spikessweetgirl (spikessweetgirl) wrote in fieldsofgold, @ 2009-01-06 21:56:00 |
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Elijah came home feeling a bit ill. It wasn’t some bug he had caught somewhere, running his daily errands. It wasn’t some bad food he had accidentally eaten at the out of the way café he dined at that afternoon. No, this bit of unease that was settling into the pit of his stomach was something else altogether. Guilt.
In a bid to confront one of his former costars over a recent tryst with his boyfriend Dominic, Elijah had allowed himself to be fucked by the handsome Northern Englishman in a fit of anger. He had allowed Sean Bean to take him in a way that only Dominic had. Not that Dominic had any right to be angry…not after doing the exact same thing with Sean…but Elijah’s bit of unfaithfulness had cancelled out his right to be mad.
Walking into that house, he knew that Dom and himself were no better than the other. They were both on equal footing again. The hard part about that was admitting it. Hanging his coat on the coat tree by the door, Elijah tried to push it all out of his mind. He knew he’d have to confess and soon, but at that moment, he just wanted to forget and pretend that everything was normal. No one had cheated. Dom loved him, and all was right with the fucking world. If only forgetting was that easy.
“There you are.”
Elijah froze, the guilt racing back to the forefront of his mind. How could he? How could he turn around and face Dom after what he had done…after what both of them had done? Dom will see and he’ll know…and the two years of bliss would be over. He’ll lose the only man he’ll ever love. It didn’t occur to him that Dom may actually understand. That he wouldn’t hold Elijah’s indiscretion against him, thanks to his own slip up.
He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the fight he was sure to come. He turned around and faced Dom head on and his heart nearly broke. The guilt was clear in Dom’s eyes. Guilt and the certainty that Elijah was going to walk right out of his life, clueless that Elijah had just committed the exact same sin.
“Hey,” Elijah swallowed, wishing that he could do something to take that lost look out of Dom’s eyes. Wishing that he could take the other man into his arms and promise that things were ok now. That he wasn’t angry anymore, without explaining why. But he couldn’t, especially not the last part. Dom would want to know why he was being forgiven so easily. He’d want to know why there was guilt in Elijah’s eyes as well.
“Hey. I was looking for you,” Dom forced a small smile, forcing himself to keep his distance, thinking that he had no right to even touch Elijah after what he had done with Sean.
“Well here I am…I just…”
“We have to talk,” Dom interrupted, more nervous than ever. Can we go somewhere and sit…and…Dom sighed, not wanting to go on, but having no choice. “I have something to tell you…something you’ll probably leave me for….”
Elijah sighed, already knowing what it was, thanks to Orlando’s big mouth. Not only did he know, but he had a secret of his own to confess. “Dom…whatever it is, it’s alright. There’s no need…”
“I have to. No secrets, remember? And just the knowledge…it’ll destroy us. At least this why, it’s out on the table and dealt with…”
Elijah sighed, knowing that Dom was right. They had to at least talk about their indiscretions. At least this way…with both of them on even footing now, it wouldn’t be as devastating…at least it shouldn’t be. “Fine. Go ahead…”
Dom swallowed down the nervousness that rose up into his throat, certain that Elijah would leave him for good. Why wouldn’t he? After all, Dom had slept with someone that wasn’t Elijah…not only that…but he had slept with his ex. It was a betrayal that he couldn’t even hope for forgiveness of…
“I….well…I…remember when I visited Sean last week?”
Elijah nodded, not trusting himself to speak just yet. He had to keep himself together…so he can make a confession of his own…
“Well…we got into an argument…about the past. There were a lot of accusations and hurtful words thrown…and…fuck…Lijah I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just…did. One minute I was telling Bean how much I hated him and the next…we were…” He looked away, not able to look Elijah in the eye when he finally knew the truth about what a cheating liar his boyfriend really was. “We shagged…”
Silence. There it was. The confession was out there. Elijah now knew what Dom had done and now Elijah was going to leave him. He sat before Elijah, now. Tense and afraid, fearing the worse.
Elijah in the meantime gathered up his courage, knowing that Dom was going to be hurt by his own confession. He may even think that what Elijah had done was some kind of revenge, which of course it wasn’t. Elijah had gone to Sean, not to sleep with him, but to give him a piece of his mind. Instead, his angry visit had turned into something that he had never intended it to be.
