Amano (amano) wrote in envisage, @ 2007-02-13 17:35:00 |
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Entry tags: | h |
The Hiei & Kurama Show
~The Hiei and Kurama Show~
--With your hosts, Hiei and Kurama ::next part is written sloppily and taped to the sign:: +
YUSUKE
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Scene: Your average-looking stage; dark blue background colors, a huge television screen mounted high on the wall, four or five crimson-colored chairs lined up in front of it, a mahogany table with a vase full of roses set up in front of the chairs, and black curtains separating this area from backstage.
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::Theme music plays and the camera zooms in on...what's this? Kuwabara? Kuwabara strides across the stage waving to the fans, grinning, and stops by the chairs, sitting down in one of them and crossing his legs, looking very professional:: ::audience boos::
Random Fangirl 1: "Hey, Ugly, get off the stage! Where is Kurama?"
Random Fangirl 2: "Boo! We want Kurama!" ::throws tomato::
Kuwabara: "Hey!" ::wipes tomato goo off his face:: "That's not very nice!"
Random Fangirl 3: "What have you done with my Hiei?!"
Random Fangirl 4: ::glares at RF3:: "What do you mean 'your' Hiei? Everyone knows he's mine!"
Random Fangirl 3: "Only in your dreams! He's mine!"
Random Fangirl 4: ::stands up:: "Bitch, he's MINE!"
Random Fangirl 3: ::also stands up:: "No, he's MINE!"
Random Fangirl 5: "You're both wrong, he's MINE!"
Random Fangirls 3, 4 & 5: >___< "HE'S MINE!" ::glare at each other::
Kuwabara: "Girls, girls! Calm down, there's plenty of Kuwabara to go around!" ::grins, and is
subsequently hit with numerous tomatoes of various sizes and shapes:: "Aw crud... Alright, I confess--I had Yusuke, Hiei and Kurama tied up in Kurama's office so I could do the show my way,
for ONCE..." ::pouts::
::Fangirls don't care:: ::they start pelting Kuwabara with even more tomatoes::
Random Fangirl 6: "YOU BETTER GO GET MY YUSUKE RIGHT NOW!"
Random Fangirl 7: "Forget Yusuke, just bring back Hiei and Kurama!"
Random Fangirl 8: "Just bring them ALL back!" ::growls:: "OR ELSE!"
Kuwabara: ::wiping his blue suit off, but it's stained beyond recognition:: ::sighs:: "Oh, alright." ::gets up and walks backstage, grumbling about how he never gets any of the respect that he deserves::
::A minute of complete silence passes, then the Fangirls start chanting "Hi-ei! Kur-am-a! Hi-ei!
Kur-am-a! Hi-ei! Kur-am-a! Hi-ei! Kur-am-a!" and stomping their feet:: ::Then suddenly a blood-curdling shriek echoes throughout the building, and seconds later Kuwabara runs across the stage and disappears behind the curtain on the other side::
Hiei's Voice: "GET HIM! DON'T LET THAT IDIOT GET AWAY!"
Yusuke's Voice: ::evil laughter:: "Don't worry Hiei, he's MINE!" ::a blur of black runs across the stage, followed by a similar blur of green:: "...SPIRIT GUN!"
Fangirls: ::all become quiet as they listen to the action backstage:: ::see a huge flash of blue light, and then hear something heavy hit the floor::
Yusuke's Voice: "...Ah, got 'im!"
Hiei's Voice: "Hn. Nice shot, Spirit Detective."
::A certain red-headed, emerald-eyed fox demon tentative<-!><+!>ly walks out onto stage, causing
several Fangirls to swoon::
Kurama: ::looking backstage to make sure that Yusuke and Hiei haven't killed Kuwabara:: ::looks
back to the small audience:: "Er...hello everyone."
Fangirls: ::chorus dreamily:: "HI KURAMA!"
Random Fangirl 9: "YOU'RE SO HOT! I LOVE YOU!"
Random Fangirl 2: "I LOVE YOU TOO, KURAMA!"
