Amano (amano) wrote in envisage, @ 2007-02-13 18:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | h |
The Hiei & Kurama Show
~The Hiei and Kurama Show~
--Main Cast Members (not counting guests):
Hiei
Kurama
Yusuke
Kuwabara
*Oni
*Juu-Kun
*Suki
*Jesscheaux
*Rose
*Other authors
________________________________________
The usual scene is set up--dark blue background colors, a huge television screen mounted high on the wall, four or five crimson-colored chairs lined up in front of it, and a mahogany table with a vase full of roses set up in front of the chairs::
________________________________________
*****BACKSTAGE*****
::Oni is walking around with a video camera in her hands and a sly smirk plastered onto her face. She turns a corner and begins to sidle the wall when the door to Kurama's office comes into view. When she gets up close to the doorway, she stops and turns on the video camera::
Oni: ::turning the camera around and speaking to it in a low voice:: "Hi, and welcome to the Oni
Cam. I'm about to break into my brother's office and get even with him for taking my Sake..."
::snickers:: "Let's have a little fun with Kurama!" ::turns the camera back around so she can tape the action::
::Oni slowly opens the door and steps inside the office, closing the door behind her::
Oni: "Hmm...looks pretty empty to me. Does he even USE this office?" ::spies a hairbrush and a
bottle of water on the desk:: "...Oh, yeah. He must use it. Now...just what kind of prank should we pull on him today? Well for starters, we should see just what he has inside that desk!"
::She begins opening drawers and pulling everything out--papers, pens, the usual stuff one would
expect to find in an office desk. But then...::
Oni: "A-ha!" ::pulls out a crimson colored book labeled 'Diary' in fancy gold writing:: "Alright! Score! This should be great for black-mail! ...Let's see what else my dear brother keeps in his desk!" ::continues rummaging through the drawers until she finds another book--this time a smaller black one--that is labeled 'Secret Shampoo Recipes':: "Well, well, well...Kurama makes his OWN shampoo! Jeez, I knew he liked his hair, but I had no idea it was THAT important to him." ::suddenly she hears a noise from outside:: "Uh-oh! I think somebody's coming!"
Kurama's Voice: "...Yes, I think it's in my office. Let me just retrieve it..."
Oni: =O "Oh man! If I'm caught, everything'll be ruined!" ::hastily crams everything back into the desk and slams the drawers shut:: ::glances at the door as Kurama's footsteps become closer:: "Better hide..." ::looks around quickly and then dives underneath the desk just as the door opens::
Kurama: ::singing softly to himself as he enters the room, not realizing that his younger sister is getting everything on tape:: ::pauses right in front of the desk:: "Hm...now where did I leave those documents?"
Oni: ::bites her lip, hoping he won't look in any of the drawers, and tries to resist the temptation to kick his legs and scare the crap out of him::
Kurama: ::after a seemingly long silence:: "Oh! That's right, I have not printed them out yet."
::leaves the room::
Oni: ::breathes a sigh of relief after hearing the door shut:: "Whew! He's gone." ::checks watch:: "Whoops, the show is going to start any minute now! I better get out of here before he notices I'm gone." ::crawls out from underneath the desk and quickly exits the room, running down the hall and darting around the corner::
Kuwabara: ::spots Oni with the camera:: "Hey Oni! Ready for the show today?"
Oni: ::nods and keeps walking, having spied the snack table and thought of a devious ploy::
Kuwabara: "Uh...okay, don't say 'hi'." ::walks into another room to talk to his girlfriend::
Oni: ::grabs a coffee mug from the table and fills it half-full with coffee, stirring in the right amount of sugar and cream until it's fixed just the way Kurama likes it:: "And now..." ::pulls out a bottle of Sake:: "...time to make things interesting!" ::pours the contents of the Sake bottle into the coffee mug and stirs it around::
Yusuke: ::pokes his head into the room:: "Oni!"
Oni: ::quickly hides the empty Sake bottle:: "Yeah?"
Yusuke: "We're on in five minutes! Where've you been?"
Oni: "Calm down, I'm on my way!" ::follows Yusuke to where the rest of the crew is on stage, and
walks up to her brother:: "Here bro, I made you some coffee."
Kurama: ::accepts the drink:: "Why thank you, Oni. Indeed this is just what I needed." ::takes a long sip without hesitation, and then makes a face:: "Hmm...it tastes a bit odd today. Are you certain that this is coffee?"
Oni: ::nods:: "Of course it's coffee!" ::rolls her eyes:: "No, I'm trying to poison you. Come on, would I do that?"
Kurama: ::stares at her warily:: "Sometimes I do wonder..." ::continues to drink the coffee anyway:: "This must be a different type of brew."
Oni: ::stifles a snicker, thinking 'You could say that...'::
Director: "Places, everyone!"
Yusuke: "Alright, where's Hiei?"
Hiei: "Hn."
::All heads turn to stare at Hiei. The outline of another body could be seen standing beside the fire demon::
Kuwabara: "Looks like Shorty brought a friend."
::Everyone looks at Hiei's friend--who was the same height, was dressed in black, and wore the same spikey hairstyle, except his was green instead of black. He even had a bandana wrapped around his forehead. He looked at them and smirked evilly...and they knew right away what they were dealing with...or did they? Juu-Kun had arrived!::
Juu-Kun: ::stares at Kuwabara and smirks, many evil thoughts running through his mind:: "Your
worst nightmare, baka. That woman of yours can't protect you forever!"
Jesscheaux: ::arrives on the scene and glares at Juu-Kun:: "You'd better not be threatening my sweet Kuwa-kun!"
Kurama: ::nervous laugh:: "Now, now, let's not start fighting amongst each other already...the show has not even begun yet." ::takes another sip of the coffee::
Kade: ::bounds in:: "Are you guys ready? I'm waiting to start the show here! Good to see you got
here alright, Juu-Kun."
Yusuke: "Wait--YOU invited that guy?"
Juu-Kun: ::sends Yusuke one of those death glares in which Hiei is also gifted with:: "You have a problem with that?"
Kade: "Yusuke...a bit of advice: don't mess with him."
Yusuke: ::cocks an eyebrow:: "Oh really? And why would that be, Kade?"
