noah pearce . (utulo) wrote in exsanguious, @ 2015-10-13 22:36:00 |
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Being out by himself still felt strange, Noah still didn’t trust himself after all that had happened. It didn’t matter to him that it had been the better part of a year -- more now? it was all but impossible to keep track -- since everything had erupted the way it had, that he’d been with the Alvarsson Pack all those months in relative quiet and comfort and safety, something neither he nor Raleigh though they would find in their wolfen lifetimes, it was still so far beyond him to expect everything to be okay. What right did he have to a life like that anyway? After everything he had done he didn’t deserve happiness or contentment, he had taken actions that had ended the lives of others and it wasn’t fair that they were gone and he was still here. It wasn’t fair that his mother had died and he was still alive, still drawing breath and taking up space hating everything about himself and what he had become.
Noah forgot with his mind so thoroughly occupied what he had gone into the store for in the first place, now he was just standing there in the aisle drawing the attention of the clerk for all the wrong reasons and he fidgeted from one foot to the other for a second before he uttered an apology to the young woman and made his way to the door. At least he wasn’t wearing a big jacket, the last thing he wanted or needed was to be stopped and searched, if that happened he wasn’t entirely sure he could trust himself not to do something he really shouldn’t.
It was when he got outside that something did happen though, the breath caught painfully in his chest and throat and he almost choked, his hand lifting to lay against the bottom of his ribcage like he’d been punched. His other hand went out, caught against the brick front of the store beside the window, his fingertips suddenly too sensitive to the rough surface of the mortar. Heat rushed through him, sweat beaded down the length of his spine and hugged the material of his shirt to his chest.
Oh no, oh no. Noah recognised it now for what it was, what it really shouldn’t be but was anyway, terror and dread chasing through his veins like a drug as his eyes lifted and searched wildly for some place out of the way. What if he couldn’t stop it? It felt like he couldn’t, it was eating away at him inside, the wolf was coming up and out and it would break free any minute now.
With a thin strangled sound knotting in his throat he tripped and stumbled into the alley between the two stores he was closest to and managed to make it a good fifteen feet down the passage before the pain doubled him over and dropped him to his knees. The phone in his pocket might as well have been a hundred miles away, Noah couldn’t get his hands to obey his commands and there was no fishing it out to call for help, it was happening too fast and soon enough the human thoughts went scattering like so much broken glass, the cry of pain ringing off the walls as the change overcame him.
With a full bodied shake the wolf cleared the last clinging threads of clothing from its frame, stepping clear of the pile of shirt and pants and sneakers before stretching out its limbs. Before he’d lowered his nose to investigate his surroundings another scent caught his attention and pale eyes lifted to find brilliant blue ones staring back at him from the other end of the alley.
Come with me, those eyes said, so calm and so patient, and the young male stepped forward and dropped his gaze, extending his muzzle to sniff at the huge white creature standing before him, so strong and so old.
They were off then, the White Wolf leading and Noah following. In that moment, in that skin, nothing felt more natural.