dorcas meadowes is with john dawlish (warrioress) wrote in find_horcruxes, @ 2010-02-04 16:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | dorcas meadowes, greta catchlove |
rp log - dorcas and greta
Who: Dorcas Meadowes and Greta Catchlove
When: Wednesday night, 3 February 1980
Where: Cornfoots' residence after the funeral
What: Two broken hearts bond over familiar losses
Rating: PG
They were all smiling at the camera, standing together in the picture frame, bright and cheery as people at a wedding ought to be. The bride's brothers, and the groom's sister and cousin. And the couple of the day themselves. As Dorcas stood, facing the picture, her eyes moved from Benjy to John. Two people. This family had lost two people too many in less than half a year. She let herself look, let her eyes roam around onto other pictures, her expression likely flickering between slightly nostalgic with a hint of a smile as she took in John's smiling face and pained sadness when she stopped reminiscing. It wasn't anything she had to hide. There was no one in this family that didn't know her as John's Girlfriend, and anyone who didn't know wouldn't assume that she was. Unless they had noticed her sitting with the Cornfoots at his funeral in November. They might, however, if they paid close attention, and noticed her hands lingering at the table, as she held back from scooping up the picture of her deceased boyfriend. All day, Greta had wavered between feeling too cold and feeling too hot. One moment she sat there shivering violently, and the next she felt like she was burning up with a fever she knew she didn't have. She was so tired already. She was tired of crying so much. She was tired of everyone offering their condolences and telling her that they'd do anything she asked, though she knew the offers were genuine. She was tired of dreaming about him, and of the harsh reality of waking up alone, and life without Benjy had only just begun. Benjy's cousins had been so kind and welcoming to her during the time between his death and the funeral, and she felt so grateful to them. Being around people who loved him so deeply couldn't change what had happened, but it did make Greta feel less alone. She'd been standing off to the side by herself most of the day. It was too difficult to find the right words to say to anyone, and she was afraid she would wind up in tears instead, so she said very little. Until she spotted Dorcas Meadowes, that was. Greta remembered Dorcas from school; though several years apart, they'd both been in Ravenclaw. She remembered Dorcas from Frank and Alice's wedding, from John's funeral. What to say to Dorcas, however, Greta didn't know, so instead she just sidled up nearby and nodded. It took her a few moments to realise where Dorcas was standing -- right in front of a photograph of Douglas and Sarah Cornfoot's wedding -- and when she saw it, tears sprung to her eyes again. This was all so very wrong. Dorcas herself didn't know what to say to her, but acknowledged her anyway. They were in the same boat. They had both fallen for blokes of one family and now stood with the family mourning having lost those men, almost like they were widowed. It had pretty much been a decided decision that she and John would have married after she finished her training. An engagement without the spoken words, basically. She had some months on her, though, to fully absorb what had happened and try to cope with his death. "They're good people," she mumbled, just loud enough for Greta to hear. "Accept you into the family, even when you're not related. It's horrible that this has to happen to them again." Greta had just been about to ask a question when Dorcas spoke up instead. She pursed her lips together and looked away, afraid that too much eye contact (or any at all) would lead to another fit of uncontrollable sobs. She remained silent for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say. They were good people. They were good people who had cared about her boyfriend very much, and people he'd cared about in return. Greta had felt welcome with them from the very first moment she met them, nervous as she'd been. It had gotten easier with time, but now she feared everything would change. The only link they'd had was gone. "Yes, it's --" Her breath caught in her throat for a second. "It's horrible. It's..." She shook her head, unable to continue with that line of thought. She let out a shaky breath. She had to keep it together, she told herself, because she knew she wouldn't be able to stop. "How do you know them?" "Same way you do," Dorcas said, letting her fingers on the table wander to briefly touch the frame of John's picture, an indicative move. That much was going to be enough for her at the moment. She couldn't really just hug the photo to her chest and kneel to the ground crying. Or curse at it and ask why the hell did he have to be Rump's watch that night. Even if every picture of him made her want to do that. "He-- John... was my trainer. While I'm still a trainee. So what we had stayed quiet from everyone save for his family, and mine. At least until he... well, you must have heard." "Oh." Greta's watery brown eyes widened as she realised what Dorcas meant, and how she would know that Benjy's relatives were good people. Here they were, united in tragedy, there because they'd lost men they loved far too soon. "I'm... I'm so sorry," she said quietly, and she knew that her resolve to keep the tears at bay wouldn't last much longer at the rate their conversation was going. It was... well, Greta couldn't say it was nice, because she never would have wanted someone else to know what she was going through, but it was comforting to have found someone who understood. There was only so much any of her friends could say when they'd never been through it themselves. "I... I was there, at the ball. I didn't see... Benjy told me afterwards." It seemed easier, in that moment, to talk about someone else's loss than to talk about her own or about how she was feeling. "From what I heard, John was a good man. Brave." Like Benjy had been. Dorcas couldn't really do anything but nod as she pressed her lips together. He was very brave. And very ambitious. Being in the position he was in that night was an accomplishment for him. She had an inkling that he was up there watching and not regretting any part of his work. "Yeah. Loved his work. Loved pushing his trainees to do their best. Admittingly, I didn't like him too much at the beginning." She gave her a small smile as she said it. "But somewhere along the lines, I just saw something past that." Greta smiled back. It was sad that this family had lost two people in less than half a year. Even if she hadn't been in the picture, it would have broken her heart to see how distraught they were -- especially the little girl. Some might have been better than others at keeping their grief inside, but not Lizzie. Greta wished there was something she could do for her, for all of them. She hugged her black