Living through death, and coming out the rabbit hole changed, rehabilitated to darkness, had her grown her own pair - if you will - of balls. She had no fear of it, even nurtured to the hypocrisy of it all, because it sure was less of a burden then to deal with falling in love; or more appropriately, crashing into it. Every minute spent in this reality, meant another to feel more human. And she loathed that feeling. If she was going to live her life out as a demon, she didn't want emotions ruining her vengeance spree.
For a moment, under Spike's brace, she had wished he delivered the blow, but then she remembered it took more then a pair of fangs to end her. Maybe she would allow him to bite her for kicks, and have a laugh when he thought he had the job done. She took a deep breath, and easily released when he removed himself from her. A smirk warmly crawled on her lips, malicious desires fully intended, chest heaving and all. She shot a bitter grimace when he asked her the same question. Somehow, announcing her devotion to Angel felt like a threat to race. He wasn't present, but Spike wasn't the person she would want to tell this to if she was going to surrender and confess. Even if he shared his story, Justice wasn't much for opening up to others - especially to strangers. So, she kept that grimace up and neglected to speak a word.
"I'm not answering that question," she retorted. She pushed herself off the wall, and stepped off the side to gather up her dignity again. She hated feeling betrothed. Shouldn't she be more of a solitary creature? It was agonizing that it even brought up another query. How did Spike deal with all this?
She didn't bother to voice her opinion, still unwilling to have to feel obligated to tell her side of the story. They both should be either moving on or boycotting love altogether. Less painful. Why do you love him? The question still ringed in her ears, and she tried to ignore the number of reasons spinning through her head. She told herself she didn't, but knew it was a bold face lie. How pathetic. She couldn't even lie to herself and believe it pathologically anymore.