Remus Lupin is definitely too pretty to die. (lykanthropos) wrote in find_horcruxes, @ 2010-01-19 03:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | james potter, lily potter, peter pettigrew, remus lupin, severus snape, sirius black |
RP Log: Lily, Remus, Sirius & Severus
Who: Lily Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, and eensy cameos by James Potter and Peter Pettigrew!
When: 18 January, 1980; night!
Where: Zer Leekee Cauldron
What: Remus is in drag, Severus doesn't re --you know what? I don't know that words can contain this. Just read. Seriously. The end is spectacular.
Rating: Whatever you'd give to something with a werewolf in women's clothing.
Status: Complete!
If he closed his eyes, it was almost possible to pretend like this wasn't happening. Then again, at every few moments there would be an amused snicker or mild laugh from Lily, and Remus would sink a bit further down into the chair. This couldn't be humane. Truly, he should've pleaded his case about being mentally at half mast what with the potions to numb the pain. It was a bit late for that now, though. Remus opened his eyes just enough to see what might have sparked Lily's latest laugh, and immediately jerked himself back from whatever it was waving in front of his eyes. There was some squinting before it came into focus as a... brush, his brain supplied. A make-up brush. "Oh, you're kidding me," he half muttered. Because, really, he knew she wasn't. It was in the terms of the bet he lost. No, this was definitely his own fault. Somewhere, his parents were frowning without knowing to what cause. And, good Lord, may lightning strike him down if his parents ever found out about this. Lily would be lying if she said she wasn't enjoying this at all. In fact, it was absolutely hilarious, but she was trying to keep her giggles in check and keep her role as the 'mature one'.... but he had his hair charmed long and she'd spent a decent few minutes curling and feathering it with her wand... she was only human. And anyone human definitely laughed their heads off at this. So she thought she was doing pretty well only having to pause in his make-over every few minutes or so to laugh before taming it to a mere grin while she continued. "Don't worry so much - you won't look like you're supposed to be working some street corner," she told him as she bent in close to brush the blush over his cheekbones. She snapped that compact shut and moved for her eyeshadow. "Close," she instructed at his eyes as she took the shades of brown and went over his eyelids. "Besides, the more you look like an actual woman, the less stares you'll get." Then she had to paused to snicker all over again. "You always have my best interests at heart, Lily," Remus quipped, not quite sarcastically, but approaching such a thing no less. He closed his eyes, and flinched at the touch of the brush. As good a sport as he was trying to be, the situation was foreign, and the comfort blanket of everything was that he only had to do this for an hour. One singular, solitary hour. What was the worst that could happen? Although when one's best friends included Sirius Black and James Potter, the worst that could happen was a lot more likely. It was the good sport in him that was taking that fact rather well. Remus pulled one corner of his mouth downward, trying to counter the urge to start grinning because laughter simply was a contagious thing, and Lily's fit of snickers was reaching his ears even though he couldn't see her. He knew she was smiling wide about this. Of course she was. It was entirely ridiculous, and he knew he probably looked entirely ridiculous to boot. "But I'm still swearing off betting forever." Lily laughed again as she took his chin in her hand lightly so she could hold his head still and examine his eye make-up. After a touch-up to one lid, she moved to the next color. "Probably a good idea," she told him, grinning as he expected. "I mean, really, Remus, you should have learned that lesson ages ago." Done with that color, she examined it again, tilting his face toward the light there in the bedroom she shared with James. Her make up and hair accessories were splayed out over the dresser, and Remus was seated opposite the vanity-style mirror. She hadn't let him look at himself in a bit now though. That'd ruin the fun. "Okay, here's the hard part..." she started, picking up her eyeliner pencil and standing over Remus thoughtfully. "Try not to blink too much or I'll end up poking you." "In all fairness, there are a lot of lessons I should've learned ages ago, and --" His eyes tried to keep trained on the advancing pencil, but it fell out of focus the closer it got. Remus's expression was a mixture of horror and... well, it was mostly horror. While this was giving him an appreciation for the daring of women in the name of trying to impress their dates or husbands or what-may-have-you, anyone might panic at the concept of something relatively sharp being that close to his or her eyes. "They've never ended me up here," he