spikessweetgirl (spikessweetgirl) wrote in fieldsofgold, @ 2009-01-06 16:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | just frodo sam/frodo |
Just Frodo Sam/Frodo
Title: Just Frodo
Disclaimer: Sam and Frodo are the property of Tolkien. This story is for entertainment purposes only
Rating: PG
Warning: This story is about love between two men. If you don't like it, don't read.
Summary: It's only a few days before Sam's wedding to Rosie. Frodo falls sick and feelings are confessed
Dedication: To Britta. The curious, slash-loving Hobbit. I hope you like the story:)
Mister Frodo
Frodo Baggins was miserable. In only a few days, his best friend and long time crush, Samwise Gamgee was going to be married to Rosie. It was going to be the worse day of Frodo’s life…even the days the sickness hit him wouldn’t compare. In two days, Frodo will lose the man he loved.
Frodo sighed, setting at his desk, making a list of preparations he had to make. It was his duty, as best man to make sure that the wedding went off without a hitch. But how could he do such a thing when all he wanted was to stop the wedding from ever taking place. He closed his eyes and wiped hard at the tears that arose when he thought of Sam in his grooms suit. He bit back the pang in his heart when he thought of the kiss that would take Sam away from him forever. He again cursed himself for such feelings. Sam was his best friend. He should be happy that Sam had found the courage to ask out Rosie and was now marrying her. He should be rejoicing right along with everyone else. He just couldn’t bring himself to, because every time he tired, there was a reminder that the man he loved was going to be out of reach forever.
It wasn’t like the feelings were new. Frodo had loved Sam for months now, ever since he woke up to find the loyal hobbit standing in the doorway, a serene smile on his face, love burning in his eyes. Frodo had thought that Sam loved him too. He had thought that he and Sam would be together…that was until Sam had asked Rosie for a dance and then left with her the same evening. That evening, Frodo knew that he was in danger of losing Sam for good.
But tonight…He knew he could lose Sam forever if he didn’t make a move to keep him. Somehow…sometime before the wedding ceremony, Frodo was going to have to gather the courage to tell Sam his true feelings. He just didn’t know how he was going to do such a thing. Rosie was at Sam’s side constantly, and the other times were filled with wedding preparations and songs from Merry and Pippin.
“Mister. Frodo, sir,” Sam’s soft voice broke Frodo out of his reverie. He stood at the window, looking sheepish and a bit guilty for disturbing his employer/friend. “I’ve pruned the petunias…is there anything else you may need? Maybe some mushrooms planted? Some herbs?”
Oh, dear, sweet, lovely Sam. Always willing to go the distance for him. However was he going to let him go when the time came? He loved him so much.
“Come Sam,” Frodo beckoned, wanting his company. Spend one last time alone with Sam. Reminisce, wish each other well…share hidden feelings and beg for a chance? “Come set with me. I have some lembas bread and some strawberry wine. I’d hate to eat and drink alone.”
Sam sputtered, not knowing what to think. This was the last thing he expected from Frodo. The past week has been very busy for both of them, and it was going to get busier still. Only two days until his wedding and there was still the bachelor party and the renting and decorating of the hall and other duties that both the best man and groom had to take care of. Plus there was still the job of gardener that Sam still had to perform for Frodo…or rather Frodo’s Uncle Bilbo. There hadn’t been very much time for the two hobbits to spend alone. This was something that Sam deeply regretted. He loved spending time with Mister. Frodo. Their friendship was close to his heart, because it was the only way he could be close to the object of his affection.
He was marrying Rosie…but his heart belonged to Frodo. It always had. That was the main reason he couldn’t leave Frodo on the quest. That was the reason he couldn’t leave Frodo when he had tried to send him away. That was why he carried Frodo up that mountain to toss the ring into the fiery mountain. His love for Frodo knew no bounds, and it was killing him that Frodo didn’t share the same feeling. Staring into the blue expanse of Frodo’s eyes, Sam just couldn’t refuse. “Alright…if you don’t mind.”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I minded, Sam,” Frodo teasingly smiled, his blue eyes sparkling. “Come. It’s hot out there.”
Sam sat down his gardening tool, and stepped into the cool cottage. He sat down onto the comfortable couch as Frodo prepared the meal. He couldn’t help but wonder if there were ulterior motives at work. Looking at Frodo, he saw how tense the other hobbit was. He probably hadn’t relaxed properly since before the ring. Sam shook his head, worried. All that stress…it couldn’t be good for the sickness that came and went.
