72 - Fixed, 80 - Why, 70 -storm, 074 - Dark, 87 - life, 71 - Broken, 47 - Heart
sorry to the people that have this friended. I kind of went a bit....crzy since I was in the clinic all day.
Title: I still loved him Fandom: Dark Angel Characters: Rachel Berrisford and Alec Mcdowell (mention of Max) Prompt: 47 - Heart Word Count: 382 Rating: pg-13 Summary: Rachel speak of how he still owned her heart Author's Notes: I don't own the characters, simply giving what should have never been taken away from him. The characters are the creation of James Cameron and Charles Eglee.
When Simon, I mean Alec, came back into my life I was so happy. And then he told me his story. I hated him. I hit him, spit in his face and told him I hated him to his face. He looked so hurt. I wanted to cry. I wanted to hurt him. He loved me. He came back for me. He stayed by my bedside, he visited my grave. My father never told me. Not once, that Sim- Alec had come to see me. I thought he just took off without a second thought. That he didn't care. The pool meant nothing. The kisses in the doorway fell short.
I thought after he told me everything that he came back to put his mind at ease. To make peace with the monsters in his head. I was wrong. He came to Paris because he loved me, and wanted me. I forgave him, if only because I'm a foolish girl who is still in love with that man that placed his fingers over mine and led them over the keys on that piano. He wasn't Simon Lehane. He was Alec McDowell. A soldier, a killer. Someone sent to kill my father. I was just along for the ride. Something that wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't built to love, perhaps they thought that the emotion wasn't in his programming, but he loved me, and wanted me. It took several hours of screaming and crying and hitting to realize that no matter how hard I could try to hate him, he would always be my first love. My only love. I never looked at another man the way that I looked at him. He was everything that I held dear to me in my heart.
When he told me that he still loved me, that he never forgot me, I started to forgive him. He didn't come back to settle his demons, he came back to try and make things work. To move forward. And now, slowly I'm allowing him to do that. Allowing him to make me fall head over heels in love with him again. As Alec McDowell. Not Simon Lehane. What he doesn't know is, I've already fallen back in love with him. I'm just too stubborn to tell him.
Title: Broken Fandom: Dark Angel Characters: Rachel Berrisford and Alec Mcdowell (mention of Max) Prompt: 71 - Broken Word Count: 367 Rating: pg-13 Summary: A broken heart is hard to fix. Author's Notes: I don't own the characters, simply giving what should have never been taken away from him. The characters are the creation of James Cameron and Charles Eglee.
He found me again. I never expected to see him. I thought he was gone. Dead. I was trying my best to make him a distant memory, and I couldn't. I can't forgive him, I've tried, but I can't. I'm hoping someday that I can. Just because someone forgives you, doesn't mean that they ever forget. It's one mess after another. I'm so broken. Simon's smile used to make me smile back. His laughter used to be my light, the one thing good that I had in my life. Then in one moments time, it was gone. Everything that I had was gone in a explosion of metal and fire. I don't even remember it. That's the worst thing. I remember waking up, and Daddy telling me that I almost died. And then there was Paris. It was strange, not remembering anything. Starting over in a life that you really had no memory of.
He found me in the coffee shop. Zoned in on me I guess you could say. When I saw him, and the realization kicked in, I was amazed. He looked different, good different, but still different. When he said that we needed to talk, and that this wasn't the place, I was worried. I went anyway, back to his house (his friends house, whoever's house)and told me everything I couldn't take it. I threw scotch on his face and walked out, and then I hit him. Punched him. Kicked him. Whatever I could do. I said things to hurt him. And then he started proving himself. Took me to a theatre show, of Good Man Charlie Brown. It was a very nice attempt. He seemed happy there. We talked in the car, went for dessert, and then the world went crash around me again.
Now I'm back at home, I got drunk (which isn't like me), I let myself fall into a icy cold pool, and then I threw up in my bathroom for half the night. It's a wonderful life. No, really it isn't. The only thing that's keeping me going is the hopes. The hopes that something good will happen and that things can be..normal. That I can be complete again.
Title: Memories Fandom: Dark Angel Characters: Rachel Berrisford and Alec Mcdowell (mention of Max) Prompt: 87 - life Word Count: 542 Rating: pg-13 Summary: Rachel Rambles. Author's Notes: I don't own the characters, simply giving what should have never been taken away from him. The characters are the creation of James Cameron and Charles Eglee.
