elfflame (elfflame) wrote in elfflame_fics, @ 2009-09-26 16:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | co-author: foodie, fandom: harry potter, genre: drama, length: one-shot, mc: draco, misc: sequel, rating: pg, sc: lucius, series: true revenge, theme: letters |
Letters - Draco, Lucius - PG
Title: Letters
Author: elfflame (Draco) and foodie (Lucius)
Rating: PG
Summary: Draco finally reads the letters his father sent. (Pre HBP canon)
Disclaimer: This story not intended to infringe, no money is being made. The characters and places do not belong to me. I’m just borrowing them for a bit.
A/N: This follows immediately after Dragon's Tears.
It took me nearly a month to realize that Mother would not simply give me the letters because I asked. She had been adamant when I had asked for the letters that there were none. She had never seen me truly angry before. All she recalled was the spoiled little boy who had always come and clung to her when angry with his father. No more. She knows now that I am nothing like that boy.
The first time I asked, she feigned innocent confusion. The second, annoyance that I did not believe her. I did not ask the third time. I had learned Legilemency many years before, at father’s insistence, and put it to good use. I discovered that the letters had been tucked away in mother’s jewelry box, in a secret compartment that only she could open. I didn’t ask her to help with that, either. I simply took the box and smashed it to the floor. Eleven letters fell out, each addressed in father’s tidy hand. I left her standing there, angry and trembling, and perhaps a little scared of the son she had birthed.
Now, back in my little flat, I pulled out the packet of letters and looked at them. What would I find in these letters? Would they help me find peace at last? Or would my anger grow instead?
I settled into my favourite chair, an armchair that was an exact replica of my favourite chair from back at Hogwarts. It was an old silverwood chair with forest green upholstery, embroidered with the Slytherin emblem. I had had a replica made as a gift to myself for completing my education. I tucked one foot under me, took a deep breath, and opened the first letter.
February
My Dear Son,
It is now the middle of February, and a heavy snow is falling around the house. It’s well past midnight, and I’m sitting at the kitchen table writing this letter to you. I’m not sure what I want to say, only that I’ve been feeling compelled to write to you for a long time now.
My life has taken a sharp turn in the past few months. I believe it is for the better. I recently found out that I have a daughter, Renata, but you already know that don’t you? She’s really cute. She looks just like you did at her age. You both have the same eyes and hair, and even the same mannerisms. You were an adorable child. I’ve never told you that before, but I wanted you to know that. She’s also very demanding, just like you! I know you’re grown now, but I think my life would be nearly perfect if you were here with us.
How has your life been? Have you met any nice girls? How about school? You’ll be taking your NEWTS this year won’t you? You’ve always done so well with your classes, I know you’ll pass them all with flying colours.
Look at me...I’ve spent all this time talking around the real issues. I don’t even know how to say what it is I have to say to you. I know you must be furious with me. I spent all your young life so far training you to follow in my footsteps, then I pulled the rug out from under your feet. I wish I could talk to you in person about this. But I can’t really leave where I’m staying right now. Perhaps when the war is over it’ll be safer for me to leave and come to you. Would you like that? Would it be all right for us to meet sometime? I’ll wait for your response before I make any plans. I hope I’ll hear back from you soon.
-Your Father
March
Draco-
I haven’t heard from you yet, so I thought I’d try another letter. I’ve been trying to think of interesting things to tell you about my life. I’ve gotten a new cane, this one’s for walking with though. My foot was injured before I came to the farm, and has been getting worse lately, what with the cold weather. I bet you never thought your seemingly perfect father would ever be disabled, did you? To tell you the truth, I never did either. But I don’t mind it too much. It’s a constant reminder of the man I used to be, and the life I left behind. With every step, every shooting of pain, I remember the pain I’ve caused you and many others in this world. Perhaps over time, I can begin to try to make up to all of those I’ve hurt.
