I'm not lying about it, and she's observant enough to ask when I'm short on coffee never mind after this. And I've been planning on telling her for a while. You know, at least a decent amount of it. It can just be a lot to take in, and it's not like she's from here really."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

susanamybones
2014-11-02 01:13 pm UTC (link)

Susan laughed, relaxing her grip as Dean squirmed slightly. "Sorry handsome, force of habit," she said with a rueful smile.

She nodded thoughtfully, then grinned again. "I think it's good though, a bit of exposure is always good for an artist and as much as she can be quite scary, Parkinson always seems to make sure her clients get the most out of their marketting. She's probably engaged guerilla marketing or whatever it was that my cousin's wife was blathering on about last week."

"I think I have, yeah. It's this lovely place on Hanover Terrace. It has a big back yard for Shadow to play in, and a mews house which I'll do ... Something with, I'm sure. I was going to get Seamus to come and help me butter up the estate agent, but he was replaced by a lovely woman who was thrilled at the idea of a 'young professional woman' owning a house of her own," Susan said, smiling despite herself. "I think she thinks I work for MI-6 or something like that." She nodded and smiled to herself, glad that Dean was open to the idea. If Shadow could in some way help Dean then Susan was all for it. "That'd be great actually, I'll make sure you're keyed to the wards obviously."

She rolled her eyes and swatted at him. "Excuse me, I'm a witch. If you don't think I have chameleonic makeup in the house than I don't know what to do with you Dean," she replied with mock tartness, before allowing her expression to soften again. "I think telling her about the issue will be good," she suggested, scratching her head for a moment. "At least you've got the whole concept that the War was something that didn't really impact anywhere else but the UK, so you won't be monstrously offended if she is a bit underwhelmed. Though I don't think she'd be underwhelmed by the PTSD."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

artistdean
2014-11-02 04:58 pm UTC (link)

"She's been mercifully professional, and you're right it should be good for me, at least all that doesn't mean I have to like her," he said lightly. He doubted he'd ever actually like Pansy Parkinson. Trusting her to do her job was an entirely different matter.

Dean snorted softly, the image of Susan the spy wasn't actually that ridiculous, or a bad guess as far as a muggle equivalent went, but it just didn't fit right. "Well, that's better than some sleazy dude, and it's not a bad impression to leave. Just misguided," he said.

"Like I said I know nothing about make up," he said, rolling his eyes hard. "Although I think the women in my family would appreciate it," he added. He'd heard the odd rant or two about how difficult it could be to find foundation for black skin.

"Mmm, I think a few tiny pockets of Europe were affected, but yeah, mostly us. And I think it's a bit hard to be underwhelmed by all my shit, however poorly I explain it." He was used to talking about his PTSD, therapy and Battlescars had seen to that, but telling someone unfamiliar with the situation was something he hadn't done in a while.

His stomach grumbled slightly and he shook his head. "Ah. Yes, my food plans got a bit interrupted," he said, rubbing at it. "Sesame chicken and stir fry will stretch to two if you've got rice or noodles," he suggested hopefully. Susan was a decent cook and he'd already done a lot of the prep work, if she fancied going and grabbing everything from his flat.

(Reply to this) (Parent)