Aditi and Kyo plan for the future WHO: Aditi and Kyo WHEN: School Days WHERE: School Grounds SUMMARY: Aditi confronts Kyo and they plan for the future CW: Forced Marriages, World Events, Secrets
She was observing a pair of turtle doves, returned from their winter sojourn and preparing a nest for the next generation. Their soft humming call was the only sound in the garden, for Aditi was sitting very quietly among the roses, her knees drawn up and her chin rested upon her knees for warmth. She had pulled her robes tight around her, but sitting on the ground invited a chill, and despite the layers, she was shivering just a little.
It reminded her almost of home, to sit this way—to regard the birds as though she, too, were no more than another vine. It made her feel safe, but it also left her feeling homesick.
She guessed she would be home again soon enough though. For a time. And then she would have to move to the capitol. She closed her eyes and sighed. The doves were unruffled.
Kyo liked the warmth. He normally liked spring most of all, even as a child. The snow made him want to hibernate, burn low, like a flame deep under the burnt kindling. The spring was the stick that poked at the dying fire, giving more oxygen to power. He could sense the spring coming and he never felt so unsure for the future. Even though everything had been written for him.
And yet, this talk of heresy and secrets caused him to question everything around him. If the faith had been built on a lie, what else? It was more just the cynical thoughts of a teenager. This would be a real possibility. It stopped being exciting and new, and grew heavy with responsibility. And how he felt kind of ridiculous with how flippant he treated it. Badr may be okay as he retreats to Simurgh. And maybe he will too. But what about Gaius?
He needed some air so decided to take a walk, smelling the dewy breeze of coming spring. He had a book under his arm because he figured maybe he could settle somewhere to just try to turn his mind off from everything – reading a good old fashioned book about knights and dragons.
Then he noticed Aditi. He sighed, not an annoyed sigh but just one that belabored everything. He didn’t harbor anything ill towards her at all. But he had been thinking a lot about her, especially since he had been thinking a lot about Nowaki. When you start to challenge narratives, you just can’t stop it.
“Good evening, Aditi,” Kyo said, not using his princely mask he first wore when he came here. It felt worn thin, especially when Gaius called him out on it. Now, his brooding seemed more open than before.
“What kind of birds are those?” he approached her as he followed her line of sight.
She lifted her head, thinking at first it might be her priest friend, or maybe her brother. She smiled a little when she saw it was Kyo. Part of her had somehow hoped that being here, together, for the first time, something magical might happen: something that would make what was ahead of them a little less frightening. But Kyo’s heart had turned a different direction, and even hers had never really felt a spark—not for him at least. It was not going to be a fairytale. She understood that. It would be…probably fine, but it was not going to be what either of them ever wanted…
She nestled her chin back onto her knees and looked up at the birds. “Turtle doves,” she said, watching the female carefully weaving a layer of nest as the male searched for more straw and sticks. “They mate for life,” she said. “They will only ever part if one of the two should die.” She looked at him then, for a very long and silent moment. She did not have strange eyes like the Children of Song and Dragon, but her gaze still had something of that untouchable, unknowable Nature in it, despite her childlike face.
She was silent, and then her eyes flicked away again. “Romantic, isn’t it?”
Kyo glanced at her then immediately looked away when he learned turtle doves mate for life. Did Turtle doves fall in love? Or were they business relationships? Pairing out of necessity? He suddenly felt very uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was heading. Did she want them to be turtle doves? Weren’t they turtle doves?
No, maybe she is just sharing her knowledge of animals. She is the Chosen of Nature after all.
But then, why would she say Romantic, isn’t it?
“Yeah,” he said in a small voice, “It is romantic.” Romantic came out heavily, tinged very slightly with cynicism.
And yet, another aspect of his life he hadn’t really thought of the consequences entirely.
He didn’t want to go into this direction, though. So he steered it to a safer topic, “What is your… favorite bird?”