My mother died when I was ten, to be honest I don't remember her much, and now I remember her even less. Photographs don't bring back the memories, as much as you'd like them too. Even with pictures I have of Simon, they don't bring back everything. Dreams, those can bring back anything. You just have to find out if they're real or not. Like, I can no recall certain parts of my childhood. Parties, dances, recitals. I can remember my dad always telling me that he loved me, that I was his little angel. I remember my first lesson with Alec. I was playing Mozart and then I looked at him and asked him if it was okay. He said it was fine. And then I played the Peanuts theme. I remember that. He laughed, which was the first time I saw him smile. I've been trying to remember things about Alec from that time, because I'm starting to realize, after talking to him, that a lot of him was who I really saw. I remember the pool, and me telling him that I was throwing myself at him. Then he said he liked me a lot. I'm not sure if that was his way of saying he loved me or not. It could have been. Those were dreams I've had since we met back up. When he found me. Now, I remember being talked to, like I wasn't there. It's come to my attention that when I told Estelle about them, she said it must have been when I was in a coma. When my father and everyone was talking to me in hopes that I would wake up. I remember Daddy telling me he missed me. How much he wanted me to come back to him, to just hold on, things would get better. He always held out hope that I would live. Then, Estelle telling me about everything that was going on in the mansion. I remember Alec telling me about what he was sent there to do, to kill my father, to kill me. He did try to warn me, I just..assumed that he wanted to hurt me. That it would make his job somewhat easier. He told me he loved me, when I was lying in the bed. The truth be told, when we saw each other again and he told me he loved me I didn't believe him. And once I started remembering, I just didn't know what to say. He did love me, and has. He never stopped. I put him through so much hell. My grandparents. They still live in New York, maybe I could take a break and just go live there for a while. See Alec. See the states again. I even thought of buying my home again, if it isn't already mine. To move forward, you have to confront the demons and ghost of your past. I know he told me the truth, and in turn got punished. Everything that happened to him is because of me. I'm the reason. I'm the reason he fell in love, and I'm the reason that they felt the need to fix him. Sometimes, I just want to give up.
Title: All there is is pain Fandom: Dark Angel Characters: Rachel Berrisford and Alec Mcdowell (mention of Max) Prompt: 074 - Dark Word Count: 505 Rating: pg-13 Summary: Rachel Rambles. Author's Notes: I don't own the characters, simply giving what should have never been taken away from him. The characters are the creation of James Cameron and Charles Eglee.
Heartbreak. I knew about that the moment I awoke in my bed. I knew it when my father told me that Simon was dead, that the life I had was gone. I felt it when I thought I was never going to see him again. A tragic existence to which I was falling victim too. Then I somehow managed to pull myself out of that pit and start living again. Playing again. The piano that now, is cracked and strings broken. The piano that needs fixed.
I knew what I was getting into when I asked Alec to tell me everything. I had prepared myself, I knew what was going to come out of his mouth. I didn't listen to the better part of me that told me to just shut up. Just to lay there, be happy, not ask questions. I could have been happy...but it wouldn't have been a true happiness, it would have been riddled with lies and deciet, the very same illusion that I had with Simon. Alec wasn't Simon, as much as a part of me desperately wanted him to be. Alec is more outgoing, more sure of himself. Simon was cautious and quiet, shy. Alec is in some ways similar to Simon, he can be shy, but he speaks his mind more then Simon did. You should be able to admire that, somehow I just can't get used to it.
It was a illusion of love, he loved me, he said so. I believe him. But when he told me everything I told him to leave, get out, and he did. I wanted to cry right there. Scream and punch him again like I did when we first met. I wanted him to bleed and feel it. That's not like me. When he did leave, through the window, I looked out a few moments later, not regretting the words I said, but thinking that I could have worded them much better then I had. It doesn't matter now. Now I try to piece things together and try to make sense of it all. It's been five days. He hasn't tried to call, not that I blame him. How could I? I can't even blame myself. I blame Manticore. For him. For me. For us. For what could have been, that didn't happen. They were the ones that took him away, they were the ones that brought him, and they were the ones that lead up to this very thing that never should have happened. I hate them, I hate them more then I probably should, it's just like your heart being ripped out and tossed into the street only to have someone run over it and smash it. Instant death. Would be nice sometimes I guess. I don't know anymore. I realize something..
