InsaneJournal

It was probably safer to text, if only because they could be erased, but Lyllia caught Lennox’s arm in the stable before he could leave. The sounds of the nickering horses and crunching hay was soothing. She raised a brow up at him and inquired, “So...how’s it going? With Alee. Are you still happy with the choice you made?”

Lennox smiled, though it was a little awkward. It usually was when such personal topics were discussed in person. “I think so. It was an adjustment.”

“To being in a relationship? Or to letting go of Nina?” She knew that she was getting a little specific, but Lyllia wasn’t one to shy away from hard topics just because they weren’t pleasant to talk about.

Lennox rubbed his hands together absently, a sign of his nerves he didn’t always catch in time to stifle. “I… Both,” he admitted. Unbeknownst to both of them, Alee approached from around the corner, but stopped out of sight as she heard him continue, “I’m struck sometimes by how much of a disparity there is between Alee and myself. She possesses an… immaturity still in a lot of aspects. It is an eleven year difference, after all.”

Lyllia frowned slightly, though she knew that what he said wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It was just a cause for accommodation on both of their parts, “She’s young. I know you had your hesitations about that before ever seeking anything more than friendship. That gap will never close, Lennox, even if you both learn ways to bridge it.” She paused a moment, pressing, “How you feel about Nina...has that changed?”

There was a small silence as he thought about it. With Lyllianna, he wasn’t inclined to lie, even if it was easier. “I… think so? It’s not as strong. I don’t know if I can ever really stop caring about her, though.” He wrung his hands again. “What we’ve got now doesn’t work, though. I still want a relationship with her…”

“You’ve been best friends with her since you were a child and you said yourself that you’ve been in love with her most of your life. I wouldn’t expect that to completely change in just a few weeks,” Lyllia said finally, a little worried, but hopeful that his newer feelings would be stronger...that since he had something real with Alee instead of just something imagined that he could let his feelings for her grow, “It can be difficult to remain close with someone you’ve harbored feelings for. Maybe the distance, for the moment, isn’t the worst thing in the world. Maybe you can ease back into that relationship with a coffee date or something...don’t talk so much about the stuff that’s driven the wedge between you and get back to what you both know and adore with each other. Just...be mindful. You have someone else to think about now, too.”

“I know,” he agreed, his voice a little softer. He appreciated Lyllia’s blunt honesty in the same way he used to appreciate Nina’s. “I don’t want to lose either of them, but I promise to be careful.” He held out an arm, obviously expecting a small side hug from his friend. “C’mon. I’ve got to swing by the range and check on something, so I need to get going.”

“You won’t,” Lyllia said confidently, “You just have to do the right things, you know?” She leaned into the hug, giving him a squeeze, and laughing softly as they walked out of the stables, “Fine, I won’t keep you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alee had arrived at the stables in good spirits. She’d left work when there was nothing much to do, and had planned on redeeming one of her lessons. She had parked her motorcycle out of sight, off the gravel drive because parking it there was hazardous and she didn’t exactly want more dings in the body of her bike. When she’d seen Lennox’s SUV, her excitement had soared, and she hadn’t been able to suppress the bounce in her step all the way back to the stables. She heard Lyllia’s voice, unable to hear what was being said at first, but when Lennox replied, his timbre unmistakable, she pulled up short. She frowned as she heard those first words, and ducked into the stall with the feed and grain where she could hear, but wouldn’t be seen.

She shouldn’t have eavesdropped, and she knew that. This was meant to be a private conversation. The longer that the pair spoke, the more her heart shrank and though she was diminutive to begin with, she felt smaller than ever. He still wanted...a relationship with someone else. Someone named Nina that she’d never even heard of before...a woman that he had been - probably still was - actually in love with. He thought her immature and what...if he didn’t want to lose either of them, did that mean that he would try to have both? That’s what Lyllia was suggesting, wasn’t it? She was supposed to be her friend, but everyone in town - even Alee who hadn’t been there that long - knew that she and her husband had cheated and his first wife had been left in the wreckage. She’d defended her to some gossiping lady downtown, and now she felt perhaps she shouldn’t have. Perhaps Lyllianna Stone had never learned her lesson. With Lyllianna’s guidance, would Lennox discard her the moment that this Nina showed the slightest bit of interest?