As if summoned by Sam’s thoughts, the sickness struck. Frodo clutched his chest, letting go of the dishes he was handling, sending them crashing to the hard ground below. Sam was up and had his arms around Frodo’s trembling body. He was used to these bouts. They’ve been coming and going since their return from the quest. Sam became more and more worried each time they occurred.
“Oh, Mr. Frodo. Not to worry. Your Sam will take care of you,” Sam brushed the springy curls out of Frodo’s eyes,
Tears came to Frodo’s eyes at those words. His Sam. He wished they were true. He wished that Sam really was his and that he wouldn’t be forced to let him go days from now. But he wasn’t his Sam. He was Rosie’s, thanks to the cowardice that over took Frodo every time he attempted to state his feelings. What was he going to do when he couldn’t depend on these moments, when Sam held him in his arms so gently and acted like there was nothing in the world more important than him? What was he going to do when he had to give all of this up to Rosie? He didn’t think he’d be able to survive it.
“Sam,” Frodo gripped Sam’s shoulders as he carried him up the stairs, feeling the sickness traveling down to the depths of his stomach, making the breakfast he had eaten that morning churn. “Don’t…don’t leave me. Not yet.”
“Of course I won’t, Mister Frodo. I’ll never leave you.”
Frodo grimaced against the pain that both the sickness and Sam’s reassurance had caused him. Sam said he’d never leave him…but it was a lie. Of course he’ll leave. He’ll marry Rosie and forget about poor Frodo. His visits will probably dwindle until he won’t stop in to say hello anymore, leaving Frodo with only memories and bittersweet glances as he worked in the garden. Then he’ll leave the job to someone else and leave Frodo all together. Sick and alone.
“Oh Sam,” a sob escaped.
“Mister. Frodo?” Sam was alarmed. He had only meant to comfort Frodo, not make him cry so. Was the pain too great to bare this time? Was he somehow causing Frodo pain? Oh lord, he hadn’t meant to do anything to hurt him. He just wanted to comfort him somehow! “Mister Frodo, what is it? Why are you crying?”
Frodo didn’t want to say. He didn’t want to tell Sam that he knew he was lying, but it was ok. It just broke his heart that he needed such false assurances. He didn’t want Sam to think him weak and selfish, which was exactly what he was. He wish he could be like Legolas. Strong and sure. Not this weak, unconfident Hobbit who had his fifteen minutes of fame as the ring bearer.
“Nothing for you to worry about Sam. I’m just…I’m just tired of the sickness. That’s all,” Frodo liked, biting back against the urge to sob some more. More tears would only worry Sam. He didn’t want that.
Sam frowned, not believing the lie. He had been with Frodo before when the sickness had struck, and not once had he sobbed his name. Not in the heart wrenching need he had just heard. He was confused and concerned. “Mister Frodo, you can tell me. What am I doing wrong? How can I make it better?”
Frodo grimaced once more, fighting against the bile that threatened to rise up as Sam laid him on the bed. Covered with sweat and shivering. “You…can’t Sam. There’s nothing you can do.” Except not leave his side, ever. But that would mean leaving Rosie and denying Sam his own happiness. He couldn’t do that. “I’m…I’m probably dying. Only a matter of time.”
Sam’s heart plummeted. Frodo couldn’t die. If he died, that would mean that Sam had lost him, lost him without telling him the true feelings of his heart. His heart didn’t belong to Rosie. It never had. It was all Frodo’s, yet the sickly hobbit didn’t know…he may never know now…especially if he died. “Oh, Mister. Frodo. Don’t talk like that.”
“But it’s true Sam. It has to be. I can’t see living like this…sick, in pain…not loved by anyone…I just can’t go on. Not when there’s nothing to live for.”
Sam’s heart cried out in agony. Unloved? How could Frodo think he was unloved? Everyone in the shire loved him! He loved him! Frodo felt helpless. He felt like there was no one to live for, but there was. There was him, Sam. Frodo’s Sam. Always Frodo’s Sam. There had to be a way to get Frodo to see it, Sam’s love. Maybe it was time. Time to tell Frodo just what was in his heart.
Sam took a deep breath, swallowing his fear. There was a chance that Frodo could reject him. Order him away, like he had once done for that creature Gollum. But he had to try. He had to make Frodo see that there was someone to live for…someone that loved him with his whole heart.
