Aleida Erikson ⚙ Aloy of the Nora (mechanical) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2017-11-14 17:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, * terri, c: aleida erikson, r * jaclyn, r: lennox archer |
WHO: Aleida Grant and Lennox Archer
WHEN: November 14th
WHERE: Lennox’s Cabin
SUMMARY: Alee has something life-changing to tell Lennox
WARNINGS: Pregnancy, mentions of intimacy, but nothing graphic.
It had been a whirlwind of a day. She had never felt more exhausted, but she couldn't keep this secret to herself. Lennox deserved to know without her holding onto the information longer than she already had. She'd had her suspicions, but not a true confirmation until that morning. Alee had justified not saying anything because she didn't want to worry him if it had turned out to be nothing. It was a very definite something…with a heartbeat to prove it. Her nerves - and her blood pressure - had fluctuated all day. When she'd been talking to Nina, she had settled for a time. Waiting for Sarah had been near torture, but Alee was glad that she had talked to her. Sarah could calm her and bolster her courage unlike almost anyone else. She trusted her sister not to say anything about it just yet, either, just as she was trusting Nina. Before the list of people that knew continued to grow…before a rumor in this small town caught him, she needed to make sure he knew the truth. Waiting was no longer an option. She had driven carefully up to his cabin, ultra aware of the fact that motorcycles could be dangerous, especially on back roads. She'd never thought about it before, and she trusted her skills…but she couldn't help thinking about it. She was going to need a car, so she could have a car seat. It was just one amongst a growing list of things she was going to need to procure over the next several months. When she arrived, Lennox's SUV was nowhere in sight. Neither was Oren. She had wished the pup was there, if only so she might be able to distract herself with his energy. Using the key that he'd provided to her, Alee had let herself into the cabin...and she'd raided the refrigerator for fresh cantaloupe. She hadn't even thought about the fact that she didn't even normally like cantaloupe until she'd eaten half of the sliced bowl. She sighed, picking up another chunk of fruit and leaning heavily against the counter. There was no telling when Lennox would come home. Until then, she was just…waiting and trying to keep herself calm, even if she felt like freaking out again was easier. Lennox was gone for just over another half hour until his SUV could be heard pulling up to the cabin. He saw the motorcycle at the same time Oren did, the lab mix beginning to dance and bark in the back of the vehicle, his tail slapping the leather seats. They had just passed the one month mark in their fledgling relationship, but in the short amount of time they’d been together, and only just a little longer amount of time that they’d known each other, the perceptive dog had quickly figured out what signs meant his favorite girl was around. Lennox was glad he’d given her a key. He liked the idea of coming home and her being there to greet him, though he determinedly refused to dwell on why that might be. It was too early to really think about such things. However, after their fight and admissions a week prior, he was finding the idea less terrifying. When he entered the cabin, Oren bounded ahead of him to try and tackle Alee, but he stopped when he saw the food. His butt dropped to the ground in a sit and his tail thumped on the floor, eyes pleading for some cantaloupe, even though he was very aware that he was not allowed any human food. Lennox ignored his dog’s brazen behavior and instead slipped behind Alee, wrapping an arm around her waist from behind, his free hand moving her curls aside so he could kiss her neck, nipping the soft skin a little. “Hello,” he murmured into her shoulder, hugging her affectionately, but lightly, around the middle and breathing in that unique scent she possessed. “How are you feeling today, pretty girl?” She heard the door open, followed by the sound of Oren’s nails clicking against the floor as he rushed into the kitchen. He sat down a short distance away from her, but she resisted the urge to toss him a piece of the fruit. He wasn't allowed, and she knew that. She respected Lennox's rule on that even though it was tempting not to. She reminded herself to relax as Lennox pulled her close, the kisses against her neck making heat flood her veins. It would be easy, she thought, to turn around, kiss him hard, and completely derail this conversation in favor of intimacy that seemed to come so easily to her now. She put her arms over his, keeping him close even though some part of her was afraid that maybe…this might be the last time he held her like this, “I'm…a little better than I have been. I went to the doctor today.” She shifted enough that she could look up at him over her shoulder, “Can we sit? I think we should sit.” The minute she said that, his expression changed. He went from affectionately, lazily amorous to serious and concerned. His mind began to try and puzzle out what could be wrong and his mind immediately got it right -- but he shoved that thought down. She was on the pill, he told himself. She was on the pill. So he gave her a small smile and nodded, releasing her, but keeping a hand on her back as they moved into the airy living room and sat beside each other on his sofa. Lennox forced himself to relax, putting on his well-trained social grace face, one he was well-practiced in from growing up in the circles he had. It had been a defense mechanism then and was again now. “What’s going on?” he asked her, taking one of her hands in both of his, eyes dark with concern. “Are you sick?” She noted how quiet he got, and for a moment she feared that maybe just had puzzled it out all in his own. She held onto his hands, looking down at their entwined grasps instead of meeting his gaze for a long few moments. There was no sense in drawing this out or waiting. It wouldn't make it easier, and this wasn't going away. She bit the inside of her cheek and hesitated over just how to say it. By now, she figured she might have come up with a plan, but that wasn't the case. “No...not sick, exactly. I'm pregnant,” she admitted, the word feeling heavy and definite. It felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. She didn't smile or cry or ask him if he was hurt or angry or happy. It would be…whatever it was, and there was nothing she could do to take this back, “I promise you I took the pill religiously, every day. I have an alarm to remind me and everything. I didn't miss. I don't know what happened other than...it was ineffective. I really thought we would be protected.” Lennox didn't move when she said that, seeming in fact to stiffen. There was an instruct to pull his hands away, but he felt a little like her hand was an anchor, keeping him from blowing away, out the window and into the wind. Pregnant. He found he wasn't surprised considering her obvious symptoms. That didn't make it feel any less like he'd been punched in the stomach, though. For a solid thirty seconds, he was completely silent, before, finally, a sign of life as he breathed, “Shit...” He looked down at their hands, then at her face, stricken as it was with fear of his reaction and determination, an odd combination that left him admiring her bravery. “Are you…? What are you planning to do? Which doctor did you go to?” She thought it was at least a good sign that he didn't pull away from her immediately. He didn't yell or explode in anger. He just sat there, not even really breathing until that curse word passed his lips. It was only the second time she'd ever heard an actual curse from him, and she felt…guilty somehow, even though she couldn't have created this baby on her own and they'd made the decision together to not use extra protection. “I'm keeping it,” Alee told him without missing a beat, shaking her head softly, “Termination…that would never be an option for me. I know myself. I'd never be able to give it up for adoption. So I'm going to keep it. ..but I'll respect whatever extent you do or don't want to be involved. I know what I need to do, but that doesn't mean you should have to make the same choice. I'm not requiring you to be a father just because I'm choosing to be a mother.” Alee cleared her throat, looking down to their hands a moment, trying not to flinch, “I met Nina today. I didn't know it was her until the end of the appointment...but she promised me she'd refer me to someone in D.C. if I was uncomfortable. I'm thinking about it.” The out was right there, but Lennox didn't know what to do or say. He didn't know what he actually wanted. He knew that he'd never intended to have children, except in that vague way that one knows they're supposed to one day before coming to the realization that it's really up to them. Now that decision had been taken from him, even though as much fault fell on him as it did her; he would be a father, no matter what, even if he checked out now. There would still be that piece of him out there in the world. So what was he going to do about it? Her last words seemed to make up his mind for him. Refer me to someone in DC… His hands tightened around here and his expression took on one of urgency, even with… a note of panic? This was his child. He couldn't let that happen. “No. No, Alee, you need to keep going to Nina. I will be there for you. I'm going to be a part of this, but you need to use Nina.” She didn't know what it was about the thought of her going to some other doctor that made him panic, but she could read it clearly in his eyes. The insinuation that she had no choice - even with the unexpected assurance that he was going to be involved - crawled under her skin. She didn't like being cornered. She allowed a certain amount of submission in their relationship because it was nice not to have to be in control all the time. This was a different situation, though. This was her - their - child, and it was her body. She couldn't even be happy about his vow to be a part of this child's life when she was stuck thinking about this new idea that she no longer had a choice in what doctor to use. “You're asking me to continue to see a doctor that you had feelings for until very recently, Lennox. She's perfectly nice, but can you understand how that's difficult for me? I have to let her examine me, internally and externally. I have to be comfortable asking her questions about changes that are happening in my body, and that would probably be a lot easier if she was a perfectly nice, professional stranger. But she's your best friend and long-time crush so it isn't that simple.” She didn't dislike Nina. She had liked her better when she didn't know who she was, but she knew that Nina would be involved in her life now…because she had an irrevocable tie to Lennox now, whether their relationship succeeded or not. He averted his eyes and closed them tight for a moment, as though in some physical pain. When he reopened them, he still didn't look up. It was hard to give her this piece of him. It was hard to not be in control, presenting the best version of himself that was possible. Their fight a week ago had chipped away at that and this would be another huge wall crashing down, but she needed to understand… “I killed my mother,” he said quietly. “She died… complications from childbirth. My father never forgave me.” He released her hand and continued, still looking down, “Nina is… one of the best. She's the only one I would trust with my child… with you... I'm asking you… to please, please use Nina.” She had been ready to dig her heels into the sand and push back, but he looked so defeated that she couldn’t help but wonder why. His confession about his mother’s death, particularly the way that he blamed himself for it, made Alee frown deeply. That answered whatever questions that she had about why he never talked about her, and why all he ever had to say about his father were sparse, venom filled comments. Whatever thoughts she’d had about continuing her protest went to the wayside when he actually said please - a word she had only ever heard him say when things had been so tense a week before...when he’d been trying to keep her close instead of losing her altogether. He had let go of his grip on her hand, but she reached out again, renewing that touch and holding onto him tighter than before, “Okay,” she agreed quietly, “I’ll...work it out with Nina.” She paused a moment, but her voice was firm, though not angry when she insisted, “Even not knowing the details, Lennox, you did not kill your mother.” She squeezed his hand tighter in case he had any ideas about letting