Who: Sidney & Quinn. What: The return of the prodigal cat. When: Err, sometime this week. Where: Ravenclaw common room. Warnings: Some cursing and drama. Status: Complete! This was written forever ago, and only now it sees the light of day.
It had been incredibly quiet in concern to Quinn’s relationships with other people. With Corrie spending more of her time with Eddie--he’d been focused on making sure she was happy and working on his studies. He used to spend more of his time with...his other friends. But with things changing so much, he just couldn’t seem to figure out who left and who stayed. The lines were gray between friendship and otherwise and Quinn really couldn’t be bothered to figure things out for himself.
What mattered was that Corrie still cared about him. And that Eddie was still .. well, Eddie. And that Avery was happy. And Maggie was cheerful. And Ophelia still liked Shakespeare. He kept to himself, fairly, except for the odd moments when he was trying to remove his kitten from the curtains or trying to work on new spells for the end of year exams that he was so stressed about that he could barely think. Nina’s suggestion of taking breaks was barely received--it mostly fell on deaf ears. Instead, he was working harder than ever.
Until he couldn’t find Sophia. Anywhere. It had been three frantic days of looking for his kitten and by now, Quinn was completely convinced someone was hiding her or she had perished to one of the many killer beats outside or in. He was bracing himself for the bitter news, still unsure who had gifted her, as he rested silently and upset, curled up, in one of the chairs in the common room, his face stoic and yet--full of anguish.
She swore the cat was doing it on purpose. Sophia –she had heard Quinn calling it that –had appeared before her three days ago as she lay awake in bed on the middle of the night. Only hours before, she had scared off a bigger, older hissy tomcat that had not taken well to Sophia’s presence in the Ravenclaw tower. That alone had seemed to have earned her the cat’s sympathy, as it meowed at her until she let it under the covers and allowed it to form a warm, fuzzy, purring ball against her. It was a tad strange, really, as she certainly had not had much contact with the cat since she had given it to Quinn last Christmas, but Sidney had chalked it to looking for warmth in a cold night.
The next day, she had gone to class, and returned to find Sophia sitting on her bed again. Quinn had begun looking for her then, asking their classmates about it, and Sidney had tried to shoo the cat away. It had worked the first time, but, within fifteen minutes, Sophia was back. And back again. And again. She had even tried to take it to the boy’s dorm herself, but the cat had struggled, jumped off her arms and disappeared off to somewhere before coming back to cuddle with her at night.
Second day, repeat. Sophia was either smarter than she looked, or had a particular talent to disappear in just the right moments, keeping away from others, reappearing once she was alone to rub against her legs and distract her from studying. By the third day, Quinn had clearly grown desperate under her quiet, watchful gaze, which meant she had to do something about it.
At the moment, Sidney was sitting behind one of the couches in the common room, away from the sight of others. In her hand there was the locket Quinn had given her, its chain dangling with every twitch of her hands, quickly followed by a swat of Sophia’s paws. She did not see Quinn until she put the locket away and once more around her neck and glanced around. “There,” she mumbled to herself, then turned to Sophia, speaking in a soft tone reserved for animals, and, rarely, a friend or two. “You need to go back, silly cat.” Climbing to her feet, she hoisted up Sophia, holding her firmly against her chest.
The problem was, she had not thought about what she would tell Quinn. She had promised never to talk to him again, and, so far, she had kept her promise. Therefore, when she planted herself before him, Sidney could think of nothing to say.
So she didn’t. Wordlessly, her expression composed and neutral, she dropped the cat on his lap, and turned around to leave.
“Sophia!” he gasped, almost breathlessly, as the cat was dropped onto his lap where she curled up along his chest, nuzzling his chin in greeting as she meowed. “Oh, where have you been?” he continued, holding the kitten confusedly until he looked up and saw that Sidney had dropped her in his lap. And something inside of him seized up, frozen, before something else snapped.
