toku matsudaira, geezermancer (giri) wrote in emillion, @ 2014-01-04 19:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !narrative, !plot: emillion nyd, toku matsudaira |
In every room and every hall I see your face, and it's time for you to come and stay
Who: Toku Matsudaira
What: Narrative. A New Year’s card from Kiyoko.
Where: Toku’s quarters in the Tower
When: Backdated: 1/1
Rating: G
Status: Complete!
He does not expect a card from her this year. He is in mourning for his parents’ deaths; his grief must be let alone, undisturbed, allowed to last out its days and fade, blending into the dull ache etched into his bones. Every year is another chip at his conviction that his choices were correct, that there is no reason to regret his path in life. With every step he has carried out his duty, and that must be enough. To doubt that would be to peer over the edge of the precipice, and the darkness is too deep below. The card arrives on New Year’s Day. She has no idea that her grandparents are dead. He did not think to send her a mourning postcard. He does his best not to think about her all the time throughout the year, to ignore the unopened parcel in his closet, but as this season approaches, her shadow seems to be everywhere. She is in the air; her words a decade ago echo back to him, her presence lingers in the hallways. She is the ghost that cannot be laid to rest. As every year, he is tempted to throw the card away, to cut this last thread that binds them together, and fool himself into thinking he could push her out of his mind again. Yet just as every year, his hope that this letter announces her return to him stops him short. He reaches for the letter opener with his heart beating in his ears, and lets the beauty of her calligraphy wash over him. to bend to my every whim yet as its power screams in my ears I only wish you’d hold my hand The card is placed gingerly inside a drawer, with all the rest. Her picture rests inside an envelope at the bottom. In it, she is wearing scholar’s robes and smiling at him. Men do not cry. Yet perhaps, once every year, if there’s no one else to see, his weakness can be forgiven. |