On a happier note, Renata’s been a lot of fun lately. I’ve enclosed a drawing she made the other day. She likes to walk around, if Adriana or I are holding her hands to help her. She talks and sings constantly. She’s such a demanding little child! Always making sure I’m looking at her and paying attention to her. She likes to sit in my lap on the porch swing or in the hammock or the sofa as we read stories. She reminds me so much of you! It tears me up inside to know you’re not the little boy you were and that I was not the man I am now to appreciate that time we had together. I remember all of it though. And I know I did love it. I just wasn’t able to say sot, or act on it.
It’s been raining a lot lately. The plants and flowers are starting to grow around the farm. There’s an olive tree at the top of a hill here. I like to sit under it and think about life. I’ve been dealing with a lot of things from my past. Things that go back a long time. Adriana’s been really supportive of me. It’s tough to talk about things, but she’s real helpful. I’m very grateful to have her in my life.
Oh, I was going to tell you about--
I’d better end this letter now. Renata just woke up from her nap and needs her nappy changed. I’ll write again soon, I promise. I hope to hear from you soon.
-Your Father
Lucius Malfoy
April
Dear Draco-
I know you aren’t responding to these letters, but I feel I must keep trying. I know you’re busy with school, revising for your NEWTS. Try to take the time to have some fun. That’s a very important thing for a person your age. How’s Quidditch going? I know how much you enjoy the sport. I know I pressured you terribly, and I probably took all the fun out of it for you. I sure managed to take a lot of the joy out of your life, and I will hate myself forever because of that.
So, I never had a chance to tell you that I heard you changed your name from Malfoy to Black. I wanted you to know that I understand. To tell you the truth, I’ve often thought about changing my last name. I don’t know to what, but not Malfoy. The very name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. It seems to sap the life and freedom out of all who bear that name. Your sister has her mum’s last name. It was a choice Adriana made after Renata was born, but I agree that it was the safest choice for her. After this war is over, those with connections to people like me will be in danger of persecution. I hope that doesn’t happen to you.
Your sister said the cutest thing the other day. Adriana and I were talking to her about maybe having another brother or a sister some day, and Renata looked up at me, frowned, and said, “Babies stupid! I wanna snake!” Isn’t that just adorable? I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you that you’ll be having another sibling this coming winter. Adriana and I decided to have another child. Perhaps some day you can meet him or her.
I don’t know how this makes you feel. I don’t want you to feel as though you’re being replaced, because you’re not. This is such a hard thing to explain to a person who doesn’t have kids of his own. A parent can have love in his heart for many children. It doesn’t mean that you love the older ones less. It just means you love them all. Hopefully someday, you’ll have many children of your own and will understand what I’m talking about.
I hope to hear from you soon,
-Your Father
May
Dear Draco-
I’ve been busy with the farm lately. I partook in the most disgusting thing I’ve ever done before! I helped Adriana with the lambing. It is so horrible! I’m still trying to get those awful images of the babies out of my head! You must think I’ve gone completely off my nut! I don’t think I’ll be doing that ever again! I do better with the milking and gathering eggs. It’s a bit cleaner, though not much!
Renata loves to look at the baby animals. I take her out every day in the mornings, to give Adriana a chance to sleep in. She’s awfully tired now. Renata still doesn’t seem to like the idea of a sibling. She seems perfectly content with just us. Hopefully she’ll like the baby once it’s born!
You must be terribly nervous over the thought of your NEWTS. You have less than a month! I’m very nervous for you too! I remember when I took mine. It was so much pressure. But I have every confidence in you that you’ll do just fine.
Have you given any thought to what you’d like to do once you leave school? What kind of a job do you want? Any plans on finding a nice girl and settling down? Starting a family? I hope you don’t think I’m prying, I just wish the best that life can give you.
Good luck next month! Hopefully I’ll hear from you soon to find out how everything went.