go, “It’s a horrible thing that she didn’t get to see you grow into the incredible person that you are today, but she died from complications, whatever those might have been. That is what killed her, not you. I can’t think of any decent mother who would ever want their child to grow up thinking that about themselves. I wouldn’t. So if your dad told you that, if he blamed you, he’s a particularly wretched bastard who doesn’t have a heart.” She took a deep breath, “I’m sorry...all of this must be even harder on you than I realized.” “Yeah, I… never wanted to have children,” he admitted, finally looking up. But even though some hints of pain still lingered in his eyes, there was a soft, genuine smile on his lips now and he squeezed her hand in return, hoping that confession wouldn't make her pull away. “Do me a favor and tell him all of that when you meet him, okay?” He lifted her hand to press a firm kiss to the back of it, then pulled her in gently, as though she were a fragile porcelain doll, easily broken by rough hands, and pressed one to her forehead. He hadn't given her a chance to respond to that comment before taking those kisses and now he opened his mouth to speak again. “Alee, would you marry me?” She hadn’t actually expected him to want children, even if they were going to have a baby anyway. She hadn’t even fully wrapped her mind around it all, including the fact that he wanted to be involved when she had skeptically assumed that he wouldn’t out of some sense of protecting her own heart. Perhaps she shouldn’t have been surprised that Lennox mentioned meeting his father, though she couldn’t actually say that she wanted to...mostly because she was afraid her mouth would get the best of her. She had just settled here against him, relieved that she wasn’t being marched out the door instead. His question...caught her off guard. Her eyes widened, and she pulled back the slightest bit to look at him as though perhaps she’d misheard him altogether, “Lennox,” she wasn’t really sure what to say. It was entirely the opposite of anything she’d ever anticipated, “This is the 21st Century, you know. My reputation won’t be forever ruined and our child’s life won’t be…broken if we’re not married immediately. We don’t have to get married just because I’m pregnant...and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have asked me that if I wasn’t. Correct me if I’m wrong.” It wasn’t an answer, really. Alee just didn’t want to rush into a decision purely because their lives had just toppled on end with this news. They had confessed to caring about each other, but not love. She felt like love was a marriage requirement, though. Her heart fluttered a little just at the thought. It wasn’t as though she planned to go anywhere or be with anyone else, but she had become prone to making split-second decisions with him and this seemed like one that was big enough to take a moment to consider, “I’m not saying no. I’m just saying...I want you to ask me that question because you want to marry me, and not just because I’m pregnant.” Lennox opened his mouth, then closed it, making himself think before he actually spoke, not something that usually took effort. He peered down at Alee, stroking her cheek fondly. Nina's face swam into his mind. There were a lot of similarities, if he was honest with himself. Red hair, pale, pretty faces, and clear blue eyes. When Nina was a little younger, she had looked even more like Alee, but Alee had a round face. Alee also had freckles that Nina lacked and she had a fire in her eyes that burned more gently in Nina. Alee’s hair matched that, a brighter shade than Nina's, and it was tightly curled. The shared physical features might've been what caught his eye, but it was not what held his interest on that first meeting. Am I trespassing again? He smiled at the memory. “You're right. I am asking because you're pregnant. I'm asking because you are an amazing, captivating young woman who I haven't been able to get out of my mind since stumbling upon you on that trail. I'm asking because I know I'm falling in love with you, maybe I already am, and I know that will only grow as our child grows in you. I'm scared to death, Alee. I'm only asking now because you're pregnant, but I don't think the idea is foolish. I hate the idea of this happening to you and not… being by your side. I'm not going anywhere now.” She was pleased that he didn’t seem cross at her derailing the question, but it was important to talk about this. They hadn’t talked about children or marriage. They’d talked about thousands of other things, even though they were still learning one another. Though some might like to believe it, their relationship wasn’t based purely on sex. She could have chosen someone else, but it was difficult to describe the way that she’d just been...instantly drawn to Lennox, as if some deeper part of herself recognized something familiar in him. As he began to list the reasons why he was asking her, Alee’s heart jumped a little in her chest. She hadn’t expected him to say love, even if it wasn’t certain. He had more reasons behind it than she had anticipated. She could have pointed out that he could still be by her side without being her husband, but she knew that the connotation was different. He was making some very certain promises to her that she would normally be glad to accept. It was just that it was a life altering decision, and she didn’t want to take it lightly. Perhaps having a conversation about marriage for the first time in the midst of a proposal was unusual, but she thought it was important. “We haven’t talked about this before so it seems...important that we do. Even though I was brought up staunchly religious, I don’t attend services much anymore and my faith is...shaky at best. Even still, I only want to get married once. Maybe that’s an old school idea, but if we got married, that’s it. We’re together, literally for better or for worse, and if we have problems, then we work them out and fix them. I refuse to be that girl that marries a guy too soon and then becomes a divorcee a year or two or even twenty-some-odd years later. You can still be by my side without marrying me, so I just want be sure that a lifelong commitment to me is what you really want.” Lennox shifted so he could place his hand on her abdomen, large enough to cover most of her stomach without spreading his