Cephy (cephy) wrote in fictunes, @ 2008-02-14 18:37:00 |
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Cloud hovered at the door, turned away shaking his head and made it all the way to the other end of the hall before stopping. There, after a muttered debate with himself, he turned back-- only to give up again before he was even halfway there.
His problem, he mused with a scowl, was that he thought too much. Thought about everything-- couldn't stop thinking about things once he noticed them, like how when Zack was fresh from the shower his collar was always damp, and how warm it was to have that arm slung casually over his shoulder. Or how, on the rare times that they had a free day together, Zack would always end up laughing with the other grunts and workers and random strangers at the bar-- and Cloud would just sit there across the table and think rather childishly that this was his time, damn it, and he wouldn't the others please just go away?
All of it really only left one conclusion. That he wanted-- wanted--
And it would never work. Of course not-- Zack was-- well. Zack. There was no way--
Was there?
Of course not.
Though Zack did have that smile, sometimes, when he thought Cloud couldn't see. That had to mean something, right?
Cloud turned back, heading towards the door, only to stop yet again-- this time with his fist actually raised to knock-- grit his teeth and pace away. Because he knew that there were so many reasons why it would be a bad idea to go through with it. Beginning with the basic fraternization thing and working through to the grand finale of a ruined friendship. And that-- that was actually a worse thought than never being able to go up to Zack and-- and. Well. No, a life without any Zack was infinitely worse than a life with a Zack that he watched from across bar tables. But if he did this, and it was wrong, then Zack would never speak to him again--
His steps slowed as the thought about that, and stopped entirely as he ended up giving himself a disgusted smack on the head. Because the idea was ridiculous-- Zack wouldn't stop speaking to him. That wasn't who Zack was, and if Cloud could believe that of him then he obviously wasn't thinking clearly at all.
Turning on his heel, he strode determinedly down the hall.
No, the worst that could happen is that Zack would say no, and then-- life would go on, surely. More than that, though, Cloud kind of thought he needed to do this-- he couldn't go on thinking things, for the sake of his own sanity, because some of the latest things already had him stumbling and blushing an inopportune moments. At least if he knew, then maybe--
He could do this. He just had to forget all the ways it could go wrong, and remember that he wanted this, wanted it more than just about anything he'd ever wanted before. He could do this.
He lifted his hand and knocked.
And when Zack swung the door open Cloud reached both hands out, planted them on either side of Zack's surprised face, and dragged the older boy down to kiss him soundly.
When he leaned back again, Zack's ear-swallowing smile told him that it was okay.