Random Fangirl 10: "I LOVE YOU MORE, KURAMA!"
Random Fangirl 11: ::glares at RF10:: "No, I love him more!"
Random Fangirl 12: ::glares back at RF11:: "You wish! I love him LOTS more!"
Random Fangirl 13: "Oh yeah, well I love him ten times more than you EVER could!"
Random Fangirl 14: "Then I love him TWENTY times more!"
Random Fangirl 15: "I love him times THIRTY!"
Random Fangirl 16: "I LOVE HIM TIMES INFINITY!" ::blows rasberry::
Random Fangirl 17: ::smugly:: "Well it doesn't matter how much you all love him because he's MINE!"
Random Fangirls 2, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 & 17: ::start to growl at each other, and are ready to pounce when Kurama clears his throat::
Kurama: "May I please have your attention?"
Fangirls: "OH YES KURAMA, WE LOVE YOU!"
Kurama: O.o;; "...Well it would seem that our show has gotten off to quite a bad start today. I only hope that Kuwabara survives the thrashing he has just received..."
Hiei & Yusuke: ::join Kurama on stage, looking extremely pleased with themselves::
Yusuke: "Don't worry, Kurama, he's not dead..."
Hiei: ::evil smirk:: "...Yet."
Kurama: O.O; "...Shall we get on with the show, or should we wait for Kuwabara?"
Yusuke: ::sits down in one of the chairs that isn't covered in tomato goo:: "By all means, Kurama, let's get this show on the road!" ::looks at the camera, showing a cheesy, fake grin:: "Today's Special Guest is Yukina, and boy oh boy do we have a great show planned for you lucky fans out there!"
Hiei & Kurama: ::sweatdrop::
Yusuke: ::looks at his comrades:: "What? I thought I'd do the announcement this time!"
Hiei: "Hn." ::says 'Hn' yet again to spite the haters of 'Hn'::
Yusuke: "Today we'll be talking about Hiei's over-usage of the word 'Hn'!"
Hiei's Fangirls: "HE DOES NOT OVER-USE IT! HIEI CAN SAY WHATEVER HE WANTS WHENEVER HE WANTS TO!" ::all blow rasberries at Yusuke::
Yusuke: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, like I was saying--Hiei, what does 'Hn' mean and why do you say it all the time?"
Hiei: "Hn."
Hiei's Fangirls: "HE SAID 'HN'!" ::some faint; others scream:: "WE LOVE YOU HIEI!"
Hiei: ::cringes:: ::scowls::
Yusuke: "You haven't answered my question, Hiei..."
Hiei: "Baka! I don't know why I say 'Hn', I just do! Haven't we been over this already?"
Yusuke: ::scratches his head:: "Well yeah, but what does it mean?"
Hiei: ::scowl deepens:: "It doesn't mean anything."
Yusuke: ::turns to the other host, who has been fairly silent so far:: "What do you think about it, Kurama?"
Kurama: ::sits down in another chair:: "Well, I have often wondered the same thing myself. I
believe Hiei uses the word whenever he isn't quite sure what to else say."
Hiei: ::dislikes the fact that he is being talked about:: "Hn."
Yusuke: "There ya go, people! Is Kurama a genius or what?"
Kurama's Fangirls: "YES! YES HE IS, HE IS SOOOO SMART!"
Random Fangirl 18: "AND HOT!"
Kurama: ^_^;;
Yusuke: -_- "Why doesn't anyone think I'M hot?" ::pouts::
Hiei: "Why don't you just bring out the Special Guest and get it over with already?"
Kurama: ::grins:: "Hiei, is it possible that you are looking forward to speaking with our guest?"
Hiei: ::scowls:: "Hn."
Yusuke: "Right! Yukina is his si--" ::he is cut off as Hiei clamps a hand tightly over his mouth:: "--shhrrrr..."
Hiei: "Not on live television you baka!"
Kurama: ^_^ "Well Yukina, come on out!"