fingers. “This is my lifelong commitment to you, pretty girl,” he told her firmly. “But you’re right. I can’t promise what the next ten years, or one year, or even one month will bring. We still barely know each other in a lot of important ways.” He stroked her stomach with his thumb, not moving his hand, and a thrill of terror shot through him, as well as a deeply rooted instinct to protect and keep close. He may not have planned on children, and he would probably let himself panic a little later, privately, but the pragmatist in him was working almost mechanically: She was pregnant, she was keeping it, he was the father, therefore he was going to be a dad, and a damned better one than his own. “I want to do this right, though, at least in a 21st century sense,” he continued, teasing her with her own words. “Move in wi--” He cut himself off, trying to remind himself to curb his authoritative manner. It worked for them in a number of contexts, but this was not one of them. “I’d like it if you would move in here,” he tried again, looking apologetic and stroking her stomach again. “We can convert my office to a nursery -- I barely use it anyway, since the range is so close and has one. I can be there for you and we can prepare together and get to know each other the way we should. Like the fact that I’m not a Christian. I was raised…” He struggled to find the right label. “I suppose pagan? I believe in God in an abstract sense. Nature is my god.” It might have just been the hormones, but when Lennox placed his hand over her still-flat stomach, she had to blink away the stinging of tears. It was just her emotions getting the best of her, but she continued without actually crying, “I just want us to be sure. Especially with all of this going on, that is where I hope all this leads, but we can do this at our own pace. There aren’t any requirements. We’ll do what’s right for us...everyone else be damned.” Her brow began to raise when he initially started to tell her to move in, but he caught himself - something she noted and was proud of - and rephrased it to where she felt like it was her choice. She could do either. Even still, she knew that no matter how much her sister would insist otherwise, it was an imposition for Alee to be in her house...and having a baby would only make that increase tenfold. Sarah shouldn’t give up the privacy in her home that she’d worked hard for to house and care for Alee and her child. Alee could get a place all of her own, but it was a financial drain, and she was too proud to accept help on that from someone else. Or, she could move in here with Lennox. She already had a key and had slept over here nights before. She’d gone on weekend trips with him out of town and she was going to need his help, especially as this pregnancy went on. He had doted on her when she felt sick, she felt that she could trust him, and what he was offering was no small thing. She reminded herself that if things didn’t work out, it would be a lot easier to move out. It was less permanent. She doubted that would be the case. He was right in that moving in - though a big step - would allow them to prepare to become parents together, and it would mean they would learn the ins and outs of one anothers quirks far faster than they otherwise would. “I think that’s a good compromise,” she told him finally, “I...worry about being an imposition on my sister, and other than stubborn independence, getting my own place for seven or eight months doesn’t make sense if we’re going to make our best effort at this parenting thing.” She smiled softly, a little nervous, “I think it’s a good step without being too drastic.” She wasn’t overly phased by his confession that he hadn’t been raised Christian and wasn’t one now, “Nature is a good thing to worship if you ask me. Not enough people seem to have proper respect for nature anymore...but I was raised Catholic. By the time I hit my late teenage years, I began to question my beliefs...or at least, the system that they’re tied up in. So many of the faith are...intolerant bigots and I can’t stand that part. I went to confession once in the last six months...and that was mostly so that I could confess my sin and my intention to sin again after we slept together the first time.” Her smile was almost sheepish, but she thought the whole thing was a little funny to look back on now. He let out a soft, somewhat un-Lennox-like snort of laughter at that, raising his eyebrows. “Did you really?” “I did,” she confirmed with a sage nod and a small laugh, “I drove out of town for it one afternoon. I didn’t regret it, but old habits are sometimes hard to break. I’m pretty certain I told that priest things that he had to confess about later,” she grinned, shrugging a little and putting her hand over where his rested on her abdomen, “I think...by the math, it was probably that first time. They um...they count starting at two weeks automatically. It sounds weird, but apparently it helps the doctors calculate things easier. She said I’m about seven weeks along by that estimation, but we’ll know with more certainty when I have an ultrasound.” He didn't point out that he already knew more than he'd ever wanted due to helping Nina study. The reasoning was twofold: He didn't want to give another reminder of his past with Nina, no matter how much of it was just in his head, and he also wanted her to feel like she could tell him these things, sharing in her discoveries whether exciting it terrifying. Besides, he had a feeling she was trying to subtly reassure him considering they'd only been together five weeks, not seven. He was reluctant to remove his hand, especially with hers over it like that, but he still slipped off the couch, moving to the kitchen. “Seven weeks…” he mused aloud as grabbed a pair of mugs and brewed two cups of raspberry leaf tea. “So… July? June? When is your ultrasound?” She hoped that she hadn’t said anything wrong when he got up, but he just went to the kitchen to brew tea. She did take that moment to pull her phone, sending a message to her sister that she shouldn’t worry, Lennox was taking everything in stride, and that she would be a while longer, so not to wait around over her. Not wanting to be too far, she got up and moved to one of the barstools, perching there near the counter, “Early July. Probably within the first week. The ultrasound is scheduled for a month