I don't know love. Love seems like all it is is heartbreak and hurt. Why can't we just be happy. What's so wrong with wanting that? Needing that? How can someone just destroy something with words being said?
Why?
Title: Thunderstorms Fandom: Dark Angel Characters: Rachel Berrisford and Alec Mcdowell (mention of Max) Prompt: 70 -storm Word Count: 764 Rating: pg-13 Summary: Rachel and Alec realize Thunderstorms can be fun.. Author's Notes: I don't own the characters, simply giving what should have never been taken away from him. The characters are the creation of James Cameron and Charles Eglee.
It was nice, just sitting in the parlor to the old house playing piano and laughing. She had finally gotten to the point where she remotely trusted him to stay around. To be there. It was nice laughing and talking to each other like people instead of awkward messes and fights that had seemed to happen everytime they were together. He was going to spend the night in a guest room, far down the hall from her own and Estelle of course would keep a close eye on him. She always did either way.
Rachel heard the clap of thunder and it made her fingers press down on the keys not so gently which screwed up the piece that she was playing. She laughed and then shook her head. She didn't know storms were coming in this area. She smiled and stood, going over to Alec and dragging him up from his lazy lounging on the couch. He had claimed it to be his at the moment in time, but he was comfortable with her playing and watching her do what she loved. He liked seeing her happy and she was, for the first time in months. She was happy. He made a grunting noise and stood, following her as she led him out onto the balcony. The rain hadn't started yet, but the clouds looked pretty, illuminated peices of grey lit up by the lights of the city. It was almost like Heaven was opening up and threatening to swallow the entire world whole.
She stood with her back pressed against his chest looking up at the sky, it was then that the rain started to fall down on them. At first it was just a drop here and there, one caught Alec's nose and he wrinkled it, trying to shake it off, before he finally gave in and brought his hand up to wisp it away. Rachel couldn't help but smile and stay in her spot. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she leaned back into him. This was nice. No pressure, no silly hidden things between them. It was just two people enjoying each other. The rain started coming down harder, splattering on the railing and the pavement that was there and Rachel laughed. She watched Alec glare up at the sky and she tapped his shoulder very lightly and turned to face him. He looked down at her confused, wondering why she was doing that in the midst of all this rain, then another thunder cluster hit and that got Rachel's attention, glancing out into the night. She turned and smiled at him and stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Simple, sweet and conciderate. It was moments like these that Alec enjoyed her the most, when she was simple and honest about how she really was. He stopped pushing and trying so hard with her. He just let things happen. Rachel grinned and wrapped her arms loosely around his neck, toying with the little locks of hair that hung on his neck in damp strands. He shuddered and gave a smile, cause he liked it and it felt nice, safe and secure. It was affection, and everyone knows Alec craved attention. Needed it sometimes, wanted it more often. He'd take what he could get with her, without trying to push too hard. It was like the swans. She kissed him, he didn't try kissing her first. This had to be at her own pace.
She turned her head to watch the rain, not caring that she was getting soaked, or that he was getting soaked. They could try off in the house, he had brought clothes with him, and Estelle could wash the wet ones so that they were clean. She smiled and turned back to him and then kissed him right there in the rain. Alec was taken by surprise and almost lost his balance. Thankfully he had the quickness and the instincts to catch himself. That wouldn't have been a very good thing. There was a metal chair in back of him that he could have landed on. She grinned and then pulled back, pulling him back through the doors and pushing her own sopping hair from her face as Estelle gave her a look and handed them both towels, shaking her head at the stupidity and childlike innocence.
Rachel just laughed, and took Alec's hand and then started drying off. Alec Mcdowell just gave a goofy grin. He definitely had a reason to remember a thunderstorm better now. And he so wasn't complaining.
Title: - Fandom: Dark Angel Characters: Rachel Berrisford and Alec Mcdowell (mention of Max) Prompt: 80 - Why Word Count: 510 Rating: pg-13 Summary: More random rachel thoughts.. Author's Notes: I don't own the characters, simply giving what should have never been taken away from him. The characters are the creation of James Cameron and Charles Eglee.
I did die. In fact the machines and the doctors said that I did. Did that stop me from coming back? No. The machines helped, but it was my will to live. I had hear Alec's words in the back of my mind, felt his hand wrap itself around mine. I felt the tears fall in my hand and then his breath across my skin. That was the moment that I realized I had something to live for. I didn't know about the bomb, that part of me forgot what happened. Maybe blocked it out.