-Lucius
June
My Dear Draco-
So, it’s all over by now. You’ve completed your schooling at Hogwarts. How does that feel? Exciting yet unsettling? Bittersweet? You must have a few good memories of your friends and classes. And all those girlfriends you must have had. I can’t tell you enough how proud I am of you. It’s not easy to get through school, but you did it. You can hold your head up high and move onto the next thing in your life knowing you accomplished a great thing. I hope you’ll take great pride in that as well.
The property is beautiful this time of year. It’s getting warmer and the sun is shining. Every morning I get up early and go outside to milk the cows and gather the eggs. I love to stop and take in the silence and utter beauty of this world that I now live in. I hope you can do that too sometimes. Stop, look around, and see the beauty in life. Because we only get one life to live. I wasted so much of mine and I can’t stand the thought of taking even some of that happy time from you. Perhaps, sometime, we can meet somewhere and talk. You just name the place and I’ll be there.
I have to go now, Adriana is calling for me.
-Your Father
July
Draco-
Please forgive me if this letter is not too long. Adriana...had a miscarriage. I had been looking so forward to this. She’d just been starting to show. I’ve been trying to explain to Renata about what happened. She’s too young to really understand. Sometimes I feel like I’m too young to understand.
So, how is your life going? I hope you’re enjoying being done with school. Are you making plans for what to do next? You were always so good with potions. You might consider pursuing that further.
Sometimes I wonder if you’re ever going to write back to me or not. I know you’re upset with me, and you have every right to be, but I miss you. You’re my son and I want you in my life. I don’t want to badger you and I don’t want to force you. I suppose you’ll contact me when you’re ready.
Please, I want to see you.
-Your Father
September
My Son-
I’m sorry for taking so long to write to you. I just needed more time to deal with stuff. The farm will be harvested soon. It’s a wonderful time of year at the property. The leaves are turning golden and starting to fall off the trees. We’ll be making cider and pumpkin juice for the school soon. I never thought I’d enjoy working, but I find it’s very peaceful.
Renata has been a great comfort during this hard time. She likes to crawl into our bed and sing us songs. I wish you could know her better. You’d love her, and she you. I’ve enclosed a few more drawings of hers. She told me the green one was a snake and the red one was a snowman. I’m thinking she might be an abstract artist, what do you think?
I hope your life is going well. How does it feel to have the new school year started but not be there? I’ll bet it’s wonderful! Oh, I wanted to tell you, that if you ever wanted to, Adriana and I would love for you to visit the property sometime. The house isn’t too big, but there are rooms you could stay in if you wished. I know from the lack of responses these letters have been getting that you most likely have no interest in visiting, but we did want to extend the invitation. And no, you wouldn’t have to go anywhere near the animals! I hope to hear from you soon! I love you very much.
-Your Father
Lucius Malfoy
October
Dear Son-
Well, tonight was Hallowe’en. Did you have any fun tonight? I hope you had a party with all your friends. We kept it low key here ourselves. Adriana bought some sweets and I carved a pumpkin with Renata’s help, but other than that, we just sat on the sofa and watched the telly.
The harvest is finally done. We supplied the school with pumpkin juice, and sold off all the excess cheeses and butter we’ve been making. There are also bags of flour and vegetables to sell off to the local farmer’s market. We did pretty well this year actually. We cooked a feast for ourselves and the other workers to celebrate when we finished the harvest. I’ve been practicing cooking lately, it’s actually a lot of fun. And Adriana’s a great cook. She’s so old, she’s had time to perfect her skills. I’m still just learning, but I’m getting better at it.
How has your life been lately? I hope everything is going well. I know that you probably aren’t even reading these letters. You probably burn them as soon as they arrive without even opening them, but I have to keep trying! Now that the war is over, I might be able to leave the property. I could come over to Black Manor and see you if you’d like. Is that something you’d want?