Kade: ::sighs and shakes her head sadly:: "Yusuke, picture somebody with Hiei's personality, only even more sadistic."
Yusuke: O.O "You mean that's possible?"
Hiei: ::glares:: "Hn."
Juu-Kun: "Would you care for a demonstration?"
Yusuke: ::holds his hands up and backs off, shaking his head:: "Uh-uh."
Kuwabara: ::laughs:: "Looks like the Great Urameshi got scared off by some punk half his size!"
Yusuke: ::grabs Kuwabara by the shirt collar:: "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP KUWABARA?" ::pulls back a fist and prepares to beat him senseless::
Kuwabara: Oh yeah? Well BRING IT ON URAMESHI! I'm not scared of you!" ::lifts a leg so he can kick Yusuke in the face::
Kade: "Oh brother!" ::grabs Yusuke's arm before it can hit Kuwabara's stomach::
Jesscheaux: ::pulls Kuwabara away right before his foot could connect with Yusuke's jaw:: "That's enough, boys! The show is about to start any second!"
Kade: ::gasps suddenly and checks her watch:: "OMG you're right! I'M LATE! I still have SO much
to do!" ::takes off running:: "See ya later guys!"
Kurama: ::finishes off his coffee:: "Well, let's get this show on the road."
*****THE SHOW HAS BEGUN*****
::Audience cheers wildly as the seven cast members walk out onto the stage, most of them waving to their faithful fans, and sitting down in the crimson red chairs on the stage::
Kurama: ::beginning to feel a little kooky:: "Welcome to our show, everybody! We're so glad that
you could all join us today..." ::eyes travel to his sister sitting next to him:: "...Oni, would you be a dear and fetch me some more of that wonderful coffee?"
Oni: ::snickers:: "I'd be more than happy to, Kurama." ::goes to get her brother some more 'coffee'::
Kurama: ::turns back to the audience:: We have a great show for you all today! More fan mail, two special guests, and a few brand new cast members to introduce to you all as well."
Hiei: ::dryly:: "Hn. How exciting."
Yusuke: ::ignoring the vertically challenged fire demon:: "Here's a question for you guys: how come we don't have any theme music?"
Kuwabara: "That's a good question, Urameshi, I was wondering that too!"
Yusuke: "All the great shows have theme music...like Jerry Springer! I think our show is great
enough to deserve some cool music!"
Jesscheaux: "You're right, we SHOULD have theme music...what's up with that?"
Kade's Voice: ::from backstage:: "Sorry! I'll get right on that!"
Oni: ::returns with a large cup of coffee, and hands it over to Kurama:: "Here you are." ::sits down again::
Kurama: ::slurps the beverage ravenously:: "Thank you very much, Oni, this is really excellent!"
All: O.O ::stare at Kurama and wonder if he's okay::
Yusuke: "Aaa-anyway, let's bring out the special guest for today."
Kuwabara: ::gazes lovingly at his girlfriend:: "You can do the introduction, Jess!"
Jesscheaux: "Thanks Kuwa! A-hem: All the way from his busy office in the Spirit World, it's the
pacifier-packing toddler himself--KOENMA!"
Koenma: ::on cue, he walks out onto the stage in his teen form, causing many Teen Koenma fan
girls to swoon:: "Hello everyone." ::sits down on one of the chairs, on the other side of Jesscheaux::
Teen Koenma Fangirls: "HE'S SOOO HOT!"
Kurama Fangirls: "NOT HOTTER THAN KURAMA!"
Hiei Fangirls: "AND HIEI! NOBODY'S HOTTER THAN HIEI!"
Teen Koenma Fangirls: ::glare at the Kurama and Hiei Fangirls:: "HOW DARE YOU! NOBODY IS HOTTER THAN THE PRINCE OF HELL!"
Hiei Fangirls: ::growl viciously:: "HN!"
Hiei Fangirl # 1: "Koenma may be the Prince of Hell, but Hiei is the Prince of HOT!"
Other Hiei Fangirls: "RIGHT ON!" ::high five each other::
Kurama Fangirls: ::growl right back at the opposing fangirls:: "GRRR!"
Kurama Fangirl # 1: "Oh yeah? Well Kurama is SO hot, he makes steam look cool!"
Other Kurama Fangirls: "OH YEAH!" ::high five each other::
Koenma Fangirls: ::are really getting angry:: "GRRRR!"
Kade's Voice: ::from backstage:: "ENOUGH! NO FANGIRL FIGHTS TODAY, I CAN'T TAKE THAT! ...Besides, Hiei is the hottest, duh."
Koenma and Kurama Fangirls: "WHY YOU--" ::arm themselves with tomatoes:: "COME OUT HERE AND SAY THAT!"
Kurama: ::gulps down the rest of his 'coffee':: "Yo yo yo, no more fighting over little 'ole me!" ::grins goofily:: "Hey--hic--Oni, will you go get me some--hic--more of that delicious--hic--coffee?"
Yusuke: "OH. MY. GOD! Oni, you didn't!"
Oni: ::nods:: "Oh, but I did!"
Jesscheaux: ::starts laughing:: "I can't believe I'm seeing this!"
Kuwabara: ::falls off his chair in a fit of laughter:: "This is priceless!"
Hiei: "Hn. Pathetic kitsune."
Juu-Kun: "I agree. Should we kill him?"
Hiei: ::shakes his head slightly:: "No...although he is useless to us in his current condition, he can be a very powerful ally."
Kurama: ::waving around the empty coffee cup:: "Hey!--hic--Oni! Gimme some more!"
Oni: ::shrugs:: "Ask and you shall recieve." ::bursts out laughing and goes to re-fill his cup once more::
Yusuke: "Uhh...okay." ::runs a hand through his gel-less hair:: "If he gets smashed, who's going to run the show?"
Kuwabara: "Leave that to me, Urameshi! I happen to have some excellent leadership skills!"
Yusuke: "Tch! Yeah right!"
Jesscheaux: ::nods:: "He really does, Yusuke."
Yusuke: ::rolls his eyes and looks at Kuwabara:: "Okay then, 'O Almighty Leader', what do you
propose we do now?"
Kuwabara: "Well, Koenma is waiting to be interviewed." ::shrugs::
Koenma: ::has been strangely silent until his name was mentioned:: "Yes? Did somebody say my
name?"
