Jaime Davies (monologuinghero) wrote in expresslogs, @ 2012-05-31 20:41:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | jaime dorny, raymond leon |
Without You
Characters: Jaime, Ray
When: around six PM Dino-time and Beyond
Location: outside the train, on board the train, at the resort
Warnings/Rating: angsty sadness
Summary: Jaime thinks this is good-bye
Status: Complete / Gdocs'd
Retrieval. The word repeated itself inside Jaime’s head until it started to lose meaning. Retrieval. Was that the fancy way of saying rescue? Was this the ‘hey, we finally found you, let’s all go home’ message that … maybe most of the train was hoping for? Were they going to have a choice? Were they going to get on the dead train only to have it start back up to throw people back to where they’d come from? If she held onto Ray, would he go with her? Or was the train going to be pulled back to the headquarters in its world, and people could decide where to go from there? Would they all just be set loose in the train’s reality, with no actual way home? Put back on other trains to go home? She didn’t want Ray to go home. She knew what happened when Ray went home. Ray died. Timed out. Whatever. The end result was the same. No more Ray. Jaime bit down on her quivering lower lip as she regarded the train. She thought if they’d been in any other place they’d stopped in, any other world, even Nebraska, she’d stay. She wouldn’t get back on the train. But she didn’t think she could survive here. She felt on the verge of tears, which was ridiculous because they didn’t actually know anything yet … but her worst-case-scenario imagination was very, very good. Somehow, now that she’d found someone to be with, he was going to be taken away from her. Her arms crossed tightly over her chest as the voice repeated its message, but with a different number. Counting down from fifteen minutes. Retrieval, ten minutes, thirty seconds. Retrieval. Please reboard the Express. The voice drilled into her head, and she wanted it to shut. up. and go away because it terrified her. Needlessly? Perhaps. But if it meant being parted from him, she didn’t want to be retrieved. She could deal with anything, with everything, the train could dish out … but not that. Just not that. In silence, Jaime continued to walk beside Ray back toward the train as it called them to be retrieved. __________________ Ray didn’t know how he felt at the moment. A little numb, he supposed. If they were being rescued, there were still a number of variables that they didn’t know. Maybe it wasn’t even a rescue. Maybe the train was doing some … strange train thing, and it needed them back on board. It was disappointing that they had to be in dinosaur land while this happened because the draw of not returning at all was quite high. He’d mostly made peace with the idea that he died in his reality. He’d lived 75 years and so he couldn’t really complain, could he? Now he had Jaime, though, and suddenly the amount of time they’d been together seemed too short. He reached over and put a hand on the small of her back, just wanting to touch her. “We don’t know what it means yet,” he murmured quietly as he glanced over at her. While he was sure she knew that logically, he also had a feeling that her imagination was running away just as quickly -- if not more -- than his was. Maybe it would be good. Maybe they’d get to go back to her reality. They’d still be together and away from the train. __________________ A sort of sob-laugh noise parted her lips when he spoke. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Maybe it just … fixed itself and … and we’re off again.” She wondered how pathetic it was that struck her as the best-case scenario, in regard to the idea of retrieval. If it was just the train retrieving them for more torture, fine. That was fine. If it was the train’s creators pulling them back, that was somewhat less than fine. Or … it could be less than fine. Maybe there were ways around it. Ways to … circumvent it. Maybe they could lie, or she could threaten to hex them if they tried to part her and Ray. As they crested a slight rise, the train came into view, along with the other passengers boarding. She caught sight of Lily, most likely doing some sort of head count or something, and the urge to cry was almost overwhelming. She was going to miss people. Ray. Logan, Lily. Hell, even Cato, to a … far lesser degree. The people who’d been on with them nearly from the start. The people who’d had been through everything the train had to offer. Jaime tried to get a sense of the general feeling, and when she caught Lily’s eye, she thought the other woman was feeling something like she was. If this was a rescue … they didn’t want it. Stilling herself, she glanced back over her shoulder. Any other world, she thought again. Even in this one, she was considering taking the chance. But maybe … maybe it wasn’t what she was dreading. “It’s … probably just the train fucking with us again,” she said as she climbed the stairs into the train. __________________ That was a possibility. Strangely, he thought it was the most likely, but perhaps it was just the one he wanted the most. Well, if it was completely up to him, he’d like to go back to Jaime’s world, but he was afraid that might lead to complications. If his body just started to age normally, starting from 25, he couldn’t complain about that; he wasn’t sure it was going to work that way. Although, his clock hadn’t started in any of the other realities they’d gone through, but what if the train was just suppressing it, the way it had taken away people’s powers? Faced with the uncertainty of it all -- and only ten minutes before whatever happened, happened -- all he could really do was keep on a brave face. He briefly studied the other people that were boarding the train as they did, offering Lily a nod if he caught her eye as well. He knew she was probably feeling similar things, given the fate she had waiting for her back home. “That