~The Hiei and Kurama Show~ --With your hosts, Hiei and Kurama _________________________________________________________________________
Scene: Your average-looking stage; dark blue background colors, a huge television screen mounted high on the wall, four or five crimson-colored chairs lined up in front of it, a mahogany table with a vase full of roses set up in front of the chairs, and black curtains separating this area from backstage. _________________________________________________________________________
::Theme music plays and the camera zooms in on Kurama as he walks out on stage, waving politely to the audience:: ::his fangirls all start screaming::
Kurama: "Hello, and welcome to the Hiei and Kur--" ::stops:: ::looks around, noticing that his co-host is missing:: "Hiei? Aren't you coming out?"
Hiei: ::from backstage:: "Hn. Not on your life."
Hiei Fangirl: "AAAAAAHH! He said 'Hn!' AAAAAHHH! I love you Hiei! AAAAHH!"
Hiei: ::is scared:: ::is thinking of ways to get out of this::
Kurama: "Come on out, Hiei. I can't do this on my own." ::knows that actually he can, but doesn't want to face the rabid fangirls alone::
Hiei: ::reluctantly emerges from the backstage area::
Audience: ::cheers wildly::
Hiei: ::looks like he regrets ever having been born:: "Let's get this over with."
Kurama: ::looks pleased:: "Alright." ::sits down in one of the chairs:: "Shall we start the show with questions from the fans?"
Hiei: ::is thinking that he couldn't care less:: "Fine."
Kurama: ::is surprised to see all the audience members' hands shoot up at once:: "That's a lot of questions... Okay, you in the blue shirt, you can go first."
Fan w/ Blue Shirt: "Okay, like, I just wanna know if Kurama is, like, gay 'n' stuff."
Kurama: O.O
Hiei: ::to Kurama:: "Should I kill her?"
Kurama: "No, that won't be necessary, Hiei. To answer the question, NO I am NOT homosexual, I have never been homosexual and I will never be homosexual. Next question please? How about you, in the red shirt?"
Fan w/ Red Shirt: "AAAAAAHHHHHH! HE CALLED ON ME!" ::faints::
Kurama: "Erm... Next question!" ::glances over at Hiei, who has his arms crossed and looks extremely bored:: "Why don't you take a question, Hiei?"
Hiei: ::looks annoyed:: "Hn. Somebody ask me something."
About 50 Fangirls: "HIEI, DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE, LIKE, SOOO HOT?"
Hiei: O.o ::cringes:: "Your turn, Kurama."
Kurama: "...Hmm... Alright. You, in the pink shirt. You have a question?"
Fan w/ Pink Shirt: "Yes! ...Um... ::looks nervous:: "Kurama, will you go out with me?"
Kurama: ::doesn't know how to respond:: ::is thinking quickly:: "...I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline. I'm really quite busy." ::notices that the girl looks sad:: "But I can think about it anyway."
Fan w/ Pink Shirt: ::looks happy again:: "OK!"
Hiei: ::glaring at the audience:: "Ask me another question."
About 20 Fangirls: "WILL YOU MARRY ME HIEI??"
Hiei: O.O "......."
Hiei: O.o "................"
Hiei: ::twitches:: ::wonders if he should kill them:: ::wonders if he should kill himself::
Kurama: "...I think it's time to bring out our special guest."
Hiei: "Agreed. Let somebody else be tortured."
Kurama: "...Yes, well... Come on out..........YUSUKE URAMESHI."
Yusuke: ::walks out all matcho-like:: "Hey everyone, how's it goin'?"
Yusuke's Fangirls: "WE LOVE YOU, YUSUKE!"
Yusuke: ::grins at them:: ::turns to his friends:: "Hey Kurama, hi Hiei." ::sits down in the chair beside Kurama::
Kurama: "Hello Yusuke."
Yusuke: "So... "The Hiei and Kurama Show", huh? If I didn't have anything better to do, like being the Spirit Detective and using my cool powers to beat up bad guys, I'd be jealous." ::leans back in the chair:: "This is really comfortable."
Kurama: ::nods:: "Yes. So I understand you skipped school to be here?"
Yusuke: ::looks proud of himself:: "Yep. ...Hey, you're supposed to be in school too, Kurama. I hope your mother isn't watching this show."
Kurama: "..........." ::turns to the audience:: "So has anyone got any questions for Yusuke?"
Audience Member #1: "Hey did you know that 'Yusuke' spelled backwords is 'Ekusuy'?"
Yusuke: ::looks a little uneasy::
Audience Member #2: "Yusuke, can I sniff you?"
Yusuke: ::looks frightened::
Audience Member #3: "Yusuke, will you sign my butt?"
Yusuke: ::looks terrified::
Audience Member #4: "Yusuke! We are like, so perfect for each other! We should go out, and then you'll be my boyfriend, and then we can get married and live in Hawaii, and have a son named Yusuke Junior and a cat named Jonathan and a dog named Susan, and we can grow old together and live in an old folks' home together and share fond memories of our youth together and die together!"
