vega rodriguez ☆ sirius black. (headbitch) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2017-11-25 16:08:00 |
|
|||
Vega would be the first to admit that she had not exactly been a great friend as of late. Well, maybe it was a stretch to think she'd actually admit to it, but she knew it all the same. It had been nearly a month since she'd had the dream of Jahan and Calla--no, James and Lily--and it was just as difficult now as it had been then to separate her dreams from reality. Since then, she'd had the dream eleven more times, each one an even sharper stab to her heart. Each time she saw her best friends, it was difficult to look at them without seeing James' lifeless body in place of Jahan, or the dried streaks of tears along Lily's cheeks on Calla's face. It was difficult to hear Dahlia's giggles and not be seized by Harry's mournful shrieks. And so she'd started keeping more distance between herself and the Puris in the hopes that, maybe, the memory of the dream could pass more easily. It was ridiculous, Vega knew it. The story of Harry Potter and his parents before him was not a real one. It was a readily available work of fiction that many people, including Vega and her friends, knew inside and out. It was a reasonable explanation for why they might all be having dreams of similar to same content. She was no more Sirius Black than Jahan was James or Remi was Remus. And still she could not quite shake that eerie certainty that these were something more than dreams. She couldn't explain why these dreams were more like a reality that she had to live over and over again. She could recall the feel of James' cold hand as she clutched it, and the sound of Harry's sobs as she rocked him, and the details of the nearly ruined room house in Godric's Hollow where Lily had laid defeated with more confidence than Vega could even recall memories from her own childhood. The memories ate at her, twisted her insides, kept her from sleeping or eating the way she had before the dreams had begun. It was like she was stuck in Sirius Black's internal prison without the means to escape it. The distance she'd created born from an inherent instinct for survival had done more than just keep her from being a daily presence in the Puris' lives, though. It had made her distant at home, too. She was too lost inside of her own head to be really present even when she was sitting on the couch next to Remi and she knew that she was failing in that friendship, too. It was all on her, she knew. It was no one else's fault that her brain was betraying her, and it was no one else's fault that she was slowly but surely succumbing to its betrayal. She knew that Remi's dates bothered her on some level, mostly because she was at least vaguely aware that Remi obviously wasn't thrilled about them. She knew that Remi's explanation about falling in the parking lot didn't set right with her, either, but she was too distracted to put words to her gut feelings. In some moments, she was sure that it was Remi that she was failing the most. Vega was in a constant cycle between varying emotions: fear that the reoccurring dreams were some sort of premonition, anger toward the fictional people who'd hurt her friends, grief over a loss she had both experienced but never experienced. And then there were the restless nights like this one where she felt like she was awake more than she was asleep and her sleep was plagued with more dreams of this world she was sure she had no part of. The dreams, at least, were more like the one she'd had about Regulus Black. Sirius stood defiantly in his room, arms crossed over his chest as the final defense between his raging mother and his prized posters. "You are an ungrateful, useless disgrace to the Black name," she screeched at him. "Take down those offensive displays from your walls or so help me, I will strike your name from the tapestry, Sirius. I'd have rathered my heir be a squib than the mudblood-loving disappointment you turned out to be." His eyes were cold as he shot back, "Do it. Disown me. Merlin knows a cave full of rampaging trolls would be a better family than this one. And then the dream would change the next time Vega's eyes closed. "Sirius, please, just try to be better," pleaded Regulus, voice so small that it threatened to pull Sirius' ten-year-old heart in two. "I'll try, Reg. I will. I promise, I'll make things better." He wrapped his arms around his brother, unashamed by how much he still loved him and wanted to protect him while other boys his age were starting to naturally distance themselves from their younger siblings. And then. It was impossible not to be tempted to disrupt Remus when the other boy was so entranced in his studies that the studious furrow in his brow looked as though it was threatening to become permanent. He plopped down on the sofa, letting his head fall in Remus' lap so that it covered the textbook that was also there. "So tell me, Rem. If Marlene, Dorcas, and Minerva were the last three women on Earth, which one would you want? Just kidding, your choices are Marlene and Dorcas because Minnie clearly wants me." And then she was giving up on sleep altogether. Her alarm would sound soon enough and, at least for a few hours, she'd have work to keep the memories at bay. |