Game: [SPENT] Who: Ian and Surrender When: Uuuuh, like... last weekend. 12/6 or something Where: Ian's place ----> Lincoln Center ----> Rockefeller Plaza
The mug of tea was burning her chilled fingers slightly in that pleasant sort of way that made her skin prickle. It had been cold out all day and the hot tea had been something she'd been looking forward to since Ian had mentioned it earlier that afternoon. They'd returned to his flat only a half hour before to drop off their shopping and relax a bit before she presumably would go home. It had been a long day of running around half-shopping, half-terrorizing the city, a great time but tiring in its way. The streets had been crowded and Suri's game of seeing how many people she could death glare into inching across the room while they stood in lines only was amusing to them for so long. Generally after such an ordeal Suri would have booked it home to Jin to talk about her day. Generally she would be tired and need time in the company of her thoughts after such a long time with someone she barely knew.
Surrender glanced up at the window. It had gotten dark. She knew she should want to leave and figure things out, but she found that... she didn't. Ian was a relaxing person to be around. His gentle nature, and bright attitude put her at ease and she found him to be a soothing person to be around, something that she'd only found at Spent in one other person. Of course there had been brief moments of awkwardness between the two of them given how Surrender treated social situations and the fact that she was trying so desperately to suppress the desire to get in his pants, as well as the fact that she was technically his superior and he seemed to find that daunting. The moments had been short-lived, however. He was very good at diverting their attention to other things, even if it was at the expense of his pride at the time. Suri liked that. She imagined they'd both get over their small issues with being friends in time. She had been careful to inform him that she was a very private person and would prefer that he didn't talk about things she told him to others, something that she'd not made clear enough to Syd, apparently. He seemed very solidly inclined to respect her wishes. She also liked that.
Suri's eyes drifted from the window back to Ian. She paused silently for a moment then cast him a small smile. She should go home, but.... "Would you like to go on a christmas tree tour?" she asked him very abruptly. Suri blinked, looking vaguely startled with herself. "Ah.... I mean.. " another awkward pause. That hadn't really been particularly clear. God, she needed to think about what came out of her mouth sometimes. "I mean of the New York trees. The six big--" Suri cut herself off and looked at her watch. "Five, I guess. I don't think we can make the museum. Five biggest trees. In the city.. Would you like to go see them tonight? With me." she finished awkwardly. "It's alright if you can't," she added. He had finals, studying, and two jobs. He hardly needed to waste a FULL 24 hours doing bullshit around the city with her.
Ian had been lost in his thoughts most of the day. It wasn't completely unlike him, but at the same time, he was finding it harder than normal to be himself. Surrender Hamilton — arguably one of the most intimidating women he had ever met. Sure, he had hit on plenty of older women, often using his Korean heritage to his advantage ("Noona, you look so pretty, would you like to dance with me?"). But the thing that most women didn't realize about Ian Chase is that while he loved to make sure that women felt appreciated, he never enjoyed leading them on. He had known plenty of men who did and his momma didn't raise him like that. Plus, he was so terrified of his mother and she likely had hidden cameras, spies, and God only knew what else to keep tabs on her precious baby boy.
Pushing all thoughts of his insane mother out of his head, Ian took a quick swig of his tea and looked over at Surrender. If someone had asked Ian last week that he would have spent the entire day with her shopping and terrorizing New York City, Ian would've thought that person was nuts and disregarded it completely. However, he had had a great time and was relieved that Surrender felt the same — or so he hoped. He realized that it would probably be a good idea to stop staring and quickly returned his gaze back to the book on his lap. He was relieved that she had stayed, regardless of him reading through some of his Anthropology chapters.
He was really enjoying himself and so much that he really wasn't able to focus on much else, except for the fact that she would probably be going home soon and that was probably for the best. Had they really spent the entire day together? His thoughts stopped for a brief moment when he heard her talking, but he was just caught up in his own moment that it was taking a bit longer than normal to register the actual words. Her accent was so different, so unique and Ian couldn't help but be attracted to it, but—
He really had to focus on what she was saying. God, she was beautiful, he thought as he read the same line on the page for the tenth time.
"Huh," he asked her, meeting her gaze and closing the book. It took him a few beats before he realized what she had asked. What. Just. What. She wanted to do what? He had always wanted to do the tour, but it was difficult finding someone who wanted to go with him. Most of his friends were natives to the city, Jews, or just hated Christmas. Ian was the odd man out most of the time, sadly.
Ian's eyes widened at her request, before breaking into a huge grin and sat his mug on the coffee table. "Ya sure ya want to spend more time with me, Suri," he asked, sheepishly running a hand through his hair.
Ian was staring. After she'd asked he was just quiet, looking a little blank and confused for a moment. Maybe that hadn't been the best thing to ask. Maybe he was starting to think that she was thinking about more than just hanging out with him? He would have been right, of course, but that was a minor detail. Not that she had any intention of acting upon those thoughts. The last thing she needed was the reputation that not only had she banged the cute girl that attracted all the drama, but now she was banging a young and impressionable intern. The lesbian cougar. Yes, that's exactly what she wanted. No, no, Suri liked her dignity just how it was. She didn't need to start gaining a reputation as the next Devon. Getting with nice people and breaking hearts. Nice people. Yes, Ian was definitely one of those, and he didn't deserve what she would doubtless end up doing to him.
