~The Hiei and Kurama Show~ --With your hosts, Hiei and Kurama ::next part is written sloppily and taped to the sign:: + YUSUKE ____________________________________________________________________________
Scene: Your average-looking stage; dark blue background colors, a huge television screen mounted high on the wall, four or five crimson-colored chairs lined up in front of it, a mahogany table with a vase full of roses set up in front of the chairs, and black curtains separating this area from backstage. ____________________________________________________________________________
::Theme music plays and the camera zooms in on Kurama as he walks out on stage with Yusuke, smiling and waving at the small audience they're now allowed to have. Hiei walks out behind them, slowly and reluctantly as usual:: ::audience cheers::
Kurama: ::sits down in his chair as usual:: ^_^ "Good morning everyone. Surprisingly enough, it would seem that our show is still being aired, so here we are once again."
Yusuke: "That's right. Turns out, people actually watch this show. See, I'll prove it--" ::takes out ratings chart:: "Look at how much our ratings have gone up!"
Kurama: ^_^; "The chart is upside-down, Yusuke..."
Yusuke: "What? ...Oh..." ::looks disappointed:: ::sits down in the chair beside Kurama::
Kurama: "Anyway, we have quite a large show to do today. Our Special Guest will be Jin, and we have received a very large amount of fan mail over the past few days, so we'll be answering it all."
::Suddenly all three look up as the studio doors swing open, and see Kuwabara standing in the doorway::
Kuwabara: "Somebody forgot to tell me we were doing the show today!"
Hiei: ::flatly:: "...Oops."
Kuwabara: "YOU LITTLE SHRIMP YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I HAVE MORE FANS THAN YOU!"
Hiei: ::sarcastically:: "Oh that's right, all the fan mail I received yesterday must have really been meant for you." ::scowls:: "Fool."
Yusuke: "CHILDREN! Save it for the bad guys." ::thinking, when have I said that before?:: "So Kurama, what's your big idea for today?"
Kurama: ::sighs:: "None of my ideas are ever to your liking. I thought that today we might get right to the Special Guest."
Hiei: "Sounds good to me. The sooner it ends, the better." ::remembers that since it's Friday he has to meet Juu-Kun for the annihilation of the human race::
Fan In Audience: ::yelling:: "I AM INCOGNITO!"
All: ?
Kurama: ^_^; "Shall we bring out the Special Guest now?"
Kuwabara: "Ooh I wanna do it!" ::pauses dramatically:: "And now, today's Special Guest on the Hiei and Kurama Show................JIN!"
::theme music plays as Jin walks out on stage, grinning and waving to all of his fans:: ::audience cheers::
Kuwabara: "Hey! How come HE gets theme music?" ::pouts::
Jin: ::looks around:: "Quite a small audience ya got there."
Fan In Audience: ::yelling again:: "THE MONKEY CONSUMED THE BANANA!"
All: ??
Kurama: "...Yes, well, after Hiei went berserk and killed an audience on the first show, this is the largest number of spectators we're allowed to have."
Kuwabara: "Yeah. Shorty's gonna ruin it all for us!" -_-
Hiei: ::to Kuwabara:: "I think you've already done that just by showing up."
Yusuke: "Anyway Jin, we're gonna start off by asking you a few questions, then we'll get to answering the fan mail."
Jin: "Sounds good, Urameshi!"
Kuwabara: "Ok, ok! I have a question: How come you have so many fangirls?"
Jin: "Well I really have no idea...I suppose it's because o' me Lucky Charms." ::laughs:: "But really, I don't know. They all just seem to take a liking to me." ::shrugs::
Kuwabara: ::grumbling about how unfair it is that nobody likes him::
Yusuke: "You know, I'd love to have a re-match sometime. How's your schedule?"
Jin: "I've been pretty busy lately, but I could fit you in anytime. Nothin' I love better than a good fight!"
Hiei: "Hn." ::still saying 'Hn' to spite all fans who hate 'Hn'::
Fan In Audience: ::still yelling:: "INHALE THE NOXIOUS GAS!"
All: ???
Yusuke: "I think we got a lunatic on our hands..."