wouldn’t surprise me at all,” he admitted with something of a smirk. He liked to think that if this was a rescue, it would be a little less ambiguous. Retrieval didn’t exactly bring to mind a rescue, but again, he supposed that could have just been his own desires skewing his thoughts. He shook his head lightly, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach as he followed Jaime onto the train. __________________ It wouldn’t surprise her, and honestly … if this stopping and ‘retrieving’ thing was just another super fun thing the train thought to do, she’d be fine with that, as long as it wasn’t actually a rescue where everyone just got thrown back to where they’d come from. In silence, she led him down the corridor to their room. It was loud inside the train, even when the alarm wasn’t sounding and the voice wasn’t blaring. There were people, questions, talking, and she didn’t care about any of it. She pushed her way into their room, closing the door behind them once Ray was in. A flick of her wand locked the door, and she glanced to the suite door before deciding not to bother. The count down continued, and never had time seemed so ridiculously short to her. She wondered if this was how people felt when they watched their clocks ticking down in Ray’s world. Minutes now, but seconds soon enough, and then what? Good-bye? Or would they just arrive at the train’s home base? “If …” Jaime cleared her throat and swallowed. “If it turns out … I mean, if we don’t have a chance for anything when … when this is done counting down …” She shifted then lifted her pale blue eyes to him. “I love you. If I have to go home without you, even if I don’t remember you, I think I’ll spend my whole life trying to find you.” __________________ Once they were back in their room, he turned towards her when she began to speak, meeting her light blue eyes with his own. He looked away briefly as her words threatened to break down a layer of his calm, stoic protection. His eyes were a little overly bright when he returned them to her. It was his turn to clear his throat and he reached out to place his hands on her hips. “I love you too, Jaime. You’ve made being on this train the best time of my life,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her into a hug. If he had to go home and if he only had seconds left, he thought now, at least, he wouldn’t have as many regrets as he’d had the first time. Now he’d truly loved someone and been loved back, even if it was only for a few months. “If we have to go home... I hope you find someone who makes you as happy as you’ve made me,” he added before biting his lip and tightening his arms around her. While he didn’t like the idea of her forgetting him, if it happened, at least it might make things easier for her. __________________ She was going to feel a little ridiculous if this wasn’t the end like she thought it might be. Still, she’d rather lay all the words on the table so she’d know they’d been said rather than regret not saying them. And honestly, she would love to feel ridiculous in seven minutes, when the thing was done counting down and whatever happened, happened. Wrapping her arms around him, she rested her head on his chest to listen to his heart beating. She wanted to tell him there was no one at home who could make her feel like he made her feel, but she didn’t trust her voice anymore. So she held him in silence, trying not to think of all the horrible ways this could end, desperately trying not to think of him going home to die, listening to the voice announce things. If there was more time … she thought she’d try to get him into bed, but she’d content herself with holding him. With feeling his body pressing to her own. With rubbing her hands over his back in a desperate attempt to memorize how he felt in her arms. “Maybe.” She cleared her throat again, though it was a little tight, a little hoarse when she spoke again. “If it is … them, picking us up. Maybe we’ll get a chance to. To plead our cases. And …” Well, she assumed he knew what the ‘and’ was. And he could go back with her. And he could live in her world. Or if they would find some other world the train people would let them go to, and just live there. There’d be something. There had to be something. This couldn’t be the end. __________________ Ray also had the thought that they might feel pretty silly if all that happened when the countdown ended was that the train started up again. Really, he figured they’d both just be so relieved that it wouldn’t matter. He kissed her hair as he held her, his hands making a similar exploration of her back. “They should let us, to make up for all the trouble the train has caused us if for no other reason.” He could see it happening, and yet he could also see them not wanting to change realities. Maybe allowing him to live in Jaime’s reality would fundamentally change something important. Of course, some people had already gotten off during stops and he wondered if they would ‘retrieve’ those people as well. “Let’s lay down,” he encouraged as he took a step back towards the bed without releasing her from his arms. There were only a few minutes left, but he thought it would just be nice to lay with her in her arms, just in case it was the last time. __________________ Jaime agreed, completely. They’d been kidnapped. They’d been jerked around. They’d met people they wouldn’t have otherwise, and she had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t from her reality. They’d damn well better make some allowances for all of this. She let him guide her along, climbing into bed with him once they’d reached it. Nestling her body against his, she rested her head against his chest, an arm draped over his middle. She tried not to think, and just to feel. To remember his smell, the sound of his heart, the heat of his body against her own. Inhaling slowly, she exhaled a slightly shaky breath. “So. Don’t laugh too hard at me if … we’re just rolling through cows