finished. His eyes wanted to tear up, and not out of any emotion, so much as it was out of fear that she would end up jabbing him, and that impending fate was none too pleasant. This was a whole new level of defeat. This was something only a Sirius Black would dream up. Lily was smiling far too much, as well. "Is... this all really necessary, Lily?" He had to wonder. It wasn't as if she ever got a chance to do this sort of thing given that her best friends were all men, but it was beginning to seem like she'd been given a chance and planned to go all out with it. "Of course it's necessary!" The cheerful declaration could have come from only one source: the author of the bet, currently strolling in from the living room with a merry grin. "Really, Remus, you can hardly expect to just stuff your bra and call it a day," Sirius chided from the doorway. "The bet was full drag, and drag means makeup. Lots of make-up, so tart him up good, Lily." Sirius tossed a grin Lily's way as he watched the art occur; this was really much too entertaining. Lily managed to keep her laughter withheld until she was done wielding sharp objects near Remus's eyes, but as soon as she pulled the pencil away, rubbing some excess from the corner of his lid, she was in a fit of giggles all over again. She grinned back at Sirius as she wiped her fingers off on a rag and nodded. "I'm doing my best! Remus is lucky he's got such nice features..." she said, giving Remus a teasing smirk before moving to pick up her wand. Sometimes being a witch was the most entertaining thing in the world. With a flick of her wrist, Remus's eyelashes lengthened and darkened, no need for anymore pesky eye-makeup. All that was left were the lips! "Sirius, why don't you pick out some jewelry you think he'd look fetching in - there," she pointed to the splayed open boxes on the dresser, " - and I'll finish up his face quickly." She put the blushes and shadows away before picking up a brand new tube of lipstick and turning it open, a bright but not flashy shade of pink revealed. "Just be glad I know a trick around getting your ears pierced, Remus." Lily leaned over once more, taking his chin in her hand to steady it, and dabbed it on his bottom lip. "I think I picked out a great color for you, though..." Lily had never been really into make-up, but she did like getting dressed up on occasion and playing up the entire makeover routine complete with girly comments just seemed to make it that much more humiliating for Remus. And hilarious for the rest of them. It took some willpower to not attempt to hide behind Lily at the sight of Sirius, and to not carry on ducking as he walked nearer, but Remus had decided the most painless thing to do was to simply accept that Sirius could see him, had seen him, or would see him in the near future. It was all moot in the end. "You're leaving my taste in jewellery to Sirius?" Remus asked, trying not to read too far into Lily's smirk. It truly wasn't the least of his worries right now, but it was an easy one to focus on. "And is that pink?" His eyes fell on the lipstick. Yes. It was, in fact, pink. "I know a damn sight more than you do about jewelry, so quit your whinging." Sirius was already sifting through Lily's collection, looking for something with the sort of understated class that he thought would suit their pretty little princess. "And the pink is really very fetching. Now you just need a name!" He looked up with a grin, handing over a gold chain with a nice little pendant on it. "Becky? I think you look like a Becky." Lily had finished the lipstick and was pointing to her own lips, pressing them together and showing Remus the proper way to spread the make-up evenly. Then the touch ups and... there! Straightening and raising her brows at the name, Lily looked very thoughtful before taking the necklace from Sirius and walk around behind Remus to hook it around his neck. "Becky..." she tried. Hm. Not her favorite name, but when it came to a dolled up werewolf librarian in drag... Lily grinned. "I think Becky's perfect," she agreed with a firm nod, then fluffed his hair onto his shoulders a bit, before tapping Remus toward the mirror. "Okay! You can look!" Lily stepped away and crossed her arms, grinning from ear to ear. "Not too shabby," she said proudly. And, really, when it came to a dolled-up werewolf librarian in drag, Remus was grateful that his own name wouldn't be attached. If Becky was the decision, Becky was something Remus could live with for an hour. At least it wasn't Bambi or something equal parts ridiculous. "You're just saying that to be ni --" Remus stopped right there. Once looking away from Lily and into the mirror, he received the first actual view of what she had done to him. There was that disconnect that he counted on simply because it wasn't the usual reflection peering back, but it was somewhat worse given how convincing Lily made it seem. Remus's brows drew close and knitted together. "Good God." "Beautiful!" Sirius declared, and he was already starting to laugh again at