Even thought his reaction to her suggestion made her pause in a bit of a concerned manner, when his face broke out into that ridiculous grin she found that her apprehension disappeared for at least a moment. Suri's own face broke into a smile and she laughed softly for no apparent reason before leaning back and curling around her warm mug. "It's alright if you wouldn't like to. I shouldn't keep you from your studying in any case. I keep saying that I remember being an intern and yet I monopolize you as if I don't remember how hard it was to juggle school at the same time," she said in a manner that was somewhere between mildly amused and very mildly sheepish.
Ian didn't care about school, he didn't care about grades, he didn't care about anything except keeping that smile on Surrender's face. For some reason, the idea of doing that seemed incredibly hard to fulfill, and Ian could feel the expression fade from genuine happiness to something else. Mildly concerned, Ian covered his face with his hands and laughed breathlessly. This was ridiculous. A silly crush, Ian reminded himself. Dropping his hands, the grin had returned. Why pass up such a great opportunity? He'd have to be an idiot if he did. Helpless. No, he was hopeless.
Not that he really minded. He was in good company.
"Nah, don't worry about it," Ian said, letting the book fall to the ground with a dull thump. He hesitated for a moment before standing. The cold wood below his bare feet reminded him that he should probably put on thick socks. God, he hated socks. There was that pair he bought— NO! Those were for Gabriel and he couldn't do that. It was funny how a silly phone and AIM conversation could get such a ridiculous gift for his cousin, but it's what he wanted. Or something.
"I've always wanted—," Ian stopped himself and shook his head, laughing. "To do that. I've always wanted to do that. Ya gonna be warm enough?"
Ian's enthusiasm was charming, Suri decided. When he smiled he made it worth it, and many people didn't. Interesting. Her mind was diverted a little as he covered his face with his hands. Suri's smile faded a little into a more perplexed expression and she turned her head inquisitively, though she didn't speak up and ask why he was acting as though he was embarrassed all of a sudden. He had to be getting tired of her only conversational ability being the ability to pry into his life by asking a thousand questions. She may have been a little concerned, but when was Suri not concerned about people she was fond of? Her concern faded away for the most part when he dropped his hands and had a grin still painted across his face. Maybe he'd just had a funny thought. She was curious but she wouldn't ask. While Surrender did ask a lot of questions, she also understood the need for privacy.
When Ian rose Suri just watched him for with a small, intrigued smile for a moment before he asked her if she was going to be warm enough. It was thirty degrees outside. In her opinion she was never warm enough unless the weather was 70 degrees or higher. Surrender laughed and set her mug aside, uncurling her legs and pushing herself off of the couch. "The only way I'll be warm enough is if I set myself on fire, Ian," she said with calm amusement in her voice. "I'll call a cab."
~~~~~~~~~
Suri wrapped her arms around herself and silently thanked herself for bringing gloves to Ian's apartment the evening before or she would have kicked own ass. Actually, the truth was, that she wouldn't have had to, because the 30 degree New York air would have done so for her. People in the past, namely Jin, had told her that she was a huge wuss for her inability to handle cold weather with any efficiency, but she was from Hawaii! She had an excuse. Of course Jin was also from Hawaii, but he had the benefit of having a Korean mother whose clever scheme for toughening her child throughout his life had been a great success. The tree in Lincoln center rose up behind them and Suri glanced over her shoulder at it one more time before turning back to walk toward the street. New York was cold, which she hated, but the city knew how to celebrate Christmas, which she loved. They'd seen three tree thus far, as they'd missed both museums they'd been aiming for being open, and were going to hail a cab bound for Rockefeller plaza, saving the best for last. They, of course, saw the tree every day at work, lit up even, but there was a difference between seeing it when they were going to or leaving work and just going late at night to see it lit up and enjoy the holiday feeling and the christmassy vibes coming off of everything around it. It was a magnificent tree, the best Suri'd ever seen at least, and they'd wanted to save the best for last. Besides, Rockefeller Plaza in general was really gorgeous this time of year, the tree was just the cherry on top.
Ian was already attempting to hail a cab. Suri had just lingered for a second. She loved Christmas. She'd always really loved Christmas. It seemed cliche to say that it was her favorite holiday, but so many good things had come to her at christmas time in her life, and with ever day that passed Christmas and going home to the Islands drew closer. She'd just wanted to pause for a moment and soak in the tree. Ian was a gentleman and had offered to hail a cab, but seemed that no taxis were feeling particularly empty. As Surrender walked up to Ian a cab with its light on pulled around the corner and she raised stepped out aggressively for it. She sometimes forgot that she wasn't in Paris anymore, but she figured it was useful in getting New York cabs as well. People had always told her that people were very touchy about their taxis in that city, but she hadn't had too much of a problem yet. Suri did, however, as a rule, have very good timing in those matters.
