innerslytherin (innerslytherin) wrote in ever_fixed_mark, @ 2008-04-26 22:03:00 |
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Current mood: | cold |
Entry tags: | christmas, james, peter, remus, sirius |
008: Christmas, 1977
Peter turned the brightly-wrapped package in his hands, staring down at it. Tomorrow he would be taking the Hogwarts Express away for the Christmas hols, and he and Remus had agreed to exchange their presents early so they could do it in person. Peter would much rather be with Remus for Christmas, but his mum was alone, and he couldn't stay at school when he knew how lonely she must be.
He hoped the present he'd got was right. He'd found Remus reading a book a few weeks ago and had hunted down another book by the man. The bookshop owner had told Peter it was a first edition, which apparently made it valuable, though Peter didn't know what that meant. In any case, he'd thought it would be something good to give Remus, along with a small box of Honeyduke's Best Dark Chocolate. Predictably, he was second-guessing himself when it came down to actually giving it to Remus.
Remus sort of wished he was going with Peter over the hols. Ever since his mum had died years ago, he and his dad weren't necessarily close, so he usually spend the Hols at school. It would be different this year without Peter, but of course he understood, and he thought it best not to inflict his presence on Peter's mum any more than necessary. That, and he was getting tired of having to explain himself to James and Sirius every time he was alone with Peter now, so he doubted going to Peter's for Christmas would sit well with them.
There had been a few miserable weeks following the funeral, but now Peter just went quiet from time to time and seemed more interested in studying. Remus couldn't blame him for wanting the distraction. He hadn't been entirely certain what to get Peter for Christmas. In years past, he might've not been so nervous, but this year Peter was his boyfriend - or at least Remus hoped he was. They hadn't really discussed it in so many words. Regardless, Peter was more than just his mate now. He only hoped his gift was good enough.
The common room was quieter than usual with most everyone getting ready for the train ride tomorrow, and Remus settled easily in one of the overstuffed chairs near the fire, the one closest to where Peter was sitting, and grinned at him. "Hey," he said lightly, pulling the wrapped box from the pocket of his robes.
Peter looked up and smiled. He loved looking at Remus. He knew Remus wasn't as flashily handsome as Sirius or James, but to Peter, he was perfect. "Hi," he said, his voice quiet. "Haven't seen much of you today. Sorry I was so busy packing." He leaned towards Remus, reaching out to touch his knee, which was blocked from sight from the rest of the common room.
Remus tilted his head and regarded Peter for a moment, curling his fingers around Peter's hand. It was silly, but Remus sort of liked this, sharing this secret about them, touching when people on the other side of the room wouldn't have even thought they might be. "It's okay. I understand." Remus brushed his thumb over Peter's knuckles. "It's stupid, but I almost wish I could come with you."
"That's not stupid," Peter said, his smile widening a little. "I wish you could, too. I'd owl my mum, but..." He shrugged. "I just don't know how she is, you know? Her letters aren't really...She doesn't sound like herself in them. I'll miss you, though. I'll owl you."
Remus shook his head. "No, I know, really. Besides, James and Sirius..." Remus waved his hand to dismiss the thought, curling his legs under him in the chair to lean a little toward Peter, his smile going a little lopsided at the mention of getting owled. "Promise." It wasn't a request.
Peter laughed. "I promise. You'd better write back to me." He squeezed Remus' hand; after all, he knew Remus would. "Want your present?"
"Did I ever not write back over the summer?" Remus asked, not expecting an answer. He gave Peter's hand a final squeeze before letting go so he could open his present. "Sure. You really didn't need to get me anything, you know." He said it every year out of habit.
"But I like getting you presents," Peter said. "Especially now." He held out the present, smiling. Merlin, he hoped Remus liked it.
Remus gave Peter a slightly conspiratorial grin and took the offered present. He tore open the wrapping and pulled the chocolate out first, smiling. He was tempted to unwrap it right there, but it would have been rude to, so he settled for smelling it through the wrapper. "Mmm, too good to me, you are." To his surprise, however, there was a second gift, and Remus reached in the package to pull out a book, turning it over to look at the big white and yellow lettering across the front. He turned it over in his hands again, grinning, then looked up at Peter, delighted. "Thanks, Pete! How'd you know I liked Vonnegut?"
Peter shrugged, grinning back. "Saw you reading one of his books a while back. I hope you didn't already have that one." The look on Remus' face was wonderful.
"No, I don't. Thanks!" Remus beamed at him for a moment. Peter was clever and observant, and Remus wanted to get out of his chair and hug him, but he refrained. After a moment, Remus made himself stop staring at Peter stupidly, and handed over the small box in his lap, hoping the little Quidditch figurine he'd bought Peter wouldn't come whizzing out of it once Peter opened it never to be seen again.