the face Remus made in the mirror. "If I didn't know better, I'd offer to buy you a drink." Pleased with everyone's work, he clapped on hand on Remus's shoulder and the other on Lily's. "Lily, your handiwork is amazing. Now go find that man you married so we can go show it off." In a matter of minutes, the three of them were in the Potters' front hall and Lily was handing Remus a large winter coat of hers to borrow. He was taller than her, but thin enough that what was oversized by a bit on her and not form-fitting (thank goodness for maternity wear) would probably manage just fine for him if he could get his shoulders into it. Although it was almost sad to see him cover up the blouse and pants and shoes - Lily slid her camera out from behind the counter in the kitchen while the boys were getting ready to head out the door. "Wait - Remus, Sirius!" she called to get their attention and as soon as Remus looked over, she was snapping his photo before he could protest. "Now one of you all together for the big night out!" Only just had Remus gotten his arms completely through the coat -- it was a bit snug, but it would do -- when the flash caught him right in the retinas. He tried to blink the spots away, and heaved a sigh. "Better take it before I gather my wits and decide to run, Lily." With the picture-taking complete, it was off to the pub. The Leaky Cauldron was a busy place, especially for a Monday night. Sirius was grinning like the cat that got the canary as they walked in - fitting, since he essentially was such a cat. "C'mon, Becky!" he said, putting his arm around said canary's shoulders. "Smile a little. You're at a pub, not a funeral." "I'm not so certain about that," Remus muttered under his breath, one corner of his mouth turning upward enough to count as something of a smile. He took in the interior of the Leaky Cauldron, and couldn't help but note just how many people were packed into it. Luckily, no one appeared to be giving him anything but the brief glances that came with being in the latest party through the door, but that hardly chased away the awkwardness of the clothes and the make-up and the shoes. Remus spotted an open table near the back -- the far back -- of the pub, and immediately started for it, willing to drag Sirius along if need be. "And please tell me you're not going to be hanging on me for the next hour like this." "Sorry, baby - didn't mean to cramp your style," Sirius replied - still grinning, of course. The odds were low that he would stop grinning at any point this evening. Between the thrill of victory and the hilarity of seeing Remus in drag, the fun was just too overwhelming. He did take his arm off of Remus, though, and took a pack of cigarettes from his jacket instead. A snap of his fingers struck a flame to light it - like Edgar Bones, at sixteen he had decided that wandless cigarette lighting was a necessity to his coolness. "Baby?" Remus looked at Sirius for a stretch of a few seconds, just to be certain that Sirius caught the withering expression. It was expected that Sirius would try to help the act along, but, on the other hand, it had to be expected that Remus would try to stop the act from being pushed any farther. No, he would just take a seat -- which he did -- and he would wait out the hour with the only two tactics being to not talk to anyone and to not get off that seat. Ideally, Remus believed, he would be able to wait out of the pub unscathed if he could keep to that. Looking much too pleased with himself, Sirius took a long drag on the cigarette and blew smoke out in a steady stream. He dropped into a chair and put his feet up in the one across from him, as usual managing to lounge wherever he was. Ruffling Remus was always fun, but this was possibly one of the best episodes of it ever. "Wasn't James supposed to be right behind us?" he asked, getting briefly distracted from being smug. "You'd think those two would've been together long enough by now that they could quit stopping for a snog at every single opportunity." Remus shrugged, which really only drew attention to how he still had the coat on. He could probably stand to take it off, but perhaps it was a better idea to keep it on and suffer the heat and how the shoulders were slightly constricting -- at any rate, he didn't move to do any such thing. "Well, they have..." He lifted his arm and forced the sleeve of the coat back enough to reveal his wristwatch, which was rather large and clunky for a woman, but he did not give a hoot. "Fifty-six minutes and ten seconds to find us, and to finish up casting doe eyes at each other, if that's the case." The shrug certainly got Sirius's attention. "Isn't it a bit hot in here?" he pointed out. "I mean, my jacket's still on, but that's because it's cool. Your jacket is ill-fitting and ruining the silhouette of your blouse." One didn't hang around the Black sisters without learning a thing or two about clothes, after all. Silhouette was a very handy vocabulary word to be able to throw around. Not that Sirius didn't have his