Fan In Audience: ::snaps her fingers and a tomato hits Yusuke full in the face::
Jin: ::presses Laugh Track button::
::Laugh Track::
Yusuke: -_-; "That wasn't funny." ::mutters to himself about the crazed audience member::
Kurama: ::is watching the overflowing mail carts out of the corner of his eye:: "I think it would be wise to begin answering the fan mail now, before it really starts to pile up..."
Kuwabara: "Good idea! I can't wait to hear from my fans!"
Yusuke: "How about it, Jin? You up to answering some fan mail?"
Jin: ::grins and ears twitch:: "I would love nothing more, Urameshi."
Kurama: "Fan mail, please!"
::All fan mail is dumped at his feet, filling up half the room::
All: O.O
Kurama: "Jin, would you be so kind as to do the honors?"
Jin: ::picks up a letter:: "Certainly." ::begins reading:: "This is from dustbunny690; 'Question for Jin; How old are you and what is your favorite season? For Kurama and Hiei- boxers or briefs, tell the truth Hiei (holds up sweet snow).'" ::puts down the letter:: "Well, I'd tell you how old I am but then I'd have to kill you." ::laughs:: "My favorite season? I'd have to say Autumn. Ever been outside on a windy Autumn day? It's a great feeling."
Kurama: "Boxers or briefs? ...Um, well, boxers." ::is slightly embarrassed to be discussing his underwear on national television::
Hiei: "Hn. Why do people care what kind of underwear I have?" ::sees Sweet Snow:: "Boxers! I wear boxers, now let me have the Sweet Snow!" ::receives Sweet Snow and begins to eat it, tuning out everyone else::
Crazed Audience Member: "SUCCUMB TO THE EVILS OF DE-CAF!"
All: ????
Yusuke: "I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that..."
Kuwabara: "Next letter!" ::chooses another letter:: "It's from anime-poker-chik, who writes: 'I have a question for Jin!... Ok why do you have ONE tooth hanging out of one side of your mouth? Is it loose or something? P.S. I'm blonde with green eyes, and i have a scottish accent.Wanna go see Matrix Reloaded with me?'"
Jin: To answer your question, my tooth IS loose; it happened during a fight one time. It's quite a story actually... But there's no time for that, is there? I'd love to go see Matrix Reloaded with you, I heard it has some great fight scenes!"
Kuwabara: "No fair, he gets a date and I've been on the show for 2 days now and I STILL have no fans!" ::pouts some more::
Yusuke: "Okay, next question!" ::takes a letter, opens it, and reads it:: "It's from Arcia: 'HEY! Arcia here! And I am a BIG Yu Yu Hakusho fan. BUT I cant watch your precious show regularly BECAUSE, STUPIDLY, THEY TOOK IT OFF CARTOON NETWORK! STUPID! Anyway I have one question for each of the Yu Yu Guys. (And Kuwabara too ^^) Yusuke- Does Keiko ever bug you about your hair? I mean, I like it slicked back, but does she ever want you to keep it down? Hiei- Rate your friendship with Kurama, one to ten, please. But of course a humble human baka such as my useless self does not insist this question be answered! Kurama- Hey, you! If you knew that ferocious fan girls would respond to this 'show', then why in the world would you want to put this on the air? Kuwabara- How can you stand being so under appreciated? (I appreciate you of course! ...Slightly...).'"
Yusuke: "Finally, a question for yours truly! ...Uh, well, Kayko bugs me about a lot of things, mostly school and homework. She hates it when my hair is slicked back because she says it looks greasy. I like it that way, so too bad for her."
Kayko: "YUSUKE YOU JERK!" ::runs down to slap him repeatedly across the face, then runs back to where she came from::
Yusuke: @.@
Hiei: ::looks up from devouring Sweet Snow:: "My friendship with Kurama? Well I'd give it a six."
Kurama: "Why only six?"
Hiei: "Because you stupid baka, you wouldn't let me have Sweet Snow the other day!" ::goes back to consuming his sugary goodness::
Kurama: O.O;; "...To answer the question, I've come to rather enjoy doing the show. At first I was a little forced into doing it, but now it's beginning to become exciting."
Kuwabara: "SOMEBODY LIKES ME!" ^____^ "SOMEBODY APPRECIATES ME!" ::is happy:: ::does cartwheels across the stage:: "Whoo-hoo! Oh joy and rapture!" ::calms down to answer question:: "It's hard being the underappreciated one of the group, but good fans like you make it all worth it!"