Flushed with pleasure at the enjoyment on Remus' face, Peter smiled back at him for a moment before he opened his own present. When he got the box open, a little figure flew out of the box and then hovered in front of his face. "Oh, wow, it's Ragmar Dorkins!" he exclaimed, catching it out of the air. "Remus, this is great!" He inspected the figurine minutely, pointing out how accurate they'd got the broken nose and scar. Then he let the figurine take off and fly circles and figure-eights around them while he pulled out the book. "Arthur C. Clarke, Remus, this is brilliant! I read one of his books while we were on holiday this summer!"
He stared down at the cover, his throat tightening. "My, um, my dad gave me the one I read. He really liked Clarke." He blinked hard, hoping he wouldn't cry, and smiled at Remus. "Thanks," he whispered.
Remus grinned, glad to know Peter liked his gifts. It was great to see him so excited again. It felt like it had been a while and Remus couldn't help but chuckle happily as Peter inspected the miniature Dorkins. But it didn't last long enough before Peter's demeanor changed, and Remus promptly felt awful. He hadn't expected his second gift to upset Peter or remind him of his dad. He reached out quickly and closed his hand over Peter's, then almost apologised for his gift, but he thought that might only make Peter feel worse. "I-- you're welcome," he managed quietly. "You'd mentioned reading them in your letters."
"Yeah," Peter said. "This is great. Really great, Remus." He fought the urge to hug Remus, which the other people in the common room would certainly notice. Instead he squeezed Remus' hand again, smiling at him. It was strange, the book made him sad, but he was also glad Remus had bought it for him, and he looked forward to reading it. "I love you," he whispered.
Remus' eye immediately went a little wide and his heart jumped into his throat. For a moment, he just stared at Peter, the shock of those three words hitting him hard. His chest was aching with immeasurable happiness. He'd felt it, too, that he might love Peter. He'd caught himself almost saying it before, but hearing it from Peter was the most overwhelming and amazing thing he'd ever heard. "Peter, Peter--" he stammered. "Y-you do?"
Oh bugger. Peter had grown so used to thinking those words at Remus that he'd forgotten, for a moment, that he hadn't actually said them. He wasn't sure if the expression on Remus' face was happy or, well, terrified. He took a deep breath, staring back at Remus and clutching his book so hard the edges hurt his fingers. "I...yeah. You just--you've been incredible, Remus, just--just wonderful. You make me feel like I'm special, important, and...you were there when my dad..." He licked his lips, hoping Remus wasn't angry. "We've been friends for years, and now...I just, I love you." He was whispering by the time he finished.
Remus stared for another moment, speechless, then a brilliant smile bloomed on his face. "Can we go someplace else?" he blurted.
Peter breathed out a tiny sigh of relief and nodded, still clutching his book. At least Remus seemed happy about it.
Remus clutched his book and chocolate to his chest and slipped out of his seat eagerly. "Come on," he whispered, tugging Peter's shirt. He debated a moment where to go, deciding against the dorm, as people would be up there packing, and instead left the common room, making sure Peter was following. The corridors had a few people in them, but Remus headed down them quickly. When he reached the statue of Wilfrid the Wistful, Remus darted a glance around them and then slipped into the secret passage behind it.
As soon as Peter followed in behind him, Remus pressed him against the passage wall and kissed him, pulling back just enough to whisper. "Hi."
Peter enjoyed being pressed against the wall and kissed, then Remus' greeting made him giggle. "Um, hi," he said, grinning stupidly at him. He wrapped his arms tightly around Remus.
Remus laughed a little at the way Peter giggled, then looked at Peter, suddenly feeling a little breathless. "Um. I just wanted to... I just wanted to say that I love you, too." He leaned up and kissed Peter again, his lips soft but demanding. "But I wanted to be able to do that when I did."
Peter's arms tightened around Remus at those words, and he laughed out of sheer happiness. "Merlin, Remus," he said. He didn't know what to say after that, though, so he kissed Remus again, hoping he could convey a little of how he felt.
Remus returned the kiss, humming happily into it. He wasn't sure if he'd ever felt this happy before. Peter's laughter was infectious, and Remus took both their books and his bar of chocolate out from between them and dropped them gently to the floor, then pushed back to look at Peter, both hands on the wall behind him, his body pressed flush against Peter's. "It's amazing, isn't it?" he asked, smiling and holding Peter's gaze intently.
"I never even imagined I could feel this way," Peter admitted, feeling a little breathless. "It's wonderful. You're wonderful." He lifted one hand to play with Remus' hair.
Remus splayed the fingers of one hand across Peter's chest, loving the soft warmth under his hand. "Thanks," he said softly. Remus didn't feel amazing, really, but Peter made him question everything about himself just by the sheer weight of his convictions where Remus was concerned. Remus ducked his head and kissed Peter's jaw. "You make me so happy," he whispered, ghosting his lips over Peter's skin.
Peter huffed a little laugh. "Even though half the time we've been together I've been miserable and boring?" he murmured, tilting his head to give Remus better access. He loved how affectionate Remus was.
Remus pressed his face against Peter's neck and wrapped his arms around Peter, pressed between the wall and the small of Peter's back. "Never boring," he whispered. "And... I love you. I wish I could make the rest of it go away, but I don't mind it. I'm glad I can be here for you."