Suri looked at Ian and smiled at him. It had been all timing and she knew it but she shrugged her shoulders. "You just have to show a little leg, Ian. You're Korean, remember?" Suri nudged him in an amused manner before getting into the vehicle and leaning forward to politely tell the driver where she'd like to go. With that feat accomplished she flopped back against the seat and turned to look at Ian. She was happy. It didn't happen that often but Christmas could bring it out in even the most surly of girls. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and tingled with the feeling of the cab's heat against her skin. She grinned for no reason before turning to look forward, humming a song that Jin had been playing at the top of her car speakers' capacity the night before. It had been stuck in her head since. "Eobduweojin bamhaneuleul ddeonaji.." she mumbled almost inaudibly over the car's engine before scooting up to sit more upright in the seat.
Everything about this night was breathtaking so far. Of course, they had missed out on some of the trees, but that was just opportunity knocking with a once in a lifetime chance to go and do something similar again. Goddamnit, he thought, not letting his frustration show on his face. How hard was it to get a fucking cab in this damn city? Oh he knew, he knew. When he caught Surrender successfully hailing the cab in the corner of his eye, Ian let out an embarrassed laugh. "M'not in the right clothes for that, Suri," he said to her with a little wink. He laughed harder then, his right eye scruntching up as he tried to catch his breath.
She was always so fast. He would have rushed to open the door for her, but she was too quick. He had gotten most of the others, but he felt like a bit of a failure not being successful this one time. He settled in to the backseat of the cab, slouching down to make sure wouldn't do anything stupid and whack his head somehow. He was going to say something completely ridiculous about the lack of good winter weather but before he was able to say anything she—
Love in the Ice. She was humming Love in the Ice. He couldn't help but turn his head slowly in her direction, but no matter what he was wanting to say, he just... couldn't. He made sure that his jaw wasn't dropped open and quickly snapped his head to look out the window. He idly wondered if it was going to snow. He was a good Catholic and when he did his prayers before falling asleep on the couch, he did everything but beg the powers that be for it to snow.
"...anheun pyeorcheoreom," he responded back. He kept his voice low, he knew that he wasn't the world's worst singer, but he certainly wasn't the best. He couldn't remember if he had said anything embarrassing on the night of his birthday, but anything was likely. For all he knew, he could have broke out into the English version of Hug. God, he prayed silently that he hadn't. The cab driver probably thought they were in a cult and speaking some sort of made up language.
Or Chinese, that happened a lot too.
It wasn't until Ian responded to what she'd mumbled that Suri even really realized that she was doing it. Surrender Hamilton was not a good singer. She was passable in the shower only because she'd played instruments most of her life and had an ear for it tone, but she wisely left karaoke night to everyone... anyone else. She turned her head, looking a little surprised for a second then grinned at him, slightly embarrassed but not enough to feel awkward about it. Yeong-weon-eui dda-seu-ham-eui-ro gam-ssa an-eul-geo ya, she thought the last line of the song to herself, but didn't voice it.
"I didn't know you liked DBSK in general," she said with a sly glance at Ian, but didn't elaborate on it. She didn't want to embarrass him, and he had said that his favorite Christmas song was Magic Castle. She could have assumed.
Ian was probably right about the cab driver assuming they were speaking in Chinese. It was funny how often it was that when someone saw anyone Asian speaking an Asian language it immediately registered as Chinese to the people who didn't know. Then again, she didn't look in the least bit Asian. In fact, she barely even looked half Hawaiian other than her hair and skin color. It didn't really compute for a white girl to be speaking "Chinese" did it? She wondered what people thought sometimes.
The feeling of the cab slowing to allow them out startled Surrender. She didn't know the city particularly well yet but she could have sworn that Lincoln Center was farther from... Her eyes settled on the meter. No wonder the driver had been annoyed. They really could have just walked. Shit. She only had a 20 also. Ah, well, why not. She was in a good mood, and there really wasn't anything to be done about it since she hadn't mentioned a card payment in advance. Suri held the 20 to the cab driver and smiled at him with a brief "Thank you. Happy Holidays." before getting out of the vehicle. She'd been taught to be polite to most people, particularly cab drivers and waiters. They had a good deal of control over your health during your short acquaintance. Surrender had never forgotten this lesson.
After emerging from the cab Suri stood on the sidewalk waiting for Ian to join her. The trees all around were lit up, the fountain, everything. It was like a billion stars had decided to fall down on Rockefeller Plaza for the Christmas season. Or Edward Cullen had exploded. Suri smiled very softly to herself. She was good at ruining it for herself. Of course, in the middle of all of it was the enormous tree rising up above everything. She was glad they'd saved it for last. Even though it was just outside of their office, which was odd.
Suri's eyes drifted to the skating rink. She wondered ... she wondered what it was like to ice skate beneath that tree.. or at all, really. She never had, though she'd always sort of wanted to. She figured she would be too busy looking at the lights to stay upright.
Ian could feel the embarrassment clear across his face. "I—," he started, offering a small shrug. "Not somethin' I like to tell everyone. Ain't too embarrassin', I guess." He could have had a far more embarrassing realization, if he did listen to anything other than them. He was lucky to like normal dude music that was released stateside and if he ever was asked about BoA, she was at least hot enough that was more than enough of a good excuse.