own concerns about clothes - "silhouette" just wasn't prime among them most of the time. "It's probably because it's Lily's coat," was the returned quip. Remus had to fight back the urge to cross his arms over his chest at the mention of a "silhouette", reminding himself that it was entirely ridiculous to be embarrassed for that one thing when he was head-to-toe embarrassment incarnate. Except it was hot. All the people inside, the fire roaring not too far away, and the layers of clothing were tallying up to a discomfort that was starting to seem worse than taking the coat off and displaying said "silhouette". Remus reached for the buttons, fumbling them open. The coat was summarily draped over the back of the chair before Remus turned around and promptly slumped his shoulders forward, elbows up on the table as if that would mask anything. "Not a word, Sirius." Sirius didn't say anything. He didn't have to say anything. He just smirked and rolled his eyes. "Merlin, sit up straight! You lean over like that, you'll have strange men trying to peek down your top all night." Which would be a disaster, obviously, given that any cleavage present was but an illusion. "And it's bad for your back," he added. Not that he was a shining example of good posture himself, but Sirius wasn't a lady. Relenting to the truth in Sirius's advice, Remus straightened up -- not completely, but enough that any mishaps with wandering eyes would not happen. ...not that he ever wanted to think about strange men, or peeking, or any verb even like it. There was a wrongness of it all on so many levels. "Says the man with a --" As a bloke shuffled past, Remus felt it best to keep quiet, smiling awkwardly when the stranger looked over for a moment. Whatever the outward appearance was, his voice was still very much Remus Lupin's. "Spine that's probably bent in ten different directions." He looked at Sirius's propped up feet, then, pondering if it was acceptable to reach out and shove them off the chair, and what the odds were of Sirius toppling over should he try it. "Yes, but I'm not a lady," Sirius pointed out with a grin. It was about that time that James and Peter finally made it in, with James blaming the lateness on Pete and both of them being genuinely impressed with Lily's handiwork. Of course, their method of expressing their amazement with Lily was confined mostly to endless jokes and the occasional terrifying compliment. Which, of course, was equal parts humiliating and hilarious, if not somewhat awkward. Although, even if Remus felt he was being sporting about it all, the fact remained that he was in a pub and somehow drinkless. Something about the situation seemed to suggest that having a drink right now was a requirement. He looked at the others for a moment, and briefly ran through the scenario in his head of asking if anyone wanted to go get the first round. It was barely two seconds before it became apparent that they would all look at him to do it. Might as well just go. At least then he could be certain to order whatever he wanted. Maybe even to stay over at the bar for a few blissful moments of not hearing any comments about his... er... well, anything. "Right, sorry to break up the comedy routine, but I need a drink." There. That wasn't so hard, Remus thought, as he started to walk to an open seat up at the bar counter. "I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you walk away!" Sirius called after him. That brought another round of laughter from James and Peter, of course. The table next to them was left to wonder why a nice-looking girl like Becky would put up with this kind of objectification. Remus didn't turn around, and he didn't give Sirius an exasperated look. Rather, he just sighed an exasperated sigh, and kept walking, mindful that he had lost the bet all on his own. Really, he'd only done this to himself, and that was a good enough reason to swear off betting for the rest of his worldly existence. That didn't mean Remus hadn't given thought to prepare, though. In the interest of avoiding any odd looks, a single paper was withdrawn from his pocket as he reached the bar and took a seat. On it was his usual penmanship: "G & T. Thanks." The bartender nodded, and thankfully didn't do a double-take. ...if that was even something to be thankful for. God only knew how to take the reactions, Remus felt, because he certainly was at a loss. Severus ran his finger over the rim of his firewhiskey, beginning to wonder why he'd even stopped at the Leaky before going home. He was beginning to think that the only pub worth stopping in was the Hog's Head because no one expected you to pick up women at the Hog's Head. Not that people truly expected it elsewhere, but there were more of them, which tended to generally serve as a reminder of how they never were interested in him. Nearly at the bottom of his glass, he was about ready to make up his mind to finish it and go home when there was movement beside him and he glanced over to see a dark haired woman who slid a paper across to the