Helium Raven (severity_softly) wrote in ever_fixed_mark, @ 2008-04-23 16:10:00 |
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Current mood: | mournful |
Entry tags: | james, peter, phyllis pettigrew, remus, sirius |
007: We Drink to a Fallen Scotsman
The owl didn't come at breakfast. Later Peter thought that should have made him nervous. At the time he was just glad for something to distract him from his homework. Sirius and James were off at Quidditch practice, and Remus was doing something prefectly . Peter was sitting by himself in the Great Hall because he'd taken his books down to dinner and just hadn't left when he was done eating.
It was difficult to concentrate on Ancient Runes, though, even when he was taking notes, and he'd ended up watching a Hufflepuff and a Ravenclaw playing a loud match of Wizard's Chess, one table over. He had his chin propped on his hand, staring off into the distance, when a flurry of tawny feathers flashed past his eyes. A moment later an envelope hit him in the face, making him flinch. By the time he looked up, the owl was flapping silently off.
Frowning in curiosity, Peter looked down at the envelope. It was bright blue, which wasn't a colour he'd ever seen before. "Not a Howler," he muttered, and slid his finger under the flap, which was stamped with "URGENT" across it.
He stared at the letters inside, reading them twice before they made any sense at all...and then shaking his head because they still didn't make sense. It was an official, no-nonsense handwriting, signed by a woman whose name he didn't recognise. And she said--
No. No, this had to be a mistake. He stood up, leaving his things and carrying the letter as he walked out of the Great Hall. Remus. Remus would know what to do.
Unsure of where Remus might be, Peter set off along the passage. He wandered that way for nearly a quarter of an hour before he remembered he had the Map in his pocket. He pulled it out and watched James and Sirius' names whizz around the pitch for a moment, then started searching for Remus.
Remus had left dinner that evening with an apologetic smile. It was his turn to do rounds and he really didn't want to hear it from Vance if he was late. It had turned out to be an uneventful night, thankfully, one that had left him rather bored, in fact. He'd taken to occupying himself by playing a game with himself, stepping onto only every other stone in the floor and avoiding the cracks between them.
It was mostly empty in the corridor, so he looked up as he saw someone move in his peripheral vision, then grinned at Peter. "Here to keep me company?" he asked, but the smile faded almost immediately at the look on Peter's face. "What?"
Peter felt a wash of relief when he saw Remus, a tiny lessening of the tightness in his throat. He opened his mouth, but couldn't force the words out. Instead he stumbled toward his boyfriend and held out the letter, his gaze on Remus' face.
Remus really didn't like this one bit. There was something in the way Peter hadn't said anything that was unsettling and Remus took the letter from Peter straight away. He turned it over in his hand, not recognising the stationary as anything like he'd seen before, and then he read.
For a moment, Remus didn't believe it. Peter's Dad had been in a car wreck, hit by a lorry, and he was... oh, God. Peter's dad is... dead. Remus' brows drew together in a look of sympathy and he looked back at Peter. He didn't know quite what to say, so after a moment, he closed the gap between them and wrapped Peter in his arms, not really caring if anyone saw.
Peter let out a sob and clutched at Remus, squeezing his eyes shut. This isn't happening, this isn't happening, he thought frantically. He buried his face against Remus' neck and tried to collect himself. Instead he just let out another sob, and a moment later he was shuddering and crying against Remus' neck.
"Oh, Merlin, Peter..." Remus' hands were stroking Peter's hair soothingly before he even realised, and he squeezed Peter to him tightly with his other arm. He wondered if they should maybe go to the dorm, because the last thing they needed was for people to stare if they came through. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."
Peter hated crying, and he hated the fact that he felt embarrassed about it, because it was his Dad, he ought to be crying. He scrunched up his face and clung to Remus, trying to say something but not getting anything out. Finally he managed, "Remus--" in a voice that was barely a squeak.
"Shh, it's okay," Remus whispered, his fingers stroking Peter's back, then felt like a right git because it wasn't okay at all, was it?
He'd started to rock them back and forth gently without realising, and just then a 5th year Ravenclaw started down the hall towards then, but stopped and gawked for a moment behind Peter's back. Remus frowned at her but didn't stop what he was doing, and after a moment, finally quietly said, "Oi, bugger off or I'll dock points." It wasn't the mostprefectly thing he could have said, but he suddenly felt like Peter was his to protect, and she darted back the way she came from after that.
Peter heard Remus' tone change, but he didn't catch the words. Nonetheless he suddenly realised they were standing in the middle of a hallway. He drew in a shaky breath and held it, trying to stop himself crying. His nose was running, which meant Remus was probably putting up with snot on his neck. God, Peter was a mess. Suddenly all he could think was, He said they'd buy me a new broom. He concentrated on breathing, desperately wanting to not cry any more.
Remus concentrated on Peter again, once the girl had gone, and he turned his head to kiss Peter's temple, ignoring the sticky wetness between them. "Do you want to go somewhere?" he asked as softly as he could, then tried to think of somewhere where people wouldn't wander in on them. The dorm was out, as were most of the grounds, except... "That room? The one that just appears by the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy?"