A little angrily, he tucked the feline under his right arm as he stood up and followed after her. “Hey! Wait! Did you--” he started, trying to muster the courage. “She’s been gone for three days. Did you just find her roaming around somewhere? Or did you steal her? To like...to teach me a lesson or something?” They were harsh words, mean and kind of cruel, considering she was the rescuer of the kitten. But as Sophia bit his hand, he couldn’t help but ask. He needed to know.
Merlin, she had hoped it would not come to this. She had hoped, and yet... she knew that, if Quinn had simply ignored her, she would have been disappointed. Then again, disappointment would have probably been better than the accusations he was throwing at her. Steal her? That seemed rather harsh, considering she had been the one to give it to him in the first place. He really... did not trust her at all, did he? Sidney stopped to look at Quinn over her shoulder, and, for a moment, anger and hurt flickered in her stormy gray eyes.
But she was tired. She didn’t want to argue with him. ‘Think whatever you want,’ she thought, but did not say it aloud. In any case, she had the feeling he would, independently of what she said to him. “I did not,” she replied quietly-- the first words she said to him in what felt like forever. Months ago, they had talked every day, they were inseparable... “She seemed to grow fond of me, but she would disappear when I tried to return her. I would have said something sooner, but...,” she trailed off and shrugged.
“So you let me look for her for three days without saying a word?” he asked, the words almost hollow, rather than accusing this time. It was so weird to look at Sidney--his best friend--and feel nothing but hurt and betrayal and unbearable loss. Never before had he seen her as anything but his best friend. For Quinn, friends were few and far between. Especially considering his background. His ‘home life’ consisted of watching the other children go as quickly as they had arrived. The one solid thing in his life--the only person to last any amount of time--had been Sidney. And there he stood, still and burdened, aching because all he wanted was to go back in time and change everything.
He wanted to never have kissed her when the gender potion had happened. To never have slept with her. To never have changed anything. He wanted to go back to the way things were. To how it used to be. But he couldn’t. And he regretted it every day. Every time he opened his eyes in the morning. Every time he closed them at night. He had dreams where they were happy and then woke to the sad realization that nothing would ever be the same again. Not while she was with August. Not while Corrie hated her. The only small comfort had been the idea that the kitten might have come from her. It was like holding a part of Sidney that could never lie to him. Or cheat on him. And the loss has been impossible to handle.
“I thought she was dead.”
An apology began to bubble up her throat, but Sidney snuffed it, along with the expression of hurt and grief and utter frustration that was struggling to take over her face. What was she supposed to do, then? What was it he wanted from her? “I promised I wouldn’t talk to you again,” she said quietly, aware of how dumb it sounded, how empty. But he had made her promise, he genuinely had wanted it, and she had stuck to her word. I really needed her because you were such a bitch. You can apologize until you’re thirty and it still won’t change... Thinking about it made her feel slightly ill, and, unconsciously, she touched the chain of the locket he had given her.
She had opened it only twice since he had taught her the spell to bring the image of her parents back to life, and, each time, she had dumbly wished it would be Quinn instead of them. She didn’t know what to say, how to tell him that she was sorry, that she had been an idiot, and that the feelings she had had for him had been raw and genuine... but what did that matter, after what she had done? With a brusque gesture, she let go of the chain.
“I apologize.” Sidney forced herself to meet his eyes. She gave the hint of a smile that was meant to be dry and instead came out weak. “Feel free to add it to the list of reasons why I’m a bitch.” There was no venom in her voice, only a tired kind of defeat. “Sophia was good company these days. She’s gotten a lot bigger...” But he probably didn’t care about what she had to say about that. Once more, she turned on her heels, ready to escape the suffocating situation.
He merely stared at her, instantly a flurry of conflicting emotions. If he had been looking for the cat, she could have at least told him she’d seen her. Why would she keep it a secret? Why would she be so petty as to agree to not talk to him when clearly all he wanted was Sophia to be returned safely? Why would she be so cruel? And at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel sad and sorry for how things had turned out. His face twisted with the emotions, uncertain how to continue the conversation.