bartender without speaking. Severus glanced back down at his glass, then back up at the woman. Perhaps part of the problem was that he never said anything to any of them. If confidence, and giving yourself a bit of a chance, was part of the secret (and Severus was yet unconvinced that it was), then perhaps it was no wonder that he never had a date. He took a sip of the drink and made up his mind. "Hi," he said. This brought on the usual slightly panicked feeling that accompanied talking to women, well, strangers, but particularly strangers who were women. He pushed it back. "Can I buy that drink for you," he asked, trying out a smile. This was what worked for people who were not Severus Snape. There was an elaborate chain reaction within the confines of Remus's mind as events unfolded. He didn't even look to see who he had taken a seat next to, assuming that if he seemed uninterested in conversation or anything like it, then he might be left in peace. It was for that reason that he also ignored how the man sitting next to him was looking over, and he could tell so much out of his peripheral vision without breaking his forward vigil. The features of the face were obscured simply by being so far off to the side, and so when he heard the voice... Well, at first it was easy enough to assume that it couldn't possibly be anyone he knew. What were the odds of running into someone he went to school with? Or perhaps worked with? Or perhaps who was -- he turned, feeling fortified that it was merely a mistake about thinking he recognised the voice -- Severus Snape? Remus didn't mean to gawk, and he mostly avoided doing so by instead containing his reaction to widened eyes and lifted brows. That drink could not come fast enough. Still, if he acted like something was wrong, that would only draw attention to Severus that something possibly was wrong. Remus nodded a small greeting, and shrugged in as amiably a manner as he could, trying for a smile. It was a miraculous projection given that every bit of his internal thought processes were sounding the panic alarms. It was hardly the friendliest of returns, but it also wasn't a look that said 'who the hell are you and why are you talking to me', which was really what Severus had expected, so he chewed his lip for a second before reinforcing his smile and deciding he'd give it another hearty try. If the woman were completely uninterested, surely that would become apparent in a moment or two. "If you'd rather me not that's all right too," Severus said, almost before his better sense could prevail and tell him to shut his mouth because there was nothing sexy about taking back your offer to buy a woman a drink. "But I'd like to," he finished up, trying to ignore the fact that his cheeks felt hot, and grateful at least for the fact that the bar was dimly lit and hopefully she'd not be likely to notice that fact herself. "Um, and I'm Severus," he offered, hesitating for a split second too long after debating on whether or not to actually ask her name, until it seemed almost more awkward to do so than to not, so he hoped the question was implied. Was he getting flustered? Remus couldn't believe this. Of all the things that could possibly transpire within the singular hour he had to parade around behind this façade, Severus would choose this time to be at the same pub, sitting at that barstool, and trying to buy him a drink with no concept of what was truly going on. If the others... Remus blanched. The others. Surely they were watching this very moment, and nearly bursting at the seams with laughter at the luck good old Moony was having up at the bar. As his drink was slid onto the counter space before him, he automatically reached for it and took a liberal drain from the glass. Except that didn't solve the problem of how he needed to somehow reply to Severus. Wait. Wait. The scrap of paper. Remus searched out the pen he'd also brought with him, and gave a gesture to his throat. Easy enough. He simply had lost his voice. Or he was a mute. A few words were written down on the scrap of paper before Remus slid it over, feeling utterly as if he wanted to melt off the seat, fall through the cracks in the floorboards, and not surface for another decade. "Sorry," the note read. "Lost voice. I'm --" And it took some serious control to get that name written out, but the next word was definitely that of... "Becky." Damn Sirius for this. Damn him. Severus, thankfully, had no idea what was actually going on, or he would have been completely humiliated. As it was, he was merely a little confused as the nice looking woman next to him slid the note across the bar. That "Becky" did not seem to be behaving like a woman might have behaved didn't really occur to Severus, because honestly, he had no idea what might be normal behaviour for this sort of activity. He never asked to pay for women's drinks at bars, so there was no set behaviour that was supposed to be followed. "Oh," he said quietly and then looked back over. "Oh. Sorry, I mean, I didn't know." A statement