I won’t go into too much detail about how I came to stay here, and was allowed to stay, but I can tell you that Adriana and I met with the Minister of Magic, yes Arthur Weasley, and worked out something that we could all live with. I am free to live on the property, and even travel to the Wizarding World on occasion, so long as Adriana is responsible for me. She’s my parole officer I suppose. In exchange, I signed confessions of all the unspeakable crimes I’ve committed over the years as a Death Eater. It was quite a humbling and humiliating experience I can assure you. I know you must feel that I’ve gotten off far too easily. I deserve to spend the rest of my life in Azkaban after getting a Dementor’s Kiss. But I want the chance to try and make up for what I’ve done. I want to bring some good into this world. I’m trying to be less selfish, and hateful, and more loving and helpful. I know I sound horribly trite, talking about this, but I’ve come to see the value in it. It’s a struggle still, and I assume it will always be. But I won’t stop trying.
I’ll stop for now, I’ve been rambling on for quite a while. It’s getting colder out now, make sure you wear warm clothes. I remember how cold your little hands got in the winter. What am I saying? You’re a grown man now, I’ll just stop.
-Your Father
November
My Dear Draco-
It’s a bitter cold day out today. The wind is howling and it’s scaring your sister. She’s sitting on my lap right now as I write this to you. I’ve got a big pot of spaghetti sauce bubbling on the stove. It smells really nice. It’s too big for just the three of us though...we’ll just freeze the leftovers for meals later on. You know, my spaghetti sauce is really good. Maybe you could come over some time and I can make it for you. I love cooking pasta. It’s so versatile.
Renata has just informed me that she knows it will snow tonight. She says she had a dream about it. We’ll see if she was right. It does feel like it could snow though.
How are you? I wish I knew more about what’s happening with your life. I keep wondering if you are getting these letters or not.
Adriana’s been working outside in the cold weather a lot lately. It doesn’t really matter to her though, she doesn’t feel it. The miscarriage really hit her hard. She’s been quite depressed lately. The baby would have been due sometime this month if it had survived. It’s terribly painful for me too whenever I think about it. Adriana always thinks hard work is good to work through pain. It does work, it worked for me. Snape asked her again to come up to the school to teach. That McGonagall woman was Headmistress last year, but now, he’s in charge of the school and wants a new Muggle Studies professor. I’m not sure if he thinks she’d be a good teacher, or if he just wants her closer to him. I always have to keep my eye on him though.
Anyway, enough about that. You probably could care less about all of this. Christmas is coming soon. You’re welcome here if you want to come over for a visit. I made you a gift. I’d love to give it to you in person. Write back if you’re interested, otherwise, I’ll just send it to you. I put a lot of thought into it. It took a lot of time to make it just right.
I hope to hear from you soon. I hope you have a Happy Christmas. I remain forever,
Your Father-
Lucius Malfoy
December
Dear Son-
It’s New Year’s Eve. I’ve been sitting here, thinking about the year I’ve had. It was a year of change, of adjustment, a year of great happiness and equally great sorrow. I hope your year has been filled with joy and love.
How was your Christmas? Did you get what I sent you? I made it because it made me think of you. Did you get the pictures Renata drew for you? She told me the green one was a Christmas tree and the blue one is the baby Jesus. Adriana’s been reading her Bible stories. I don’t know a whole lot about that book, but I flipped through it once, it’s not so bad. I might give it a try someday, just to see what the big deal about it is.
I’ve been thinking about what New Year’s resolutions I should make. I need to try harder on my attitude. It’s so hard sometimes to not be too harsh towards people. I want to write to you, but I find it very difficult to not get any responses. I know now that you aren’t interested in hearing from me, and I can’t say I blame you. I think I’ve been living in a dream world where I’ve been hoping that you’ll just come running back to me. As if anything I could ever say or do could begin to make up for what I’ve done to you in the past. Perhaps it’s just best if I stop. Maybe it’s hurting you to even hear from me at all. If this is the case, then I am truly sorry. But you have to understand that I had to try.