“Lijah?” Dom looked at him uneasily, waiting for the outburst that he was sure would come. “Say something…please…”
“I…I already know. I overheard Orlando ranting about it,” Elijah confessed, looking away from Dom’s surprised stare.
“You didn’t say anything…”
“What could I say? Lament over how disappointed I was? How angry? There was nothing that I could say that you didn’t already know.”
Dom bowed his head, ashamed of not only his actions, but that it had taken him so long to confess to Elijah. Elijah had to learn of his indiscretion from their friend, and that in itself was wrong. “I’m…I’m sorry. I should have told you myself…I…”
“Dom stop,” Elijah sighed. He couldn’t handle Dom’s guilt on top of his own. It was too much. He couldn’t have Dom beat himself up, when Elijah himself was nowhere near the innocent in this situation. “Stop…it was a mistake, alright. Believe me, I understand.”
Dom frowned. Elijah shouldn’t be so calm and ok with this. He should be screaming or yelling and slapping Dom, berating him for his stupidity. He shouldn’t be so calm. Not like this. “But aren’t you pissed?”
“I was…when I found out. I was pissed and hurt…but mostly pissed. So much so…that I went to confront Bean about it…”
Dom stared at Elijah in shock. He had no idea that Elijah had gone to see Sean. He wanted to check him over to make sure that there weren’t any bruises or broken bones, but he made himself stay put instead. He didn’t know if Elijah would even want to touch him after what he had done with Bean.
“Fuck, Lijah…why did you do that? You didn’t fight, did you? Bean’s half your size and…”
“We shagged,” Elijah blurted, just getting it out there, hoping that Dom’s concern would overshadow his anger.
“What?” Dom’s voice only revealed surprise and confusion.
“We shagged. Well, we fought first and it ended in us…” Elijah swallowed down the tears as he saw the hurt in Dom’s eyes. No anger at all. Just surprise and heartache. “I…I didn’t mean for it to happen, Dom. I didn’t. It wasn’t some act of revenge. I wanted to confront him about what had happened with you, because I had been sure that it was his fault. That he had taken advantage of you, somehow. We…were yelling and shouting….when the next thing I know, he’s kissing me….and I was just so carried away…”
Dom took a deep cleansing breath, pushing away the anger that had wanted to come forth. He had no right to be angry with Elijah. Not after what he had allowed to happen. It had been the exact same thing. “Looks like it’s a pattern with Sean…”
“Dom?” Elijah frowned, still unable to read his boyfriend. Was he angry? Was he going to yell? Cry? Leave…?
“It’s alright Lijah. Really. I’m not angry over this…”
“What?”
“How can I be angry with you when that too was my fault? If I hadn’t slept with Sean, you wouldn’t have gone to his place. You wouldn’t have been that angry…”
“I shouldn’t have let it happen at all. I should have pushed him away or left…fuck, Dom. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I never meant for it to go that far. I never meant to cheat on you,” tears came to Elijah’s eyes as he realized that he didn’t deserve Dom, who was trying to take the blame upon his own shoulders. He didn’t deserve to be loved by this man who would take on all the blame rather than to see him hurt.
“Lijah, no…you have nothing to be sorry about. It was my fault. All of it,” Dom sighed, having come to a decision that stung a little, because a part of him still cared for Sean. “Look….I’m staying away from Sean for now on. I swear that this will never happen again…”
“Dom, no. You don’t have to make a promise like that. You don’t have to stop seeing a friend. Let’s just…let’s just wipe this off the board and start with a clean slate. Neither one of us are at fault here…
Dom nodded his agreement. A clean slate sounded good. Just what he needed in fact. “Alright…we won’t mention it again.”
Elijah smiled, relief swimming through him. Just from looking at Dom, he knew that things were going to be alright. They were still together and in love. They had both lived through their confessions and were probably stronger for it. They survived infidelity. They can now survive anything. At lest that’s what he believed.
“I love you Dom. Nothing will ever change that.”
Dom smiled and claimed Elijah’s lips into a gentle kiss, convinced that the future was theirs. “I love you. Always…”
Smiling into each other’s eyes, Dom and Elijah linked hands and disappeared upstairs into their bedroom, where their love was reconfirmed and their infidelity was washed away.