Douglas Cornfoot (reliably) wrote in find_horcruxes, @ 2010-01-31 20:23:00 |
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It was the waiting that was the worst. Waiting for Doc and Charity to give them the news that Douglas was sure they dreaded, waiting to see confirmation in their faces that there was no hope left that his cousin might not be gone. The world fell silent in those moments, leaving Douglas with only his thoughts and a clenched fist around his heart all too much like how he felt in the aftermath of John's death. Now he was waiting for Iona to return home. He'd written, an urgent owl and in his journal, insisting that she come over immediately. That it was an emergency. He knew that she would arrive frantic, wondering which one of her loved ones was gone, but Douglas didn't know any other way to be certain that she would take him seriously. The news was all-together too much to handle all at once, and though Douglas knew there was so much to do -- funeral arrangements, dealing with Benjy's flat -- he couldn't quite face that yet. It was hard enough to be the bearer of bad news and to tell his parents. His mother, as expected, had been devastated. Benjy was the only part of her sister that she had left, and to lose him so suddenly and so far before his time -- honestly, Douglas didn't know how his mother would be able to cope. One entire branch of her family was gone: her sister, her sister's husband, and now her sister's only child. Only so much comfort could be taken from the fact that Benjy's parents weren't there to bury him. The waiting did, at least, give him some time to try to form the words in his head as he paced back and forth in the sitting room, but instead of finding those words, he found only anger: anger that his family was hurt again, anger that his son would never remember Benjy just as he would never remember John, anger that they had to tell their daughter yet again that someone she loved so dearly would never be coming home. He didn't know how much more loss they could take. After everything that had already happened to the family, Iona didn't really want to hear more bad news. But when she received Douglas' message, she immediately thought of the worst and braced herself for it before heading over there. Too much death going on. A Healer at a time of war might have been expected to be used to death, but the truth was a Healer never really did. Whether it be a werewolf attack or a freak accident or massive debilitating torture, it still hurt. Healing was light magic, after all. You couldn't do light magic if you were completely cold-hearted. Iona's heart was pounding loudly as she headed for Douglas' place, going through numerous things in her mind on what might have happened to their family. Was Sarah okay? Did they take away the last Dawlish brother now? Did Benjy get hurt? Were her parents killed too? It took her all not to start crying so quickly already. If it turned out to be nothing at all and just a horribly wrong way for Douglas to call her over for some good news, she was going to kill him. She didn't waste any time at all, stepping out of the Floo and calling for Douglas. The house was warm, but there was a chill going down her spine that she had to pull tighter at the sides of her light peacoat. The sound of the Floo and his name being called out startled Douglas even though he was anticipating it. He rushed to meet his sister, stopping suddenly half-way across the room from her. Douglas couldn't claim to be holding it together very well at all, and it was immediately clear to him that seeing his sister was not going to help that matter at all. He'd been strong for Sarah and for Lizzie in the aftermath of John's death, but this -- this was his blood. This was his cousin. This was someone he'd grown up with, someone he'd gotten into trouble with as a child. This was the brother he'd never had. He hated to drag the moment out longer than it should be, and he knew it wasn't fair to keep Iona in suspense, but faced with another person who held Benjy just as dear as he had, Douglas was speechless. How was he supposed to explain? What words were there that would ease the shock of the news he had to give her? "Iona," he whispered, his voice full of emotion. There was only one way to do it: like he was ripping off a bandage, as quickly as possible or he might clam up completely. "It's... it's Benjy." His voice cracked when he said the name. "He's gone. He's.... gone." "What?" She saw his face, she saw the expression. Something was very wrong. Even with keeping the thought in mind that someone might have died, bracing herself for that news didn't soften the impact any less. There was a tiny bit of hope that the worst that had happened was getting maimed or, hell, turned into a werewolf even. Because in that sense, at least they would be alive. This felt completely unexpected even when she expected it. "No.. no. What?" Iona was completely rooted to the spot. She hadn't even bothered to brush off the soot from the Floo. The words registered, but there was a part of her that was hoping and praying that she misheard. Not Benjy, not her baby cousin that she'd only played chess with earlier this week, and then promised that she could win him if he gave her another some weeks. "I'm sorry," Douglas replied, not bothering to keep his face passive or as emotionless as he could for his sister's sake like he had for Sarah after John. Then, he'd seen the slightest expression of emotion in himself as the fastest way to see his wife crack even more than she already had. Then, he'd tried to hold it together because he didn't know how he'd pick up the pieces if he did fall apart. Now, though, it was harder to hold everything back. "I'm sorry," he repeated, shaking his head as though he still couldn't believe it, as though he couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth, "it happened last night, and I -- god damn it." Douglas clenched his fists, his arms shaking with an all-too-confusing combination of grief and anger. "This isn't supposed to happen. Not to us. Not again." Iona had already started to shake with his first apology. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were a family that stayed to themselves, didn't try to poke their nose into danger, save for one or two times when Iona herself had trouble keeping her mouth shut on topics. But they never gave anyone trouble. They were good people. Weren't good people supposed to get good karma. "H-how?" Iona started, chin quivering and tears already falling. "Our.. our baby cousin, Dougie..." It was surprising how she managed to cross the room to get to him when her legs felt like lead. And how wasn't really a question at this point, despite asking it, because if he was gone, then... he was gone. "Where... I don't get--" She found to try to find words to say. Anything. Because when Iona was upset, she talked. And when she didn't have any words, she broke down. Which is exactly what happened. The tears on his sister's face allowed Douglas to avoid answering her question -- how? -- in favour of putting his arms around her and letting her cry against him. The how and the why could come later, but it didn't seem necessary right then. He wasn't even sure that Iona really wanted to know. Who wanted to hear that one of their relatives had been in a house while it exploded, and that the only reason he had been in the house was because he'd been fighting Death Eaters outside of the law? It was too complicated at the moment. Iona would learn the truth later, but in the mean time, the most important fact was that they'd lost someone very, very dear to them. "I'm so sorry," Douglas said again, pulling his sister to him, his breath shaky as he tried to keep his composure and failed. "I wish... God, I wish it wasn't true." Their lives were never going to be the same, and there was nothing he could do about it. This didn't just feel like a heartbreak. It felt like every part of her body was breaking. And it was a feeling she was getting too familiar with. Iona's arms went around his waist as she sobbed into Douglas' shoulder. Once they started, it was hard to control them and her tears started to soak his shirt pretty quickly. For the sake of anyone else in the house, she tried to keep her sobs low, in case Lizzie hadn't been informed yet. But the pain was just too much to let her do that. Not knowing what else to do, Douglas quietly stroked his sister's hair as she cried, a few tears of his own managing to escape. He couldn't say everything would be okay, as much as he wanted to be able to do so. It had been such a long and emotional day, and he already felt at the end of his rope, despite how much he knew there was still left to take care of. He had to keep it together, if only to be able to make it through the next few days, because Merlin knew his mother and grandmother weren't capable of handling the funeral arrangements, or reading over Benjy's will, figuring out what to do with all of his belongings. But that could all wait a bit. Douglas closed his eyes and leaned his head against Iona's to wait it out until her sobs quieted. It was going to be a long, long night. Iona didn't quiet down for a while, and when she finally did, she felt like all the energy had just been sucked out of her and she just wanted to sit down. She pulled away, reaching up to wipe away the tears from one cheek. To speak again after quieting down felt difficult, because part of her just wanted to cry again. She kept her arms around her brother, but looked down. "Is, uh... who knows?" She expected Sarah to have already been told, but telling Lizzie again was going to be painful. Bloody hell, the kid was too young to watch her family members drop one by one. "Sarah," he replied quietly, obvious as it was. "Michael. He was here when... when we found out." Douglas inhaled deeply, a frown etched across his forehead. It had been easier to tell Iona about John in writing than it was to tell her about Benjy in person. "Greta. Mum and Dad, our grandparents..." Only the first two knew the real reason for Benjy's death, however. He supposed their father's parents had heard through the grapevine, through their father, but he was specifically talking about the set of grandparents they shared with Benjy. He didn't know how much it mattered to them. Benjy's mother hadn't been in close touch with them after marrying Isaac Fenwick. His voice croaked again as he continued, "we still have to tell Lizzie. I don't know how I'm going to tell her. How am I supposed to tell her that she's never going to see him again? No more Mummies and Cursebreakers? She loves him so--" Douglas had to stop there to take in a few shuddering breaths. What did his four year old child do to deserve this? Iona's composure threatened to break again when she saw her brother lose his again. She pressed her lips together and nodded, not sure what to say to that. She wouldn't have known what to say. The only experience she had with children were Lizzie and Stephen and she never had to tell any of them horrifying and heartbreaking news as this. And it was vastly different when you were a Healer informing a patient's family they didn't make it. That wasn't personal. This was. She moved her hands away to run over her face and push back her hair. No matter if Douglas was the man of this family, she was still the oldest, and she had to at least stay strong enough to help the rest of her family through this. She would have time to shed her own tears later. "Let me know if... if you need anything." Her voice was still cracking with emotion, but she held herself back this time. Douglas nodded curtly. There was plenty he could have asked for help with, but it could all wait until the morning. He would need help with the funeral, with Benjy's flat, telling his friends... but it could wait until the shock had worn off some, until they both felt more prepared to deal with the formalities. "Can I get you something to drink? Tea?" He paused and cocked his head to the side. "Whisky? I should tell you what happened, if you want to hear it." Alcohol probably wasn't a good idea. She had to stay alert tonight for the full moon again in case they needed the extra hands. And Iona was torn between wanting and not wanting something because at least she'd have her mind distracted, but at the same time, what a horrible thing to think. "Tea," she replied curtly. "Tea is good." She slipped one arm around Douglas' waist, planning on walking with him that way to the kitchen. There was no way she was going to sit there in the living room by herself without breaking down again. The thought was tempting. She just wanted to throw herself down, bury her head into a pillow, or the arm of the sofa and just scream and cry and beg for someone to give them their family back. Unsure if it would have made her feel any better, but she knew it would be pointless. Nothing like that was going to bring them back. Before they started for the kitchen, Iona looked up at her brother. "Dougie, I love you," she said, with a shaky voice. "Tea it is, then." Douglas put his arm around his sister's shoulders in return and gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Love you too," he said quietly, the faintest hint of a smile on his face. He wished there was more he could do, more he could say to make the grief easier to bear. He wished Benjy was still alive. He gave her another one-armed hug. "C'mon then. We need to talk, and I need your help." |