Yusuke: ::gives him a weird look:: "Yeah. Aren't you paying attention?"
Koenma: "Of course I'm paying attention, why wouldn't I be paying attention? I'm always
completely focused."
Yusuke: "Then what were we just talking about?"
Koenma: ::gets flustered:: "We were, uh, well--you were saying that, uh, that...um...HOW DARE
YOU INTERROGATE THE PRINCE OF HELL!"
Kuwabara: "So what you're saying is, you can't answer the question?"
Koenma: "...No, okay?"
Juu-Kun: ::without bothering to look up:: "That's because you've been busy sending messages on
your cell phone the whole time, isn't it?"
Koenma: ::upset that he'd been caught:: "I--you--he--the--SO WHAT? I'm a busy guy!"
Oni: ::comes back with another re-fill:: "Alright bro, I've got some more for ya!"
Kurama: ::swaying in his seat a bit:: "GIMME!" ::laughs and reaches for the cup::
Oni: ::holds the cup out of his reach:: "This is the LAST time I'm giving you a re-fill, okay? I really don't think you could handle much more..."
Kurama: "I want the damn coffee, woman!" ::laughs again::
Oni: ::hands over the coffee cup and starts laughing hysterically along with everybody else::
Kurama: ::consumes the beverage so rapidly that had he been able to run that fast, he'd have beaten Hiei in a race:: "Now that--hic--is the good stuff!"
Koenma: ::shakes his head:: "This is nuts!"
Jesscheaux: ::laughing too hard to respond, but nods in agreement::
Kurama: "Yo, I want some--hic--more of this here coffee! Don't--hic--make me go old schoo' on yo
punk asses!" ::waves his empty cup around, but he starts laughing so hard that he eventually loses interest in it::
Oni: ::pulls out another bottle of Sake and looks at it thoughtfully, as if considering letting her brother have some more:: ::shakes her head:: "Nah, this one's mine!" ::proceeds to consume the alcoholic beverage::
Yusuke: ::gazes at her in shock:: "Hey, Oni, you should be ashamed!"
Oni: "Wha...?"
Yusuke: "Yeah, you could at least SHARE some of that, jeez!"
Kayko: "YUSUKE!" ::marches down to the stage and slaps the hell out of him for the millionth
time::
Yusuke: @_@ ::passes out::
Kurama: ::singing way off-key from his chair:: "We raise up our glasses against evil forces, singing 'whiskey for my men, beer for my horses!'"
Oni: ::looks at him in awe:: "Are you singing drinking songs, Kurama?"
Kurama: ::laughs, hiccups, and nods::
Kuwabara: ::shakes his head:: "I think it's time to answer some fan mail."
Jesscheaux: ::wiping tears of laughter from her eyes:: "I think you're right, Kuwabara. I'll go get the mail."
Hiei: ::is over in a corner with Juu-Kun, planning their next move for world domination:: "Hn? Fan mail. It looks like the fools need us, Juu-Kun."
Juu-Kun: "Yes, well, I just got a brilliantly sadistic idea for the end of this pathetic show..." ::smirks evilly:: "I'll explain later. For now let's play along and assist those bakas."
Jesscheaux: ::returns with a cart-load of mail:: "Got it! Dude, there's a ton of mail back there! You guys must be pretty busy answering it all! How do you do it?"
Kurama: ::gives her a very serious look:: "That, Jesscheaux, is...a SECRET!" ::bursts out laughing again::
Oni: ::rolls her eyes:: "Whatever. I'll read the first one." ::picks out a letter and reads it:: "This is from Lessy, who writes 'Uhhh, Yusuke, I was, um, watching the show, I guess. And, thing is, I find it quite sad that Kurama is getting more dates than you, I mean what is this world coming to when a guy who wears purple can get more dates than you? So, uh, could you maybe go out with me?' ...Oooohh, YUSUKE!" ::winks at him::
Yusuke: =D ::sits up, now awake:: "Al-RIGHT!" ::punches the air:: "See people, I DO have fans! I
would definitely go out with you! Are you hot?" ::gets a perverted look on his face::
Kayko: ::is about to march onto stage again to slap him silly, but suddenly something happens...::
::A juggling ball whizzes across the stage and smacks Yusuke full in the face::
Yusuke: "Wha-huh-who?" @_@ ::passes out again::
All: ::look backstage to where the juggling ball came from::
Kurama: ::yells loudly:: "YO, 'SUP WIT' DAT?"
::A girl of about fourteen wearing jean shorts, sneakers, and a shirt the says "DIE" on the back
comes running onto the stage with none other than Puu sitting on top of her head. Her chestnut
brown hair is in two braids, one on each side of her head::
Girl: ::looks at Yusuke's unconscious form lying sprawled out on the floor:: "Yup, I got that fool pretty good!"
Puu: "Puu puu puu-puu!"
Girl: ::nods:: "Yeah, Puu, he really is!"
Koenma: "And just who are you, might I ask?"
Girl: "My name's Rose! I'm this idiot's younger and much-more-intelligent sister!" ::jerks thumb
towards the indisposed Spirit Detective::
Yusuke: ::sits up, looking quite unsteady, a large lump adorning his forehead:: ::sees Rose standing over him smirking:: "YOU! What are you doing here?"
Rose: ::starts juggling the balls:: "Wouldn't YOU like to know?"
Puu: "Puu-puu!"
Rose: ::laughs at Puu's comment::
Yusuke: "Hey! What did he just say? What are you laughing about?"
Rose: ::gives him an innocent look:: "Oh, nothing, nothing at all!"
Jesscheaux: "Rose, you can understand Puu?"
Rose: ::looks at her and nods:: "Yup!"
Kuwabara: "That's pretty cool!"
Kurama: ::begins singing again:: "Everybody's workin' for the weekend! Everybody wants a new
romance! Everybody's goin' off the deep end! Everybody needs a second chance! You want a piece
of my heart, you better start from the start! You wanna be in the show, C'MON BABY LET'S GO!"
