Amano (amano) wrote in envisage, @ 2007-02-13 17:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | h |
The Hiei & Kurama Show
~The Hiei and Kurama Show~
--With your hosts, Hiei and Kurama ::next part is written sloppily and taped to the sign:: +
YUSUKE
________________________________________
The usual scene--dark blue background colors, a huge television screen mounted high on the wall, four or five crimson-colored chairs lined up in front of it, a mahogany table with a vase full of roses set up in front of the chairs--is now behind a large black curtain.
________________________________________
::Theme music plays and the camera zooms in on...an empty stage. Wait a minute! Empty stage? The black curtain blocks off the scenery normally visible::
Fans: ::are confused::
Random Fangirl: "What's going on?"
::Suddenly jazz music begins to play from somewhere in the back, and the curtains part, revealing a stage that closely resembles the one seen on "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" Yusuke, Hiei, Kurama and Kuwabara are seated in four chairs placed side-by-side, while seated in a swirly chair with her feet propped up on the desk in front of her was the silver-haired young woman called Oni (Kurama's sister)::
Fans: ?
Oni: ::grinning at the audience:: "Hi everybody, and welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' done
our way! We're just gonna do a couple funny games for your entertainment, ok? The first one we're going to play is called 'World's Worst'. Are you ready, guys?"
Kuwabara: "Sure am!"
Yusuke: "Yep, bring it on!"
Kurama: "I'll have to rely on my wits during this game..."
Hiei: "Hn." ::thinking, 'Stupid ningen games!'::
Oni: "Ok! Everyone get up here!" ::the four guys walk up to the edge of the stage:: "The first one is 'World's worst books.' Anytime you're ready, guys!"
Guys: ::take a moment to think::
Yusuke: ::steps forward, grinning:: "I got one--'Genkai's Training Manuel'."
Genkai: ::from somewhere in the audience:: "I'll be seeing you after the show AGAIN, Dim-wit!"
Yusuke: ::as Oni presses the buzzer:: "Damn!" ::walks out of the spotlight::
Kuwabara: ::steps up, snickering:: "'How To Treat Your Girlfriend, by Yusuke Urameshi'."
Yusuke: "HEY!" ::jumps over to Kuwabara and grabs him by the shirt collar:: "Why I oughtta..."
Oni: "Break it up! We have no time for this!" ::presses buzzer, and the two boys reluctantly retreat::
Kurama: ::steps forward:: "I believe I've thought of something. 'The Idiot's Guide To Preparing
Canned Soup.'
Kurama's Fangirls: ::all start roaring with laughter, even though they really didn't think it was funny:: "WE LOVE YOU KURAMA!"
Oni: ::hits the buzzer:: "Eh, I've heard better. Next!"
Yusuke: ::pushes the short demon:: "Go on Hiei, it's your turn!"
Hiei: ::glares at Yusuke:: "Hn. Any one of those foolish ningen books."
Oni: ::yawns and presses the buzzer::
Yusuke: ::steps forward:: "I got a good one! 'How To Make Friends by Hiei Jaganshi'!" ::begins to laugh uncontrollably while receiving a death glare from Hiei::
Oni: "Somebody's having too much fun..." ::presses buzzer:: "Ok, new one: 'World's worst person to be stuck on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean with!' Go!"
Hiei: ::surprises everyone by stepping forward:: "Hello, my name is Kuwabara."
Kuwabara: "HEY! YOU LITTLE SHRIMP, THAT ISN'T FUNNY AT ALL!"
Fans: ::are all laughing hysterically::
Kuwabara: ::fuming:: ::steps forward:: "Hn, my name is Hiei, hn, I hate everything. Hn, you better stay out of my way, hn. Hn, baka ningen. Hn, hn, hn."
Oni: ::laughing:: ::presses the buzzer twice to make up for missing it the first time::
Kurama: ::steps up with a sly grin:: "Hi, I'm Oni!"
Oni: ::slams fist onto the buzzer, almost breaking it:: "Watch it, you! Not funny! I'll get you for that!"
Kurama: ::walks back to where he was standing, still grinning::
Oni: "Alright, next game! This one's called 'Scenes From A Hat'. You guys will love it!" ::takes a hat from underneath the desk:: ::randomly picks a piece of paper from the hat:: "The first one is 'Things you never want to hear a doctor say'."
Kuwabara: ::steps up and pretends to be operating:: ::stops suddenly:: "Oops."