Climbing out of the cab, Ian offered another voiced thank you. The cab driver seemed to be in great spirits after Surrender paid him and flashed Ian a knowing grin. "Take it easy, man," Ian said as he shut the door to the cab. Moving toward Surrender, he offered his arm for her to take. "Best for last. Let's go!"
After he took her by the arm, he did all but drag her closer to get a better view. It was... awesome. There was something about going to see it for leisure that made the whole atmosphere change. Good company, good sights, good everything and all he needed was one more thing. And, by some twist of amazing fate, he saw the first few small flakes fall from the sky. He looked up and nudged Surrender, even though she probably already noticed.
It was snowing.
Hell yes.
Ian shifted his arm that was locked with hers, moving it down so he could take her hand in his. Squeezing it gently, Ian shifted his gaze to the tree. "Beautiful," he said quietly. It couldn't get better than this and before he could really stop himself, he started to hum softly. "Meed eul su eeht na yoh, na eh kkoom sok eh suh~." The start to Magic Castle. It had felt like no time had passed, yet was going by so quickly as he continued to sing, he couldn't stop himself from looking back to Surrender, the goofy grin now replaced with a smile that looked like pure adoration.
As Ian came up next to her Suri couldn't help but grin. It was funny when Ian was a gentleman.. well not funny, but cute, she supposed. Glancing at his arm apprehensively for a moment she reached her hand up and linked her arm with his. Hell, why not? Though when she'd taken Ian's arm the last thing she'd expected was for him to bolt for the tree. A surprised laugh burst from her and she scrambled after him, not that she'd had a lot of choice in the matter. That should have annoyed her. Surrender should have been annoyed, and while she tried to take a moment to ponder the fact that she wasn't her train of thought was interrupted by their forward motion being stopped. Rather than continue her thoughts Suri's eyes drifted upward and she gazed quietly at the tree.
Reason told her that it was ridiculous to find it so beautiful, that it was just thousands of little electric lights, and there was nothing extraordinary about that. Reason wasn't her favorite thing to listen to at times like this, though, and the same part of her that tried every year to convince her that she still believed Santa existed told her that it was magic. Suri smiled and curled her arm around Ian's more securely as she took in the sight in silence. Suri had never been much of a talker even in casual situations, and in her opinion talking really had potential to ruin things like this so she just stood with her friend letting herself be effected by the the tree before her.
The silence between them melted into some sort of a trance as she got lost in her own thoughts and feelings until they were interrupted by the icy jolt of something small and cold hitting her face. What the hell? Suri wrinkled her nose in response to the odd sensation and looked to her left. No. There was no way, but her doubt was interrupted by Ian nudging her. Suri's face turned skyward to where more flakes of snow were beginning to flutter down, their numbers increasing by the moment. What? No, something had to be kidding her. Things never turned out so perfectly. So distracted by the snow Suri was that she barely noticed Ian's change in hand position for a moment... but only a moment. Surrender looked down at their hands, feeling briefly disgruntled. He was holding her hand. Ian had taken her hand and was holding it. She didn't know how she felt about that. Surrender Hamilton did not hold hands, and she certainly didn't hold hand with someone she'd only just met... why wasn't she angrier that he was presuming to..... "Beautiful". Suri paused in her thoughts then looked up at Ian who was gazing at the tree through the falling snow. She smiled just a little and wrapped her fingers around his before turning back to the tree. Maybe it was alright this once.
The sound of Ian singing Magic Castle quietly caused Suri to glance at him out of the corner of her eye, but her eyes were drawn back to the tree through the duration of his quiet humming. The snow was thickening. When it was snowing Suri couldn't even care that it was cold. Something brought her out of her mind-numbed state of contentment to alert her that she felt eyes on her, and she turned to glance at Ian again, seeing that he was looking at her with an expression on his face that made her feel.. oddly. Something similar to being a little flustered. As always Ian's smile was contagious and she smiled back at him. Snowflakes were falling between them and resting on his hair and skin. Suri, suddenly inspired to move, pulled the glove from her free hand with her arm then turned raised it toward Ian with the intention of wiping a bit of water from his face where a flake of snow had melted, but stopped her hand halfway through the action. Before she could consider what she was doing and far before she could stop herself or realize what in the hell had possibly possessed her, something gripped her from the inside and Surrender leaned up to press her lips against Ian's. She shouldn't have. What was she doing? She was squeezing his fingers gently in hers is what. She was resting the pads of her fingers against his cheek while she kissed him, and she was forgetting to realize that she had insisted to herself she wouldn't do this. She was forgetting the crowds that were still wandering around them, all of the people who could see, the cold that should have been stinging her bare skin, and she was most certainly forgetting that she was kissing a much younger intern outside of their place of employment. All mattered was the snow, the lights, the tree, the feelings they inspired, the feeling of her heart slowly gaining speed in her chest, and the young man she was beginning to lean her body against.
