aaronlisa (aaronlisa) wrote in fadeddreaming, @ 2008-03-15 22:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | character: dean winchester, fandom: supernatural |
[spn] before 1/1 (one-shot, dean-centric)
Title: Before
Author: aaronlisa
Rating: FR13
Pairing/Characters: Dean Winchester
Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and company.
Prompts: IJ’s ides_of_march – prompt #15 (innocent)
Notes: Minor spoilers for Season Two & Three.
Summary: Dean remembers a time from before he was his father’s perfect little soldier.
Word Count: 482
Dean remembers a time from before he was his father’s perfect little soldier. He remembers a time when his mother was still alive and she was the most beautiful thing in his world. At night, she would tuck him into bed with a hundred kisses and hugs after she read him a story where he would always envision himself as the prince saving the princess. Dean can remember a time when they stayed in one house every single night and they never roamed all over the dusty back roads of the United States so that his father could hunt evil monsters. He can remember what it was like before his father was consumed with obsession to find his mother’s killers.
Most importantly Dean Winchester remembers a time from before when he was innocent and he could trust people.
The day that a monster took his mother, he started to lose his innocence right from the very start. He can remember the feel of the fire at his back as his father shoved Sam into his arms and commanded him to run. In the blink of an eye, he went from be a beloved and spoiled four-year-old to being his baby brother’s guardian. And from the very start, his father started to groom him for the battles that he would eventually have to fight.
Dean can barely remember a time when he wasn’t aware that death was waiting in every shadow and hiding in every corner. He can barely remember a time when he didn’t have to protect Sammy and take the place of his dead mother.
He can be blasé about death in a way that Sam can’t. Maybe it has something to do that he’s tasted the bitter taste of death since he was four years old. And even though the hunt is the only life that Sam has ever really known, outside of his idyllic college boy existence, Dean can remember fragments of his brief life from before.
Rationally Dean knows that his death isn’t going to send him to Heaven. He knows without a doubt that he’s going to Hell; after all he sold his soul to a demon to save Sammy because it’s always been about Sam since he was four years old. But he still can’t help but think that in twelve months, he’ll close his eyes, his debt will be collected, and all of this will be over for once and for all.
Dean will never manage to regain his lost innocence but he doesn’t think that he’s really going to care that much at the end of the day. Where he’s going, he thinks that his old life won’t matter. All that will matter is that he’ll finally be free of the never-ending hunt and he won’t have to be constantly reminded of just what a demon stole from him when his mother was murdered.
**END**