| [Aug. 14th, 2008|11:45 pm] |
What else would you be? The thought slid through Kakashi's head like icewater, freezing out flecks of understanding. To be a ninja was to be a weapon. The village's blade, wielded by the Hokage for a decent price or the darker side of morality. Occasionally both.
If you weren't a weapon, then you were blunted. A civilian.
Useless.
Winter spilled down Kakashi's spine, biting through his bones. Ryouma wanted that? But he was--he was--
The thought seemed suddenly small and uncertain: He was strong.
Wasn't he?
Chakra spiked painfully; Kakashi blinked hard, refocusing. It took more concentration than he had to spare to keep Yasuo locked in illusions, silent and non-threatening. But still his mind turned back to Ryouma, magnetized by his words.
Don't want--
There wasn't a choice.
--to be--
You didn't get to pick it up and drop it. It was a life. You ran the path until you died.
--a weapon.
Ryouma wasn't a coward. He wasn't a quitter. Not after one bad mission, even if that mission had ranked as a day trip through hell. He wasn't a man who ran away, dammit.
...but he was a rule breaker.
Kakashi's tired mind tripped over a new thought, sparking a flash of insight. Maybe for someone like Ryouma, someone who saw the world as a bright geometric puzzle Kakashi could only guess at, things were different. 'Teammate' was a word with a new shape, thanks to Ryouma's logic. Sex had become, just the once, something with a kind of peace afterwards--and not the oblivion of simple exhaustion.
Maybe to Ryouma, shinobi didn't mean weapon. Maybe it just meant wanting to be someone who didn't have to deal death with his bare hands and hope his teammates didn't step in the way.
Maybe it meant being more than the ways you could kill someone.
And maybe Kakashi was losing his mind.
Tsume stirred in his hold, muscles clenching weakly as she tried to move again. He helped her sit up a little more, remembering Yasuo's warning to keep her from falling asleep, and listened to the angry voices outside their room. Someone had shut off the alarm, but Shouma's snarl was becoming desperate. He couldn't keep people away much longer.
And Kakashi couldn't keep Yasuo bound much longer, not with his chakra melting away like river water.
"So don't be a weapon," he muttered finally, letting his temple rest, just for a moment, against Ryouma's. "Just don't get killed by one, either."
Someone yelled in the hallway. Chakra flared distantly. Shouma yelped.
Kakashi's jaw tightened. "Sorry, Ryouma, I need to take care of that. You have to--here, hold her for a moment. Just for a minute." He didn't wait for the protest; very, very carefully he pulled away and lifted Tsume into Ryouma's lap, bracing her against wall and shinobi both. "I'm not leaving the room, I'll be in the doorway. It'll just be one minute. Keep her safe and don't let her fall."
He staggered upright, feeling the world tilt. He braced a hand against the wall and added, "Or sleep. Don't let her sleep."
Then he grabbed Yasuo's unresisting arm and manhandled the ninja to the door. |
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