“What about me? Your Sam? I…I love you Mr. Frodo. Loved you for longer than I could even tell you. I don’t want you to die. If you can’t find a reason to live, think of me, Mister Frodo. Live for me,” Tears fell from his eyes, thinking of a world without Frodo…a cold, gray world that contained no amount of joy. . “Please…live for me.”
Frodo couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The way Sam talked…Frodo was the one Sam was going to marry, not Rosie. If only that was true…if only…but there were no use in if onlys. It was fruitless to wish for something that would never be. “Sam…you have Rosie. You won’t need me anymore. Rosie…she’ll be there to take care of you.”
Sam wiped at his tears, feeling embarrassed for once again allowing his emotions to take over like this. He wished he could be emotionless, like the elf, Legolas. It would be easier if he hadn’t loved Frodo so. Sighing, he sat on the edge of bed and brushed more curls away from Frodo’s eyes. “Rosie’s not you. She…she don’t understand me the way you do. I…I don’t love her, Mister Frodo. Not the way I love you,” Sam bowed his head, feeling a bit ashamed for the confession. He had been using Rosie. He had been using her as a replacement for the hobbit that he truly wanted, yet felt he could never have.
“What?”
Sam took a deep breath, remembering his da’s words. Just tell him about it. Just tell him how you feel. His da was right. It was time to be honest. With himself and with Mister Frodo. It was time to take a risk. If Frodo rejected him…he’ll just go ahead with the wedding. No use spoiling what he had for something that was never to be. But if Mister Frodo returned his feelings….well there could be no wedding, could there? Not when the hobbit he loved, loved him right back.
“I’m not in love with Rosie. I’m in love with you. Gods, I’ve always been in love with you. From the moment Mister Bilbo brought you home and we met in his garden. Do you remember, Mister Frodo?”
Frodo’s eyes lit up as the memory came to him. He had been alone and scared and Sam had been there to comfort him with strawberries and stories of the shire that his own da had shared with him that very day. Frodo had felt safe and loved for the first time that day, thanks to Sam. That feeling had never left. As long as he was with Sam, he was safe.
“I-I remember. You made me feel so warm and safe, Sam. You always had.” Frodo sighed, closing his eyes against the harsh light. The sickness mad it hard for him to stand bright lights, even candle light was too much at time, but he didn’t want to tell Sam to blow the candles out. If the light was gone, he wouldn’t be able to see Sam. The sight of Sam standing so close with a warmth in his eyes that Frodo didn’t dare name, was what gave Frodo strength to fight the sickness. “You…you were my best friend for so long…I loved you.”
“And I loved you…except my love was a bit more. I had fallen in love with the first sight of you, Mister Frodo. Ever since we were younglings. I…I just never dared to say anything to you.”
Frodo couldn’t help the frown that came upon him. Sam was in love with him…all this time, he loved him the way he had desired to be loved. It seemed impossible, but looking into Sam’s eyes, he knew it to be true. The man he loved…loved him back. His affections weren’t unrequited after all. But what of Rosie? If Sam was in love with him, why had he courted Rosie and was ready to marry her in just a few days? He winced and rubbed his face. It was all so confusing.
“You love me. But…what of Rosie? If you love me…why are you marrying her? Why did you court her, Sam?”
Sam looked away, feeling ashamed for what he had done. He had done a very wrong, unfair thing to both Rosie and Mister Frodo. He couldn’t only hope for forgiveness…that is if Mister Frodo returned his feelings. There was still the chance that he didn’t. If that was the case, he didn’t know what he would do. He certainly wouldn’t be able to remain the Baggin’s gardener. It would be too uncomfortable for them both, despite their lifelong friendship. “I…I thought that you’d never feel so strongly about me as I feel about you. I thought that there’s no way that you’d return my feelings, so I started things with Rosie, so I wouldn’t be alone. I know it was wrong to use her like I did…but I couldn’t have you Mister Frodo, and it was killing me”.
The tears came again. Sam couldn’t help it. His body was shaking with his sobs and he didn’t notice it when Frodo pulled him down on top of him in a warm hug.
“Sam. My Sam. I do love you. You’re the only thing that makes me want to fight it, but…you’re getting married. You’ll belong to Rosie in a few short days and I’ll still be alone.”
Sam shook his head vigorously as he lifted his weight off of Frodo, his eyes full of tears. “No Mister. Frodo. I can never marry her. Not now…not now that I know that you love me too. The only reason I was with her was because I thought I couldn’t have you. Now that I can have you…there’s no need to marry her. It wouldn’t be fair to her, Mister Frodo. Wouldn’t be fair at all.”