::jumps up and starts dancing to music that apparently only he can hear::
Oni: "What in the...jeez, you ARE nuts!" ::laughs as she watches her brother dance all over the
stage::
Kurama: ::runs up to the audience, grabs a random girl, and pulls her onto stage:: "Dance with me baby!" ::takes her hands and swings her around::
Random Girl: "Hey, watch the merchandise!" ::steps away from him, giving him a weird look:: "Sober yourself up and then we'll talk."
Kurama: ::looks disappointed:: "But I--hic--AM sober!"
All: ::sigh and shake their heads::
Random Girl: ::walks up and takes Kurama's seat next to Oni:: "I'm Suki. Mind if I join you?"
Oni: ::shrugs:: "Not at all, I'm sure Kurama won't mind."
Suki: "Cool..." ::eyes travel backstage, then she checks her watch::
Yusuke: ::looks at the same spot backstage:: "What?"
Suki: ::crosses her arms impatiently:: "Oh Kade, I'm waiting!"
Kade: ::appears on stage, looking quite clueless:: "...Huh?"
Suki: "C'mon, where's my description?"
Kade: "Damn, I knew I forgot something! Sorry 'bout that..." ::runs backstage, and a minute later Suki receives her description::
::Suki is a demon who looks just like a human except for her ears and whiskers. Her hair is jet black and about half-way to mid-back in length--something that would look terrible on anyone else but works for her--and her eyes are icy blue. She is dressed in very baggy blue jeans with frayed hems and holes in both knees, four--count 'em--four black belts, a black spaghetti strap tank top, black fishnet arm socks and the whole outfit is adorned with lots of chains. On her feet are a pair of blue VANS skater shoes::
Suki: "That's better."
Yusuke: "Another demon, huh?"
Hiei: "Hn." ::says 'Hn' to spite fans that hate 'Hn'::
Suki: ::snaps her fingers:: "Alright, my minions, he said 'Hn' simply to spite those fans. You know what that means--GET KUWABARA!"
Kuwabara: ::looks around for a few minutes, wondering what the heck she's talking about::
::Suddenly a stampede of hamsters--yes, hamsters--come running onto the stage and before Kuwabara can react, they swarm all over him::
Suki: ::laughs::
Juu-Kun: "That's an interesting form of torture."
Kuwabara: ::from underneath a pile of rodents:: "HELP!"
Jesscheaux: ::starts batting away the hamsters with a whiffle-ball bat:: "Hang on Kuwa, I'll get them off you!"
Kurama: ::stares at the scene:: "Whoooaaaaa...I--hic--must be REEEAAALLLLYYY drunk, cuz--hic--there's an army of HAMSTERS attacking Kuwabara!"
Koenma: O.O "This is a little strange for my taste..."
Jesscheaux: ::still trying to remove the hamsters from Kuwabara:: "Hey, little help here!?"
Rose: "Oh, alright!" ::jumps up and starts hitting the hamsters too::
::The hamsters all jump off Kuwabara and retreat as suddenly as they had come::
Kuwabara: "Well that was weird."
Jesscheaux: "Hiei, do us all a favor and don't say 'Hn' anymore."
Hiei: "Hn."
Suki: "Oh, HAMSTERS!"
::Hamsters come back and attack Kuwabara again::
Kuwabara: "NOT AGAIN!"
Oni: ::grabs a bat and helps Jesscheaux and Rose beat the hamsters away:: "You know, this is kinda fun..."
::A minute later the hamsters disperse once more::
Rose: ::tosses the bat aside:: "Okay Hiei, you really have to stop saying 'Hn' now."
Hiei: ::is about to say 'Hn' but six hands cover his mouth to stop him::
Rose, Oni, and Jesscheaux: "NO!"
Kurama: ::laughing:: "You guys are--hic--fuuuuunnnyyyy!"
Koenma: -__- "Let's move on, shall we?"
Kuwabara: ::sighs:: "Time for another fan letter!" ::chooses a letter and opens it:: "This is from Random Girl, who writes 'Here's a question to all the guys: How do each of you feel about Botan? I mean I heard (i'm not sure if this is true, of course) that somewhere along the future Kurama AND Hiei ask her out! (i'd pay to see that) And then of course I've read a lot of fanfics with Yusuke and Botan, and Kuwabara and Botan, and Koenma and Botan pairings. Do you know if she knows about all this and if so how do you think she feels about this? PS: I feel sorry for you, Kurama, you're always getting asked out on dates! Oh well this is one girl you won't have to worry about. ^^ And Yusuke I'm surprised like you because you ARE the main character of YYH and there aren't many sites I've seen dedicated to you on the internet. Oh well. Ja ne.'" ::pauses before answering the question:: "Well, I think of Botan as a good friend!"
Yusuke: "Liar, you used to have this huge crush on her!"
Kuwabara: ::blushes:: "I--but--yeah, so? That was before I met Jessi!" ::huffs and crosses his arms::
Yusuke: "Botan annoys me sometimes...okay, most of the time. I mean, come on, what kind of a
Grim Reaper wears PINK?" ::turns to Hiei:: "What about you?"
Hiei: "Hn. Baka woman. I would never ask her out on one of those foolish ningen 'dates'."
Yusuke: "There ya go. Kurama?"
Kurama: "I--hic--want to--"
Oni: ::covers his mouth:: "I don't think you want this question answered while he's drunk, Random Girl! ...As far as I know, he doesn't like Botan in that way, but who knows?"
Yusuke: "Do we know if she knows about the pairings? Well, she probably does. I bet she sits at
Koenma's big computer all day and reads the stories..."
Koenma: "You think so? ...That Botan, I told her not to mess with my computer! I've been
wondering who had put up the puppy and kitten screensaver! All this time I was blaming it on
Ogre..."
Kurama: ::swaying back and forth:: "Yeah I feel sorry for me too, yo! The girls--hic--just won't
leave me alone! I'm a--hic--chick magnet, yo!
All: ::give him a weird look::
Yusuke: "Yeah, finally somebody agrees with me! There should be a ton more sites dedicated to
ME, since I'M the star of the show!"
Rose: "Oh, quit complaining. At least you're ON the show."
Yusuke: ::gives her an annoyed look:: "Butt out, will ya?"
Rose: "Don't make me fire MY Spirit Gun at you, ya big fool of a jerk! Don't forget, I'm a Spirit Detective in training!"
Yusuke: "Yeah, 'in training'. What could YOU do to ME?"