Surrender was kissing him. Surrender Hamilton was kissing him. Surrender Hamilton, who was pretty much his boss, was kissing him and Ian did the only thing he could do and kissed back. His free hand wrapped around her waist and he rested his hand on the small of her back. He shouldn't be doing this. He really shouldn't be doing this. With his luck, someone was going to see and it would get all over the office and that would create drama that he really didn't need. He was expecting his mother to phone him in a few minutes asking what he was doing with that woman. Why he was out so late in the bad weather. Why he was putting the moves on his boss.
Ian wouldn't have minded, after all...
He really liked her. And he really liked this. It couldn't get much perfect, except now there were a group of overly drunken carolers, thinking it would be a great idea to pass by while belting out a horrific rendition of "White Christmas." Ian couldn't help but laugh, finally breaking the kiss as he rested his forehead against hers. Everything he was worried about before was out the window. They were friends before coworkers, right? Or, well, her being his superior and he being her coffee boy. He didn't care, he really didn't.
Snow was falling. They had music. There was the beautiful tree. It wasn't as if they were going to be married or anything like that. Just a kiss— An amazing one at that— Oh god. He started to mildly panic again and felt like he should just book it back to his apartment. He should just say 'peace out,' wish her a good night and run off into the night, hopefully being successful in catching a cab.
"I—," he said, relinquishing his grasp on her and sliding his arm out from hers. Taking a step back, he shook some of the snow from his hair. He gestured behind him, "I can... go... if... you want me to..." He looked around to see if anyone had noticed, but this was New York. The only way people would've noticed is if they were dressed up like Santa's elves or something from World of Warcraft.
It wasn't until the drunken carolers broke the perfection of the moment with their squawking that Suri was able to realize exactly what she'd just done. When Ian broke the kiss and laughed Suri was frozen, unable to pull back, unable to lean against him, unable to do anything. Shit. SHIT! Shit. What was she? A little hormone driven teenie with no sense of decency at all? The fact that she hadn't really had that sort of reaction to things like this when she actually was a teenie was beside the point. Did she have no self control? Not really. Oh, god. Oh, god. She would have wanted to enjoy the moment, the afterglow, had she had the presence of mind to do anything but curse herself viciously internally. She wanted to call Jin right then and there and wail about what a retard she was. He wouldn't be any help, though, would he? He'd be supportive, of course, he was Jin, but in the back corners of his mind she knew very well that he'd be delighted. She wasn't sure what exactly it was about Ian that made Jin want her to get with him so badly, but every time she mentioned him he lit up and would tease her about going on a date with him in that way that she knew that he actually wanted it to be true. Suri had known Jin literally all of her life. She knew him better than she knew anyone and he knew her better than anyone else. Maybe it was because they were getting older and he wanted her to experience love. He was such a romantic and she such a cynic. She thought that it bothered him sometimes. That wasn't exactly relevant in that moment, though, and far from what Suri's mind was dwelling on. She was still having trouble getting past 'oh shit' in her mind.
It wasn't until Ian stiffened and began to try to speak that Suri's brain really went into over-drive. It was amazing. For a girl that had no fear reflex toward physical harm she could be so terrified when it came to an emotional situation she'd put herself into. Her heart thundered in her chest. Go? HIM go? Was he kidding? No, he wasn't kidding. That was probably his polite way of saying 'Wow, you are my superior and that was extremely inappropriate. I'm uncomfortable now and wouldn't like to spend any further time with you. Thanks for screwing up a fun night.' Yeah. She didn't blame him, actually. She was thinking something similar in her general direction at the moment. DAMN her. She had so much trouble making friends. It wasn't a wonder that she couldn't keep them when she did this sort of bullshit. Suri's face fell and she was silent as she waited for her mind to settle enough for her to speak. She folded her hands in front of her, still forgetting about her glove that was still held between her body and her arm. She was too distracted to notice that her fingers were starting to get very cold.
"No. Ian--" She stuttered for a moment then made a small face. "Shit.." She'd tried to speak too soon. She needed to concentrate on what she wanted to say. She shook her head, looking disappointed and sheepish. "I'm sorry, Ian. I should never have.. I shouldn't have done that," she said. Her gaze rested on him steadily and she looked calm enough. "I didn't--hmm," she finished and closed her lips, glancing down at her hands, finally noticing that her glove was still missing. She was going to say that she didn't really mean to do it, but she had, hadn't she? She wouldn't lie to him. Suri flexed her bare fingers, still staring at her hand. She really wasn't used to feeling so uncomfortable looking at someone, but it was just easier to look at her hand just then. Was there any way to salvage the situation? Would things be awkward between them from then on? Would he even want to keep a non-professional relationship with her when he undoubtedly knew where her thoughts would repeatedly drift or that she could possibly try it again one day? Surrender knew herself. It seemed like she was being a little dramatic and like it hadn't been that big of a deal, but really it had been. If it hadn't been him it wouldn't have been as big of a deal, but it was. She looked dejected and sighed a little, watching her breath fog then disappear before she looked up at him. "I apologize. Really," she offered him a weak smile. Whenever Ian dropped in with coffee when she really didn't need any she would hide the cup so he would feel like she had. She was going to miss that.