::Yukina walks gracefully out on stage, smiling sweetly at the audience, and takes a seat between Kurama and Yusuke::
Kurama: "Hello Yukina, how are you doing today?"
Yukina: "I'm doing just fine, thank you for asking..." ::trails off as she notices the limp, bulky form of Kuwabara lying backstage:: "Oh...what happened to Kazuma?"
Yusuke: "He thought it would be funny to lock us in Kurama's office, so Hiei and I stomped him
into the ground!" ::laughs::
Yukina: "Oh my..." ::gets up and runs over to Kuwabara::
Kuwabara: ::mumbles incoherently:: "...Yukina?"
Yukina: "Don't worry Kazuma, I'll heal you."
Yusuke: "Well how do you like that? Are you sure she's related to you, Hiei?"
Hiei: "Hn."
::A few minutes later, a fully healed Kuwabara prances back onto the stage with Yukina::
Kuwabara: "If I wasn't so happy, Urameshi, I'd pound your face in right this minute!" ::sits down in a chair and pats the one beside his:: "You can sit right here, my love!"
Yukina: ::confused:: ::is wondering why he always calls her 'his love':: "Well alright, Kazuma." ::sits down next to him::
Yusuke: "So Yukina, how is your search for your brother coming along?"
Yukina: ::sighs:: "I still haven't been able to find him." ::looks very sad::
Hiei: ::feels incredibly bad, but says nothing::
Kurama: ::sly grin:: "What do you think about all this, Hiei?"
Hiei: ::grits teeth:: "I'm thinking that if you want to keep all your limbs intact, you will shut-up right now."
Kuwabara: ::clueless:: "Well, I'M going to do whatever it takes to help Yukina find her brother!"
Yukina: ^___^, "Thank you, Kazuma!"
Kuwabara: ::blushes:: "Anything for you, Yukina--my lovely love!"
Kurama, Yusuke, and Hiei: ::sweatdrop::
Kurama: "Well, we have plenty of fan-mail to be answered, so why don't we begin?"
Yusuke: "Great idea, Kurama!" ::phony grin:: "Allow me!" ::runs off stage, and a few seconds later he returns pushing an over-flowing cartful of mail:: "Here it is!"
Kurama: O.O;;; ::is wondering what has gotten into Yusuke:: "How about reading the first letter, Yukina?"
Yukina: "Oh, I would love to!" ::reaches for a letter, and opens it:: "This one is from crawfish109, who writes: Hiei; Um, where the heck do you live anyway? I mean I'm a demon too and I just sorta wander around. Do you like have a rent-controlled tree or something? Oh, and if you do does it have an address or phone number?'"
Hiei: "Hn. I don't actually live anywhere. I just sleep in trees most of the time. I don't have a rent-controlled tree--who would dare charge ME rent?" ::eyes shift around the room:: "An address? I believe it's located in one of those ningen 'parks', and--" ::turns and stares into the camera:: "--I will kill anyone who tries to take it. ...As for the last question, I don't know what a 'phone' is..."
Kuwabara: "Enough questions for Hiei already! Let me pick one!" ::grabs a letter randomly and
reads it:: "This is from The real Eternal Sailor Earth: 'Hey Yusuke, have you ever talked with Ash from pokemon? Hey Kuwabara, my friend Michelle (who's a big fan of yours) wants to know if you'll go out with her.'"
Yusuke: "Heh, yeah. That Ash is such a little dweeb..."
Kurama: "I don't understand, Yusuke--just the other day you said you thought he was 'the coolest'."
Yusuke: ::blushes:: "HEY!"
Kuwabara: ^____^ "I HAVE A FAN! YA-HOO!" ::jumps and punches the air:: "I just knew I was cool! ...I would be happy to go out with your friend, but you see I'm in love with Yukina..."
Yukina: ::is confused:: ::probably doesn't even know what 'love' is::
Kurama: "Hiei, why don't you read the next letter?"
Hiei: "Hn. I don't want to."