Their conversation stung like a betrayal, and as they walked laughing past the door where she’d hidden herself, she sank to the ground and sat on a bag of grain, staring at the wooden walls. All of that excitement...all the vibrancy that she had in her had just been drained. She had never let anyone get this close to her before. She had trusted him; let him into her life, into her sister’s home, into her body.

Now she began to rethink every moment that they’d had together. Did he claim her because she was stupidly naive and easy to bend to his will? Did he mean it when he said that he cared about her or were they empty words meant to keep her appeased? Did he think her someone fun to pass the time with? Was it the guilt of loving someone else that had led him to buy her fancy things and take her to ridiculous dinners, overcompensating in reparations for this inevitable betrayal? Worst of all...did he wish she was someone else when she was stripped bare and at her most vulnerable? Did he have to choke down someone elses name from escaping his lips when she helped him reach ecstasy?

Hot tears soaked her freckle smattered cheeks, her complexion having turned splotchy. She had been blindly optimistic about this whole endeavor. She had walked into town, and from the moment that she met him, she’d been lost. She had let him sweep her off of her feet far more quickly than she would have with anyone else. There was something in Alee that had felt it was right. Something instinctual inside of her had seemed to match something in him, and she had let herself believe in it. Now she felt impossibly stupid for investing in such a thing. She never should have trusted him. She never should have let herself be this exposed. She was better off alone, and she always had been. No matter how much she loved her family, there was something in her that had been bred for solitude and if she had just listened instead of giving into the loneliness that crept in, she wouldn’t be in this situation.

Aleida didn’t know how long she sat there in that little room, but she did drag herself to her feet, knowing that she had to confront Lennox about this one way or the other. Because if he called her up and called her pretty girl, she was going to lose her mind. Her stomach protested like she wanted to be sick, as she had been for the last several days. She still steadfastly refused to believe in what that might mean, especially in light of this situation. Her period had been late, but she was chalking it up to a bad month on the pill and not her recent foray into being sexually active. Maybe that was idiotic of her too, but she had been careful and she was clinging to the hope that her body was just acting strangely.

Wiping her face on her t-shirt, she kept her head down as she made her way to where she’d stowed her motorcycle. It took her only a few moments to throw it into gear. She didn’t bother with her helmet, leaving it strapped to the back of the bike. As she tore out of the driveway, she wasn’t careful about the grass or even the gravel, the back of the bike spinning out a little, though she righted it with practiced agility.

She took the road to Camp Sylvester at a hard and fast pace, rounding corners at dangerous speeds, her haywire emotions driving her on even if her eyes still stung. She drove up to the range, leaving her bike near the front office, parked not too far from Lennox’s car this time. She took a glance out at the range, but he wasn’t there. A few minutes later, she let herself into the office, “Where is he?” she asked the rental clerk.

“Are you alright, Miss Grant?” the young boy’s features pulled with concern.

“I said, where is he?” her voice shook, but the clerk cleared his throat, obviously sensing that she was...somewhat on the edge of unhinged.

He pointed vaguely towards the back office, though when Alee rounded and let herself in without knocking, he wasn’t there. She looked at the weapons locker and paused only a moment before pulling her favored bow and a quiver of arrows. She didn’t know why she was taking them, really. It was something instinctual, like if she was gearing up for a fight she needed to be able to protect herself. It was a ridiculous notion, but the bow didn’t leave her hands. Besides, she excused to herself, if she couldn’t find him, maybe she could work off a little steam before she lost all of her privileges altogether.

