I don't know, Cash. I love dancing, I really do. But the thought of making it my career and every facet of my life terrifies me. I like to dance for the fun of it, not because I have to. I have so much more fun doing things like that Dancing With the Stars nonsense we did or going to the salsa classes than I even do doing the Nutcracker every year. I'm afraid that if it becomes my job, I'm going to forget why I love doing it.
But, at the same time, I feel as though giving up on an opportunity like this is just [...] selfish? I don't know. I know that I'm good, as much as I try to be modest. I know that I've earned this. So if I don't do it, is it just wasting all of these years of classes and practice that my moms have paid for? Does it make me ungrateful if I don't take every opportunity that's presented to me?
But then, what about here? I don't want to be absent as River grows up and just be that Aunt Evan that he doesn't really know, because she lives states away. I don't want to say no to Stella's offer with the food truck, when that might be an opportunity for something new and fun that I would have never imagined doing in the first place. And no, I don't want to be away from you because I love you -- and have loved you for the vast majority of my life and I don't like the thought of not having you in my life, even if we don't know what's going to happen in the future. I would never ask you to come with me, because I don't want you to be in that position to have to choose either.
So, I don't know. I feel like I'll be disappointing someone -- me, my family, my friends -- in some way or another, no matter what choice I make. And I feel like maybe I'm being ungrateful for debating it at all, but I don't know what to do.