She ignored the question and lifted an eyebrow, smiling exasperatedly at his usual manner, and looked away again. There was only one person that Prince Kyoujiro looked at and then smiled for. She wasn’t sore about it. She smiled at everyone, of course, but there was someone she smiled for especially, too. She sat up, crossing her legs and making sure her layers covered everything appropriately.
“I’m surprised, Prince Kyoujiro. Lately, I think you have become a romantic…” She twirled a length of wavy black hair around her finger and smiled. “Or else, why did I spend half of the masquerade alone?”
Kyo paled. No, she used the presence of turtle doves to remind him of his half of what he is supposed to do. He should have spent more time with her. That had been a both devastating and great night and once again, he’d probably end up revisiting it and challenging the narrative of that night.
He swallowed, “This guy, who I still don’t know who it was, had–” He paused. “He had made me feel uncomfortable. So I went outside for some air.” For a moment, he considered telling her the truth. How would she receive it? Maybe if they were open… but what if she wasn’t? Gaius could get into major trouble. What if someone found out the priest was not chaste? No. He had to lie. And he should apologize. That he meant.
His dark eyes flicked up to look at her. He straightened up and bowed his head, “I’m sorry. I should have come back for a dance.”
“Mmm, more than that, you should stop lying to me, Kyo,” she replied, not meeting his eye. “It’s not a problem that you love someone else.” Perhaps, she too… But… “But we still have to… Everyone is counting on us.” She laughed, though it sounded like a sigh. “Are you going to invite him over for state dinners…? Or does the High Priest of Crystalism have to stay in his cathedral?” She glanced up at him, smiling weakly. “I’m a little scared you’ll end up a turtle dove.”
Kyo stared at Aditi probably longer than he intended. Was he that obvious? Or maybe that careless? Both? He could deny it. Maybe try to say he was committed. But he knew Aditi ever since she was a child and she knew him. She was tenacious. His heart jumped into his chest.
But he didn’t want to sell out Gaius even if people knew. He shook his head, “We’re not married yet.” He finally settled on, sounding a little moody. “I fully intend to carry on with my duty when the time comes.”
He licked his lips, deciding not to address it directly, “I don’t want anyone to get in trouble or anything.” He looked up at her pointedly. “Or do anything that would cause a greedy general to grab the throne.”
Looking up at the turtle doves again, he squared his jaw, “I’m human, not a turtle dove. I’ll do everything I can to be a good husband.”
“I know,” Aditi said, “but…it is what we…” She shook her head, dark hair falling over her shoulders and face as she bent her head. “I don’t want to either, Kyo.” She looked up, blowing hair out of her face. “You and I, we aren’t one another’s turtle dove, and we never will be. But if you don’t want anyone to get in trouble…won’t he? If you do end up being caught? It’s… Everything is so… Here.” She laughed, not sure how to put it. “If it was anyone else, I wouldn’t worry so much. But…what will happen?”
As Aditi brings up Gaius getting in trouble, his hands curled into fists. No, he didn’t want him to get in trouble but he didn’t want to let Gaius go either. To let go all those times of just enjoying each other’s company of discussing revolutionary ideas and old secrets, to go back to his home in Guren of strict rules, of obligations. He shook his head and clenched his jaw so much it hurt. He didn’t have an answer though.
“Maybe the turtle doves build the nest and have the eggs because they have to,” Kyo muttered practically to himself.
Part of him wanted to run away but Aditi was being realistic. And him? Idealistic? So cynical it circled right back to being idealistic? Or had Gaius rubbed off on him that much?
Being an adult was hard. His grandfather had told him that when he turned 16 as Kyo said he was an adult. No, his grandfather had said. Being an adult is having to make a decision that you had to take but did not want to.
Just a little longer. That is all Kyo wanted. Just a little longer. Still a child.
“No one should find out. I’ll protect you for your own happiness,” he said as he swallowed. Then he raised his voice, sounding strained. “Just please.” He stopped and looked down and shook his head, slipping his hands in his sleeves.