"You're so good to me," Peter said, holding Remus carefully. He liked how lean Remus was, how their bodies fit together. He stroked Remus' hair and sighed contentedly. "I always feel like myself when I'm with you. And I feel like you like who I am. No one ever makes me feel like that, except you and my parents." He faltered. "My mum."
Remus pulled back, his eye flicking between Peter's earnestly. "Of course I like who you are." He brought a hand up to cup Peter's cheek, giving him a sympathetic look at the stumble, but letting it pass without mention. "Merlin, Peter, I want to snog you senseless most of the time, and sometimes... sometimes I wish I could crawl into your bed after dark." He felt his cheeks heat a little at that admission, and hoped Peter wouldn't think it was weird.
Peter smiled again at that and kissed Remus. "I wish you could, too," he whispered. "I wish--I want..." He trailed off and bit his lower lip, not knowing exactly how to say it. "We should find some place to really be alone," he said finally. "So we could have all the time we wanted." To shag, he wanted to add, but that seemed too blunt.
Remus' smile faded into a slightly more surprised expression and he tilted his head to regard Peter for a moment. All the time they wanted. Oh, God, was Peter thinking...?! Remus glanced down the passageway. He hadn't really been think that far ahead... or about that at all. "Hm. Yeah. Um... what did you have in mind?" he asked, giving Peter a look somewhere between excitement and apprehension, but kissed Peter anyway.
Peter blushed and wondered if maybe Remus didn't want to have sex. He shrugged a little and said, "Just, you know, to not be interrupted. And to--to--do stuff."
Do stuff. Well that was brilliant, Peter, he thought.
The apprehension faded a little at that, that Peter was possibly just as nervous as he was, and he couldn't help but grin. "I'd like to do stuff," he said playfully, kissing Peter's nose.
Peter grinned in relief and tightened his arms around Remus. "I love you," he whispered. He liked being able to say it aloud after thinking it so often lately. "I may start telling you that a lot," he added in an apologetic tone.
Remus laughed and leaned away, pulling Peter from the wall, because the ought to move before they both lost their nerve. If Peter was thinking what Remus thought he was thinking, anyway. "I may like that a lot."
Peter's grin widened. "Good." He caught Remus' hand and squeezed it briefly, then nodded towards the exit for Remus to lead the way.
Remus looked toward the entry of the passage and drew a steadying breath, because this was Peter and he loved Peter. He could do this. He wanted to do this... and it would be a nice send off before a couple of weeks apart, wouldn't it? He reached down, finding himself a little unsteady, to pick up their books and his chocolate, then darted a nervous but excited look back at Peter before slipping back out into the corridor. He was fairly certain he knew where Peter had meant and he headed toward the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, glancing at Peter occasionally as they walked, barely able to contain himself.
Peter wished they could hold hands as they walked; he didn't want to stop touching Remus. But he settled for watching Remus out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't stop grinning, though, and he was still grinning when they turned a corner and walked right into James and Sirius.
"Oh, there you two are," Sirius said, his tone exasperated. "We've been looking for you everywhere. What are you doing?"
Remus froze for a moment. Oh buggery hell! He tried not to look too put out. "Looking for you!" he blurted, for lack of anything better to say.
"We were in the dormitory," James said, matching the inflection in Sirius' voice.
"Well, we weren't," Peter said, in the tone of someone pointing out the obvious. "Didn't know where you'd ended up. And obviously we just hadn't got back to the dormitory to check there yet."
Sirius snorted. "Should've looked there first, mate. Everyone's packing to go home."
"But you two are staying," Remus said, realising he was holding both his and Peter's books and wondering if the other two noticed.
"Course we are, mate, but that's no reason to miss out on any excitement," James said, casually draping his arm over Remus' shoulder and guiding him back to the common room as the other two followed. "That's no reason to miss out on any excitement. Bebly set off a whole pack of Exploding Snap in Prewett's trunk. It was amazing."
Peter laughed and followed along. "Merlin, wish I could have seen that! What happened?" He really felt like kicking something--or, possibly, someone...say, James Potter.
"Still clearing the smoke. Prewett's threatening to hex whoever did it."
"Surprised he didn't hex you," Remus quipped, wishing there were some way of getting out of being dragged away from the possibility of shagging, but he thought slipping from James' arm would look weird.
"Almost hexed Sirius, actually."
Sirius held up his hands in mock surrender. "Honestly, do I look like the sort of bloke who would do a thing like that?"
"Yes," James, Remus and Peter immediately replied in unison.
Laughing, Peter nudged Sirius. "I suppose I'm lucky to be getting away for a fortnight. Watch out, you two, Sirius is getting ideas now."
"Oi, I resent that," Sirius muttered.
"Oh, cheer up, Pads. If it'll make you feel any better, we can play fetch later," James teased, then gave the Fat Lady the password and all four of them slipped into the common room.