The clock just struck midnight. It’s the New Year already. The house is silent right now. Renata is asleep in her crib. Adriana is asleep in our bed. I’m sitting at the kitchen table again while I write this to you. I hope this New Year brings you so many good experiences. You’re young and this is the time in your life to try out all that you can. Hopefully, soon enough, you’ll have a wife and children to keep you busy, but now, this is your time. Enjoy it for as much as it can give you.
Well, I’m pretty tired, and I have to get up early to gather the eggs and milk the cows. Farm animals don’t take holidays it seems. I’d love to hear from you soon, but I know I won’t. Oh, I almost forgot, Renata found a feather the other day, she gave it to me. It’s only a chicken feather, but I thought you might find it cute. I thought it was. I’ll say goodbye for now.
Your Loving Father-
Lucius Malfoy
January
My Dearest Draco-
This is going to be my last letter to you. I just get the feeling that all of these attempts to talk to you are just hurting you over and over again, not helping. So I am sitting here, trying to think of the best way to explain everything that has happened to me over these past few years. I’ve glossed over a lot of things in the letters so far. I owe you an explanation for why I wasn’t there for you when you were younger. I never was the father you deserved to have. You should have had a father who was able to show his love for you. But you were stuck with me, for which I am truly sorry. Not for me, for you were the best thing that has ever come into my life.
I had to leave you behind. I know you wanted more than anything to follow in my footsteps and become a Death Eater. But by the time you were old enough, I’d finally come to see what Voldemort was really about. My coming to be his follower was all based on a lie. When this was revealed to me, I renounced my life as a Death Eater, and left those ways behind me. But even before that time, I knew I didn’t want this life for you. He would have killed you. So I kept you from him. I know you were angry and thought I hated you, but I did it out of love, for your own good. I figured you might hate me forever, but at least you’d have the time to do so.
I know by now, after all these other letters, that you don’t want me in your life. I will respect that. I have contemplated trying to find you, to see you face to face, but I will admit, I’ve been terrified at the idea of what your reaction to me would be. I don’t think I could handle seeing how angry you are at me, and so I’ve stayed away. I guess what it all boils down to, is that I’m scared. There are so many things I’m afraid of now. I’m afraid of seeing your mother again, of looking her in the eye, and trying to speak to her. I’m afraid to leave the farm. It’s safe and peaceful, and I feel free here. I’m scared to see my former colleagues and know what they think of me, but more scared to see the families of my victims and feel their hatred to see that I’m alive.
Anyway, again, this will be my last letter. But please know that I love you and want you in my life. If, someday, you are ready to see me again, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll be there. No matter how far away you are, I’ll come to you. This is my promise to you. This is my vow.
I hope for the best for you in your life. I wish you great love and happiness. I wish you peace of mind and heart. Please know that I am always here for you.
Your Father-
Lucius Malfoy
January
Father,
I have just finished reading the letters you sent me. Mother had them all this time, though the gift you sent that year did not survive. She and I have had a little talk, though I think another is in order. I suppose she thought her heart was in the right place, though I am getting mightily sick of people feeling that they need to protect me.
Thank you for sending so many letters, despite the fact that you got no responses. I still wish that you had at least tried to see me, but I am well aware that I probably would have done little more than slam the door in your face. Now that we have talked, I can only hope that things will improve between us.
I think the girls are quite lucky to have you as their father. You have definitely changed from when I was their age. I watched you with them for a long time before I began to speak with the girls, and I have to admit I was quite envious of your attentions to them. Even Renata seems to appreciate your attentions, even if she doesn’t appreciate her sisters.
I hope that in the next few years that I will be able to visit with you and the girls, as I would miss them horribly. We became quite close the days we spent together. I only hope that Kali will forgive me some day. I will be leaving in a month. Perhaps we could see each other again before then? Let me know if you will have time.
Your son,
Draco