Peter managed a shrug, but he didn't want to think about what to do. He didn't want to make a decision. He just wanted Remus to hold him and promise him things were going to be all right. Oh, God, Mum! he thought. He should be worried about her. But he couldn't think, he just couldn't think.
Remus squeezed Peter tighter for a moment, but he really did think they should move. He wished he could Apparate. Again. Head injuries and family deaths should be an exception, he thought, and then wondered why. It probably had something to do with feeling utterly useless right now. "Okay, let's go then," he whispered, and looped his arm around Peter's waist to guide him through the castle, but the trip to that room suddenly felt like it was a million miles to walk and eventually Remus just tugged Peter into and empty classroom and locked the door behind them.
He turned back to look at Peter and stroked a thumb over his cheek, brushing through a bit of wetness. "I'm so sorry. I wish I knew what to do, but I know there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry."
Peter scrubbed a sleeve across his face, then had to fight to keep from crumbling into tears again. He scrunched his face up and leaned against Remus. "Hold on to me," he whispered. His hands were shaking. He had a feeling there were things he ought to be thinking about--but he just felt as if he'd been hit by a strong freezing charm. He couldn't think.
"Okay," Remus replied immediately. He could do that. He could hold Peter all night, if that was what Peter needed. "Whatever you need." He wrapped his arms back around Peter and clung to him, wishing he could stop the way Peter was trembling, but knowing it was probably better for him to let it out. "It's going to be all right," he soothed.
For a long time Peter just held on to Remus, fingers wrapped in the fabric of his clothes, head turned so he could breathe in Remus' scent with every ragged inhalation. He didn't feel any better, but he began to calm a bit. "I...my...I don't know what to do," he managed finally, not opening his eyes. "What--help me. Please?"
Remus was quiet for a while until Peter spoke. Help? Oh God, Remus didn't really know what to do in situations like this. "Okay," he heard himself agree anyway. Should he put Peter to bed? Go get milk and biscuits? ...Or just slide down the wall in this room here and hold Peter to him until Peter was ready to leave it? "What can I do? I'll do it. Whatever you need."
Peter sighed and lifted his head to kiss Remus' cheek, hoping he wasn't too manky from all the crying. He didn't know what he wanted, but Remus was being so kind, so caring. It did help. "I...c'n we go home?" he muttered, and then added, "The dormitory."
Peter's kiss was wet and sticky, but Remus smiled at him as best he could anyway. "Yeah, we can go. Come on," Remus said, slipping his arm around Peter's waist again.
It seemed to take forever to walk to the dorm, Peter leaning on Remus a little and trying just to keep putting one foot in front of the other. He knew he got strange looks from a couple people they passed, but he was aware, too, of Remus makingprefectly threats when a Slytherin cheeked them. Peter couldn't be arsed to do more than glare dully at the boy, and he was more than willing to have Remus guide him away.
The common room was almost empty, and no one there was surprised to see Marauders come in arm-and-arm; they probably just thought Peter was pissed. When they got up to the dorm, Remus propped him against the door frame and promised to be right back. Peter didn't bother looking around to see what he was doing, he just closed his eyes and leaned there.
Remus didn't much care if he was gong to hear back tomorrow about docking points from Slytherin house. All that mattered was making sure Peter was okay. He disappeared into the loo to get a flannel, running it under the cool tap and then stepped back out to Peter, who was still collapsed where he'd left him. "Hey," he said softly, brushing the cool cloth over Peter's forehead.
Peter shivered a little at the unexpected coolness against his skin, but he lifted his head and opened his eyes, focusing on Remus' face. "Remus," he whispered, trying to smile. He failed miserably. He was so tired, and still so afraid. He kept thinking about how much his father liked Quidditch and Wizarding photos. He couldn't be dead.
"Shh." Peter hadn't taken the flannel from him, so Remus wiped under his eyes and nose gently, then leaned in and gave Peter a kiss on the cheek, thankful the dorm was so quiet. He tossed the flannel back in the bathroom and then pulled Peter away from the door, walking him gingerly to Peter's bed. He glanced around the room to see no one was around... and the few who were were dozing, so he guided Peter into bed and then climbed in after him, drawing the curtains around them. He hovered on his knees for a moment, looking down at Peter, then asked, "Or... would you rather be alone?"
Fear swelled up in Peter's chest. "No, stay," he whispered, clutching at Remus' sleeve. "Please. Don't leave me alone." He couldn't stand the thought of being by himself, having nothing to think about but his dad. His breathing quickened again at the thought.
Remus nodded and then carefully settled down next to Peter, draping his arm over him. "I won't leave until you want me to," he whispered, kissing Peter's cheek again, and then his shoulder.
Remus was so good to him. Peter pushed his shoes off and over the side of the bed, then crawled under the covers. "Come on," he murmured, and watched Remus. He wanted Remus to stay here until he fell asleep. He wanted Remus to be here when he woke up. Maybe in the morning this would all have just been a bad dream.
Remus followed Peter, kicking his own shoes off and slipping under the covers with him. They should have probably changed into their pyjamas, but Remus didn't think Peter cared right now, and Remus couldn't blame him. He looked at Peter for a moment, brushed the fringe out of his eyes, then kissed his lips softly before resting his head on Peter's chest and closing his eyes.