Yusuke: -_-; "Neee~eext question." ::picks up yet another letter:: "And this one's from kaibabride920: 'Um... Hiei, if you can't kill Kuwabara, can I? I have hate I need to get rid of and live in this baka place called the human world where killing is illegal (i will have my day). If not I have a way of making it so you could kill Kuwabara. Thanks. P.S my plan for your revenge involves a certain toddler's pacifier and manure.'"
Kuwabara: "How come everyone wants to kill me?" ::goes back to pouting::
Hiei: "Hn. Sorry to disappoint you, but the incompetent is mine. I like the sound of your plan, though." ::smirks:: "It has potential."
Kuwabara: =O
Crazed Audience Member: "THERMONUCLEAR!"
All: ?????
Yusuke: ::is getting angry:: "SHUT UP!" ::is hit in the face with two tomatoes:: "...Perfect."
Kurama: ^_^; "Time for another letter." :: selects another letter from the pile, which isn't getting any smaller:: "This letter is from SashaKitsune. 'For Jin: What's up with your accent, and can you help me shave Karasu bald? It'd be funny if you sat on him and sang drinking songs while he was de-haired. For Hiei: Could you roast Kuwabaka with the Dragon of Darkness Flame? Pretty please? For Kurama: I'm sorry I stole all your clothes. I'd give them back, but I already sold them all on E-bay. Could I take you out to dinner instead? =^.^= For Kuwabaka: Why don't you just die? For Urameshi: How much would it take for you to give my friend Erin a lap-dance?'"
Jin: "I have an accent because I'm Scottish." [A/N: Or is it Irish?] "I would be happy to help you shave Karasu bald, it sounds like fun. Which drinking songs should I sing while sitting on him? There are quite a lot out there ya know."
Hiei: "I've always wanted to try that attack on Kuwabara..."
Kuwabara: O.O;; "Why don't I just die?" ::wailing:: "NOBODY LOVES ME!"
Kurama: "So you're the one who has stolen my clothes? I've had to wear the very same thing for past few days... However I'd love to attend a dinner with you."
Yusuke: =D ::is thinking dirty thoughts:: ::drools:: "I'll do it for free!"
Kayko: "YUSUKE YOU JERK!!" ::stomps over to slap him silly again, and then leaves::
Yusuke: ::covered in tomato goo:: ::is very, very angry:: "Alright, THAT'S IT! Who ARE you??"
Crazed Audience Member: "PANIC!"
Kurama: ^_^;;; "...Do you have a question?"
Panic: "I have some questions for Hiei--If a huge army of evil rubber ducks bent on world conquest took over your tree, drugged you, tied you up with Mardigras beads, and the only way to kill them is to river-dance over them, what would you do? And secondly, I do not know which of these tactics I should use first in my plan for eventual conquest of the world: Take control of the ice cream trucks, thus brainwashing all children to join my legion of DOOM, OR develop a coffee store like Starbucks and slip chemicals into the coffee, which convinces people that they are rabid monkeys and give them a strong desire to eat Kraft products and destroy every Wal-Mart in their path."
Hiei: "...What kind of question is that?"
Yusuke: "Aw, c'mon Hiei, answer her!" ::wants to know for himself::
Hiei: "I don't know which would be worse--being killed by a bunch of ningen toys or having to dance over them. I'd probably just kill myself. As for your other question, I think you should do both at the same time." ::evil smirk::
Kuwabara: "I don't, it's too evil!" ::shudders at the thought of Kraft products::
Jin: "I wouldn't mind destroying all the Wal-Marts."
Kuwabara: ::presses Laugh Track button::
::Laugh Track::
Jin: "I'll take care of the next question." ::chooses another letter:: "This is from Wizardess Gal. She writes: 'Muahahaha. QUESTION! Er, questions. And a couple statements... Hiei: I love "Hn!" Mewhaha! And will you marry me? Naw, just kidding... just wanted to see my fav fire demon twitch. ^^ But, really, how do you get your hair to stand up like that? Stick a fork in an electrical socket as a kid, or just a lot of hair gel? Kurama: ...Um... Moo? Um... I HAD a question... No, really... um... Ah yes! Do you, by any chance, use Herbal Escense? (Gyuahaha... the URGE...) And also, how do you react to large amounts of sugar? Yusuke: HA! NO QUESTIONS FOR YOU, YA LOSER! MUAHAHAHAHA! Jin: YAY! JIN! Falalala~! Tell me, Jin... how do you feel about Jello? Jello's fun... all squiggly... mewhaha... Also, would you mind terribly if I started stalking you? And that is all. ^^ I am a crazy human moron...'" ::puts down letter:: @_@ "That's a lot of questions..."