It was his fault.
It was his fault, and Ian knew it. He had done this before. The charismatic gestures, the songs under his breath, the hand holding. If he had just been less himself this wouldn't be happening. Shit. He was going to have to make some serious phone calls when he got home, secretly praying that his friend Angelo hadn't lost his phone again. Ian looked back to Surrender, fully prepared to come up with something else to say (something to stall; he really didn't want to go) when he noticed—
Oh shit.
The smile. It was gone. He had tried so hard the entire night to make sure that smile stayed on her face and he failed. What kind of a man was he? His mother would be so disappointed and this time for good reason.
"I didn't mean to make you stop smiling," he blurted out, eyes darting to look at anything but her. "Ya— You don't need to apologize, Suri." His voice felt thick and he couldn't tell if he was going to start crying or throw up or something. He could, however, feel his face go pale, regardless of the cold air making his cheeks a slight shade of pink. Absentmindedly, he took off his glasses and used the bottom of his shirt to clean them.
I really like you, he wanted to say. I think you're awesome, he wouldn't mind saying to her. But he stayed silent, shuffling his feet. This was ridiculous, he felt like some high schooler hitting on his teacher. What was wrong with him? A large part of him was cheering him on, to go back to her like in some crazy drama he had watched per Gabe's suggestion, and go to kiss her himself.
He realized then that it was Surrender who had kissed him. It had been Surrender who had kissed him. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT.
Should he throw caution to the wind? He didn't know. He wished that he had a coin or a magic-8 ball or something to help guide him.
Fuck this, he thought. Moving back to her and cupping the side of her face in his hand. "I think," he paused, his face dangerously close to hers again. "You're awesome, Suri," he finished softly and moved to kiss her again. Let them talk. Or see.
It was odd how Surrender's disgruntlement faded as Ian's grew. The more uncomfortable he appeared to get the more comfortable she did. Things worked like that a lot with Surrender. If people were intimidated by her she felt more comfortable in social situations with them, if people were sad she felt more inclined to be strong, et cetera. It was troublesome sometimes but in situations like the one before her she appreciated it. If Ian was upset it would be much easier to calm him if she was calm herself. His reaction was a little confusing to her, though. At first he'd seemed very upset, like she'd done something very wrong, and now... now she wasn't sure what was happening. He looked more worried than anything. What was going through his head?
By the time Ian spoke again Surrender's mind had settled and her heart returned to a normal pace. She was calm and prepared to deal with what had just happened. She didn't necessarily have to lose Ian as a friend, they just needed to talk the situation over. When he spoke he caught her off-guard, however. Smiling? He hadn't really made her stop smiling. He'd been making her smile all night. If anything had caused her to stop smiling it had been her impulsiveness. She didn't understand why he seemed so concerned about it in the first place. Suri's expression shifted to one that was completely perplexed. Though she looked like she wanted to ask him a question she remained silent, waiting to see what it was that Ian did. It was obvious by the subtle changes in his facial expression that he was still working through his thoughts and it would just be counterproductive to interrupt them. She chose, as usual, to be silent until Ian appeared prepared for it.
Cleaning his glasses must have been a nervous habit of Ian's, Suri noticed, because if there was any time that was inappropriate for him to discover a distracting speck on his glasses it was this one. Shuffling his feet? She wondered again what the hell was going through his head and got very close to asking but bit her tongue. Where had impulsiveness gotten her only moments before? Yeah, best to keep her mouth shut. But then he was coming toward her again looking both determined and terrified at the same time. What was he doing? Waiiiiit, what was he doing? Suri's eyebrows dropped a little in confusion as he came close to her then shot up again as he put his hand against her cheek. What was he doing? Oooooh, no this wasn't alright. This wasn't alright. Once was alright. Once could be put out of their minds as an action of impulse and impulse only. Things could go on normally if they just forgot it, but if he did what he appeared to be doing there was no backing out and things would become complicated. Suri should have turned. She should have pulled back. She should have said or done something to stop him for both of their sakes. NO, Surrender. No. It wasn't acceptable. Suri tilted her face up toward Ian as he moved toward her. No, she was going to turn now. Just kidding. She meant it this time, she thought as she leaned into him and pressed her lips against his again. Damn. That worked well.
The glove dropped from where Suri had still been holding it between her body and arm and she stepped into Ian, pressing her body against him. Much more confident in what she was doing now that it was quite clear that Ian didn't want to run for the hills, Suri wrapped her gloved right hand around Ian's back and let the other rest against his side. It was oddly nice feeling the skin of her cheeks and nose being nipped at brutally by the cold but sharing Ian's warmth. It had been a long time since she'd done anything similar to this, this sort of innocent public display. It tended to give girls the wrong idea about what she was looking for, but at the moment she didn't care that much.. though she probably should have cared more. After a bit of time Suri was unable to ignore the fact that her left hand was turning slowly into something that could sink the Titanic. Finally unable to hold it in the cold any longer and realizing that to stand there kissing for much longer would be considered pretty inappropriate by the people walking the streets Suri pulled away from the kiss and plunged her hand into Ian's coat pocket in the same motion. Making a low 'brr' sound in her throat and shrinking against him for shared heat. What had happened to her other glove again? Something... she'd put it... but then she'd kissed Ian... and then it had.. and then he'd kissed her. She'd had other priorities than paying attention to her glove. Ian's pocket worked well enough for the moment until she could at least feel her hand again.