Aditi smiled and patted the ground beside her. “No. Turtle doves build a nest together because they choose each other. She sees a dozen mating dances and picks him. Though maybe he picks her because she’s the only one who accepts him…” She sighed, taking that lock of hair in her fingers and partitioning it into three sections to braid.
“Not everyone realizes, Kyo. Just the way your face goes all…” she paused, teasing him with a lovey-dovey expression, “...when he comes into the classroom… It’s a reflex. No one can prove you’ve done anything—if you have—but you have to make certain that love doesn’t blind you. More importantly, please don’t wind up broken. You don’t have to protect my happiness. I can protect myself. You do have to protect our people. And…you need to protect yourself, too.”
Kyo paused but eventually lowered himself to the ground, sitting with his legs crossed, placing the book in his lap. “I was making a hypothetical,” he replied, perhaps a little snippy but not so much at Aditi but the situation.
At the impression she does an impression of him, he squares his jaw again, hiding the blush spreading on his cheeks. He glanced away as she asked him for love to not blind him. But it had done a lot more for him. It opened him up. He let Gaius in and he opened him up to the good Gaius saw. Gaius made him want to be a better person.
But he nodded slowly realizing she was expressing more concern than anything.
“I know,” He practically whispered. “I worry if I will be a good emperor for our people.” If his heart is strong enough. If he could put his cynical, resentful thoughts aside because he had many. “But, I fully don’t want to rule like my father does. And all that wisdom, Aditi, I want us to be co-rulers because we represent two peoples who work together. I had ancestors who ruled like that. I want to bring it back. So you don’t have to worry about the color of the table cloth for state dinners or entertain the generals’ wives like my mother does.”
His throat felt raw because this was heavy adult things. And his selfish feelings, he wanted to hold onto. Would he even be able to let them go? He had no idea if he could. The talks he and Gaius had about making real changes. Could they even happen? If the secrets came to light, would he survive the upheaval?
He may not be able to promise to let go of his feelings but he could make sure they don’t break him. And he had to plan for the future to prevent that. And Aditi was a part of that.
“How…” he paused. What would Gaius do? How would he be kind? “How does this all make you feel? Not about me but what is about to happen over the summer? You say I don’t have to protect your happiness but –” He paused again, squaring his jaw, clenching it. He couldn’t finish his thought because could he even do that?
“What if—” she started, but frowned, her brow creasing. But before she could lose her courage, she blurted out, “Why do we have to marry to co-rule?” She immediately bit her lip, tugging at her hair with both hands now. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Is this really the only way a country can exist? With one or two people deciding everything for everyone? Is that really what our people want?” She sighed, looking away. “Can either one of us hope to represent all of their interests? Just among my people, there are so many different groups and ways of living—and most of those are so different from the People of Fire…” She stopped pulling her hair and looked at him. She had, she supposed, already answered the second question.
“Maybe there would be fighting if we said we wanted to do something different. Maybe people can only agree to observe the peace because it’s tradition now…” She wrapped her arms around her shins and gazed up at the happy birds. “But what if a whole circle of people were all working together…? People from every part of Guren…” She laughed, closing her eyes. “I guess that’s silly. Well, it’s not that I never want to be married—or that I dislike you—I only wish everything was fairer: that no one had to run away from home to be happy…”
Kyo didn’t think Aditi would have quite such a radical idea. His eyes widened as he listened to her describe her perfect system of government. He exhaled a breath of relief and smiled a little. Gaius had been right about being open-hearted. Kyo relaxed a little as he leaned back, resting on his elbows.
“That would be my ideal. And it is not just because I don’t want to marry you,” he said the last sentence as a joke. However, he looked over at her and walked it back, “And it is not you, it is me…” He would if he had to but he liked the idea that Aditi proposed. “I think everyone should be able to pursue what makes them happy. And everyone should be able to participate in policies that affect their well being. I honestly believe that.”
