no worries <3
Merri chuckled, taking no offense to Wolfe's last statement. It wasn't the first time he'd heard that comment and it certainly wouldn't be the last, he knew, and there were days when Merri wondered about how he came to be in the council himself, especially considering the reason he applied in the first place.
"There was an opening, and I thought I'd go for it," he admitted with a small, sheepish shrug. "I didn't think I'd get in, but when I did, how could I say no? I still don't know why I was accepted, or what anyone saw in me to offer me the position. And there are many days when I feel like I'm completely out of my element. I know it's unfair of me to compare myself to Peony and Toku, but... I feel completely useless next to them, that someone else in the guild, anyone else, would be better suited for the job than me."
Then the words fell out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop them: "I just wish I was useful somewhere, to someone, anyone, but I don't feel like that's to be my lot in life. More a burden if anything." His eyes widened, and he tried to backtrack. "That is, I mean... well, I think it's ultimately why I went to the Council, to try to do some good, but I don't think I'm doing any good at all, and I'd like to be useful in battle too but I don't know what use I'm there, and just studying all the time seems... pointless, without a purpose to do it."