from today. She let me hear the heartbeat today, though. It was...probably the best thing I’ve ever heard, even if the whole thing was kind of surreal.” She felt a little bit sad now that he hadn’t gotten to hear, too, though she thought...maybe Nina would make some arrangement so that they could let him hear it between now and the ultrasound. The dopplers could be bought online. She knew that much. He nodded, removing the first cup from under the Keurig and throwing away the contents of the pod he'd made himself. He put in the next one to brew the second cup while he doctored hers the way she liked. “I'll--I'd like to come… if that's alright with you,” he asked carefully, handing her her cup of tea across the counter. “Raspberry leaf. It should help with your stomach. I added a little ginger, too.” Alee took the cup of tea gratefully. It smelled good, and as he'd said, it should ease some of the ever-present knots in her stomach. She had to be so careful about what she ate. Her body had fully rejected the idea of all beef or pork products. Just the thought or the smell made her feel sick. She doubted that Lennox would be heartbroken over that fact, “I'd like you to come with me to the ultrasound…and to any appointments that you can manage to make it to. That way, if you have questions you can ask them…and it doesn't hurt for me to have some support there.” She smiled, sipping the tea experimentally. It was flavorful with a little bit of sweetness and a little bite too. Though he might have guessed, she added, “The appointments will be infrequent at first, but they'll go to biweekly and then weekly as we go along. I don't know how helpful that is in future planning. If you have to miss some, I'll tell you everything, but I'll never keep you from going. This is your child too. I was even thinking, maybe it would be possible that we can get our hands on one of those dopplers, so that we can check on the heartbeat whenever we want.” Without missing a beat, Lennox pulled out his phone, scrolling through an app for a moment. Finally, he announced, “Done. We'll have one on Thursday.” Just two days and he would be able to hear the heartbeat, too. The thought turned his stomach even as it made a flutter of excitement in him. Setting the phone back down and beginning to doctor his tea with lemon and a little sugar, he told her, “I'll be there for everything, one way or another. But you'll need money. I want to add you to my bank account so you won't have to worry about anything.” She blinked a little in surprise when he just ordered one of the dopplers without pause. She shouldn't have been shocked. Lennox had plenty of money that he didn't have to budget such things, but it would have taken her careful planning and saving to buy one herself. She was still adjusting to his seemingly in infinite wealth. His suggestion to add her to his bank account made her eyes widen. She coughed a little as she choked down a drink of her tea, having been caught off guard mid-sip, “I don't need that much money. I have some savings and what I've earned at the garage.” She had also been slipping bills into Sarah’s wallet or pockets in her jeans when she wasn't looking, as recompense for staying at her place even though Sarah wouldn't accept outright payment, “Sharing finances is…a big deal, Lennox. It's your money. I wouldn't feel comfortable spending anything without asking you anyway.” She knew how these technicalities worked. If she was joint on his account, she would have legal access to it...her economic class would go from near poverty to high roller in the time it took for her to sign her name. “Aleida,” he said in a firm, but kind voice, leaning toward her with both elbows on the counter, “last year I netted almost 1.8 million dollars from my stock in my father's company, and that was a leaner year than the one before it. I want you to never feel like you are in need and have to budget or go without. I want the best for you and for this child and the simplest way is to give you access. Would you at least allow me set up deposits from my account into yours? You're going to need maternity clothes, money for doctor's bills, plus all the things for the baby.” Million. It still startled her that he had access to millions of dollars. She had known that he was wealthy when they got involved, but not nearly to that extent. He'd mentioned something about that to her at the shopping trip but she had really tried to put it out of her mind. The disparity between their finances was laughable. The idea of him having free reign to funnel thousands of dollars into her banking account somehow sounded worse than just being joint on his account. At least she had control over what she spent if she was joint. She would have no control over how much he was willing to give her if he was making wire transfers, and she could only imagine what it would be in figures, “Okay, okay,” she repeated, mostly to confirm to herself, “If we're going to do anything...add me to your account. Since that is the simplest.” Just agreeing to it made her stomach flip, but Lennox would get money into her hands one way or another. She felt more in control if she knew the balance sitting in the account was his. After a moment, she insisted, “I want to set…a limitation. Some amount we agree on so that if I spend that or more, I’ll let you know before making the purchase.” Lennox moved around to her side of the counter, setting his tea near her and loosely wrapping his arms around her shoulders from behind. “Aleida,” he said quietly, gently, and with a little bit of wariness, “I want to be open with you about my life if we’re going to do this together. That includes my finances. I am worth roughly thirty-three million dollars at the moment, most of it in stocks. Does this change how you see me, or your opinion of me?” He always used her full name when he was serious about something, particularly if she was being difficult when she didn’t really need to be. She leaned into him, a small pout on her lips as she looked down at the mug of tea in front of her. She closed her eyes at that figure. She couldn’t imagine 33 million dollars. She couldn’t fathom how she had managed to catch the attention of someone who was worth that much, “No, Lennox. Of course not. You being a multi-millionaire doesn’t change anything between us. You’re still the same person you’ve been this whole