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Jaime Davies (monologuinghero) wrote in expresslogs,
@ 2012-09-21 19:18:00

Entry tags:

!dice, jaime dorny, {neville longbottom

Effing Train, Part II
Characters: Jaime, Neville
When: after 9 PM
Location: snack kitchen
Warnings/Rating: Standard Jaime warnings
Summary: Jaime is cranky, but no longer has a headache
Status: Complete

Jaime was still thoroughly pissed. The headache had rendered her pretty much incapable of anything beyond the basics. She’d showered earlier in the day, and she’d eaten the light lunch Lily had brought them. But attempting to catch up with the network, or focus on anything for too long was a bust. So she’d mostly slept. She’d cried a little, too, because the level of frustration was overwhelming. It was bad enough, what the train was capable of -- now it was defying their attempts to shed it. They’d been off. They’d burned their fucking tokens for Merlin’s sake -- but here they were.

She wanted to know why, and there was no answer to that. Why them? Why hadn’t it pulled back anyone from New York? She guessed if she was going to fish for a silver lining, she’d assume since it had brought Ray back, too, it wasn’t keen on shedding him any time in the near future. It was a paper-thin comfort, but she’d cling to it if it was all she had.

With a promise to Ray that she’d be nice, Jaime had left the room to patrol the train. She wanted to see who was still here who’d said they were staying behind, and she wanted something else to eat. While she had promised to be nice, she thought there were a couple of people on board she’d happily pick a fight with just to have a target at which to vent her frustrations. Someone she could really unleash on -- but about the only person who wouldn’t take that personally was Logan, and she’d feel bad picking a fight with him just now.

So she seethed, as she made her barefoot way to the snack kitchen. She must have slept through dinner, and lunch had been a while ago. She hadn’t bothered to dress (though she was covered -- a nighty that fell to her thighs beneath an open calf-length robe) and she wasn’t particularly sure she cared if anyone thought anything of it. She’d been on the damn train for almost ten months now -- everyone who was going to judge her already had. Instead, she took out some of her ire (though not nearly a big enough fraction of it) on the cabinets -- closing them harder than strictly necessary, and things like that.

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not_nobody
2012-09-23 06:10 pm UTC (link)

Neville was, honestly, glad that the train was moving again. The entire time they'd been stopped in Shanghai, he'd worried constantly about who would be staying, which of his friends, family, or whatever that he'd never see again. And now that they were moving again...well, at least they couldn't abandon him because they wanted to. The train taking people away was an entirely different thing.

He'd already eaten this morning, but he was feeling...snacky. He wanted something to nibble on as he looked out the window, probably because of his nerves. Not from flying - he wasn't afraid of that, but just from everything that had happened in the past few weeks.

Opening the door to the snack kitchen, he almost left immediately at the slam of the cabinet doors. Flinching, he looked - and identified - Jaime.

"Uh...hi."

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monologuinghero
2012-09-23 07:23 pm UTC (link)

Some people could take her rage. Some couldn't. She didn't think unloading on Neville was going to go anywhere good. So she scowled, slammed her current cabinet closed, and turned to regard him. "Hey," she finally said.

She wasn't upset with him, of course -- or anyone else on the train -- but boy was she in a mood. She just had no target. No place to direct the rage. Except, of course, at the train itself, and she'd get to that later. She'd find an empty room and beat the ever loving fuck out of it. She'd see if she could obliterate it completely, and just how well the train really did repair itself.

"How're things?" She asked in the calmest voice she could manage. It was easy enough to see she was agitated though, and she wondered if he was going to ask.

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	not_nobody 2012-09-23 08:27 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, he definitely noticed she was upset. He'd have to be blind not to see that. And Neville did not like conflict like this. Not one little tiny bit. He forced a smile. "Hi. Things are fine." He rocked on the balls of his feet awkwardly for a moment. "Hey, are you okay?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

monologuinghero
2012-09-23 08:55 pm UTC (link)

Jaime shook her head. "I'm not supposed to be here," she said. "We. We stayed off. Me, and Logan, and Ray, and a few others. We stayed off, and China is not the train's. It wasn't like the resort. We shouldn't have been brought back on." The frustration, the helplessness of the situation, made her want to cry -- but tears wouldn't help. Destroying the room wouldn't help, really, but she was damn sure going to do that later anyway. It might make her feel better, at least for a few minutes. It might just wear her out.

Still, Neville didn't deserve her irritation. It wasn't his fault, and he was a victim of the train, too. "How's your mum?" She asked instead. It seemed like something he might rather talk about, and it would be something like a distraction.