She exited from the secondary door, back behind the clerks stand, but outside of the office itself. She only got a few paces outside of the office before she spotted him. The girl that he was with was...beautiful. She was tall and willowy with blonde hair that fell halfway down her back and perfect proportions that would have made any girl jealous. It didn’t help that his hand was at her waist, the other along her arm, and from Alee’s perspective, he was too close to her altogether. Her cheeks grew burning hot, and something in her felt...forged instead of entirely broken.

For a split second, she entertained the idea of drawing her bow. She could do it. She could make a shot from here that would sail past the both of them and hit that target that the blonde girl was aiming for with such poor form. Alee didn’t trust herself. If she aimed that close, she might just miss on purpose.

She was pulling an arrow from the quiver before she got down the steps, determinedly walking past Lennox and the ridiculously gorgeous student he was assisting. Instead, she went down to the more advanced section of the range, which she hadn’t really tried to tackle yet. Even still, as she drew the arrow and locked herself into a flawless stance, she made a minor adjustment for distance and let her arrow fly, sinking into the bullseye at 50 meters. She walked as she pulled another arrow, barely even pausing in her step as she pulled another and landed it firmly in the center of the target at 60 meters. She paused just long enough to snag another arrow, shooting again and splitting her original mark right down the middle. She could hear the crack of it even from where she stood, but it didn’t bring her the joy that it might have a few weeks ago. Instead, she just reached for another arrow because as long as she was looking at those targets, she wasn’t looking at Lennox’s hands on another girl just down the range and she wasn’t as tempted to shoot him right through the heart like he’d done to her.

Lennox saw the flash of red curls go past him out of the corner of his eye, raising the student’s elbow and then stepping back. The fact that she was beautiful had occurred to him, but in a very passing sort of way. He found plenty of women beautiful, even Lyllianna, but he wasn’t actually attracted to many of them, despite what was going through his girlfriend’s mind just then.

“Try it now,” he instructed, voice businesslike, but pleasant. The girl released and hit the target -- far from the bullseye, but she hadn’t hit it at all before. “Very good! Keep practicing that.”

Feeling his professional duty was met, he moved on. He’d been planning on watching the archers for a few minutes -- there were five of them, not counting Alee -- but he wanted to see his girlfriend now. His stomach flipped happily at the thought of her, something that he took note of considering the talk he’d just had with Lyllianna. Turning, he saw her down the range, catching sight of that impressive shot through her previous arrow and letting out a low, impressed whistle. She’d never shot that well before, or at least not at that distance.

From this angle, he couldn’t see her face. All he saw was the wild mane of red hair, glowing in the sunlight, her body taut like the arrow, lithe frame visible even in the sweatshirt she wore to keep warm as the fall chill approached rapidly and whispered of the winter to come. Everything about the way she held herself was almost tantalizing to him. Lennox had fallen for her talent as much as her body, and he enjoyed watching both as she drew back the next arrow and let it fire into the 70 meter target.

“Hey, pretty girl,” he greeted with an easy smile when he was close enough to her to be heard without everyone else listening in. She turned then and he finally got a look at her face, cheeks red and splotchy, eyes bloodshot and puffy, expression twisted into pain and anger. When she turned, her whole body turned, another arrow ready on the bow and drawn back. This meant it was now pointed at him and he froze, the smile leaving him. He would never think she’d shoot him, but accidents happened. “Alee, what’s… what’s wrong?”

There was something ingrained into her...something that she couldn’t even explain, that was connected to this. It felt like she’d been born with a bow in her hand, and hitting her target was as easy as breathing. Her reaction to a threat was to defend herself at all costs. She’d drawn, initially, to hit the 70 meter shot a second time. When she heard his voice - that nickname that had sounded sweet to her ears before and now felt like poison - she turned, her arm still pulled back with the bow taught. This was a dangerous position. She could let the bowstring go. She could kill him at this range, on purpose or on accident, and she was sure that from how she’d acted the clerk would say that it was on purpose. She wasn’t sure he’d be wrong.