Yusuke: "Come on, Hiei, don't be a spoil-sport!" ::whacks him playfully on the back and receives a glare::
Hiei: "Hn. Fine." ::snatches a letter from the monstrous pile:: "From asheyiscool16: 'I'm a half dog demon and i own a truck load of sweet snow would you like to help me rule the world? And
Yukina; how can you be such a wimp, I mean you suck. Not tryin' to be mean, I just think you suck. Kurama, I think you need a life.'" ::drools:: "Sweet Snow...yes..."
Yukina: "Oh, dear...I didn't think I was a wimp..." ::looks hurt::
Kuwabara: "GRR!" ::turns to Yukina:: "Don't worry, my love! I, Kazuma Kuwabara, will make all your sadness disappear!"
Kurama: "I need a life? ...Well I suppose you have a point there."
Hiei: "Hn...." ::crumples up the letter and tosses it aside:: "Next."
Kurama: "I'll take this one." ::selects another letter:: "This letter is from Hikari: 'I have a have a question for Hiei. I'm a fire demon, and a pretty strong one at that, I can control pretty much any type of fire, from regular to dark flame attacks. I admit you are much stronger than me, so I would like some training. I can at least handle some hits. Also. How do you feel about this. Why can humans kill us? But we can't kill humans? I think it is stupid, I think if a human tries to kill us we should be able to kill them. Don't you? Also to Kurama, when you lived in the Makai and you were Youko (not that you still are not him) what did you use to make your hair so nice? Yeah gotta go and train. Hiei if you can train with me just tell me I will be there in a flash *runs off in high speed, just not as quick as Hiei*'" ::puts down letter:: "Well, Hiei?"
Hiei: ::is thinking, 'Baka ningens, making me be social!':: "I will train you in exchange for Sweet Snow. As for your other question, I have to agree--it is very stupid that ningens can kill demons but not the other way around...but that will change soon..." ::evil smirk::
Kurama: ::blushes:: "Well, I had my own secret shampoo that I used..."
Yusuke: ::holds back laughter:: "Okay, I'll read the next letter!" ::chooses yet another letter:: "This one's from Kitten: 'Kurama--do you EVER lose control? Hiei-- n_n; I don't really have a question for Hiei... there, you get a break from people asking to marry you... Yusuke: Considering that being a Spirit Detective pays zip and you're nearly flunking out of high school, what are you planning to do for a job? Kuwabara: Can I pet Eikichi? ^^ Yukina: Are you really as naive as you look, or is that just an act? ^^; No offense...'" ::puts down letter:: "There ya go!"
Kurama: "Well..." ::blushes:: "I must admit, once in great a while I do tend to lose control..."
Hiei: "Hn." ::is relieved and grateful::
Yusuke: "Hm, yeah...I should ask the toddler for a salary! Half the time I nearly get killed for him, you'd think it would be a crime NOT to pay me! ...Kayko is always bugging me about going to school so I can get a good job, but I'm not worried. After all, I seem to be incredibly lucky, so something will probably just fall into my lap..." ::grins, as if proud of himself::
Genkai: ::from somewhere in the audience:: "SLACKER!"
Yusuke: ::cringes:: "SHUT UP GRANDMA!"
Genkai: "I'll be seeing YOU after the show, Dim-wit!"
Yusuke: -__- "Perfect."
Kuwabara: ::holds up Eikichi (who just happened to be there):: "Sure, you can pet her!" ^__^
Yukina: "Well, I suppose I am a bit too naive for my own good..."
Kuwabara: "Don't feel bad, Yukina! I think you're great!"
Hiei: -__- ::is unimpressed::
Yusuke: ::grabs another letter:: "I'll do the next one! This is from Jesscheaux: 'Dearest Kuwabara, I've been watching your show and I have to say you're the best guy on it and DOWN WITH THE OTHERS! Hiei is a shrimp, Kurama is a girl and Yusuke is a punk! YOU'RE THE ABSOLUTE BEST AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS! Please my dear sweet Kazuma-kun, WILL YOU MARRY ME?! And as for you, YUKINA YOU ICE WENCH, stay away from Kuwabara he's WAY TOO GOOD FOR YOU! Love and Peace, Kuwa! Love, Jesscheaux.'"