Frodo’s mouth dropped open, at a lost at what to say next. What could he say? Sam was giving him everything he had dreamed of ever wanting. He was giving Frodo his heart to cherish and love as long as they both lived. But what if Sam’s affection wasn’t true? What if Sam was only saying these things because Frodo was sick and so afraid of being alone? What if Sam was putting his life on hold, just to take care of Frodo? Sam had already sacrificed enough already…he couldn’t let him sacrifice anymore.
“Sam…no…I can’t let you do this,” Frodo sighed, looking away from the other hobbit’s hopeful gaze. This was the hardest thing he had to do, but he had to do it. He couldn’t let Sam destroy his life for someone that may not be of this world for much longer. “You love Rosie. You two…you have a life together. I’m dying Sam and it’s not fair to ask you to put your wedding on hold for me. You’ve done enough. Go Sam. Go be happy with the woman you love,” Hot tears slipped from his eyes, his breath came in shallow gasps as he realized that he was giving up his dream for the greater good of the one he loved.
“Mr. Frodo…I don’t love Rosie. I swear it, I don’t. Don’t send me away again Mister Frodo, not now. Not after…Just let me take care of you. Let me love you.”
“But Sam…”
Sam didn’t allow Frodo to finish his protestations. He pressed his lips against Frodo’s and pressed him down onto the bed, trying not to think of how weak the other hobbit was or whether he was hurting him. All he was thinking about was getting it through to Frodo that his love for him was real and that nothing was going to make it go away. Not leaving him to die, and not marrying Rosie.
Frodo leaned into the kiss, closing his eyes tight as he allowed Sam’s mouth to take possession of his own. He had never tasted anything as sweet as Sam’s lips. They tasted of Strawberries and cream and something that was purely Sam. He held on to the Gardener with trembling hands and allowed the euphoria of the moment carry him to a place where he forgot about the sickness and Sam’s pending nuptials. All that mattered was him and Sam. Two hobbits that meant the world to each other. It was a world he had always dreamed of…a world that he wanted to live in.
Sam was the one that broke the kiss. He breathed heavily as he pondered what he had just done and the consequences. It wasn’t as if he had planned to kiss Mr. Frodo. That had been the last thing on his mind. He just wanted Mr. Frodo to see that his love was for real. The kiss seemed to be the best way to do so, and it was since Mister Frodo now stared at Sam with dawning realization.
“You really love me,” Frodo managed, blinking away the remnants of disbelief.
“I told you I did,” Sam gently smiled, his eyes a bit teasing. “It’s you I want to be with Mister Frodo. Not Rosie. Forgive me for letting you think otherwise.”
Frodo smiled, the sickness fading into the background as the fact that Sam truly did love him filled his being. It was like the sickness had never been there. His strength suddenly was back and he used it to lurch himself into Sam’s arms, holding him even tighter. “Oh Sam! I didn’t know! I had no idea! I love you too, Sam! My sweet, lovely, loyal Sam! I love you too!”
They held onto each other for what seemed to be hours. The world outside was nonexistent to them once again. There was no sickness. There was no Rosie. There was only them. Two Hobbits who loved each other desperately. Where one went, the other was sure to follow.
Frodo pulled away, wiping the tears from Sam’s eyes as Sam did the same for him. The past hour had been an emotional one for both of them and they were exhausted. Frodo pulled Sam into the bed with him, and there they laid and cuddled, enjoying the comfort of being in love and together.
“What are you going to do about Rosie?” Frodo asked, worried about the young lady who thought she held Sam’s heart.
“Don’t you worry none about that, Mister Frodo. I’ll let the lass down nice and easy,” Sam reassured.
“Another thing Sam. It’s Frodo. Just Frodo. Now that you’re more than my gardener and friend, there’s no need to use that title. Please, just call me Frodo,” the former ring bearer stared into Sam’s eyes, urging him to just do this one thing without question.
“Yes, Mis…I mean…Frodo,” Sam smiled, pulled his lover closer.
“I love you Samwise Gamgee.”
“I love you too, …Frodo.” Sam smiled, feeling as if he was the luckiest hobbit in the shire. Yes, he knew that there were still a few wrinkles to be ironed out before the phrase happily ever after could be applied to him and his lover, but they weren’t hard wrinkles and would soon be ironed out. All it took was perseverance, and he had plenty of that. No doubt about it.
The two hobbits sighed contently, happy at last. Love had finally made itself known and wasn’t going anywhere. Not now…not ever again.
The End