time. I’m just...accustomed to pinching pennies and working my way around a sale and thrift shopping. Having free reign to spend even a thousand dollars at once on nothing special is...a culture shock to me. My net worth, for your perspective, is about twenty-five hundred dollars.” Admitting that stung. She’d had more of a cushion before she had taken off cross-country. She had babysat when she was young and worked a part-time job after school from the time she was legally able to. She had gotten scholarships and left her college training debt free. Those were all things she’d been incredibly proud of. She had worked some while she traveled, replenishing her account as she’d gone, but it hadn’t been easy. She knew that she was in better shape than some people, and she shouldn’t be ashamed, but what she had was meager in comparison to this wealth. “I understand you want to help and you want me to be comfortable and worry free. You’re being incredibly generous and trusting by sharing all this with me. Just...be patient with me while I adjust to the idea that spending a couple grand shouldn’t give me an ulcer or the fact that I don’t need to consult a check register down to the penny every time I go to make a purchase, just to be sure that I don’t spend more than I have.” She looked up at him, a small smile on her lips, “I won’t call you over a hundred dollars. I promise.” He gave her a light squeeze, kissing the top of her head, but his expression, if she could’ve seen it from that angle, was serious. “I want you to be comfortable. I’m used to what I have, but I’m not ignorant of what it means to most people. I want you to have access to make things easier on you when you need something for this baby--” his voice seemed to falter just a little using the word out loud, but he didn’t pause “--and that is the easiest way. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in any way, though, and it seems as though that would be unavoidable.” He moved to sit on the stool beside her, but took her hands in his, meeting her eyes with a fierce, earnest expression. “What do you want me to do? Obviously, I’m going to support this baby and I’m going to support you and I have means you don’t have. It’s a fact, nothing to be ashamed of, for either of us. However, I want you to feel like you’re in control of this. I know I have a tendency to…” He made a face and looked away for a moment. “I don’t want you to feel as though I’m running you over and trying to control things, okay? You are my equal partner in this, no matter what solution we come to.” He was much more talkative than she usually knew him to be, though this was a serious discussion that they needed to have. It wasn’t as though she could financially support this pregnancy on her own. Without him, she’d end up with some assistance from government or otherwise. He wasn’t wrong to want to ease the burden of finances off of her shoulders so that she didn’t have to stress over making ends meet. The fact that he actually asked what she wanted, and acknowledged his tendency to be a little overzealous was what made her decision easier...because it was her choice. “Lennox, I know that I let you take control in some parts of our relationship, but I’ll always speak up for myself if I disagree. I’m not the kind of girl that lets my voice be drowned out by anyone.” She leaned forward in her seat, just so that she could steal a couple of easy kisses, even though it delayed her response, “Add me to your account. That way, there’s not extra money just sitting in an account with only my name on it. It remains yours or ours or however you want to view it, and not just mine, and it’s less hassle than moving money around or opening a whole new account jointly just for the same thing to happen. I’m sure given a little time I’ll feel more at ease with it. If I call you about a purchase, please just...indulge me telling you about it. I know that the world will pretty much be my oyster, but my deeply ingrained financial consciousness isn’t just going to evaporate with access to a debit card. Bear with me...and who knows, maybe you’ll come home one day and the living room will be filled with shopping bags and you won’t have had a warning.” Lennox chuckled softly, relaxing now that they had reached a more comfortable agreement. “I promise to indulge,” he agreed. “However, I’m not sure if that last part is reassuring or terrifying…” The smile turned more gentle, his brow furrowing as he reached up to touch her cheek, a thumb brushing over her freckles. She was going to make a fantastic mother. He was less sure about himself as a father, though. I’m pregnant. It replayed in his mind. A strong part of him desperately wanted her out of here so he could indulge in drunkenness, but he also wasn’t sure he could bear the thought yet of her leaving again. Where he thought he should certainly be panicking, he found himself instead drawing on her strength and determination. “You’re going to be amazing at this,” he told her, voice gentler than he normally used, even when he was doting on her not all that long ago now when she was ill on Halloween. “I really am certain of that.” “If I’m let loose on my own in a Carters or an OshKosh, I’m not really responsible for what I spend,” she told him seriously, envisioning all the tiny onesies and socks she could buy. She doubted her restraint would be as enforced when it came to buying things for the baby. It was herself that she had trouble spending money on. She didn’t feel uncomfortable as he looked at her, but she was very aware that his gaze was intense and there was something turning through his mind. When he did speak, her heart squeezed. She hoped that he was right...that his faith in her wasn’t misplaced. She lifted her hand to his against her cheek, and held onto his hand lightly, shifting so that she could press a kiss against his palm, “I really hope so.” Alee took a deep breath, beyond relieved that he’d taken this far better than she ever anticipated that he would. She had remained skeptical because she hadn’t wanted to get her hopes up, but he had been unwavering thus far. He kept surprising her, even if she knew that he had to be as scared about this as she was, “I know that you didn’t have a good role model, but I think you have the makings of a great father. You’re kind and giving and you’ve been supportive of me from the start, even when