Her eyes were wild, the blue tones darkened like a storm, flecks of green scattered like broken glass in her gaze. What’s wrong? The words turned over and over in her mind. Her arm was still drawn, her heartbeat steady and keeping time...it was several long seconds before she said anything at all. She had about a hundred scathing remarks come to mind, all of them more venomous than the one before, but when she opened her mouth to speak, the only sound that she was able to make was a small, strangled sort of whimper.

Instead, she let the bow lower to the ground before she relaxed her arm. The arrow was plucked from the bowstring and tucked back into the quiver. Her voice wavered, her throat raw and cracking as she held out the bow with one hand, “Take this from me. Before I kill someone with it.” The moment the bow left her hands, she turned and started walking away, genuinely afraid of what she might say or do. She’d come here to confront him, but every cell in her body just wanted to run. She was making a beeline for her parked motorcycle, far away from everyone else, and when she reached it, she wasn’t sure that she was going to stop in town. She wasn’t sure that she would ever stop anywhere for longer than a night again.

Lennox’s heart began to pound when she didn’t immediately move the bow away. He knew all too well how close to death he was with the projectile aimed at his chest and those seconds each felt like an hour… until finally she lowered it. He was able to breathe again as he took the bow automatically, having not actually realized that he wasn’t breathing in the first place.

For a moment, he only blinked, then his senses seemed to return one by one. Alee. She was leaving. She couldn’t leave. Quickly, he turned on his heel and began jogging after her, pausing only to shove the bow and quiver into an employee’s hands with the sharp command, “My office!” When he caught up with her, they were just short of the motorcycle, and he firmly caught her wrist to stop her. She was clearly in no shape to be on the road right now, and he still had no idea why.

“Aleida, please tell me what on earth is going on!”

She had eyes only for her motorcycle, her keys already in her hand and ready to slide into the ignition. She would call Sarah later...explain her sudden departure. Sarah could send her her things...or she could burn them. Maybe she would just start anew. Maybe she would live with just the clothes on her back in the weeks to come.

Her focus was so absolute that she didn’t even hear him coming up behind her. She didn’t know that he was there until his hand wrapped around her wrist, and his touch felt like fire against her skin, hot and unforgiving. Even as he begged her to tell him what was wrong, she couldn’t think other than needing his hands off of her. “Let me go!” she pulled sharply against his grasp, hard enough that she might have bruised herself, but she stumbled out of his reach. She held her hands up, the key to her motorcycle still looped around one finger. She felt her heart in her throat, but she knew what she looked like. She knew because she was almost delirious with pain. She’d never suffered a broken heart quite like this before.

“Why, Lennox?” the question sounded as broken as she felt. She didn’t know if she wanted to fight or just crumble to the ground where she stood, “I gave you parts of myself that I can never get back. So why? Why did you get involved with me if you’re in love with someone else? Why…” she choked on her own question, a miserable sob rising in her throat. “Am I that dispensable? Or was it just easy because I was such an idiot...smitten with you from the start and so...naive? No, immature.”

Her words seemed to punch the air out of him and his dark eyes widened. The conversation… She’d been listening. Rapidly, he tried to recall his words. Nothing he’d said had been inherently awful, but to Alee’s ears and without the context… Though even with the context, he knew this wouldn’t be good. There was a reason he hadn’t told her about Nina at all.

“Alee, no,” he said firmly, though also rather desperately. “It isn’t like that at all! I’m with you because I want you and I do not think you’re immature. I meant that you’re young and you’re inexperienced in areas where I’m experienced.” He had a feeling this did not make anything better, though. “Please, can we go in my office and talk?”

She didn’t know when he insisted that it wasn’t how she took it if she should believe a single word or not. Was he just trying to salvage the situation? His reputation? His access to everything that she’d given him so willingly over the last few weeks? She couldn’t deny that his words took a little bit of the sting out of her wounds, but it was what she wanted to hear. Her faith had been so shaken, her judgement having seemed so wrong, that just the simple request of talking in his office - somewhere private - seemed dangerous.

