What with the final leg of the Junior International Quidditch Tournament kicking off tomorrow, we decided to introduce a new segment of our weekly column, devoted entirely to the goings-on of our youngest and sweatiest miniature celebrities! Enjoy, folks, and reminisce fondly about your own Hogwarts illicit liaisons!
Apparently there’s a reason Jana Wronski, currently ranked first among the Tournament Chasers, has been doing so well. Seems Wronski (yes, related to that Wronski) has been utilising her feminine wiles to gain some “extra training” with the brawn-before-brains team manager, Vasili Ivanov. The two have been spied in a flirtatious Russian rendezvous (aka a stare-off) for the better part of the year. We suppose we’d be in the top spot too if the team strategy consisted entirely of passing us the ball as often as possible.
Nor are Wronski and Ivanov only pair taking the whole “team unity” motion to the next level: Caer Kovalenko and Anya Bielski evidently have been practising scoring in their spare time. But is it for all the right (lusty) reasons? A little birdie has told us that Bielski, desperate to claw her way out of her abject family situation, is more taken with Kovalenko’s pockets than what’s between them. Here’s to hoping Kovalenko wises up fast before Bielski digs too deep.
Even having their father around to watch their every move hasn’t prevented the Krum brothers from indulging in their fair share of debauchery. It seems that Krum the Younger had his poor little heart stomped on just two short weeks ago and has been seeking consolation at the bottom of a bottle—or five or seven, depending on the night. Perhaps he needs reminded that this tournament is supposed to launch his career, not end it in a drunken stupor before it’s even begun? One wonders if his brother’s isn’t the better approach...
Krum the Elder has had his fair share of international adventures abroad, apparently having found partners of the female (and some even insist, the male) variety from every represented school...except the host. In an attempt to complete this Four-School Challenge, Roald propositioned his childhood friend and Hogwarts student, Dominique Weasley, who angrily rejected him—thoroughly enough that they no longer speak. The Blond Krum has taken it in stride, though, apparently “getting back” at Weasley by revisiting some of his former flames, one of whom is decidedly NOT exclusive...
There is just something in the water (vodka? Amortentia?) those Durmstrangers drink. After knocking boots with one of her teammates (the Jolly Blond Giant you’ve heard tell of), the pint-sized Beater’s tryst with her other teammate, erstwhile member of Magic 7 Rebel Club Vladimir Poliakoff, was recently featured in a lurid Russian publication. With Kovalenko and Ivanov currently occupied, Krum the Younger challenging himself to drinking contests, and Zaslavsky simply too young to be legal, the raging feminist had to look elsewhere to pacify her seemingly insatiable sexual appetite...
Word on the street is that Vos also participated in a bedside rodeo with Salem Preparatory’s token Texan, Ruby Wilder. After Wilder’s dismal (and likely only) showing as Seeker, we can only assume that she was looking for validation in all the wrong places, and Vos was more than happy to oblige. We only hope we get front-row seats if these two decide on another romp in the hay!
But apparently girl-on-girl is just the way they do things in America. Just which team is Brooke Summers batting better for? The girl who wields a bat with a tomboyish grin, that garish hair and has no time for flirting with boys seems suspiciously close with the women on her team - even those off it, and we're starting to suspect she'd prefer them in every way. After all, she didn't have a date to the Warbeck gala, but had plenty of time for a "Girls Only" trip to some seedy sounding muggle "amusement establishment" (that's a euphemism if we ever heard one) run by a "Minnie the Mouse." Merlin only knows the sort of sordidly saucy corruption going on across the pond. But that's not the only unnatural occurrence in Salem's midst. Rumours of performance-enhancing potions ran rife after the unexpected improvement of Summers, once the worst beater to descend upon Hogwarts. Summers' performance has improved in leaps and bounds, and none of them are looking natural to us.
With all that estrogen in the air, we have to wonder if pining for one of her (female) teammates is what’s got Maresol De Costa’s knickers in a twist. It has not escaped notice that De Costa, usually outspoken (the understatement of the century), has been giving her boyfriend, Riley Bexton, the silent treatment. While we would usually point to Bexton’s lackluster performance in the tournament and speculate about its parallel to his performance elsewhere, Bexton has been behaving himself lately, so we can only the rough-around-the-edges Chaser’s wandering eye has wandered away from her devoted admirer.
Speaking of wandering, all of our bubbles have been recently burst. We were encouraged about our chances with our own fantasy celebrity crushes when Salem’s Ryu Taylor, part-time model and bonafide celebrity child, found romance at Hogwarts with “normal girl” Audrey Hooper. However, it seems fairytales have a shelf life: Taylor has been spotted over break not in the arms of his Rubenesque love, but instead partying it up with the gilded stars of the music industry. He seemed rather cosy with singers Starfire and Black Cat, even disappearing for about two hours with Black Cat in the middle of a party one night. We wondered about that mysterious yowl!