He closed his eyes, feeling his cynicism returning, “It would be a lot of work, though. The generals are in theory loyal to the emperor, but you have an extremely ambitious one who could see change as an opportunity to take more power. Then, having a council, some would say, would be too similar to the ‘pack rats’,” he said the last phrase with a tinge of sarcasm, his eyes opening, “in Donnersberg and we can’t have that. And I know Kyotaro,” he spit out his father’s name casually, “would say no.”
He paused looking up at the sky, thinking of the twins of old and their companion. Sacrifice for the other. This situation didn’t quite mirror it but there were still sacrifices made for the future.
“It is still something worth pursuing. Even if we have to follow through with the marriage. Maybe only get as far as setting the foundation for this generation and the next to follow through. It is painful for me, Chosen of Fire, to not burn everything to the ground and build it back up but…”
“Not everything needs to be destroyed to be improved,” Aditi cut in, her thistle-colored eyes returned once more to him. “But it is true: the way things are, it benefits many people already in power. Those who have power are seldom happy to give it up. You have gotten wiser, Kyo.” She chuckled wryly. “I suppose if we did wish to change Guren in such a way, we would have to play along at least long enough to have the power to weed out those who would hold it for the wrong reasons…”
But if they were married and played the part for a few years, were able to remove those generals and anyone else who might be a barrier to a new Guren…
He was right, though—it was likely that his father was the very greatest barrier to a democratic Guren. They would wait a long time, too, before he relinquished his role, and even after, his hold over Guren…
“It is folly,” she told herself aloud, “ to think we would only need to play these roles for a few years. More likely, a lifetime—to ensure a peaceful exchange from empire to republic… But I am glad you do not think as your father does. I do not want to conquer anyone. I don’t want to raze anything. So if it must be a lifetime, before our barriers are gone and we are safe to pave the way… That is a worthy sacrifice. We will have to be very cautious, to raise our children to protect our legacy and not your father’s… A system that benefits a few will always be closely guarded by those few.”
Kyo played with the hem of his shirt listening to Aditi and her analysis. She really did deserve to marry who she loved. He didn’t know if he deserved his or not – it is a bit more complicated than Kyo being engaged to her after all. But this whole situation really sucked.
He nodded, “It is so tempting to destroy it all and rebuild.” He glanced at her with a wry smile. “I’m not wise. Just been thinking a lot.” He shrugged a little.
The discussion about the future had affected Kyo in a mixed way. In one way, he was glad that Aditi felt the same he did and they had plans now. On the other, the life he wanted – even though he always knew it was a faerie tale – he could less and less ignore the fact that his life had been planned out for him. How he and Gaius operated like the future did not matter. Talking about the future was a reality check. Hopeful, that maybe it won’t be so bad. But also slightly melancholy, that he had such little time left.
“Clearly, you’re the wise one,” Kyo replied sincerely. “I’m glad we’re on the same page with this. It won’t be easy but we have to try.”
Aditi smiled, momentarily touching his knee with her fingertips. “So, Kyoujiro, please…protect yourself, so that you will be there to protect our dream. If that means…you must extend this past the bounds of this time and place, I will keep your secrets. But I cannot do this without you, nor you me. We are in it together.” She grinned, winking. “You know, I am fairly wise—and pretty, too. You could do much worse for a partner-in-crime.”
Kyo looked up when Aditi said she would protect his secret. He tried to hide the gratitude he had for it. He scrambled to his feet so quick, the book feel to the ground. But he had to bow, “Thank you. Thank you very much.” As he straightened, he glanced down at her, “Please find happiness, okay? Even if it is for but a moment.” He smiled a bit more easily, more sincerely.
He reached down to pick up his book, wiping some moisture off with his sleeve. He gave her a wry look when she mentioned how pretty she was, “I suppose you are aesthetically pleasing.” He’s teasing.
“Please, let us talk openly like this with each other,” he said. “Once we’re … uh… married. There are too many secrets in this world.”