Until she spat out the words that she felt were his. That she was a bitch. That there were many reasons he’d feel that way and that he was keeping track of them.
It felt like a part of him was dying. Like when he was younger and one of the babies in the orphanage had wrapped so many rubber bands around her wrist that she cut all the circulation out of her hand. The agony that she’d felt when they had finally gotten all of the bands cut off had lasted for days. She couldn’t do much of anything with her hand for weeks. He felt like that--like he’d been cut off. And now, when she was back, the pain was agonizing. At least before, it hurt until he couldn’t feel it anymore. Until he’d gone numb.
“I’m not keeping reasons why you’re a..” he trailed off, tired. The kitten leaped from his embrace and slinked back to Sidney, weaving around her legs, mewling pleasantly. “She really seems to like you,” he offered confusedly. “Which is weird since we haven’t been around each other much.” Unless. “Were you the one who sent her, Sid?”
“What does it matter?” She asked briskly, glancing at him over her shoulder. Sophia tangled around her legs, and she had to stop, on risk of accidentally stepping on her. To have both the cat and her owner hate her would be a rather cruel irony. Because you were such a bitch... The words repeated over and over inside her head. They might have been spoken out of anger and frustration, but, in the end, that was what she was now. One mistake had crumbled away years of friendship.
But that had been her choice. She had to remember that. Had things not turned out this way, nothing would have changed. To be with August had been what she had wanted-- and she had known the consequences. After a pause, she gave a sigh and nudged Sophia away. Back to her owner.
He started, pain flashing over his features, confused and hurt and angry. And just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. He locked it away--stuffed it down in his chest. His expression smoothed out, erasing the emotional bits of himself that had previously been privy to the conversation. “A long time ago, we were kids. We used to play on the same playground. I don’t know if you remember or not. I used to get picked on a lot--the family I stayed with never made bathing a huge priority and I was the dirty kid who fell asleep in the slide. Homeless--loveless--unwanted. And you changed everything,” he explained flatly, a hand rested against the chair near him, for balance.
“When I came to Hogwarts, you were my only friend. My best friend. And then I fell in love with you. And I think that was my biggest mistake. I ruined this. I wrecked our friendship. And I’m so sorry it’s come to this.”
Clucking to Sophia, her ears swiveled and she turned to look at him, easily swayed with the motion of his fingers rubbing over her ears as she made her way back to him. She climbed onto the chair and then up onto his shoulder without too much effort. “Thanks for finding her,” he whispered, holding the kitten carefully as he started toward his dorm. “I won’t bother you anymore.”
Just as Quinn shut down those feelings and emotions inside him, hers seemed to blossom, clutching at her heart, leaving her breathless. Of course she remembered. From their first meeting to their tearful goodbye, the times she had shoved boys into the playground’s floor, willfully getting into trouble to stop him from having a bad time, their talks about Hogwarts, their hopes and dreams-- Sidney turned her head away, allowing her hair to hide her expression.
It all felt so... final that she almost wanted to run after him and cry and tell him how sorry she was, because, had it not been for her, and for the feelings that didn’t quite add up, they could have been happy together. They were happy together. It sounded horribly sappy, but they could have worked through that rough batch after her pregnancy scare, they could have.
“Quinn,” she started, and immediately regretted it. They could have, she reminded herself, but they had not. She had not. “I...,” She was what, exactly? Sorry? But saying so again wouldn’t help, wouldn’t work at all. “I hope you can be happy.”
He was so close to the door that would lead to his dorm when her voice rang out into the room. His body froze at the threshold and he turned around, just barely, the kitten nuzzling against his throat as his eyes trained on the floor, his muscles stiff, his heart aching. He was never going to be the same.
“I won’t be. Not without you,” he replied, before slipping off, making his way to his dorm where he shut the door, slid into his bed and pretended nothing and no one else existed.