I hadn’t earned it yet. It’s all going to be new for the both of us, Lennox. We’ll figure it out together. I know it’s not going to be easy, but...we’ll do everything we can to prepare, and the rest we’ll learn as we go.” “I'm also selfish, arrogant, and domineering,” he countered, listing his faults as though it were a conversation about the weather. He did, however, believe in what they could accomplish together. “You make me a better person, though, I think, and that's something.” “Well I’m reckless to a fault, initially abrasive, and I generally dislike most people and don’t bother to pretend otherwise, as would be socially polite,” she told him, though from his perspective some of those things might seem strange. She had offended plenty of people over her lifetime enough to know them to be facts of her personality, but she hardly cared about it. They weren’t things she really wanted to change, “Neither of us are without our flaws. You bring out a better, more charming side of me too. I never really thought I’d care about someone enough to be willing to make compromises, but...here we are, finding middle ground wherever we can.” There was a hint of amusement in his eyes that bordered on mischief now as he grinned a little at her assessment. “I plan to panic more thoroughly in private,” he confessed, still grinning, “but I think you and I will do fairly well at this. Not just parenting, but…” He gestured between them. “Us. This is not the end of the world after all.” “Panic away,” she assured him, laughing softly, “Babe, I’ve been panicking off and on for like...four days minimum. I was still firmly in denial until the confirmation today, but that didn’t stop me from fearing the possibility. Not all of my panicking has been entirely private, but believe me...it’s happened and it’s still just there under the surface.” She smiled, pleased that he believed they’d work out. Although, she had hoped that was the case since he’d asked her to marry him only a short time ago, even if they were going to wait for that particular leap, “I like to think of this as more like the beginning of a new, different, kind of terrifying world, but I’m sure it’s going to be rewarding, with us and with the baby.” “The baby,” he echoed, an odd sort of look on his face. It was somewhere between wonder and apprehension, excitement and terror. He slipped off of his barstool and scooped her up off of hers, her half-finished tea, and his barely touched one, forgotten as he carried her back to the sofa in front of the huge windows. He lay her down at one end first, settling himself facing her so he could bend down and lift her shirt up, folding it over her chest so her stomach stayed exposed. Gently, wordlessly, he opened the button and zipper of her jeans, rolling the hem down to show as much of her belly as possible without actually stripping her. For the smallest moment, he merely looked at her, that mixed expression returning, and then he lay both palms over her stomach, covering the exposed skin entirely. She was so small, a petite little thing and he dwarfed her at times. It was hard to imagine her belly growing and swelling with child, but as he touched her in that warm silence he let himself feel the energy of her body in his hands and he felt as though he could sense the change, the joining of hers with something Other. The baby. A sort of calm came over him as though he had been meditating, and he slid his hands of her belly and onto her hips, lowering himself to kiss the soft skin low on her abdomen. In the month prior, this would be part of their foreplay, kissing all her tender places as he teased and excited her body. That was far from his mind now, and yet this seemed even more intimate. “Do you believe in fate, Aleida?” he asked softly, head still low but eyes directed up to meet hers again as he stroked her soft, pale skin. She hadn’t expected him to pick her up, but when he did, she didn’t feel as though he would drop her. He was strong and he wouldn’t risk hurting her. As he placed her on the couch, she wasn’t entirely certain what he was doing, but she didn’t move. She just...let him slowly expose her stomach, not wanting to deter him from his course. He seemed reverent, some combination of eagerness and anxiety at war on his features. As his hands settled on her stomach, she just eased back and let him experience this as he obviously needed to. It was almost spiritual, those quiet moments of just his touch and their combined breathing. It was difficult for her not to get emotional. Her hormones must have been off the charts, but she just watched him as he slowly bent to kiss over the place where Nina had been able to find the heartbeat earlier. She blinked rapidly, afraid of crying again, as she felt she’d been doing off and on all day. Those kisses were unexpected, though not unwelcome. She reached up, gently brushing her hand through his dark hair, unable to help wondering what features their child would have. Who would they favor? More than likely it would be him. Most of her prominent features were recessive, so unless blue eyes or red hair ran in his family, at least her coloring might be lost. “To an extent, yes,” she told him truthfully, “I believe...we can forge our own paths, but there are some events and ties and people that are...inevitable in our lives.” He was her inevitable person. She believed in that. She had felt it, in some way, since they day that they’d met. She thought about all the tiny, seemingly innocuous choices that had led them both to meeting on the trail that day, and it seemed like fate...and maybe this was too. A child hadn’t been in either of their plans, but she wasn’t a believer of coincidence and in the years to come, she knew that she would refuse to call this a mistake. It was the right answer, in so much as there even was a right answer. Perhaps it was why he wasn't panicking as it must surely have seemed he would have. “It's part of… what I believe,” he explained. “It's like… the energy of the universe. I can feel it most in the woods, or on a mountaintop. It affects everything and guides things into place, but an individual can affect it. Yours has changed.” His hand went to her stomach. “I believe we were guided to this place, no matter what the future brings. I think it would have to be something greater than us to beat your pill on the first go,” he teased, before