Oni: ::presses buzzer as audience laughs::
Hiei: ::reluctantly steps forward:: ::pretends to be talking to a patient:: "Hn. I'd operate, but the chances of you dying won't decrease. Why don't I just kill you and get it over with?"
Audience: O.O;;
Oni: ::sarcastically:: "Hiei, you're too kind." ::presses buzzer::
Yusuke: ::steps up and pretends to be operating on a patient:: "Don't worry, miss, I can save you." ::his eyes start to wander:: "Heeyyyy, nice--"
Oni: ::quickly presses buzzer before he can finish:: "Ok we get it, no need to say more!"
Kayko: ::marches onto the stage, looking none too pleased:: "YUSUKE YOU PERVERT!" ::slaps him repeatedly across the face until he is nearly unconscious, then stomps back to wherever she came from::
Yusuke: @.@ "Uhhhhh..." ::falls onto the floor::
Oni: "Next one!"
Kurama: "But I never got to--"
Oni: "Oh, nobody wants to hear it, bro."
Kurama's Fangirls: "WE WANT TO HEAR IT!! WE LOVE YOU KURAMA!! YOU'RE THE GREATEST, SEXIEST, HOTTEST DEMON ALIVE!!" ::about half of them swoon::
Oni: -_- "...As I was saying, let's go on." ::much to her brother's dismay, she picks another paper from the hat and reads it out loud:: "'Things walls would say if they could talk'."
Yusuke: ::steps forward:: "God I wish I hadn't seen that..."
Kuwabara: "Clean me."
Kurama: "He's cheating on you, you know."
Hiei: "Hn. Die."
Hiei's Fangirls: "AAAAHHHH!! HE SAID 'HN' AGAIN! AAHHHHH!!" ::all faint::
Oni: ::presses buzzer::"I think it's time for the next--and last--game. It's called 'Hoe Down'. Sounds fun, doesn't it? This is where all four of you guys get to sing!"
Guys: ::groan::
Oni: "Oh come on, it'll be great! Hey audience, what should they sing about?" ::turns around to face the audience::
Random Fan 1: "Socks!"
Oni: "Boring! Something better!"
Hiei's Fangirls: "HIEI!"
Kurama's Fangirls: "KURAMA!"
Oni: "NO!"
Random Fan 2: "FUNimation!"
Oni: ::starts laughing:: "Perfect! Ok guys, you'll be singing about FUNimation!"
Guys: ::all sigh heavily and stand in a line. From left to right--Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama and Hiei::
::The theme for the original Hoe Downs on 'Whose Line' starts to play and Yusuke reluctantly begins to sing::
Yusuke: "I hate FUNimation, I think it really sucks.
In my opinion, it's just a waste of bucks.
But even though they censor it every time I cuss,
They make Kuwabara seem like a really big wuss!" ::smirks, proud of himself:: "Top that, guys!"
Oni: ::muttering:: "That didn't even make sense..."
Kuwabara: ::glares at Yusuke:: "That really sucked, Urameshi! MY song is gonna beat the heck outta yours!" ::clears his throat::
"I had an awful nightmare just the night before.
It was the sickest ever, it was even worse than gore.
I woke up in a cold sweat and realized the situation--
I'd just had a dream that our show was dubbed by FUNimation!"
Oni: "Wow, that was a good one, especially coming from you Kuwabara." ^_~
Kuwabara: ^__^ "Thanks!"
Kurama: "Well, I believe it is my turn now." ::takes a deep breath and prepares to sing::
"What FUNimation does, I really do not mind,
Since, after all, I am really rather kind.
But one thing that I absolutely cannot stand
Is when others mistake me for a girl or a gay man."
Hiei: ::is thinking, 'I cannot believe I'm actually going to participate in this ridiculous ningen game':: ::steps forward slowly and begins to sing::
"I hate these foolish ningens, they really make me ill.
There is not one of them I would hesitate to kill.
I don't give a *censored* about this 'FUNimation' stuff,
But cross Hiei Jaganshi and I'll rip your head right off."
All: ::singing:: "Rip your head right oooo~oooff!"
Audience: O.O;; ::a few seconds of awkward silence go by, then they begin cheering wildly::
Oni: "See, that wasn't so bad! I think you even kind of liked it, Hiei."
Hiei: "Hn. Whose idea was this? I'll kill them!" ::stalks off the stage, thinking of the best ways to have the writer annihilated::
Kuwabara: "Now that this is over, I have to make a very important phone call! I'll be back in after the commercial break!" ::runs off stage::
Yusuke: ::rolls his eyes:: "Take your time."