cardigan around her body tighter, wanting to disappear into it. "Does it ever get any better?" she asked in a whisper, feeling small and lost all over again. "I don't know... I don't know what to do." Dorcas's smile vanished with that question, and she glanced back at the photographs. She didn't know how to be reassuring because she herself still hadn't gotten to that position where she could say it was "better" for herself. If there was anything she could use that word for, she could say she was getting better at distracting herself. "Depends," she started. "In this line of work, you have to stay focused. We lose people despite our best tries but we have to keep going and think about how we can prevent anything else. It's easier in that sense." Tears welled up again in her eyes as she continued looking at the photographs instead of at her. "But I don't think there has ever been a day where I don't look at his door, expect it to open and see him there, telling us to get back to work, because he was just gone for some months and now he's back." At least she had Ro there who would notice her drift off but would pull her back with an antic or two, just to make her smile. She gave a huge sniff and closed her eyes for a moment to collect herself again before looking at Greta. "That's just, I guess, my way of coping. Something I'm used to. I wouldn't recommend pushing it all away though. I just have to for the sake of work." Then as an afterthought, she turned toward her and put her arms around her. With each passing second, Greta's chest felt tighter, tighter until she felt like she couldn't breathe anymore. Her chin trembled and she pressed her lips together tighter, like if she tried really hard, she might be able to hold everything in. She didn't have the same sort of work Dorcas did to use as a distraction, or to help refocus her mind. She didn't have the same sort of experience with loss and death that someone in the DMLE did, though she could tell that wouldn't make it any easier to bear. It would, however, give them lessons in how to cope, which was more than Greta had. "I miss him so much," Greta whispered, choking back a sob. She leaned into Dorcas, resting her forehead against the other girl's shoulder as she slowly eased her arms around her in return. She didn't know how to bounce back from the loss. She didn't even know where to start. She knew she would eventually, but she couldn't see it yet, and that was terrifying. You'll be okay, was something she really wanted to say aloud, but Dorcas wasn't sure if either of them would ever be. In the manner that they had lost the men they loved, it was so much easier to get angry and hold lots of resentment. This hadn't been an accident. What had happened to them was completely intentional on someone else's part. "I know," she mumbled, letting a tear or two slip down her cheeks. "I do too." After a few minutes of quietly crying into Dorcas's shoulder, Greta pulled away, cheeks aflame with embarrassment that she'd let her emotions get the best of her yet again. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, not bothering to push back her hair, which had fallen into her face. "I didn't mean to..." To snot all over your shirt. "Every time I feel like I'm going to be okay, I remember something else." Like how the last thing she'd told him was to be careful and that she'd see him later. Like how she'd gone out to dinner without him, expecting to see him later on that night. She cast her eyes around, searching not for a way out of the conversation but for anyone who might have seen her break down. Normal as it was, it also wasn't something she wanted to burden anyone else with. Her eyes found the wedding photograph again. "We'll see them again one day," she said quietly, her finger touching the photograph gently, touching Benjy's face. She wasn't a particularly religious person, but the alternative, never seeing him again, wasn't something she wanted to imagine. "Yeah," Dorcas agreed. But she also hoped that the "one day" wouldn't be anytime soon. After looking at the wedding photograph one last time before glancing away, she took a deep breathe again and reached up to wipe the tear away with one finger. "Sometimes... it does help to talk, to those you feel most comfortable with." She remembered the talk she had with Douglas after John's death. And while she had barely even known him, she was still able to open up to him. "Even if it hurts to do it." Deep down, Greta knew that Dorcas was right. She'd never been the sort of person to shy away from confiding in her friends, and any other time there had been trouble, any other time she'd felt sad or stressed out or angry, she had turned to her best friends. This, however, was different than feeling insulted in the journals and needed to vent to her friends until she felt better and got it all off her chest. It was different than finding out that a boy she liked was kissing some other girl instead. It was different than getting a lousy mark on an exam. It hurt in a way she'd never thought was possible. "I don't know what to say to anyone," Greta replied. "I mean, he just..." Part of the trouble was that there was no one she could really talk to about it, either, apart from Doc and Charity, and she wasn't sure either of them would want to hear what she had to say about it. She couldn't tell Addie or Meredith or her brother that she felt like he'd left her, not that he'd been taken from her, that he'd chosen to do something dangerous and stupid rather than stay in with her. "He's just gone. What's there to say?" If Dorcas was able to tell her the truth, she would have told Greta she could confide in her. But there wasn't really any telling if that would set her off... or anyone else in the family. She was pretty sure it wouldn't settle right with anyone. "Nothing, just... remember him." And she immediately felt a pang of guilt in her heart for trying to do just the opposite recently. To forget him for the sake of indulging in a distraction involving Peadar. "Come on," she started, tilting her head in the direction of where the kitchen was located. "Need a glass of water?" "I will." Greta's voice sounded tiny and far away to her, barely more than a whisper. How could she forget? Her memories were all she had left. Greta cast her gaze towards the rest of the room, noticing her parents still deep in conversation with Benjy's cousin, Douglas. They wouldn't even notice if she left the room for a few minutes, and though she wanted to get away from the photographs of Benjy's smiling face and the photographs of this family in happier times, she didn't have to leave the house for that. "Yeah," she answered, turning towards the kitchen. "Yeah, that'd... yeah." She didn't feel a whole lot better than she had prior to her conversation with Dorcas, but it was a start. Her future looked bleak from where she stood, but if someone else had managed to keep on living after such a loss, it gave her some hope that she might manage the same one day. |