The distrust in her gaze was obvious, her arms crossing over her chest, though the action was somewhat uncomfortable. Her body was sore and aching for no reason, and she’d already been fatigued. Now she just felt exhausted, “Do you care about me? Actually care about me and not just the sex...because if you don’t, there’s no point in us talking.”

That question was a knife to his chest, though he knew he deserved it. “Yes...” he breathed. He closed his eyes tightly and his hands were wringing each other frantically. “God, Alee…” His eyes opened again and he looked at her pleadingly. “I care about you more than I ever expected to -- more, even, than I ever wanted to. Do you want to know about Nina? She’s my friend, my best friend, though we’ve barely spoken in over a month. Nothing has ever happened between us, but I did want it to, for a very long time. So when I met you I tried to ignore how I felt about you, but I couldn’t. I told myself then that I would let Nina go because it was not fair to you, and I’ve done my very best and… Fuck.”

It was the first time she’d ever heard anything stronger than a hushed damn out of his mouth, Lennox rarely allowing himself to curse, especially if it was out loud, rather than a text message or something of the sort. But it was the only thing that summed up how he felt in that moment, on the verge of losing something very real and very important to him just because he was a fool.

His answer was immediate, and that...admittedly helped a little with believability. She had never seen him this nervous, not even when she’d asked him to meet her sister, which seemed like so long ago now even if it really hadn’t been long at all. The span of their relationship covered barely a month, though they’d known one another for just over that. Perhaps it was silly to be so concerned about all of this so soon, but it felt vitally important. As he went on, explaining that...Nina had been a long-time friend that he was struggling to get along with now, and that Alee had taken him by surprise, her shoulders relaxed a little bit. It was more of a relief than she wanted to admit that this Nina either didn’t return his feelings or had never acted on anything. She was competing with the idea of her...not the memory of her.

His cursing came more of a surprise to her than just about anything else, and he seemed very sincere with everything he was telling her. She just didn’t know if she trusted herself...her judgment had been so skewed before. Up until that moment, when he was at a loss for words, she had felt powerless and fragile. She realized then that everything really did hinge on her. She had some small amount of power back in her possession because it seemed that he genuinely cared about losing her...and whether or not he did was her decision.

It was true that she hadn’t had the entire story before her emotions had spiraled out of control. She hadn’t sat down and reasonably asked him to explain things to her. The assumptions that she made apparently more harmful and damning than the truth of the matter. That wasn’t normally like her, and yet she hadn’t been able to stop herself.

She still wasn’t sure how much she could trust him. The fact that he had kept Nina a secret this whole time - when they’d had ample opportunity to have a reasonable conversation about her - seemed to make it worse. She wondered if she’d judged Lyllia too harshly too, but the more rational part of her brain seemed to have remained dormant this afternoon, making her optimism hard to find. Her first instinct was always to run, but maybe this time it shouldn’t be. Maybe she should actually give him a chance to explain.

“Okay,” she said after a long few moments of silence and a lot of consideration, “Let’s talk…” Aleida took a hesitant first step, still keeping a bit of physical distance between them as she walked back to the entrance of the building and walked through the door. The clerk made a show of looking very busy with something that obviously didn’t need his attention, and as she entered his office, she noticed her bow on his desk. The weapons lockers were closed and the combination unknown to most. She lowered herself somewhat heavily into one of the chairs across from his desk, staring at the bow, and finally said, “I’m sorry...for that. I don’t even know…” she swallowed thickly, “There’s no excuse for it. It was dangerous, but I thought initially...if I could just get some of the hurt out of my system that maybe I’d be more rational. That...wasn’t the case.”