Kurama: "During the commercials, we will be fixing the stage back to the way it usually is, so...well, I certainly hope the commercials are entertaining!"
*****BEGIN COMMERCIAL BREAK*****
--Commercial 1:--
::Yusuke is shown holding an orange can of soda::
Yusuke: "Wow. What would life be like without Dr Salt?" ::smiles cheesily and takes a long swig from the can:: "Ah! Now THAT'S refreshing!"
Hiei: ::walks up behind Yusuke:: "Why hello there. I see you are drinking 'Dr Salt', Yusuke. How
about letting me have some of that heavenly, caffeinated goodness?" ::makes a feeble attempt at
taking the can from Yusuke::
Yusuke: ::moves away from Hiei:: "No way, man. Get your own can; Dr Salt is too good to give up!"
Hiei: ::in an emotionless, unenthusiastic tone:: "Aw shucks." ::shuffles off::
Yusuke: ::holds up the soda can:: "Dr Salt--it makes life interesting!" ::picture fades::
--Commercial 2:--
::A book is shown in the middle of the television screen, and a stereotypical infomercial tune plays in the background. Another image shows a close-up of Kurama's grinning face::
Kurama: "I was a hopeless case. I felt like there was just no place for me in this world...but then I read 'Chicken Soup For The Demon Soul'. The inspirational stories of demons who have overcome difficult obstacles in life influenced me to do what no other demon dared to do--to pursue my dream of becoming a figure skater!" ::camera zooms out to show Kurama dressed in a pink tu-tu and white ice-skates::
::Next, Hiei is shown sitting in a chair in the dark::
Hiei: "I was ready to commit suicide. I felt like my life had no meaning at all. After reading
'Chicken Soup For The Demon Soul', everything changed. I realized that there was still hope for me. There was a way for me to give back to the community..." ::a light fills up the room and shows about twenty little children laughing and playing around the fire demon:: "...as an assistant to a Kindergarten teacher."
::Next, Kuwabara is shown in the middle of the television screen, looking confused::
Kuwabara: "Well I'm certainly no demon, but, uh, I read the book and I thought it was really great!" ::flashes a phony grin and shows the peace sign::
::All three guys are shown next, waving and grinning at the camera, each holding their own copy of 'Chicken Soup For The Demon Soul'::
All: "Own your own copy today! Now for the low, low price of $742.99!"
*****END COMMERCIAL BREAK*****
::The stage is now back to normal, and Kurama, Yusuke, Hiei and Oni are all sitting in the crimson-colored chairs::
Yusuke: ::puts down the can of Dr Salt he was drinking:: "Hey everyone, we're back! Did you like
the commercials? Pfft, I didn't! Are you kidding me, I had to stand there smiling like an idiot,
pretending to love the stupid soda and reading words off fricking signs! And I'm not even getting paid for it!" ::grumbles and crosses his arms::
Kurama: "Well I'm very sorry to hear that Yusuke, but we are on a budget after all. It would seem that we need sponsors to keep our show on the air, hence the commercials."
Hiei: "Hn!" ::is embarrassed and ashamed of the parts he had to play::
Kuwabara: ::comes running back onto the stage smiling:: "Whoo!" ::spins around and flops happily
into the last chair::
Yusuke: "What's up with you?"
Kuwabara: ^____^ "My love is coming to visit me! At last, we will finally meet!" ::he gets a dreamy look on his face, and hearts appear in his eyes::
Oni: "Oh boy." ::turns to look at Kurama:: "Well, what are we doing next?"
Kurama: ^_^; "I wasn't aware that I was the one in charge of organizing everything for the show... We do have the Extra Special Guest to speak with, however I don't believe he has arrived yet. In the meantime, I suppose we could begin to answer the fan-mail."
Oni: "Okay, I'll bring in all the mail!" ::jumps out of the chair and runs off stage:: ::a second later she comes back, pushing a large cart:: "Hope you guys don't mind, but I don't think I'm going to bring in ALL the mail after all... Did you know that they're using an entire room just for a place to store the fan-mail? There are stacks piled to the ceiling in there!"
All: O.O
Kurama: "Well, dear sister, would you like to read the first letter?"