And in case he wanted to get into the cabinets without getting too close to her, Jaime moved toward the other end of the kitchen, flopping into one of the chairs at one of the little tables. She pulled her robe over her thighs so she at least wasn't being indecent, but honestly, she couldn't care less about her state of dress just then.

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not_nobody
2012-09-23 10:30 pm UTC (link)

"Oh. I'm...sorry?" Although his words were uncertain, his sympathy was sincere. "You don't like it on the train? I guess not, if you were wanting to stay behind. I...I just want to get home, really. I wouldn't want to stay off someplace I didn't know."

He could understand that, really. Although it had given him the chance to meet his mother, and briefly, his father, it had also made him embarrass himself repeatedly in public - something he was not particularly grateful for.

"She's fine," he said softly. The whole thing - his mother being here, being real and alive was a little...nervewracking. Well, more than a little. But it was also good...and the last time he'd met with her hadn't been nearly as scary as the first.

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monologuinghero
2012-09-23 10:45 pm UTC (link)

"It's not ... even that," Jaime muttered. "I can deal with whatever bullshit it's dealing out. I can cope with hallucinations or wasps or being underwater. We just ..." She pressed her palms to the table as she gazed down at the surface. "Ray ..."

She wasn't quite sure where to go with that. She hated saying he was dead in his world. Especially now that they were back on the goddamn train. "I don't want the train to take him," she finally settled on. "I couldn't ... stand it. So we thought we'd get around that by staying off, you know? It wasn't our world, but he's got nothing in his and there's nothing in mine I can't live without. So we were going to stay."

Jaime nodded at his response, though she wondered at the lack of details. She sort of waited to see if there was anything else, her brows lifting. "Fine, just fine? Not ... super psyched she's here?" She managed a wry sort of smile before she shifted against the chair. But maybe she was pulling a Ginny and denying she had a son or something.

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not_nobody
2012-09-23 11:21 pm UTC (link)

"Maybe you can just stay off next time it stops?"

He didn't have any answers, but he hated she was upset. He wished there was a way he could make her feel better about it.

"I mean, you don't know that either of you are going to disappear anytime soon, right?"

He hesitated before answering the questions about his mother.

"No, I mean, I'm really happy she's here. Really happy! But...it's weird, you know? I don't know what to say to her. I want her to like me, and I'm afraid she's not going to. I'm terrified she's going to be disappointed in me. And I'm feeling better about it, but it's scary. And...I guess it's like you and Ray? I'm afraid the train is going to take her away."

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monologuinghero
2012-09-23 11:50 pm UTC (link)

"We'll try, if it's somewhere decent. We'll probably get two days of headache for our second offense," she muttered crankily. "But I won't not try on the chance it'll pull me back. I mean, I didn't bother at the resort, because ... I mean, it's one of the train's fucking stops. Of course we're not going to get to stay there because it's part of the train's situation. But this?" She gestured to imply China, though she was waving in the directions of one of the cabinets. "This is wrong. We should have been able to stay."

She huffed slightly. "No, and given that it's jerked us back on, it must like us enough not to shove us back home." It was a fragile thread of hope, but if it was all she had, she'd cling to it. If she knew of a way to keep Ray on the train, to ensure she never woke up to find him gone, she'd do it. Whatever the price. And realizations like that terrified her. They spoke of just how deep she'd fallen in love with him.

Rubbing her arms, she nodded as she listened to Neville talking about his mum. "It's a bitch, isn't it? That fear hanging over your head." It wasn't like Ray was the only one with no future waiting for him. She'd heard what happened to Neville's parents, and Jaime shifted her eyes slightly to the side.

"I wouldn't worry about ... what to say to her. I mean, I don't know her or anything, but from what I've heard from Ray's face-twin, she's pretty nice, pretty easy-going. I don't really think she's the sort to ... you know. Be disappointed in ... her kid. I'd just ... make the most of it while you can, you know? While she's here. Just in case the train does get a bug up its ass and decide to purge us all again."

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not_nobody
2012-09-24 05:51 pm UTC (link)

"I hope you find a place that you like...and where you can stay," he said with a slightly nervous smile. "It's not right when the train brings people together, and lets them be happy, only to rip them apart. I...don't understand why the train likes to hurt people like that. And it's...really scary, you know? Of course you do, with Ray and all. But it's like you can't hold on to anything, there's always the fear it's just going to slip away between your fingers."

He nodded at her words about his mother. He was feeling a bit better about the whole situation, but there were still...nerves.