Rose: ::hurls all her juggling balls at her obnoxious, loud-mouthed brother's head:: "That."
Yusuke: ::gets clobbered by all the juggling balls at once:: @___@
Oni: "Okay, I'll read the next letter." ::takes one and opens it:: "This is from Hikari: 'Hmm, all right. I'll be there. With sweet snow. I'll see you then. Sorry Kurama, for what your sister said it seems talking about Kuronue is a hard subject. Sorry.'" ::puts the letter down:: "Don't beat yourself up over it, Hikari. He really does enjoy talking about all the good memories he and Kuronue had together, even though it makes him sad."
Hiei: "Hn. Alright, and bring PLENTY of Sweet Snow. The training will be hard, so prepare
yourself."
Rose: ::picks up another letter from the pile:: "I think I'll read the next letter. It's from dustbunny690 who writes 'Kurama you were supposed to go out with me last Friday, where were you?'"
All: ::look at Kurama::
Kurama: ::looks back at them:: "What?"
Oni: "You missed a date with a girl? How'd you manage THAT?"
Kurama: "I--hic--fucked up!"
All: O.O
Suki: "Am I going insane or did he really say what I thought he said?"
Oni: ::nods:: "Oh yeah. He really said it."
Yusuke: "RIGHT ON!" ::claps for Kurama, earning himself another juggling ball to the face::
::falls to the floor, sits up and glares at his sister:: "QUIT THAT! You're really starting to tick me off!"
Rose: ::grins at him:: "That's too bad. Stop making a fool of yourself all the time and maybe I won't have to hit you with these anymore." ::starts juggling the balls again::
Jesscheaux: "Unbelievable! Kurama? Jeez, there are kids watching this show, ya know!"
Kurama: ::grins stupidly::
Kuwabara: ::shakes his head:: "Okay, I really think we should answer some more fan mail. Suki,
you want to read the next one?"
Suki: ::shrugs:: "Sure." ::takes a letter from the pile and reads it:: "This is from Johanna Gen: 'Koenma- I quote you in school all the time. Everyone hates me for it. They're getting really tired of me mumbling about 'misty water-colored nostalgia' in study hall... --() YOU MUST ALL NOW APPRECIATE THE PROFOUNDNESS OF HIS QUOTES! ALL OF YOU! Okay, mini-rant's done. And no, I'm not a fangirl... Blergh... Kurama- Do you know any gen-jutsu? And no, it has nothing to do with me or my last name. My last name just happens to mean 'illusion' in Japanese. No, seriously, I made my pen name before my pathetic attempt to learn Japanese. Anyways, it really is handy to know, at least a little bit. Hiei- Hi. 'Hn' is a good quote! I like quoting people! My friends say it's not a word, but it is! 'HN' IS A WORD! Okay, second mini-rant's done. Once I tried to draw what you would look like as a girl... That was really odd... Sorry 'bout the irrelevant comment. Yusuke- Hi. Nothing more to say. Kuwabara- Nice to see you finally found a girlfriend! Oh, and peoples? I'll be sending money to Kuwabara for an engagement party (if you 2 get engaged), Kurama money for... whatever he feels like buying, Hiei for sweet snow and weaponry (Yeah! Sharp shiny things! I love sharp shiny things! Like katanas! Everyone needs some sharp shiny things in their life!), Yusuke to spend on Kayko and for whatever else, and I don't really think Koenma needs my money for anything... -Bai-bai from the insane CEO of Kigyou no Gen!' ...Whoa, that's a long one!"
Koenma: "I'm glad to know that I've had such an influence on a fan!" ::beams:: "But of course I
have, I mean I AM the Prince of Hell after all..."
Kurama: ::wobbles in his chair:: "No, I--hic--don't know gen-jutsu...but I AM THE PINK
BANANA! YOU ALL MUST BOW DOWN TO MY GREATNESS!" ::falls onto the floor in a fit of drunken laughter::
Hiei: "Hn. Of course it's a word. My word. Claim it as your own and you will die a most painful
death. Never even attempt to draw me as a female again, or you will share the same fate as our
pathetic fool of a writer!"
Yusuke: "Calm down, Hiei. Jeez. With that attitude, it's amazing that you have as many fans as you do!"
Puu: "Puu-puu puu puu! Puuuuuuu..."
Rose: ::laughs:: "Yup, he actually said something intelligent, Puu. It MUST be snowing in Hell."
Yusuke: "WHY YOU--" ::gets hit by two of his half-sister's juggling balls:: "...Not again..." @_@
Kuwabara: ^___^ "Thanks! I'm very happy to be with Jess! She's the light of my life."
Jesscheaux: "Oh Kazuma, that was so sweet!" ::leans over to kiss him on the cheek::
Kuwabara: ::blushes:: "Thanks honey!"
Suki: ::mumbling:: "Fluff overload. I think I'm gonna be sick..."
Kuwabara: ::continues to answer the question:: "You're going to send me money? For an engagement party?" ::looks at his girlfriend:: "You...you would..." ::pauses, and then gets out of the chair::
Jesscheaux: "What are you doing, Kuwa?"
Kuwabara: "I was saving this for the right moment, but now is as good a time as any..." ::gets down on one knee and takes Jesscheaux's hand:: "Jess, honey...ever since I read the letter from you that day, life hasn't been the same. I fell in love the instant I read your beautiful words, and I knew the moment I first saw you that we were meant for each other. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. Life hasn't always been good to me, but I know that if you could be in it forever then I'd be the happiest man alive." ::reaches into his pocket and produces a small box::
Jesscheaux: "....." ::speechless as she watches him open it, and gasps when she sees what's inside::
Kuwabara: ::slides something onto his beloved's ring finger and looks deep into her eyes::
"Jesscheaux...will you marry me?"
Jesscheaux: ::stares in complete shock at the 15-carat diamond ring adorning her finger, and then looks up at Kuwabara with tears in her eyes:: "Of course I'll marry you, Kazuma Kuwabara!" ::hugs him tightly::
Kuwabara: ::smiles really wide and hugs her back::
Everyone In The Building: ::start clapping and cheering for the happy couple::
Yusuke: "Way to go, Kuwabara!" ::thumps him on the back when he and Jesscheaux break apart::
Kuwabara: ::grins happily::
Kade: ::hears the proposal from backstage:: ::thinks, 'Oh heck, my work can wait...this was
unexpected!':: ::runs out and hugs Jesscheaux:: "Congrats, Jess! I'm so happy for you!"