Oni: "Sure." ::picks a letter randomly from the cart:: "Ok here goes: 'Dear Kurama; Hi! I absolutely love that crimson hair of yours! Oh, and can I um ask if you uh want to go to a movie with me? Like "Pirates of the Caribbean" or some other movie? Love, Ginsei Kitsune.'"
Kurama: ^_^ "Thank you very much for the compliment. I recall that you were the young woman who asked me to smile and wave to you, correct?" ::blushes faintly:: "I would very much like to
attend a movie with you sometime."
Oni: ::laughs:: "Heeyyy, he's blushing!"
Yusuke: "Kurama, I knew you were a fox, but I didn't know you were a dog too!"
Kuwabara: "Look you guys, we're embarrassing him!"
Kurama: ::flushes redder:: "That is enough, please. Would you just read the next letter now, Oni?"
Oni: "Oh alright." ::chooses another letter:: "This one's from Hikari() 'Sure, Hiei, I like 'sweet snow' as well, I'll be glad to get you some. Either we can train in the Makai or you pick a place, I don't care. I will no longet as questions to Hiei. It seems to make him uncomfortable. But Kurama, are you ever going to come back to the Makai? And do you miss Kuronue?'" ::puts letter down:: "0...Uh-oh, she said the K-word..."
Kurama: "No, it's alright. I do miss Kuronue very much. He was a great friend and I will never
forget him. As for your other question, someday I may return to the Makai, but for now I am
choosing to remain with my mother in the human world."
Hiei: ::drools, thinking about sweet snow:: "I'll meet you by my tree on Thursday. Bring lots of
sweet snow and I will train you until you can barely stand." ::goes off into La-La Land again, where the only food that exists is cold, chock full of sugary-sweet goodness, and melts in your mouth::
Yusuke: "I'll do the next letter." ::grabs one from the pile:: "Ok, this is from Hiei's new best friend who he just had to go on a killing spree with last week: 'Can we do it again sometime? ...Like maybe we could go hunting for the remaining humans, like Kuwabara, some demons in Spirit World, and everything in between. "He is the Forbidden Child, praise him, and be spared." Sincerely, The Deadly Evilness that is Juu-Kun.'" ::puts letter down:: "...Whoa, better watch out for you guys!"
Hiei: ::has snapped out of his daze to listen to the letter:: "Hn. Yes, I agree. I'll meet you right after this foolish ningen talk show is over."
Yusuke: "Aww, Hiei, it's not a talk show, it's...um...it's a show where we...um...do things."
Oni: ::sarcastically:: "Nice explanation, Yusuke, I bet you really cleared things up for him."
Kuwabara: "I'll read the next letter, guys." ::picks out a letter:: "This is from Spirit Angel: 'I HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE GUYS! Kurama--Will you go out with me? I have blue eyes and long
purple hair, I'm really nice and kind and I love plants. I'm also a wolf demon, so would you?
Yusuke--Do you know your a demon too? Kuwabara--Do you live with only your sister, or do you
have parents? (by the way, I think your Spirit Sword is cool) Hiei--When are you going to tell your sister that your her brother?'" ::puts letter down, confused:: "...Hey, who's Hiei's sister?"
Oni: "You mean you don't know? EVERYBODY knows that! His sister is Yu--" ::stops, receiving a
death glare from Hiei and a mental image that wasn't pretty via his telepathy:: "--You...you don't need to know, it's not important."
Kurama: ::thinking, 'Why, if I had a dime for every time a girl asked me out...':: "You sound like a very nice person, and I would really enjoy getting to know you better..." ^_^;; "However I do have so many dates to go on, so I am not certain when we will be able to go out..." ::begins to look through a black date-book [AN: Ha ha, get it? ...Just a bit of author humor, sorry *ducks tomato*], where he has marked up nearly every one of the boxes for each day of the month:: "Well I seem to have an opening in January if it's alright with you..."
Yusuke: "Man, I wish I had his problem!"
Kayko: "YUSUKE YOU JERK!" ::stomps onto stage and slaps him senseless again::
Yusuke: @.@ ::falls to the floor again:: ::twitches::
Kuwabara: ::glances down at Yusuke:: "Urameshi seems to be indisposed at the moment. I'll answer
for him! Yes, he knows he's a demon too. And he doesn't ever let me forget it either." ::kicks
Yusuke, playfully, while he's laying on the floor:: "Oh yeah, as for the question for me, I just live with my sister Shizuru. She's worse than parents anyway. [AN: I'm just assuming, since we never see his parents or hear about them. If I'm wrong, just tell me] And thanks, I knew my Spirit Sword was cool!"