again when the countdown stops,” she said in an attempt to joke. She was too aware of the time ticking down though. Three minutes now. Three minutes, maybe the last three minutes she’d get to spend with him. Right now, she was almost praying for cows outside the windows. The sense of motion, cloudy skies, and cows. That would be a huge relief. __________________ Ray wrapped his arms around her, letting one hand rub up and down her back before settling on her hip as they held each other. He also tried not to think too much, not to worry. Whatever was going to happen was completely out of their hands. They had three minutes, two minutes, and then they’d see where they were … or they’d be back home and wouldn’t remember any of this. A little smile touched his lips as she joked and he was amused, since it had been something he’d been thinking of as well, “I can’t promise that,” he murmured, teasing gently. He didn’t think he’d laugh at all, except maybe in relief, if they did suddenly turn up back in cow country. He moved a hand, brushing his fingertips against her cheek before moving them under her chin to guide it upwards, allowing him to brush his lips softly against hers. He didn’t expect it to go anywhere, especially with the short amount of time they had left. He just wanted to kiss her, in case it was the last time. __________________ Jaime closed her eyes slowly as he kissed her, returning it softly, then a little less softly. She knew they didn’t have time (as the voice blared out the one minute mark) to do much more, but if they were suddenly warped home, then she would like this to be the last thing she did with him. She tried to keep her lips from quivering too much as she returned his kisses, her body pressing against his. After the voice announced thirty seconds, she couldn’t stop the tear that trickled down her cheek. Then came the reverse count down, and she broke the kiss to draw her head back, gazing up at him. She wondered if she should try to say good-bye, but all she could do was look at him, study his face, try to memorize his eyes. Maybe if she could burn his face into her memory, she could at least see him in dreams. Her eyes closed when the voice reached one, and she tightened herself around him as if somehow she could become so entwined with him the train couldn’t separate them. When nothing immediately happened, when there was only the sounds from the rest of the train, Jaime slowly opened one eye. She glanced to the window, and while it wasn’t cows … or moving … there didn’t seem to be anyone rushing over to greet them, either. “Think it’s safe to laugh yet?” she asked in a shaky voice. __________________ He’d closed his eyes when the countdown reached one, unconsciously tightening his arms around her as well. He expected to feel something change, for his arms to be empty, to be standing back out in the ghetto, staring down at his arm with only a couple seconds left. It struck him that he’d be going from one countdown right to another and he might have found that strangely amusing under different circumstances. Instead, he didn’t feel anything different. He could still feel Jaime in his arms and he blinked his eyes open to confirm it, exhaling when he realized he’d been holding his breath. They weren’t moving either, were they? A little grin touched his lips at her question, though he wasn’t one hundred percent sure about the answer. “Seems we’ve at least past the being immediately sent home hurdle,” he admitted with a touch of uncertainty to his voice. He let his arms unravel from around her, intending to get up to go look out the window. __________________ Jaime wasn’t so eager to let go of him, but if there was going to be something going on … She let him go, reaching for her device as he moved to the window. Pale blue eyes skimmed over the entry on the home page, a faint frown on her lips. They weren’t home, and apparently they weren’t rescued, either. She thought there was probably something just a little bit wrong with being relieved they were still apparently kidnapped. “We’re at some sort of resort, according to our thing. Not rescued.” She eased off the bed, scrolling through to see if anyone else had posted anything yet. Joining him out the window, she looked away from her device long enough to peer outside. Well, it looked resort-y all right, and she lifted her shoulders in a slight shrug. They may as well hop off and see what this was about. “I still love you,” she said, a little smile on her lips. “Even if we’re not rescued.” Moving away from him, she picked up her wand from where she’d let it rest, brows elevating as she headed for the door. If the train had shut down because of the six-month thing they’d heard about, was this one of the approved, scheduled stops? Or was this something else? She guessed she’d deal with that if she saw any Mobius employees. __________________ “A resort,” he echoed with a bit of a question in his voice. That is what it looked like, he had to admit, a little shrug lifting his shoulders. He glanced over at her with a brief grin, wrapping an arm around her waist, “I still love you too. Guess you’ll have to put up with me for a bit longer.” He released her as she drew away, glancing once more out the window before moving to follow her. They might as well explore and see what there was to see. He was pretty curious to discover whether or not this was a fully staffed resort and he thought he would feel a little sorry for the employees, if that turned out to be the case. __________________ “Oh the horrors,” Jaime replied with a teasing smile as she glanced over her shoulder to him. So, all right. That had been an intense outpouring of emotions, but she didn’t regret putting it all out on the line like that. Sure, he knew she loved him, but … now she guessed he really knew it. Joining the others moving through the corridor, Jaime reached back for Ray’s hand as they moved together off the train to see what this resort thing was all about. |