continuing seriously. “I'm not going to fight fate anymore. I want to see where this leads us.” He kissed her stomach again, letting his lips linger a little longer this time. As she listened to him explain about the energy that he felt, she could understand. It was similar to how some people described God, and if she was honest with herself, she felt closest to her spirit when she was in nature just as he was describing. It wasn’t just the adrenaline rush, but she’d had some of her most profound moments of clarity and connection to something outside of herself when she was clinging to a rock face, climbing free and solo with nothing to catch her if she fell. She felt her truest self there...and her instincts never failed her. In those moments, she could feel the energy around her almost humming. She did laugh a little at his tease about her pill, though she was still trying to figure out how that failed. She knew even if someone took it perfectly, it still wasn’t a 100% guarantee, “Some would say it’s a fool’s errand to try to fight fate anyway. This...it’s real and it’s not going away.” At least, she thought, it wasn’t going to end by her doing. She knew there was a possibility her body could...be incapable of carrying to full term. She had to believe that wouldn’t be the case, though. As much as she had been hoping this morning for news anything other than this, she couldn’t bear the idea of losing this now that she knew it was true. As the baby grew, she could imagine having more moments like this, with him keeping her close and kissing her belly as it changed. He’d already taken this much better than she feared, and she felt daring enough to hope that as things progressed he would be just as doting as he was now, “Thank you...for sticking by me, even if this wasn’t what we planned.” Lennox moved up to lay over her, careful to support himself with almost no weight on her. She liked cuddling and he could oblige, even though the couch was too short for his height. Plus, he wanted her close right now, to be an anchor holding him in this place of calm. “What kind of man would I be if I ran now?” he asked, pecking her lips with a kiss. “Even if you and I don't actually work out, Alee, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be your friend and a father.” What little weight there was against her wasn’t uncomfortable as he shifted over her. She didn’t like the idea that they wouldn’t work out, but it was still a relief to know that they’d manage to do this together, somehow, even if that was the truth. She pulled him into another kiss, this one more lingering than the last, “That’s one “what-if” that I don’t want to think about.” She could feel her heart squeeze tightly just at the idea. They’d made all of these plans - her moving in, joining finances, the probability of fate and one day...perhaps marriage. Maybe it needed to be said...a reassurance just in case, but it wasn’t the ending that she wanted for them, “We’ll take things as they go. That’s all we really can do...and the rest of it will fall into place.” “It will,” he promised, kissing her again, but more deeply this time. The wonder and reverence of this moment had settled on him and any lingering fear had faded for now. As unplanned as it was, he could recognize the miracle of their energies joining to make a new one and when the kiss broke he took another, feeling his desire for her growing rapidly. He wanted to feel her in a way he hadn't allowed himself to before. He wanted to make love to her, not just have sex. He wanted the intimacy he'd only allowed himself to touch on so far. “Pretty girl,” he murmured against her cheek before kissing it. “Aleida, you are a wonder.” She could feel the growing hunger in his kisses. There seemed to be a different sort of edge to it, and yet that spark of want remained the same. Alee smiled softly at that term of endearment that he’d coined her with weeks ago, her breath catching a little at his devout claim. She wanted to ask him what made him think that...what qualities made her such a wonder in his eyes, and yet that seemed to be...complement seeking, “I’ll accept that assessment.” It was the most humble response she could give without denying it altogether. She claimed another kiss, unhurried but eager. They had time, she thought. He tasted like sweet raspberry and the tang of lemon. This close, she could smell damp earth and expensive cologne on his skin. Her senses were heightened by some combination of hormones and their shared intimacy. After a moment, she murmured against his lips, “Should we go upstairs?” “Yes,” he answered without hesitation, his hand moving to caress her breast and give it his usual squeeze, a dampened version of his typical rough handling. But he noticed the slightest twitch of her facial muscles, the infant stage of a wince, and quickly removed his hand, looking alarmed with his concern. “Did I hurt you?” he asked immediately, eyes searching hers. Her nausea - which was thankfully settled at the moment - hadn’t been her only symptom of this pregnancy. She tried not to let it show, hoping that as her desire kicked into high gear that the tenderness in her breasts would fade - or at least feel better - though there was a twinge of discomfort as he squeezed. It was something that she usually loved - something she had greatly encouraged on other nights. His concern was obvious, but she reached up, her hand gentle against his cheek, “No,” she insisted immediately, “I’m not hurt. My breasts are just...more sensitive than they have been. It’s normal...they’re changing. My bra is already getting snug compared to a week or two ago.” She was talking too much and she knew it, but she didn’t want him worrying over her. She shifted a little, grasping the hem of her shirt and wriggling enough that she could get it fully up and over her head, “Lennox, I promise, I’m fine.” Any wariness was washed away when she removed her shirt and he caressed her breasts more gently this time. His hand slid around to unclasp the bra she wore and then he pulled it off of her. They'd agreed upon his bed -- their bed, he reminded himself -- and he scooped her up then, carrying her up the stairs as though she were a precious doll. To him, she was precious, as was the energy inside her, growing steadily into a life made up equally of both of them. Hopefully, he thought, it would be only his best parts. |