Hiei: "Hn. I'm never telling her. She's better off not knowing."
Kuwabara: "Oni, tell me who his sister is! Come on!"
Oni: "What sister? He doesn't have a sister. What's a sister?"
Kuwabara: "You guys must think I'm stupid or something." ::crosses his arms and grumbles about
people thinking he's stupid::
Kurama: "I'll read the next letter." ::selects a letter from the pile that doesn't seem to be shrinking:: "This is from Madame Arrow Foxfire, who writes; 'YAY! I'm a Yukina fangirl...Anyway, is she really that naive, or is she just like that about love, since she grew up on the floating isle of the Koorime? Anyway, it would be interesting for her to freeze Kazuma, hm?'"
Kuwabara: "NO WAY! I don't wanna be frozen!" ::laughs nervously:: "Yukina's my friend, she
wouldn't do that...would she?"
Yusuke: "Oh yeah. She's really that naive. I can vouch for that."
Kurama: "As can I." ::glances apologetically to Hiei::
Hiei: ::growls:: "Hn. Why are you looking at me like that has something to do with me? You know
very well that it doesn't, Kurama."
Kurama: "Right, Hiei." ::notices that a two fans in the audience have their hands in the air:: "Yes, do you have a question?"
::The two fans stand up and one starts talking::
Fan 1: ::points to herself and her friend:: "I'm Flora, and this is Jay. We have a bet to settle..."
Jay: "Who's hotter? Youko Kurama or--"
Flora: "KURAMA!"
Jay: ::glares at Flora:: "YOUKO!"
Flora: ::glares at Jay:: "KURAMA!"
Jay: "YOUKO DAMN YOU!"
Kurama: O.O;;;
Half Of Kurama's Fangirls: "KURAMA IS HOTTER!"
Other Half Of Kurama's Fangirls: "NOOOOO! YOUKO IS HOTTER!"
Kurama's Fangirls: "NOOOOO! KURAMA IS WAY HOTTER!"
Youko's Fangirls: "NO! YOUKO!"
Kurama's Fangirls: "KURAMA KURAMA KURAMA!"
Youko's Fangirls: "YOUKO YOUKO YOUKO!"
Kurama's Fangirls: ::glare at the Youko Fangirls:: "GRRRR!!"
Youko's Fangirls: ::glare at the Kurama Fangirls:: "GRRRR!!!"
::Before any of the guys or Oni can react, two large groups form in the audience, and all the fangirls pounce on each other::
Yusuke: "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD! It's a fangirl war! RUN!!" ::starts to run for his life, but Oni grabs onto his wrist:: "Hey! LET ME GO!"
Oni: "No way! If we have to suffer through this, then so do you!"
Yusuke: ::pouts:: ::grumbles about how he doesn't care to watch a bunch of girls fighting over Kurama::
Kuwabara: ::has a big tub of popcorn and is enjoying the show:: "This should be interesting..."
Hiei: "Hn. They're killing themselves over that baka kitsune." ::smirks::
Kurama: O.O;;;
Oni: "What's the matter, Kurama?" ::hugs him:: "They all love you! ...But maybe somebody should
put a stop to this..."
::Suddenly a strange voice is heard from outside the building::
Strange Voice: "FINAL FLASH!!" ::one entire wall is blown apart, and the fighting fangirls are all incinerated as well::
All: O.O "WHAT THE...?"
::The outline of a certain short, spiky-haired warrior is seen through the dust, and when the dust clears, the Saiyan Prince is smirking with his arms crossed::
Vegeta: "Hmph. I thought I'd make my own entrance, and it looks like there's been a bit of collateral damage as well. So what is it that you fools wish to talk to the great Prince Vegeta about?"
Kurama: "........"
Vegeta: "WELL ARE YOU GOING TO JUST GAWK AT ME OR AM I GOING TO GET AN ANSWER!?"
Kurama: "A-hem... Please come in, Vegeta."
Yusuke: "Talk about a grand entrance..."
Hiei: "Hn. Just like a baka ningen to make a scene." ::glares at Vegeta and his gravity-defying hair that looks quite similar to his own:: ::growls::
Vegeta: ::glares daggers at Hiei:: "How DARE you compare me to those human fools!" ::using his
saiyan speed, he has Hiei by the cloak in half a second and is leaning into the fire demon's face, snarling menacingly:: "I am Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans!"