Kuwabara: ^_____^ ::gets all misty-eyed:: "That's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me! ...I think I'm in love!" ::looks at Yukina:: "I'm sorry Yukina, but..." ::sighs:: "Well, I guess you and I just weren't meant to be..."
Yukina: ::doesn't understand:: ::wonders what this 'love' is:: ::still thinks Kazuma is so funny!:: ::giggles:: "That's alright, Kazuma."
Hiei: ::is satisfied that Kuwabara is no longer after his sister, but a little disappointed that he doesn't get to kill him for it::
Kurama: "How odd..."
Yusuke: "Yeah, first Botan, then Yukina, now Jesscheaux... I think Kuwabara really likes to fall in love huh?"
Kurama: "Agreed." ::checks clock:: "Do we have time for a few more questions?"
Yusuke: ::shrugs:: "You're pretty much running this show, Kurama, don't ask me. I just hang out
here, and Hiei is forced to come."
Kurama: "Oh...right."
::Suddenly the doors open, and everyone--including the fangirls--turn their heads to see who has
interrupted the show. A girl possessing two small golden fox ears, silver eyes, and claws wearing a v-neck dress that comes down to a little above her knees, with a silver sash tied around her middle, stands in the doorway. Grinning, she displays her long canines. Her two golden, silver-tipped tails--one fox and one wolf--swish playfully behind her::
Yusuke: "What the heck...?"
Hiei: "Hn. Another baka kitsune."
Other Baka Kitsune: "No, not exactly. I'm half kitsune youkai and half wolf youkai, thank you, and my name is Amai Kaminari."
Kurama: O.O
Yusuke: "Kurama, don't tell me you have ANOTHER visitor?"
Kuwabara: ::looks up from where he is writing a love letter to Jesscheaux:: "Huh? Oh, great.
Another Kurama. Better hide Eikichi..."
Yusuke: "Well come on up, Amai! The more, the merrier!"
Kurama, Hiei, Kuwabara and Yukina: ::all wonder what the HECK is up with Yusuke today::
Amai: ::runs up to the stage:: "Thank you!" ::walks over to Kurama and gives him a big hug::
Kurama's Fangirls: "GRRRR!"
Kurama: ::is lost for words:: "Er..."
Amai: "What?" ::smirks:: "Don't you remember me darling?"
Hiei: "I demand to know what the hell is going on!"
Amai: "Pipe down, Fire Boy, I'll explain."
Hiei: ::scowls::
Amai: "I used to work with Youko Kurama a long time ago, and that's how I know him. When
Kurama left, I thought a hunter got him! I was so sad..." ::glares at Kurama:: "I almost died from suicide because of that, you know." ::mood changes:: "But now I've finally found you again!" ::hugs Kurama once more:: "Foxes are kinda my weak spot..."
Kurama's Fangirls: ::enraged and jealous:: "STAY AWAY FROM MY KURAMA!"
Amai: "Oh shut-up, baka ningens!" ::growls:: "Humans! Can't stand 'em!"
Kurama: "Well Amai, do you have some questions for us? After all, this is The Hiei And Kurama Show..."
Amai: "Sure, Kurama, I got tons! The first one's for you, of couse: you're smart, so answer this--how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
Kurama: ^_^; "Er... I suppose that since woodchucks cannot chuck wood in the first place, it would be hard to say..."
Amai: ::laughs:: "Okay, okay. My next question is for Kuwa-kun: I know you like Yukina and all,
but she's a demon and you're a human, and that doesn't work out. I know it doesn't. Really. Work on your skills!"
Kuwabara: "I just figured that out a couple minutes ago...it's okay though, because now I have a
new girlfriend! Thanks for tip."
Amai: "One more question--is your hair a natural color?"