that was deeply ironic all things considered. "Well," Severus could talk, but the question was would Becky even be interested in what Severus had to say? And beyond that, Severus supposed, was the question of what he would say, because he didn't even like to talk about himself that much. "I hope it's not serious?" he asked. And then supposed he should have asked that a bit more yes or no. "It's not serious, is it?" Remus quirked a brow. Was it serious? No, no. It was more Sirius than serious. A glance at the table which was currently occupied by the Marauders (minus one) was taken, Remus hopeful of getting at least one of the lot to step in somehow give him an out from whatever this was. Whether or not the message was received by James, Peter, or Sirius, he couldn't tell. It wouldn't help to keep his eye fixed for too long on them, lest Severus notice that one Remus Lupin was not seated with his friends. Attention back on Severus, Remus shook his head. It was all right, he would have said with the voice he wouldn't dare use right now, because of course Severus didn't know. How in the bloody world would Severus know that "Becky" had some sort of vocal problem? Remus didn't even know "she" did until just moments ago when having one became necessity to save face. If saving face was even possible at this point, naturally. Remus picked up the pen. "Not horrific. Will live." Fumbling for what more to do, he gave Severus an apologetic half-smile. He might live only if he could get out of here before things got worse. Where was Sirius? James? They couldn't leave him stranded here. This was beginning to approach a level of hell that Dante Alighieri might have written of if only he knew what it was to be dressed as a woman in a pub, and to have an aloof old schoolmate start talking him up. "That's good," Severus managed, feeling now, once again unspeakably awkward. Of all the women in the Leaky, he had to pick the one that couldn't talk. Typically with women the problem was getting them to stop talking, or so the stereotype went. This one he couldn't get to start talking. He desperately wished for a whole bottle of firewhiskey, because his small glass was going to run out, and Severus suspected that being tipsy, or drunk, would make this entire situation less painful. At least in the current moment. "I'm glad to hear that," he forced a smile on his face and to look up so that Becky wouldn't think he was now not uninterested because she couldn't talk at the moment. "I was going to suggest that I know a potion or two that might help, but I'm hardly a healer, so I couldn't really say for certain that they would help. Probably better that it's not a horrific situation and that you'll live. You're definitely too pretty to die." Oh Merlin, he was rambling. For someone who was so incredibly private about the things that mattered the most, he could go on and on and on about nonsensical things when he was nervous. It was all he could do to not reach for the glass and down more alcohol. He needed more alcohol. A lot more alcohol and possibly a breath of fresh air, and maybe to just dunk his head in a bucket of cold water, what in Merlin's name was he thinking? Across the room, Sirius Black was thinking that it was the funniest damn thing he'd ever seen in all his life. He won the bet, Remus was in drag at a pub for their amusement, and now Severus Snape just bought him a drink. Which one was the Muse of Comedy again? Sirius thought perhaps he owed her some sort of burnt offering. He also owed Remus a rescue, though, because really, it was just too much to leave the man standing there awkwardly being hit on by oh god ha ha could this get more hilarious Severus Snape. Besides, Sirius had a brilliant idea. "'scuse me, lads," he told Peter and James with a grin, and then stood and took a deep breath. This would be one for the ages. Straightening up, he strode to the bar with a dark look of pure fury that wouldn't be out of place in one of his worse arguments with Regulus. "What the fuck, Becky?" he demanded. "I thought we talked about this! Can I not turn my back for five minutes without you trying to pick up whoever strikes your fancy?" Remus didn't even notice Sirius's advancement toward the bar counter. Granted, being assured by Severus that he was too pretty to die was a right smack in the gob, a ghast of the flabber variety, and probably the last thing Remus ever wanted to hear from the other man. In short: he'd been reduced to a mildly alarmed, absolutely puzzled expression complete with slack jaw and knitted brows. That Sirius did show up at that moment was perhaps for the best. Clutching his drink, and cringing away from Sirius seemed like an appropriate reaction, and so Remus did precisely that, shrugging minimally and averting his eyes. It was enough that this was even happening; he wasn't about to go look into Sirius's face only to burst out laughing at how incredibly daft and ridiculous and... oddly humbling this night was. At a loss about what to do next, and feeling it ought to be