Still leaning against Ian Suri glanced up and smiled at him a little hesitantly. "That probably wasn't the best idea, Ian," she said quietly. It was true. It wasn't. They'd started something just then that would have to be addressed. She was quiet for a short moment after speaking, just leaning into him and keeping her hand firmly in his pocket, despite the strange angle at which she was forced to hold her hand to accomplish it. Of course until she realized that what she'd said could have been construed as her wishing he hadn't kissed her again, which was completely inaccurate. In order to make it clear how inaccurate it was she leaned up and kissed him briefly again before leaning back just enough to look up at him for a little input.
God, what had he done? She was kissing back, that was good, right? It was hard for him to quiet the victory theme in his head and to make sure that he didn't break out into a little dance. Maybe it was because he was a good kisser. Or maybe it was because he was warm. That sounded like a better excuse, or so he was trying to convince himself.
When Surrender broke the kiss, Ian felt a little shocked, biting down on his lower lip as he thought. But when he realized that she had shoved her hand inside his pocket, he felt relieved. Exhaling an inaudible laugh, Ian's arms wrapped themselves around Surrender, moving up and down to generate more heat. While he hated the cold, most of the time, he was slowly becoming used to it, but he certainly didn't mind the fact that Surrender would likely never adjust.
Shit. That shouldn't have crossed his mind like that. Fuck, she was talking. Focus, he told himself. Focus.
...it wasn't the best idea. Of course, Ian immediately assumed his actions from just moments ago, but she had stayed close to him (well, it was cold) and she kissed him again (well, he couldn't come up with an excuse for that one). His typical thoughtful look crossed his face as he looked down at her, barely not meeting her gaze. He wasn't sure what to make of that. Had she meant his leaving? The last few moments in general? She was looking at him for some sort of response and he was trying, but it wasn't working how he wanted it to.
Idly still running one of his hands up and down her back, Ian smiled faintly. He wasn't sure what to say to that. "I'm... sorry?" It wasn't necessarily the best of responses, but hopefully it was enough for Surrender to actually tell him what was on her mind. He just couldn't get it. He was completely clueless.
Suri's first instinct when Ian wrapped his arms around her was to pull away and give him a strange look. Holding hands, allowing someone to hold her for the sake of it? Surrender didn't do those sorts of things. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy them so much as it has become instinct to avoid them. Certainly Surrender had dated in the past. She'd been with people with whom she was supposed to connect with emotionally as well as physically, and she had to some degree. It was never pleasant breaking up with someone she'd grown to care about, but she'd just never been able to truly feel at ease with those people, never felt that she wouldn't be able to live without them. It was just easier for her to avoid that sort of intimacy in the future. The part of her life in which she sought to find someone to spend forever with had passed, and while Jin always said she only needed to find the right person she could only smile. He was such a romantic. No, Suri had resigned herself quite cheerfully to the thought that her connections with people would be brief. She had never really believed in marriage to begin with, so it wasn't a difficult sentiment to let go of, but it was much easier to keep it out of her life if she didn't do... well... what it was that she and Ian were standing in the middle of Rockefeller Plaza doing at that very moment. Well, damn.
Still, it was nice, and even a bitter old hag like Surrender was able to admit that. As previously stated, avoiding it didn't mean she didn't like it, just that it was easier to do without it, but damn her if Ian hadn't crept right up on her when she was least expecting it and sprung all of that sweet, innocent affection on her. Regardless of any of her feelings on the subject it was warmer to just press herself up against Ian and just let him rub her back. That was a good excuse in any case. It wasn't an excuse that she supposed would fly if someone from work happened by, but she doubted that she would even be recognized. Cold, soulless Surrender cuddling? Their minds probably wouldn't even register it. She liked it that way.
Waiting for Ian to respond to her statement was actually somewhat amusing. The look of concentration that crossed Ian's face.. it was almost like she'd just asked him something related to advanced trigonometry rather than just making a comment. Still she remained quiet as she waited for him to work through his thoughts until he finally just apologized uncertainly. Surrender laughed softly and shook her head to make it clear that she didn't think he had anything to apologize about. She just looked at him for a moment as if trying to figure out exactly how to begin, how to phrase what it was that she wanted to say. Things would be different now, it was something they would desperately need to discuss.