Hiei: ::using his own super speed, he slips out of his cloak and pops up behind Vegeta::
Hiei's Fangirls: "OOOOHHHHH!!! SO SEXY!!" ::faint::
Hiei: ::draws his katana and prepares to strike the saiyan with it, hoping the blow would be fatal:: "DIE!" ::he is about to swing the sword when he is interrupted by somebody's voice::
Somebody's Voice: "STOP!"
Hiei: ::turns around:: "Hn?"
All: "Hn?"
::Everyone turns to stare at the young woman who was now standing in the spot where Vegeta had
blown a hole in the wall--dressed in a uniform colored purple--her long, medium-brown, curly hair blowing gently in the light breeze. She stares back at them with her big green eyes...then her gaze shifts to one person in particular::
Kuwabara: ::jumps to his feet:: "She's here! My love has arrived at last!" ::he runs up to the strange new person and takes her by the hand:: "Everybody, meet Jesscheaux!"
Jesscheaux: ::takes a bow:: "Hi everybody!"
Audience (what's left of them): ::although somewhat confused, they clap anyway::
Kuwabara: ^____^ "Come on in, Jesscheaux, you have to meet everyone else!" ::they walk up to the
stage together, where the others are sitting:: "I'm sure you already know who they are."
Jesscheaux: ::grins:: "I sure do!" ::her eyes travel to Hiei, and immediately narrow at the sight of him:: "YOU!"
Hiei: "Hn?" ::gazes up at her, a bored look plastered on his face::
Jesscheaux: "Don't think I don't know about all the mean things you said about my Kuwabara! YOU
JERK! Why I oughtta..." ::suddenly her eyes fall upon the Saiyan Prince, who is currently sitting in the chair with his arms crossed, scowling:: "Vegeta? ...OMG VEGETA!"
Vegeta: "Yes, what is it?"
Jesscheaux: "Veg-man! You're SO COOL!"
Kuwabara: ?
Vegeta: "Of course I am, foolish human! I'm the Prince of all Saiyans!"
Kuwabara: "Hey! Watch who you're calling a foolish human, you punk!"
Vegeta: ::glares at Kuwabara:: ::raises a hand:: "I think I'll just kill you now. FINAL FLA--"
Jesscheaux: "HEY! NO FINAL FLASHING KUWABARA!" ::grabs onto Kuwabara's arm protectively::
Kuwabara: ::gazes lovingly down at Jesscheaux:: "Thanks, sweetie!" ::blushes::
Jesscheaux: ::blushes:: "Anytime, Kazuma!"
Kurama: "Well, we''ll be back with more fan-mail right after the commercial break, so do stay
tuned!"
*****BEGIN COMMERCIAL BREAK*****
--Commercial 1:--
::The camera focuses in on a very large bald man wearing grease-stained jeans and a plaid shirt. A series of clips of the bald man repairing automobiles plays, while an announcer guy talks in the background::
Announcer Guy: "Are you sick and tired of the same old businesses ripping you off? Well, here at
Nappa Auto Parts, we will make sure that you're treated fairly and are not overcharged."
Nappa: ::turns around and smiles cheesily at the camera:: "That's right, because Nappa cares about his customers, and I guarantee that after just one visit to Nappa Auto Parts, you'll keep coming back for more!"
Announcer Guy: "That's Nappa Auto Parts--the best little auto shop in the world!"
--Commercial 2:--
::The screen is completely black, and then white letters begin to spell words across the screen::
"Sometimes we all feel like killing somebody..."
"This feeling is normal..."
"But..."
"Why kill somebody yourself, when..."
"For just a small fee..."
"Hiei The Hitman can do the job for you."
Hiei: ::is shown with his katana on the blank screen:: ::licks the blade and glares at the camera:: "I like to kill."
::The image of Hiei disappears and the words reappear::
"Hiei The Hitman--killing off annoyance one human at a time. Payment is accepted in the form of
ice cream."
******END COMMERCIAL BREAK*****
::Everyone is sitting in the chairs on the stage, from left to right, Oni, Kurama, Yusuke, Hiei,
Vegeta, Jesscheaux, and Kuwabara::
Vegeta: O.o "Was--was that NAPPA?? Unbelievable! That fool has actually got a job!"
Hiei: ::glares at Vegeta:: "Hn."
Vegeta: ::glares back at Hiei:: "Hmph!" ::crosses his arms:: "Would you like a piece of me, short stuff?"