"Yeah. I mean, she seems really nice. I'm just...I want her to be proud of me. So badly. And...I know this is all me, because she was so nice to me, both of the times we've met."

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monologuinghero
2012-09-24 10:21 pm UTC (link)

It was weird, hearing someone else echo her fears like that. She had them, she knew what they were, she’d given voice to them in the quiet dark to Lily, or Ray -- mostly Lily, lately -- but it was weird hearing them from someone else’s lips. “That’s about what it boils down to,” she agreed. “If the train decides it’s their time, that’s it. There’s nothing you can do about it. No one to argue with, to appeal to, to … beg. It’s just … done.” And that was what terrified her. That someday, it might be done for Ray.

“I’m sure she is,” Jaime replied as she glanced curiously to Neville. “What’s not to be proud of? Having a war hero for a son,” she teased a little, but … mostly she was serious with that. From the stories she had heard -- before, during, and after -- he’d stepped up a fair bit when he’d needed to. Plus, the whole snake deal. “I mean, you told her, right? Dumbledore’s Army and slaying the snake and everything? That aside, I mean. C’mon.” Jaime half-grinned. Sure, she hadn’t known him well in school, or even that well on the train, but his name came up often enough when people talked about the war, and often enough in a positive light.

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not_nobody
2012-09-25 01:00 am UTC (link)

"Yeah. And...you might not even get to say goodbye. Or say all the things that need to be said." He needed to say those things to his mother. He needed to come clean, tell her everything that had happened to him in school, all the things he'd done. But it was so hard.

"I don't know if I'm a war hero, I really doubt it" he said modestly, shrugging. "But no, I haven't told her any of that. You think I should?"

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monologuinghero
2012-09-25 02:27 am UTC (link)

Jaime knew that, for sure. She'd made sure to express her thoughts to Ray every day just in case he did get sucked away, and he'd done the same. So she nodded slightly before lifting her brows in contemplation. Maybe she'd go say more things to Ray, just because.

"Bet if you asked tiny Potter, she'd tell you your name was in a history book somewhere," Jaime pointed out. While she dodged any word of her future as well as she could, she knew the same didn't stand for others. That some people didn't mind knowing. That some people wanted to know.

Maybe if she'd stayed off, she would've been curious, but even knowing she wouldn't remember if the train sent her back, she just ... didn't want to know. If she died or changed careers or got married or had kids ... she just didn't want to hear about it.

"I think it'd be better if she heard it all from you than from someone else who might be the sharing sort. That's going around, y'know," she teased slightly.

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	not_nobody 2012-09-25 06:31 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah...every time I meet with her, I mean to tell her. But it's just so hard. I'm so afraid she'll reject me. Even though...at the same time, I really don't think she will." He shook his head. "I'm so sorry for the train dragging you back, though. I wish that it would just...let everyone be happy. But it seems that's not really the train's thing." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

monologuinghero
2012-09-25 11:21 am UTC (link)

Jaime shrugged one shoulder, but it wasn't like that sort of fear was completely irrational. If there was something she'd always wanted (as she assumed was the case here) and she finally got it, she'd be terrified of fucking it up, too. "I dunno. I think most moms have some anti-rejection thing built in when it comes to their kids. I mean ... I wasn't exactly the best or most brilliant or anything growing up, and my parents loved me just fine." Come to that, she'd managed to net herself a bit of trouble growing up, and while she was sure she'd exasperated the hell out of them, they'd always been there.

"I'm sorry, too," she replied before she shrugged. "But what're you going to do, right? I think Ray wants to try again, if the next stop doesn't suck. I mean, I'll try, but the odds of the next stop not sucking are pretty slender."

Jaime slid down off the chair, arching her back as she stretched. "And speaking of Ray, I'm going to go take out some of my frustrations on him instead of the cabinets."

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	not_nobody 2012-09-25 03:59 pm UTC (link)
	Neville blushed a little at the thought of what she meant by taking out frustrations, but whatever it was, he hoped it worked. He didn't like to see her - or anyone - unhappy, especially when it was the fault of the train. "Alright," he said with a smile. "Take care, okay. And good luck on the next stop not being too terrible." [Fade? :)] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	monologuinghero 2012-09-25 09:27 pm UTC (link)
	"Thanks," she replied with a smile to him before she headed toward the door. She did feel a little better about some things -- not being stuck back on the train, of course -- and she knew they'd handle it. Come what may. Shouldering open the door between the cars, Jaime made her way into the next one, heading back toward her room. [yup :) ] (Reply to this) (Parent)