DOORS SLAM, LIGHTS BLACK, YOU'RE GONE, COME BACK. |
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July 27th,
2015 10:31 pm
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It felt like a lifetime ago now, so distant that it was almost like it had happened to someone else but at the same time it was still so raw, so sharp and so painful in his memory, so viciously relentless in his dreams, that there was no mistaking that it had happened not to some stranger half a world away but to him. Sam too. There was no forgetting what had happened, all that had come to pass, each step leading to the next on a terrible path that had brought him here. What the next step was Noah couldn’t even begin to guess, didn’t dare to imagine either because as soon as he started to believe something good could happen it all turned on its head, snapped back at him with shredding teeth and ripping claws. Noah didn’t dare to hope anymore, couldn’t bring himself to cross his fingers and believe the best would come to pass. Too many terrible things had happened not only to him and his sister but to Raleigh too, the sweet and sincere redhead who would never hurt a fly, the same girl who had looked after him now more times than he could count. More than she should have. What had he done to deserve her kindness? What good deeds had he carried out to warrant such generosity of spirit and self from someone who had so little to give, someone who had lost so much herself? Even before they had met and his own losses had begun Raleigh had been torn away from everything she had ever known, all her hopes and dreams dashed and left shattered on the ground at her feet, abandoned and left behind never to be reclaimed. In her own way she too had lost her family, they had no idea where she was or even that she was alive, for all they knew she was dead and gone forever and they would never see her again. That was how it had to be too, wasn’t it? Their lives as they had known them were over and there was no going back, no undoing what had been done. Justin had taken everything from them and given them nothing to live on, nothing to look forward to. They could live for centuries now with nothing to live for and Noah could think of very little crueller than that. The window to the room he and Raleigh shared -- they had been given one each, separate spaces, but they had been occupying the same space from day one, from the very first moment they’d set foot through the door of the Alvarsson household and neither one of them showed any sign of changing their minds on that front -- was open and the ledge was large enough that Noah could perch himself upon it comfortable, his back to the room itself as he looked out at the town. San Luis Obispo had been his home from the moment he had been born but it no longer felt like the same place in which he had grown up, the streets he could see from his perch looked alien and unfamiliar, so much darker and more dangerous now that he knew what was out there. Werewolves, vampires, shifters, hunters, slayers. It was almost too much to take in. If he had known about it all before he could have done something. Noah told himself that often, it was a fact he was certain of, not even Raleigh with all her sweet sympathy and reassurances could convince him otherwise and he knew that she would try. Should he ever speak that certainty aloud she would do everything in her power to shoot it down, remind him of what she had told him time and time again, that it was not his fault, that there was nothing he could have done. Noah couldn’t believe that. Raleigh meant well, she only had his best interests at heart, but there was no part of him that could believe he’d been powerless to save his mother. His mother. The woman who had given him life and every opportunity her limited income allowed, the one person who had always been there for him when he had needed her. No one deserved what had happened to her but Noah could think of no one who deserved it less. Powerlessness didn’t factor into it, he hadn’t been helpless or defenceless, he’d had weapons given to him by the one person he’d needed to defend his family from in the first place and what had he done with them? Nothing. Noah should have fought, he should have attacked when Justin’s guard was dropped and torn the son of a bitch’s throat out with his bare hands. There was no way for Noah to forgive himself for that failure, for that fatal inaction. He wouldn’t even try. He didn’t deserve forgiveness.
[ NARRATIVE; CLOSED ]
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