Hiei: "Who are you calling 'short stuff'? I think maybe I should tear you limb from limb as slowly and painfully as possible."
Vegeta: ::jumps to his feet:: "BRING IT ON, YOU PATHETIC HAIRSTYLE-STEALING FOOL!"
Hiei: "Hn. You incompetent! You actually think you can beat me in a fight?"
Vegeta: "I DON'T THINK, I KNOW, YOU WORTHLESS NINGEN!"
Hiei: ::jumps to his feet as well:: "Do NOT insult me, you baka, if you can't tell that I'm a fire demon then you're a bigger fool than I thought!"
Kurama: "That's enough, both of you!"
Hiei: ::sits down reluctantly:: "Hn!"
Vegeta: ::glares at Kurama:: "And just who do you think YOU are? Nobody can tell the Prince of
all Saiyans what to do!"
Hiei: "You arrogant fool! Are you TRYING to get yourself killed?"
Yusuke: "Yeah Vegeta, a word of advice--do NOT get on Kurama's bad side. Meeting Youko Kurama is the LAST thing you wanna do, trust me."
Oni: "I second that."
Kuwabara: "Yeah, me too."
Vegeta: "Hmph!" ::he sits back down in his chair and stubbornly crosses his arms::
Kurama: "Well, Jesscheaux, would you care to read the next fan letter?"
Jesscheaux: "I'd be happy to!" ::reaches for a letter from the pile in the cart that still wasn't showing any signs of getting smaller:: "This one's from Tessajalynn Cilory, who writes; 'Hiei...you know I love it when you say 'hn'...but isn't it getting kinda old?? I mean just saying it to spite people. Yusuke...you do know that you look a hell of a lot cuter without all that gel...don't you? Kurama...my best friend Sabelle wants to know...will you at least go on a date with her and get to know her. Kuwabara....DIE YOU STUPID NINGEN...not that I'm not....I HATE YOU...EVERYONE IN MY TOWN HATE'S YOU!! *feels better* Ok... All...my advice...if you
ever want to bring Yukina back...don't bring the Baka...because doubtless he wil say that he is in love with Yukina again. Vegeta.....please kill Carrot...Kakarot. Anyway...thanx....oh and Death to all the other Hiei fan girls!! I am one also...though not rabid....'" ::puts down the letter:: "...GRRR, KUWABARA'S NOT A STUPID NINGEN!"
Kuwabara: "It's okay, Jesscheaux. As long as I have you, nothing else matters!"
Jesscheaux: "Thanks, Kuwa-kun!"
Kuwabara: ::blush blush:: ^________^
Yusuke: "Okay, before I start hurling, let's answer the questions!"
Hiei: "Hn."
Yusuke: "Really?" ::reaches up and messes up his hair so that his bangs are now hanging in his
face:: "I wish somebody would've told me that sooner!" ::grins::
Kurama: "Of course I would be happy to oblige by going on a date with your friend...however I
won't be available until sometime in January..." ::sighs, wishing that he didn't have so many rabid fangirls to deal with first::
Kuwabara: "Why does it seem like everybody hates me?" ::pouts a little::
Jesscheaux: "I don't hate you, my sweet Kazuma, I love you!" ::hugs him::
Kuwabara: ::feels better:: "To answer the letter, Yukina is in my past--I love only one woman now, and she's sitting beside me!" ^___^ ::reaches over and takes Jesscheaux's hand::
Jesscheaux: ^___^
Vegeta: "Oh don't worry, I'm GOING to kill that baka Kakarot if it's the last thing I ever do!"
Bulma: ::from somewhere in the audience:: "VEGETA! YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING, DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
Vegeta: ::is annoyed:: "WILL YOU QUIT STALKING ME WOMAN?!"
Hiei: ::smirks:: "Hn! How can the Prince of all Saiyans be so easily dominated by a such a weak
human woman?"
Yusuke: "HA HA HA! I guess we know who wears the pants in that relationship!"
Kayko: "YUSUKE YOU SEXIST JERK!!" ::stomps onto stage and slaps him senseless yet again::
Yusuke: @.@
Vegeta: ::sneers down at Yusuke:: "HA HA HA HA HA HA! FOOL!"
Bulma: "THAT'S IT VEGETA, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WHEN YOU GET HOME!" ::leaves::
Vegeta: "Grrrrr...WOMAN! YOU CAN'T BOSS AROUND THE GREAT PRINCE VEGETA!" ::huffs and crosses his arms::
Hiei: ::looking smug:: "Hn. Pathetic."