Kuwabara: "Yes, my hair is indeed a natural color!" ::proudly runs a hand through his orange curls::
Amai: "Alright. And now for you, Yusuke--cool weapon! I love guns! Although I like flamethrowers better. Setting things on fire is fun! I once set a ningen on fire. It was funny. The baka ran into a tree." ::pauses for a second to laugh:: "Oh yeah, do you want me to teach you how to use some more weapons? I could! My room's full of 'em!"
Yusuke: "That'd be awesome, I can't wait!"
Amai: "Cool! Now for you, Yukina--why do you like Kuwa-kun so much? Get yourself a demon. No offense to you, Kuwabara!"
Kuwabara: "None taken."
Yukina: "I like Kazuma because he's a good friend, and he's so funny! He makes me laugh so!" ::is still confused by the concept of love...maybe it runs in the family?::
Amai: "Fair enough. Okay Hiei, your turn!"
Hiei: ::sarcastically:: "Oh joy."
Hiei's Fangirls: "AAAHHHHH! HE IS JUST SOOOO SEXY!"
Amai: ::smirks, ignoring the Fangirls:: "Hey, I'm just going to offer to help annihilate those baka ningens...except for a few. Not telling you who!"
Hiei: "Hn. Okay, sounds good."
Amai: "Wait a sec, there's more: why wear black? Why not red? It'd be funnier than funny to see
you in pink! Give you about..." ::counts ice cream tubs:: "21 tubs of different flavors of sweet snow if ya do! Meet me at the woods. Your favorite tree. I know where that is, courtesy of a friend of mine! Hiei fangirl. She stalks you. Hides her ki, scent, and puts up a sound barrier, so watch out! Kurama... I can do all those too..." ::smirks again::
Hiei: ::creates a small puddle of drool on the floor:: "Sweet...Snow...must...have..."
Amai: "Is that a 'yes' then?"
Hiei: "For Sweet Snow! And no pictures!"
Kurama: ::wonders if he should run now, but just as he is considering it the buzzer goes off:: ::looks into camera:: ^___^ "Well, I guess that's it for today! Loyal fans of our show, I would like to take this time to thank you all for tuning in every week, for if not for all of you there would be no Hiei and Kurama Show. Hiei, Yusuke, Kuwabara and I very much appreciate all of the support we are receiving...and all of the fan-mail..." O.O "So until next week, goodbye!"
::All (except our favorite fire demon, who just sits in the chair with his arms crossed thinking about Sweet Snow) look at the camera and wave goodbye in a sort of cheesy fashion::
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Amai: ::watches replay:: "Look at all those ningen fans!" ::sees one of them grab Kurama as he walks by, screaming that she loved him to death:: "What. An. Idiot."
Kurama: "Yes, it gets pretty bad sometimes..."
Amai: ::evil smirk:: "We could always kill them...KILLING IS TOO FUN!"
Kurama: O.O;;; "I see somebody hasn't changed..."
Kuwabara: ::finishes writing his letter, which is about 10 pages long:: "Gee, I hope Jesscheaux likes what I wrote..."
Yukina: ::still doesn't get the concept of love:: "Don't worry Kazuma, I'm sure she'll love it."
Yusuke: ::pouting:: "It's no fair, nobody thinks I'M hot! I don't have as many Fangirls as you two demons!"
Hiei: "Hn." ::says 'Hn' again to spite all fans who hate 'Hn':: "I'm leaving now...I have a few people to train and ningens to destroy..." ::runs off::
Kurama: ::nods:: "Yes, well...next time on The Hiei and Kurama Show, we will be having an Extra
Special Guest--VEGETA FROM DRAGONBALL Z! So to all of our fans out there--and fans of Vegeta as well--be sure to tune in next week!"
Yusuke: "Alright you loyal fans, you--let us know what you--" ::suddenly Genkai appears, grabs his ear and drags him off to train:: "Hey! LET ME GO GRANDMA!!" ::screams as he is being pulled
out of sight:: "Don't forget to revieeewwww...!"