Two and a half years later, there I was in a open place in New York City. Alec found me, we happened to be in the same place at the same time. Talk about the fates working in favor of each other. He saw me, and he told me everything that was on his mind. All the truth behind the lies. I didn't know how to handle it, I did what I found out worked best for me now. I hit him so many times that I think I actually hurt him. Broke him. I broke the only man I ever loved in my life. The tears in his eyes were evidence of that as I spat out the most hateful words that I could think of. I left him to pick up the pieces and left back to Paris. I ran as far away from him as I could. Three weeks passed and all I could do was think about him. There wasn't a moment that I didn't eye my cellphone and think about calling him. I finally caved, I picked up the number and punched his number in so fast that I think I was crazy. I asked him to come and see me....I told him I was sorry, that I needed him. Wanted him. I did. I needed him there with me and I wanted him to be part of my life.
I was sitting at the piano when he came in and as soon as I heard his voice, my heart lept out of my chest, everything fell back into place and it was time to start over. And start over they did. *blush* Everything just, started to happen for us. Now, I'm back in Seattle, at my old house, and Alec divides his time between TC and the estate. He sleeps with me at night, and whispers I love you in my ear in the morning before he leaves to do his work for his kind. Sometimes even I wake up to take care of someone that was staying at the estate to have some time to themselves. I like doing it, I'll do anything for him and Terminal City.
The point is, you can run from love. You can fight love. You can straight out ignore love. But death? Doesn't stand a chance against love. You'll always run back into it, even in death. Death only delays the process of being with the one you're meant to be with.
Title: - Fandom: Dark Angel Characters: Rachel Berrisford and Alec Mcdowell (mention of Max) Prompt: 72 - Fixed Word Count: 586 Rating: pg-13 Summary: Just randomness seriously. Author's Notes: I don't own the characters, simply giving what should have never been taken away from him. The characters are the creation of James Cameron and Charles Eglee.
That moment passed though once the both of them were just talking and laying in bed together. She had poked him and laughed and they got to talking about anything that was running through their heads. Playing word games with one another and generally have a all around good time. Locked away in her room. Alone. And they hadn't been in this close of proximity to each other since they met back up. Him opening up, took her breathe away. She was happy and sad at the same time, but she moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. It seemed she liked doing that. It had become a habit to twirl her fingers into that hair and just keep twirling until it got too tight and then releasing it. She laughed at him when he made a joke that was funny and nuzzled into his neck in the cute way that she did, giving a soft kiss the place where his shoulder met his neck and sighed, content at the moment of her arms wrapped around him and him holding her to his chest. It felt safe, warm. Nice. Most of all it was like falling in love all over again.
It had been almost two hours since they were in that room, and Estelle was getting nervous, although she didn't hear any noises, her head pressed up against the door and she heard Rachel laugh. A smile came to the older woman's face and she left to go on her merry little way. Rachel smiled and then kissed Alec's lip really quick in a small peck and he just grinned at her, like it was his birthday or something, only better. She actually kissed him. Not on his cheek, not on his forehead, but his lips. It was one of the best moments that he committed to memory in a attempt to never forget it. She just smiled to him and then kissed him again, holding the kiss a little longer then last time, her fingers trailing down his neck slightly. He gave a shiver, only Rachel had that effect on him. Her only, no other woman had that effect, as much as they wanted to. His heart was always hers, locked away so tightly that nothing seemed to break it. She held the kiss for a few moments, not like trying to french kiss him or anything but nice slow kisses, like she meant it, but that's all he was getting. He knew better then to push so he went along with it. She broke the kiss and pulled back looking to him.
"Alec?"
He looked at her. "Yeah?" He was still in a daze from her actually kissing him mind you.
"I think I'm starting to fall in love with you all over again.." And there were those fingers, running themselves up and down his cheek as she looked at him.
"I'd like that Rachel...I never stopped loving you, but you know that already."
Rachel smiled and kissed him again and then got up and held her hand out. "We should go check on dinner. Estelle is probably having a tizzy fit."
Alec grinned and took her hand and pulled himself up. He gave her a kiss to her cheek and nodded and opened the door for her.
Alec Mcdowell and Rachel Berrisford were starting to move forward, taking baby steps towards actually becoming something once again. And Alec? Didn't hate it.