Vegeta: ::aims a death glare at Hiei:: "Mark my words, little demon, I WILL destroy you!"
Hiei: "Go ahead and try, you brainless monkey!" ::his Jagan eye glows beneath the headband::
Vegeta: O.O "What's this?"
Hiei: ::reaches up and rips off the bandana, exposing the Jagan:: "Let's see if your mind is weak enough to be controlled!"
Vegeta: ::not to be out-done, he immediately powers up to SSJ:: "WHY YOU LITTLE... I'LL TEACH YOU TO RESPECT THE SAIYAN PRINCE!"
Hiei: ::witnesses the transformation:: "Hn? ...Impressive power. Too bad you have to die, you
Saiyan scum!"
::They are about to attack each other when suddenly the buzzer goes off, signaling the end of the show::
Yusuke: "Talk about being saved by the bell..."
Oni: "Tell me about it!"
Kurama: ::glad that he didn't have to go Youko on their asses:: "Well, that's the end of today's show, sadly."
Oni: "But we'll be back again soon, and I'll have some killer stories about Kurama! You know, the embarrassing kind!"
Kurama: "She most certainly will NOT!"
Yusuke: ::showing off his hair:: "Are the fangirls watching me? HEY! I LOOK SEXY NOW, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT HUH?"
Kuwabara: "Man, he really wants fangirls! Too bad he won't listen to me, I told him to be patient and just be happy with whatever he gets. Look how lucky I am, and that's exactly what I did! Now I have the most wonderful girlfriend a guy could ask for!" ^___^
Jesscheaux: "Aww, that's so sweet, Kazuma! You're the greatest!" ::leans over and kisses him on the cheek::
Kuwabara: ::blushes red as a traffic light:: ^___________^
Oni: ::makes a gagging motion:: "Well that's all the time we have for today! See ya next time on..."
All (except Hiei and Vegeta, who are sulking with their backs to each other): "...The Hiei And
Kurama Show!" ::wave goodbye until the camera shuts off, while the ending theme music plays and the credits roll::
________________________________________
Jesscheax: ::watches replay:: ::sees Hiei insult her Kuwabara:: ::turns to Hiei, shaking a fist:: "How DARE you talk to my Kuwa that way, you baka! You're just jealous because he's so much better than you AND YOU KNOW IT!"
Hiei: ::glances at her out of the corner of his eye and crosses his arms:: "Hn."
Kuwabara: ::has hearts in his eyes:: "She's so great..." ::turns to Jesscheaux and takes her hand:: "Would you like to go see a movie and then have dinner with me?"
Jesscheaux: ^____^ "I'd love to, Kazuma!"
Kuwabara: ^____^ "Great! Then we can go play with Eikichi after that! I can't wait to introduce
you two!"
Oni: ::watching them:: "Wow...oh well, time for some good old fashioned Sake!" ::pulls a bottle out from behind her back::
Kurama: O.O "How did you get that?!" ::grabs it from her::
Oni: "Heeeyyyyy!"
Kurama: ::in the tone of a protective older brother:: "You really shouldn't have that."
Oni: "You'll pay." ::walks off, mumbling under her breath a plot for revenge on him, just like any sister would...well, almost::
Kurama: ::watches her go:: ::sweatdrop:: "Yes, I'm sure I will..."
Hiei: ::impatiently waiting to go so he can meet up with Juu-Kun again:: "Hn. Are we finished with this nonsense?"
Yusuke: "Yep, we're done."
Hiei: "Hn." ::says 'Hn' yet again to spite any and all fans who hate 'Hn':: ::leaves without another word::
Kurama: ::turns to Jesscheax:: "Would you like to do the honors?"
Jesscheaux: "Sure! Next time on 'The Hiei And Kurama Show,' which, by the way, should be called
'The Kuwabara Show--'" ::peace sign:: ^_~ "--the special guest is going to be that spoiled brat
Koenma! So make sure you tune in next week to watch the show!"
Yusuke: "Alright you loyal fans, you--let us know what you think, and by that I mean reviews,
so...REVIEW!" ::sips some Dr Salt:: "Ah! Refreshing!"
Kuwabara: "Let's go, my love!" ::takes Jesscheaux's hand and they run off together::
Announcer Guy: "The Hiei And Kurama Show is brought to you by Dr Salt, Nappa Auto Parts, and Chicken Soup For The Demon Soul."