All of his lectures archery safety sprung to mind, but he shoved them all aside, just shaking his head to dismiss it. After locking the office door to ensure their privacy, he took the other seat next to her, but let it slide back a little, giving her the space he knew she needed. He just couldn't stand the idea of sitting in his chair, the desk between them.

His eyes were still pleading as he looked at her, relieved that she'd agreed to come in here to talk, but knowing that it was a guarantee of nothing at this point. “Tell me… Alee, please tell me what to say to fix this…”

She noted that he pushed back his chair just a little more from hers. It was only a few inches, but it made a difference in how easy she breathed. Alee didn’t miss his pleading gaze, but she still leaned forward, her forearms resting against her knees as she clasped her hands together and let her head fall forward. Bright red curls curtained around her face, shielding her from view for the moment.

His query was reasonable. He was trying. The problem was that Alee didn’t know that words would fix this...she didn’t know that anything other than continued honesty and time would make a dent, “I need to know what kind of...relationship do you want with Nina now?” She paused only a heartbeat, finally looking up as she added, “Have you ever thought about her...when we’re together? I have a very active imagination, and if I didn’t ask, my mind is happy to supply me with any number of horrible things…”

At her questions, he could feel the knife in his chest twist and he nearly groaned. The lines at his eyes and in his forehead were deeper and more noticeable than ever and his age had never before been this obvious. “Oh God, Alee…” he breathed, shaking his head. His hand twitched, Lennox obviously wanting to reach for her before thinking better of it. “No... I have only ever thought about you.” It was a fair question, though. If he'd thought of Nina while in bed with Alee, she wouldn't be the first girl that had happened with, but Alee was different.

“All I want from Nina is to have my friend back. I don't want what we have with her. Nothing would compare to you. You are… unparalleled.”

Left alone with her thoughts in situations such as these was more dangerous than she’d realized before. She’d done damage that needn’t have been done because she had let hurt feelings and wild assumptions rule her. It had seemed more logical at the time. His assurances were a relief, and she was almost tempted to let him touch her, but she didn’t know if she was ready. She didn’t know how to get back there. This morning, she would have been elated to hear him say she was unparalleled. She would have been over the moon. Now, she was trying to reconcile those sentiments with all of this new knowledge.

“You have to be honest with me,” Alee told him finally, her throat a little strained, her hands clasped and twisting in front of her, “If we do this - if we can get past this - I need to know that you’ll be honest. Right now...my trust feels like a really fragile thing. I am a runner, Lennox. I can admit that about myself...I’m used to being alone and not needing anyone...not relying on anyone. It’s a really lonely way to live, but I’m good at that. If you hadn’t caught me, because I didn’t know the truth about Nina, I’d be gone. You’d have never seen me again.” She said this as a fact, shaking her head softly as she tried to wrap her mind around everything that had happened in the last couple of hours.

“I feel like...this rug has been pulled out from beneath me, and I’m trying - I’m really trying - to believe you. I want to believe you more than anything, but you have to understand...I don’t give third chances. I usually don’t even give second ones, for that matter. I know that if we work out...we’ll have fights and we’ll have things to get through, but this,” her voice cracked a little, pitching high, “I can’t do something like this again. This...absolute destruction of my faith with no solid ground to catch me. I care about you. I care about you a lot. This wouldn’t hurt half as bad if I didn’t.”

“Alee…” he breathed, his heart breaking at her pain and the fact that he’d caused it. Even though she had let her imagination run wild, he deserved enough of this to feel terrible. “I promise you, I’ve never lied to you,” he swore. “And I never will. But I know it’s not the same thing as being perfectly honest.” He leaned in toward her, palms facing up and slightly outstretched to her, though his elbows stayed on his knees. His expression was pleading. “There’s no need to leave. I don’t know if I could take it if you did… I promise to be completely transparent. Any question you have, I will answer. Please, pretty girl… Nothing needs to have changed…”

The promises that he made sounded sweet and sincere. She took in a deep breath, attempting to find balance. If she could feel like the footing beneath her was even again, it would be so much easier. Perhaps it was cruel, but she thought about what would happen if she did leave. Still, when she looked at him - actually met his gaze - her resolve weakened. She could leave here and lose out on the rest of what they could be…or she could take a leap of faith and believe that what he was telling her was the truth.