Jesscheaux: ^____^ "Thanks!"
Oni: "Whoa, I can't believe you guys are engaged now!" ::also hugs Jesscheaux::
Suki: "Yeah!" ::thinks about making a smart remark, but decides against it:: "Oh, congratulations you guys!" ::gives them each a hug::
Rose: ::puts away her juggling balls and hugs them too:: "Congratulations!"
Puu: "Puuuuu!"
Rose: ::laughs:: "Puu says 'congratulations' too!"
Kurama: "I--hic--would like to propose a toast--hic--but there isn't any beer..." ::giggles like a madman::
Oni: ::rolls her eyes at him::
Hiei & Juu-Kun: "Hn."
Kuwabara: ::beaming with happiness:: "Thank you everyone! Thank you very much. And thank you, Johanna Gen, for the money!"
Yusuke: "Oh yeah, thanks for the money!"
Kurama: "Yeah, I--hic--can spend it on--hic--beer!"
Koenma: "You're right though, I don't need any money. I'm the Prince of Hell."
Hiei: "Hn. Sweet Snow..." ::starts drooling::
Juu-Kun: ::reaches for a bucket and holds it under Hiei's mouth::
Kuwabara: ::looks at Jesscheaux:: "Should we keep reading fan mail, sweetie?"
Jesscheaux: "Oh alright, I guess we should. I'll read the next letter!" ::grins and chooses another letter from the pile:: "This one is from Tessajalynn Cilory, and she writes 'Koenma: Do you have some sick fascination with things in your mouth? I mean when you're in your teenage form and you don't have your passy in your mouth you actually rate a little better on my QT scale. Hiei: Hn...I love that!! ...Hey....you didn't answer my last question, nor comment on my death to all Hiei fan girls thingy. Yusuke: I am your fan baka!!! Why in the world do you think I gave you the advice? Kuwabaka..I mean Kuwabara: Ewwwwww!!!! Kurama: I shall relay that you will be free sometime in January...but you have to give me the specific date...also....she wants to know...where do you live and when should she pick you up...and what did you want to do? Oni: Ooooh....juicy stuff on Kurama?? SPILL!!!!' ...Grrr, my fiance is NOT a baka!"
Koenma: "To answer your question, I do NOT have any sick fascinations with things in my mouth, I
just...really...like my pacifier! ...Yes, I'm aware that I'm a chick magnet in my teenage form...that's why I came to the show like this!" ::smiles at his fan girls, who all scream and faint::
Hiei: ::looks up to answer the question:: "Hn. Yes, I agree that all stupid ningen fangirls should die. I would gladly do it myself, but our pathetic writer is holding me back." ::glares at Kade backstage:: ::thinks, 'I shall kill her one day':: "As for your last question, I don't care if 'Hn' is getting old. I'll say it whenever I want, hn."
Yusuke: ::grins:: "Another fan! Excellent! At least now I know that I have fangirls!" ::sighs:: "This is a good day! ...I wonder what she looks like?"
Rose: ::chucks another juggling ball at his head:: "Pervert."
Yusuke: ::gets hit by the juggling ball:: "Ohhh..." ::mumbles incoherently and passes out yet again::
Kuwabara: "Huh? 'Eeeewwww'?" ::pouts:: "I'm not THAT ugly!"
Jesscheaux: ::pats his arm reassuringly:: "No you're not, sweetie. I think you're very handsome."
Kuwabara: ^________^ ::blushes:: "Thanks!" ::hugs her::
Kurama: "Yo yo yo, no more--hic--PDA, y'all! It's makin' me--hic--sick, yo! As for the question, I'm free January 15th. I'll send her the directions to my house later. Five o'clock would be groovy..." ::starts laughing and hiccups again:: "Kurama likes beer...we could go to a bar...and
get--hic--drunk!"
Oni: ::sighs:: "I'm sorry, he's not usually like that. He'd love to go to a movie, and I promise not to get him drunk before the date." ::grins:: "You want to know juicy stuff about Kurama? ...Well, you've come to the right girl!" ::whips out the book entitled 'Diary'::
Suki: "Whoa! You got his diary? Come on, read it!"
Kurama: ::sways in his seat:: "How'd you--hic--get that?"
Oni: ::smirks at him:: "I stole it from your office." ::knows that he won't remember this information the next day::
Kurama: "Huh? I--hic--oughtta go old schoo' on yo ass!" ::tries to stand up, but falls back down
laughing:: "I'll go--hic--old schoo' on yo punk ass...tomorrow!"
Suki: ::reads the diary over Oni's shoulder:: "'Dear Diary: Today I managed to embarrass myself
quite horribly. It was just another normal day of school. The fan girls were all over me as usual, which is simply annoying to tell the truth. Anyhow, during fourth period I left class to use the facilities. I came back to class five minutes later, but when I walked in the door everyone began to laugh! I could not figure out what they were laughing about...then I looked down and saw that I had neglected to zip up my fly! Not only that, but I also had a trail of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of my shoe! I will have trouble living that down...however it has not stopped the fan girls from chasing me, I'm afraid.'"
Everyone In The Building: ::begins laughing hysterically::
Oni: "Kurama, that really happened?"
Kurama: ::crosses his arms:: "I don't--hic--remember..."
Rose: ::rolls her eyes:: "Of course he doesn't." ::pulls out her camera and takes the opportunity to snap a photo of the drunken Kurama:: "Can you say 'black-mail'?"