something along the lines of running (if only he could have without looking mental), Remus shifted off the barstool as a compromise. All the while, something in the back of his skull chimed in that he would never -- never -- live this night down. Oh. Oh, Severus turned away from Black and Becky with an emotion that was somewhere between wanting to just hex Black - at least the Leaky was a slightly more suitable location for a fist fight than the library? - and wanting to sink away. Of all the women in the bar, Severus had to attempt to hit on, not someone who couldn't speak - that he could handle - but Sirius Black's date? He had to wonder if this was Becky attempting to pick him up because it didn't really feel like it, and for half a second he wanted to note to Black, that really it had been Severus that had tried to pick Becky up and she'd been reasonably hesitant, and he shouldn't be so rude. The second passed, however as Severus realised that Becky wasn't likely to care if Severus stepped in to defend her honour - after all, she didn't know Snape - and this was a scenario where he probably was not going to win a fight. Not to mention if he got into a brawl in the middle of the Leaky, it was likely someone would call the hitwizards and he had no interest in spending the rest of the evening in a holding cell in the DMLE. None at all, actually. "You're so charming, Black," he said dryly, sliding from his own stool and reaching for his cloak. "Can't imagine why she'd want to escape your illustrious presence, but don't worry - her virtue's still in tact." "Oh, for now!" Sirius snarled, slipping right into character with narrowed eyes and a clenched jaw. "She came up here giving you the shy, sweet little smile, didn't she? All innocence, this one, until she's dug her claws into your heart and starts ripping it to shreds!" He rounded quickly back on Remus then, with a sharply pointed finger. "Don't even pick up the pen, Becky! I'm tired of your excuses! I'm tired of the games! I can't take it anymore!" Merlin, how in the name of all that's holy was he keeping from laughing? Sirius thought perhaps he'd found his calling on the West End stage. For one last bit of punctuation, he slammed his fist down on the bar in front of Remus. "Goodbye, Becky! And know this: he will never, ever love you like I did." Turn on the heel, stalk toward the exit, and if Remus had any sense at all he'd take off after him. It was the best escape opportunity he was going to get. Remus had frozen midway to reaching for the pen at Sirius's command, but, in truth, he stopped before even then. In a tug-of-war between absolutely losing his cool and laughing out of sheer I-don't-know-how-to-handle-this-ness, Remus took the safe route. That is: he silently stood there, Sirius's finger waving in his face, and made a noble attempt to look hurt. Or enraged. Did he want to be enraged? Both, perhaps. His hand dropped to its side, Sirius's fist rattled all the glasses perched atop the counter, and, then, Remus found himself looking at the retreating back of Sirius's second skin of a leather jacket. And as Remus now noticed, several of the patrons were staring. Right, well, if that was how this was going to be, then so be it. Remus stalked after, grabbing his friend by the arm before he reached the exit. Once Sirius was stalled on the spot, and before he could gather his bearings, Remus swiped a hand straight across his face with a satisfactory smack of a noise. The pub went silent. Remus bit down on his lip, wondering how it was that he wasn't curled up on the floor in a fit of laughter. Still, he managed to keep a grip on himself, and did his best rendition of Affronted. So there they were, staring each other down in the midst of a passionate confrontation. If he didn't do something now, something completely and totally in character for Sirius Black just getting slapped right across the face by a woman whom he'd just accused of toying mercilessly with his affections, Remus's cover was blown and they were doomed. But really, he hadn't thought it through nearly that far. Apparently Sirius really was born for acting, because the decision didn't even take a total of five seconds to make; he just rolled with the scene as they were playing it and did the only thing that made sense. One swift movement put an arm behind Remus's back and a hand to the side of his face, all swinging around into a dip for the most dramatic, show-stopping, Atlanta-is-burning kiss that the Leaky Cauldron had ever seen. But no tongue, because that would be gross. There were limits to what Sirius would do for his art. Just as quickly, Remus was set back on his feet and Sirius was grabbing his hand to drag him out of the pub. Everyone would be left to assume that they were about to have wild passionate sex, their cover was preserved, and Severus Snape would never have to know that he'd hit on a werewolf in a dress. Best thing for all parties involved, and once they got outside they could apparate home and he could commence with cracking the hell up. |