Yusuke: ::jumps up and hides behind Kurama::
Hiei: ::looks at Kurama again:: "Can I kill them now?"
Kurama: "No Hiei, can you imagine what that would do to our ratings?"
Hiei: ::doesn't care:: ::is thinking of doing it anyway::
::Suddenly, a huge mass of audience members run forward, making their way to the stage::
Kurama: "Oh dear..." ::grabs the bouquet of roses from the table:: ::uses a bunch of Rose Whips to create a net that would keep them safe from the rabid audience:: ::puts a seed into the vase of water, and another bouquet of roses immediately grows::
Yusuke: "Good thinking, Kurama." ::is relieved that he didn't have to run off the stage screaming bloody murder after all::
Kurama: ::is watching the audience closely as they all struggle against their entrapment:: "Unfortunately, I don't think it's going to hold..."
Random Audience Member: "But I LOVE you, Kurama!"
Fangirls: "WE LOVE YOU!"
Hiei: ::decides to kill them:: "Dragon of the Darkness Flame!" ::the dragon comes out, obliterates the audience, and blows an entire wall out as well::
Kurama: "Hiei!"
Hiei: ::doesn't care that his arm is now paralyzed with pain:: ::is now the happiest he's been all day:: "BAKA HUMANS!" ::begins to laugh evilly::
Kurama: ::while Hiei is laughing in the background:: "We...no longer have an audience to take questions from..."
Yusuke: "Too bad." ::is thinking the exact opposite:: "What are you gonna do now?"
Kurama: "Well, there is always Plan B."
Hiei: ::hears the words 'Plan B' and abruptly stops laughing:: "Plan...B...?"
Kurama: "Why, yes, Hiei. You didn't think I hadn't thought ahead that you might do something like this, did you?" ::turns to look backstage:: "May I have the fan mail please?"
Hiei: O.o ::twitches:: "F-fan mail?"
Backstage Crew Member: "Sure thing, Kurama." ::is heard calling for assistance:: "Come on, boys! Back her right up here!" ::a loud beeping sound is heard, like that of a large truck backing up, and suddenly a ton of mail is dumped onto the stage at Kurama's feet, creating a pile as high as the ceiling::
Kurama: O.O
Hiei: O.O
Yusuke: O.O
Kurama: ::bends down to pick up a letter:: "Well, we should probably get going. I'm sure we'll be here for a while." ::opens letter and reads it:: "This one isn't so bad. It's from Lune A. Tick. Here's what she wrote: 'Dear Hiei; I watch Yu Yu Hakusho religiously and I was just wondering--how come you say 'Hn' all the time? Isn't it pretty dumb? I mean, who says 'Hn' anyway? It just sounds retarded... Anyway, would you be interested in a date with me?'" ::Kurama finishes reading and looks up at Hiei. "Well?"
Hiei: ::is disgusted:: "Hn." ::says 'Hn' just to spite the fan:: "Another foolish question from another human fool. I don't know why I say 'Hn', why are humans such bakas? ...And why the hell would I ever even consider dating somebody who just insulted me?"
Kurama: ".....Fair enough. Next letter." ::picks out another one:: "It's from Anonymous: 'Dear Urameshi; You're a pretty tough guy but I could own you any day. P.S.--I heard you singing in the shower and it wasn't pretty.'"
Yusuke: ::looks annoyed:: "Was that from Kuwabara? ...I'm gonna kill him..."
Hiei: "I'd gladly help."
Kurama: "Let's go on to the next letter, shall we?" ::selects yet another letter from the pile:: "This is from Cheese Whiz Man: 'Dear Kurama; Do you ever get wedgies?'"
Kurama: O.o ::puts letter down:: "Wedgies? ...Well, I suppose everyone gets these so-called 'wedgies' once in a while..." ::is thinking, 'what an embarrassing question'::
Hiei: "Not me."
Yusuke: ::sneaks behind Hiei, grabs his pants, and yanks upwards:: "Well say hello to your first wedgie!" ::snickers::
Hiei: O_O;;
Hiei: ::pulls his pants back down to their rightful place:: "I should kill you for that..." ::is seriously considering doing just that::
::Suddenly a loud buzzer sounds::
Kurama: "Well what do you know, it seems that we are all out of time."
Yusuke: ::flatly:: "Oh that's too bad. I was really looking forward to answering more stupid questions."
Kurama: ::pretends he didn't realize Yusuke was being sarcastic:: "Great, Yusuke. You can come back on the show tomorrow, when we'll be interviewing another guest and hopefully have that wall repaired as well."
Hiei: ::grumbles that nobody ever asked him if he even wanted to be in the show in the first place::
Kurama: "Right. Well, until next time, this is goodbye. See you all next time (hopefully) on 'The Hiei and Kurama Show'."