Oni & Suki: "Oh yeah!" ::all high five each other::
Rose: ::takes hold of the diary and begins reading another entry:: "'Dear Diary: I had another date tonight. It seems as though I am going to have a date every night for the rest of my existence, and it is simply amazing that with all the dates that I have I am still able to get all of my homework done, do chores for my mother, spend time with my family, and somehow I also find the time to assist Yusuke and the others with their demon hunting. Anyhow, the date tonight began wonderfully. I picked her up at her house at six o'clock sharp, and we went to see a movie. The movie went quite well, so we then decided to go to the most expensive restaurant in the area. I had been admiring her all evening; she was a remarkable young woman and I had truly been considering her as a girlfriend...it certainly would have cut in half the countless number of dates I am obligated to go on! So we were seated at a table, and she ordered quite the large meal...indeed I was impressed at her metabolism. I thought I saw her begin to drool as the waiter walked away, but it may very well have been my imagination...however, nothing could prepare me for what happened when our food finally arrived fifteen minutes later! Diary, I do not know just how to explain it, but one moment she had five plates of food in front of her, and the next it was all gone! I was absolutely shocked! She lowered her head onto the plate and began wolfing it down like some sort of animal! I could only sit there and stare in awe, and let me tell you, I was quite embarrassed! When she had finished inhaling all of her meals only three short minutes later, she looked up at me and grinned...and her face was just covered in sauce and the bits of food that didn't make it into her mouth! I knew right then that I had to get out of there before she decided to eat me as well! I looked up to the waiter desperately, and said "Check please!" I never wish to have that kind of experience again!'"
Oni: ::laughing:: "Hey, I think I remember that one! Kurama came home one night mumbling about
a girl who had no manners...that might have been her!"
Kurama: "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout? I dun--hic--'member nothin'!"
Rose: "I wonder who the girl was?"
Kurama: "Bo--hic--tan..."
All: "BOTAN??"
Jesscheaux: "What? Are you kidding me? BOTAN?" ::laughs:: "Ha! Looks like that sickeningly fake British accent isn't her only flaw!"
Yusuke: "Man, I can't believe that!" ::cracks up::
Kuwabara: "Yeah!"
Suki: "Hey, read another one! Do we have time for one more?"
Kuwabara: ::checks his watch:: "Yeah, if you read fast."
Oni: "Hey, let's have a volunteer from the audience read the last entry!"
Suki: ::shrugs:: "Okay. Who wants to read it?"
Every Fangirl: ::raises her hand:: "MEEEEE!!"
Oni, Suki, & Rose: O.O
Jesscheaux: "Just pick the least rabid-looking one."
::Before any of them can choose, a girl steps forward. She has black ears that are too small for a wolf but too large for a dog with silver tips, black hair with silver ends, a black tail that also has a silver tip, golden eyes, fangs and claws. She looks friendly enough::
Girl: "I'd like to volunteer, if it's not a problem."
Oni: "Sure, come on up! What's your name?"
Girl: "Kurayami, but you can call me Kura."
Kurama: "Hey--hic--what kinda demon are you--hic--anyway?"
Kura: "Half wolf, half dog." ::walks over to where Oni, Suki, and Rose are reading Kurama's diary::
Hiei: "Hn."
Suki: ::is about to sic her hamster minions on Kuwabara again, but Oni and Rose stop her before she can do it::
Rose: "We're almost outta time, remember?"
Suki: "Right. Okay Kura, pick a page and read it out loud for all to hear!"
Kura: ::grins:: "With pleasure!" ::takes the book and flips through it to a random page somewhere in the middle:: "Here we go. 'Dear Diary: Why do my dates always have such horrible outcomes? Why is it that I cannot simply date a nice, normal girl for once? Must I forever be forced to go out with rabid fangirls? Tonight was another one of those nights. The girl I dated just would not stop touching me, it was completely embarrassing. Every five minutes she felt it necessary to "glomp" me, as she put it. I will not go into the details of this date, for it is simply too horrific for me to re-live...as it is, I will have nightmares for weeks! Other than tonight's date, the day went fairly smoothly for me. I did chores for Mother as usual. While I was doing the dishes, I almost dropped one of Mother's glasses! She would have been quite angry with me if I had let it fall, but luckily I managed to save it. I do not want to give Mother any reason to become angry with me, because most likely it will cause my Youko to emerge...I do not wish to have another incident like the one a few weeks ago. I honestly tried to keep the Youko's comment to myself, but it just slipped out! I was late for school one morning--quite late--and Mother began to grow impatient with me. I was causing her to be late for work, and she was frustrated because the week had not been a pleasant one for her. She started to yell, and that's when the Youko called her a "whiny little bitch". I was so ashamed! Imagine me trying to explain to her that it was an accident! And that, Diary, is how I became grounded for the first time in my life.'"
Oni: "Oh yeah, I remember that!" ::laughs:: "That was pretty funny when you did that!"
Kurama: "She--hic--deserved it! She shouldn't have been yellin' at me--hic--like that!"
Kura: ::closes the diary and looks at Yusuke:: "So Yusuke, you want to hang out sometime? I
noticed you don't seem to have a whole lot of fans..."
Yusuke: "Heck yeah, I'd love to hang out with you...just don't tell Kayko, she'll get the wrong
idea...unless we WANT her to get the wrong idea..." ::makes his eyebrows jump up and down::
Rose: ::throws a juggling ball at him without even having to look::
Yusuke: ::gets hit on the head:: @_@
Kuwabara: "You'd think he would have learned by now, wouldn't you?"
Jesscheaux: "Yeah, tell me about it!"
Kura: "Here's a question for Hiei and Kurama--how do you guys feel about those yaoi fics that
people write about you?"
Hiei: ::noticably shivers:: "I think it's sick...sick and wrong."
Kurama: "Yeah! It's most definitely--hic--sick and wrong. I'm not gay, yo! And even if I--hic--WAS gay, it wouldn't be with Hiei!"
All: O.O
Kuwabara: "Hey, shouldn't we have run out of time by now?"
Jesscheaux: ::checks her watch:: "Hmm, you'd think so, huh? Let me go check!" ::jumps up and runs backstage::
Kuwabara: ::notices Juu-Kun staring at him with an evil look in his eyes:: "W-why are you looking at me like that?"
Juu-Kun: "You'd like to know, wouldn't you? I think I'll just show you instead!"
Kuwabara: ::watches as his pants suddenly catch fire:: "AAAAHHHHH!" ::jumps out of the chair
and runs around, trying to put the fire out:: "I'M BURNING, I'M BURNING!"
Oni: ::eyes grow really big:: "FIRE! YES!"