Hiei: ::twitches at the words 'Will you marry me', but relaxes when he hears that she is kidding:: "Hn. My hair stands up like this naturally..."
Yusuke: "Riiiiiight, Hiei."
Hiei: ::scowls::
Kurama: "How did you know about the Herbal Essence?" ::turns slightly red:: "Large amounts of sugar? Well I am not sure...I've only had that much sugar once, and I was told that I began to speak in slang..."
Yusuke: "Yeah he did, it was so frickin' funny!" ::starts laughing, then stops, remembering what the letter said about him:: "I am not a loser!" ::pouts with Kuwabara::
Jin: ^_^ "I like Jell-O, especially the red kind, it's my favorite. And since I already have so many stalkers, one more wouldn't hurt so stalk away."
Kuwabara: -_- "I want a stalker!"
Kurama: "Not a very wise thing to say, Kuwabara. You should be careful what you whish for." ::takes another letter:: "This one is from Satan's Spawn: 'I have a question for Kuwabara: Why is it that you change faces so many times, like when you are around Yukina you are nice, when you are around Yusuke you are aggressive when around Hiei you are kinda stupid and very easy to make fun of, around Kurama, um, how do you act around Kurama? Hiei, I think your sister is the ultimate coolest person that ever lived. I will marry her if you ever decide to kill dear sweet Kuwa-chan. (BYW I am a girl).'"
Kuwabara: ::scratches his head:: "Well, uh...I'm not sure."
Yusuke: "Ooh, I know! He's like that around Yukina 'cuz he LOVES her, he's like that around me 'cuz he hates the fact that I'm tougher than him and always tries to be better than me, he's like that around Hiei 'cuz he's afraid of him, and around Kurama he just tries not to sound too stupid." ::smirks at Kuwabara::
Kuwabara: >_< "NONE OF THAT STUFF IS TRUE EXCEPT THE PART ABOUT YUKINA, URAMESHI!"
Hiei: ::hears the part about his sister being 'the ultimate coolest person that ever lived':: "Hn." ::is thinking that maybe his sister takes after him a little after all::
Kuwabara: "Who's Hiei's sister?"
Kurama: "Er–never mind that. It looks like we have time for one more question. Hiei, would you mind terribly if I asked you to read the last one?"
Hiei: "Hn. Fine." ::snatches a letter from the pile, but is interrupted by the buzzer sounding:: "Too bad." ::tosses letter away::
Kurama: "Well, it would appear that we've come to the end of today's show."
Yusuke: "Yeah. Aww, I was starting to like it here, too."
Kuwabara: "Turn that frown upside-down, Urameshi, we'll be back again tomorrow!"
Yusuke: -_-;;; "Please don't say anything like that ever again."
Jin: "Alright everyone, smile and wave goodbye now!"
All (except Hiei): ::smiling and waving:: "Goodbye!"
Jin: ::watches replay:: "Does my tooth really stick out THAT much?"
All: XD ::laughing::
Kurama: "Well I've got to be going now."
Yusuke: ::snickers:: "Kurama has the urge the Herbal." ::singing:: "Herbal in the shower, for another half an hour!"
Hiei: "Hn." ::says 'Hn' again to spite all fans who hate 'Hn':: ::wishes he had more Sweet Snow:: ::drools::
Kurama: ::sighs:: "Yes, well...our next Special Guest will be Yukina, so to all of our fans out there--if any exist after this--stay tuned for the next episode of The Hiei and Kurama Show!"
Yusuke: "In other words, come back for more soon!"
Hiei: "I have to go now. The annihilation of a certain race is about to begin..." ::runs of to find Juu-Kun::
Kurama: "......" ::leaves to use the shower::
Yusuke: "Alright you loyal fans, you--let us know what you think! Reviews!"