Trio Maxwell-Chang (trio) wrote in fictionaltrio, @ 2007-08-12 03:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | gundam wing, heero yuy |
[Gundam Wing] Spiral
Title: Spiral
Author: Trio Maxwell-Chang
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairing or POV: Heero
Written for: beloved_voices
Special Note: This is angst. I feel like shit right now. If you can't handle angst, avoid it.
It aches. The downward spiral of emotion into depression, the way things buoy up slightly only to have the slightest hurt send them plummeting farther, is at times almost unbearable. It'd be so easy to find a way to fix things permanently, to dig into small cache of knives he carries and find just the right one - sharp enough for the pain to be almost nonexistent, smooth enough to slice through skin and vein, spilling the red blood out onto the floor in some sort of desperate offering to blind gods. He's felt the seductive pull of depression before, has battled it since the war ended and he was left "victorious." An empty victory - what was he supposed to do with his life now - and it had only gotten worse as his life had continued.
There were those to mourn for him, but somehow, with every downward spiral, they became a little more distant, and a little less believable. He'd almost begun to think he was making them all up, but for the occasional friend standing on his doorstep. Every time, he brought them inside, fed them, entertained them, and sent them on their way. And every time, he'd reassured them in the end, without anyone ever realizing his act was all a mask.
He tilted his head to one side, feeling the skin of his neck pull slightly, and took a moment to envision the feel of a lover's touch, the fingertips sliding lightly over taut flesh. With eyes closed, he lifted a hand, mimicking the touch, and then flinching away at how empty it felt. Damn them all...
His fingers trailed over the hilt of one of his knives, and he sighed, shoving it away and moving to get something else to do. Anything at all, really, so long as the glint of metal wasn't involved. He wasn't ready. Not yet.
~End~
Word Count: 316