Suki: "Looks like we got ourselves a pyro! Nice!" ::high-fives Oni::
Jesscheaux: ::comes back onto the stage:: "Well, it looks like our clock is five minutes--KUWABARA!" ::grabs a bucket of water and splashes it onto Kuwabara, putting the fire
out:: "Who did that to my sweet Kuwabara?" ::eyes move to Hiei:: "Was it you? You baka, you're
always so mean to Kuwa!"
Hiei: "Hn. It wasn't me, woman!"
Juu-Kun: "It was me. And I'm not finished with that baka!" ::opens up his own jagan eye and stares at Kuwabara, trying to take over his mind::
Kuwabara: ::suddenly becomes very still:: "What's happening?" ::as Juu-Kun grins evilly, he runs
up to the nearest wall and proceeds to drive his head right through it over and over again::
::BANG!:: "Ow!" ::BANG!:: "OW!" ::BANG!:: "OW!" ::BANG!:: "OW!"
Yusuke: "Careful Kuwabara, you'll give yourself severe brain damage!"
Kura: ::starts laughing:: "He can't possibly damage himself any more, Yusuke!"
Jesscheaux: "CUT IT OUT! Quit bullying him!" ::grabs Kuwabara to prevent him from damaging
himself any further::
Juu-Kun: "Alright, but don't think I can't do mental torture just as easily!"
Kuwabara: ::rubs his sore head:: "What does he mean by--" ::stops talking and holds perfectly still, head cocked to one side, as if listening to something::
Yusuke: "What are you doing, Kuwabara?"
Kuwabara: "Shhh! Quiet Urameshi, I hear music!"
Yusuke: ::shakes his head and mutters something about Kuwabara being a nutcase::
Kuwabara: O.O;;; ::recognizes the music:: "OH NO!" ::clutches his head:: "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"
Jesscheaux: "Kuwabara, what's wrong?"
Kuwabara: ::drops to the floor and begins to rock back and forth:: "No...NO! I can't stand it! IT'S TOO HORRIBLE!"
Yusuke: "Tell us what's wrong already, doofus!"
Kuwabara: "That song...THAT SONG! AAAHHHHHH! It's--it's--IT'S BARNEY!!" ::begins to sing:: "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family!"
All: "AAAAHHHHHHHHH!! EVIL!"
::Suddenly the buzzer goes off, signalling the end of the show::
Jesscheaux: "JUU-KUN! Get that horrible music out of my sweetie's head RIGHT NOW!"
Juu-Kun: "Hn, but it's so much fun to hear his tortured screams!"
Kuwabara: "NOOOOO! Please, it's awful! MAKE IT STOP, I'M BEGGING YOU! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
::Camera fades out to the desperate screams of Kuwabara, the angry shouts and threats of his fiance, and the laughter of all the others::
________________________________________
Kura: ::watches re-play:: "Yeah! Kuwabara Torture rules!"
Suki: ::nods:: "Doesn't it though?"
Juu-Kun: "I'm only sorry that I wasn't able to do more..."
Suki: "Well, the Barney thing was definitely pretty evil!"
Kade: ::runs into the room looking extremely pleased with herself:: "Hi guys!"
Kurama: ::now sober and with a pounding headache:: "Hello Kade."
Kade: ::hugs Kurama:: "I love you!"
Kurama: ^_^; ::rubs his aching forehead:: "Err...thank you?"
Yusuke: O.o "Huh?"
Kade: ::hugs Yusuke:: "I love you!"
Hiei: "Hn."
Kade: ::hugs Hiei:: "I love you!" ::proceeds to hug everyone else and tell them she loves them:: "I love you all!"
Yusuke: "Jeez, you're in a good mood! What's up?"
Kade: ::grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him a little:: "HE...SAID...YES!!" ^_______^ "HE
SAID YES! HE SAID YES!"
Kurama: "Who are you referring...oh. You asked Yami to the party, I presume?"
Kade: *^__^* "YEAH! And he said YES!" ::dances around the room in happiness before finally
calming down enough to stand still::
Jesscheaux: "Way to go, gurl!" ::she and Kade high-five each other::
Kade: "This is so cool! I had to practically beg Yugi to let me talk to Yami, though. He still
remembers the LAST time he let me talk him into something..." ::shrugs innocently:: "...but all of Tea's hair has grown back since then!"
Jesscheaux: "So what did he say when you asked him?"
Kade: ::in her best Yami impersonation:: "'I would be honored to go with you.' ...God, I hope I didn't act fangirlish around him..."
Oni: "Nah, I bet you were fine!"
Kade: "Hey Oni, who are you bringing?"
Oni: "My boyfriend, Heero." ::grins::
Kade & Jesscheaux: "Ooohhhh! Oni's got a man!"
Kurama: ::grumble grumble::
Oni: "Cut it out, bro! You promised you wouldn't be like this about him!"
Kurama: ::sigh:: "I know I did, Oni. I apologize."
Suki: "Hey Kurama, you'll go to the party with me, won't you?"
Kurama: ::blushes faintly:: "Why certainly, Suki...I would very much like to go with you."
Suki: "Cool!" ::hugs Kurama::
Oni: ::pokes Suki to get her attention:: "Hey...wouldn't it be wild if somebody spiked the punch, and everybody who drank it got smashed?"
Kurama: ::notices the glint in his sister's eyes:: "I think not! Do not get any crazy ideas, Oni! Do you realize just how many guests we shall be entertaining that night? We cannot handle that many drunken guests."
Rose: ::bounds in holding a shiny new camera and begins taking pictures:: "Hey guys, check out my new digital camera! I'm bringing it to the party!"
All (except Hiei and Juu-Kun): "Cool!"
Juu-Kun: ::nudges Hiei:: "We have a few things to take care of..." ::smirks sadistically::
Hiei: "Hn. Let's go." ::both run off to cause more destruction and chaos::
Kurama: ::sighs:: "I am in great need of some sort of painkiller...would one of you like to announce who will be the next guest?"
Kade: "Go ahead, Rose."
Rose: "Okay. Next time on The Hiei And Kurama Show the special guests will be Sanosuke and
Kenshin from Rurouni Kenshin! E-mail Kade any questions you might want to ask them, and don't forget to review and let her know what you think!"
Kade: ^__^ "Couldn't have said it any better myself! Chapter Seven everyone, see you all there!"
::runs off to work on Chapter 7::