[Harry Potter] Forgetting
Title: Forgetting Author: Trio Maxwell-Chang Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing or POV: Lockhart
Everyone says that the screams are the worst, but Gilderoy doesn't agree. When the floor is dark, with moonlight shining in the barred window and reflecting off of the charmed mirror, he stays awake and listens to those other voices. He's been here for years now, and the screams are almost comforting, a darkly bleak sort of comfort that chafes away his defenses. He envies them, really, because they have something that he never can.
During those times, he rises from the bed, moving to the mirror. He's never wished to break it, and knows that even if he did want to, he could not. It is charmed to be unbreakable, safety glass in a wizards' asylum. Instead, he stares at himself, the lines of stress deepened by the dark shadows of night. He is older in the night, a miserable marionette of a man destined to jump when they pull his strings.
One hand lifts to trace his wrinkles. He knows, abstractly, that he must have been handsome, once upon a time. But that attractiveness has fled with his memory, leaving him diminished and sad. He wonders what stories are told in his face, in the forget-me-not eyes which have clouded over with confusion and misery. He wonders if he truly remembers what forget-me-nots look like, or if that, too, has been clouded by the backfired charm.
Finally, when he is done trying to remember, he wanders back toward his bed, stopping to peek out of the window at institution grounds. There are scraggly trees and patches of grass mixed with bare ground. He thinks of those grounds as very much like himself, hopeless and miserable, incapable of a full healing. And still the screams continue, filtering into his ears as he settles back into the bed, staring up at the white ceiling.
In the daytime, he works so hard to remember. But in those few soft minutes before sleep, he wonders whether it would be better to forget.