Suri pursed her lips before saying "We've just changed things," but paused afterward to look at Ian then glanced at the tree, then back at Ian who had snow stuck to his hair and eyelashes. Suri couldn't help but smile at the sight. Everything looked so idillic.. if Surrender believed in fate with this sort of thing. She really should continue, tell him that she was rubbish with relationships and that they should likely put what had just happened out of their minds or.. or something, but... her eyes drifted back to the tree, glittering there between the snowflakes as they drifted slowly toward the ground. "We can.." Suri looked back at Ian from the tree and smiled a little hesitantly. We shouldn't have done this. We probably shouldn't do it again. I don't really do relationships, Ian, and I don't want to hurt you. She should have said those things. When she opened her mouth to speak again those were the sorts of things that should have come out. Logic told her she shouldn't do what she was about to, but that night had been completely devoid of logic. Why start now. "We can talk about it later if you'd like," she finished. They were already doing what it was they shouldn't be. She didn't see any reason to cut it short. Well, she did see the reasons, but none of them seemed compelling enough to actually stop, though at that point it was doubtful that even the most urgent of reasons would have seemed compelling enough to stop just then.
Changed things. Yeah, that was totally true and Ian knew it. But changed how? Couldn't they just... live like this? That would be nice. Maybe a little bit warmer, but he was happy like this.
"Later's good, if ya want," he said as he exhaled a slow breath. Ian's voice fell quiet and he hugged her tightly. As much as he didn't want this moment to end, there was that nagging voice in the back of his mind that sounded eerily like his mother's. Ian should have known better. He should have known and left when he first had the chance. This wasn't something either of them should be doing. Word got around the office like wildfire no matter what the topic, even the boring things, the things that didn't matter. The last thing he wanted was for Surrender to get in trouble. He hadn't even thought about the fact concerning his internship, or the fact that it would likely be his "job" on the line.
Why was he freaking out? It was just a kiss, right? Sure, just a kiss. Yeah, okay. And his best friend was the Queen of England.
Ian had felt really proud for having his resolve last this long, typically if he found a woman to be attractive, he would let them know right away. Well, he had done that, but this was different. He couldn't peg why. He was just crushing hard on this amazing woman at his internship.
He'd really have to call someone to knock some sense into him. He had never really had any successes when it came to love or relationships. He somehow always had some huge mistake that caused epic fail on his part. Not that anyone outside of his cousin and Angelo knew that. Sure, Ian was charming. Sure, Ian was a great guy, but it wasn't until he had been hurt that he decided that he wouldn't allow himself to be in a position where he could get hurt. It wasn't anything that he felt that he had done consciously. Partially, because he had always been a nice guy, but mostly because of his insane mother. Regardless, he didn't allow anyone in, as much as everyone thought that he was their best friend. It was one of the few things that Ian wished he hadn't created into a habit.
He knew that Surrender could hurt him and it was for the first time in several years that Ian didn't care.
It took everything he had to finally let her go and take a step back. His eyes looked to the ground and he leaned down to pick up the glove. Smiling faintly, he put it into her hand and curled his fingers around hers.
Later. Yes, later was good. Suri agreed but felt no need to express it vocally or even acknowledge what he'd said. Rather than speak she leaned forward again and set her cheek against his chest relaxing finally and allowing herself to just close her eyes and succumb to the moment. A dangerous thing for her usually, but in public she supposed it was safe enough. Being so engulfed in someone else's arms was an unusual feeling for Surrender. She was so rarely physical with anyone in this manner and the rare times that she was were usually shared with another woman. It was unusual for Surrender, who was not a short woman, to be the smallest in an embrace. Had she thought about it in a different situation she would have predicted that it would have made her more uncomfortable than it was. She was, in fact, finding it comforting. It was odd how one could be ignorant to how vulnerable they really felt on a day to day basis until they felt safe for a moment. Odd indeed.
Suri opened her eyes as the seconds passed watching the snow fall around them, distorting the lights as the flakes drifted in front of them and blinking against them as they clung to her eyelashes. In the middle of a city full of chaos and noise they'd found a peaceful moment. Not even the sounds of the street penetrated the calm that she and Ian had created around themselves. Even the fight she'd internally begun with herself had been silenced as Ian's arms had tightened around her. Out of what appeared to be instinct Surrender slipped her hand out of Ian's pocket in order to curl both arms around him with the same sort of urgency that he'd embraced her. The fingers of her bare hand buried themselves into his jacket. From the outside their embrace would have almost seemed something like a farewell embrace, and maybe in a way it was. It was pretty clear to both of them that this sort of behavior wasn't acceptable between two people in their positions. That wasn't something Surrender wanted to think about just then, though. There was no use ruining it.
It wasn't clear how much time had passed between the two of them before Ian released Surrender from her grasp. Maybe that was what people meant when they used the word "timeless" when referring to something of that nature. All she knew was that by the time they parted her hand had gotten cold again. She wasn't able to say anything as Ian leaned down to retrieve her glove. She put it on and smiled at him but other than curling her fingers around his when he took her hand she couldn't find it in her to respond to his gesture. They'd be getting a cab soon. They'd be getting a cab and they'd be riding back to his place where she'd get her things, get in her car, and go. Then they'd forget that this night had occurred. Damn her for letting this sort of thing happen. Surrender Hamilton was in control of her life. Things like this did not happen to her.
Suri looked at their hands then up at Ian. She smiled. "Let's take a walk, Ian," she suggested quietly. Dragging it out was never the best course of action, but Surrender had made a lot of mistakes that evening. Another seemed acceptable.