“I don't think I can just…pretend like nothing happened,” she admitted, knowing that it would take time - days or weeks maybe - before she could think of this without feeling that hollow pit in her stomach. She reached out, slipping her hands into his finally, though there was still a slight tremble in her fingertips, “But I'll stay. Just…tell me if anything changes. Talk to me. Don't let me be the last to find out if something is wrong or if there's something vital like this that could turn into a ticking time bomb. If you had just told me about her...I wouldn't have reacted the way I did.”

Lennox squeezed her hands, relief flooding him. His eyes lowered to the two points of contact, her small digits almost dwarfed by his. She was paler, too, her hands white against his tan, skin bronzed by the sun.

“I don't… love her. I thought I did for a long time and I think I was holding onto that so I didn't have to risk my heart on something real… but I think I'm a lot closer to it with you. That scares me. I didn't have any real example of what love meant growing up.”

Still clutching her hands, he swore fiercely, “I would never cheat on you, Aleida. That's not the kind of man I am. I would tell you before I ever did anything... and you have nothing to fear from Nina or anyone else.”

His words were more ardent than she had anticipated them to be. A few tears slipped down, hanging on the tip of her nose where she was looking down. She looked a little to the side, wiping her cheek against the shoulder of her sweatshirt, not wanting to let go of his hands now. Though hearing that he didn't love Nina…that he was loyal to Alee alone was more soothing than she would have thought.

“Love is messy,” she said quietly after a moment, managing a half smile, “I've never had that kind of relationship…this is the closest. But my parents were a fair example, even with all the stresses they were under with me and my sisters and trying to make ends meet financially. I always kind of thought that maybe I'd be better off on my own. It was easier…less risk. I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to meet you.” she let out a slow, shaking breath, “I believe you, though. I made some horrible assumptions when I felt hurt, but I believe that you wouldn't intentionally hurt me.”

“I never would,” he promised, squeezing her hands again. One slipped free to reach up and wipe gently at her cheeks, sliding the chair closer. “Alee, are you alright?”

She leaned her cheek a little into his palm as he wiped away some of the tears that had fallen. Alee wanted to stop crying, but she was having a difficult time convincing her body of that. She sniffled a little, nodding as she added, “I’m fine. I just...still feel a little jittery, I guess.” She paused, thinking over her decision for a long moment before she stood from her chair only to join him in his. Alee sat across his lap, the chair sturdy and comfortable enough that she figured they could stand this for a few minutes anyway. Curling herself against his chest, she let out a breath as though she hadn’t been breathing at all, “Can you just hold me? Please?”

Lennox had never been one for cuddling, but he'd found out fast that she was and he had very little say about it. Right now, though, he didn't need to be convinced, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. He took this opportunity now to touch her, stroking her curls, her back, her arms, kissing anywhere he could reach, relishing in her and the fact that she was still his. It took nearly losing her to realize how badly he wanted her, but he was relieved now that the crisis was averted.

He kissed her temple and said quietly, firmly, “You're my pretty girl, alright? I don't want anyone but you.” And he believed it.

She had been afraid that she might shrink away from his touch, but instead she relaxed into him. Every gentle tug at her curls or ghost of his hand over her back or kiss pressed to her hair just helped her to settle back into the familiarity that they’d been working on for the last few weeks. She could admit to herself now that she hadn’t wanted to lose this...it had scared her that she might. Fear sometimes worked on her in the worst way.

Alee adjusted a little so that she could see him better, “If I’m yours...you’re mine too.” That was a two way street. She leaned in, finally claiming a kiss, her heart fluttering behind her ribs. It was still going to take a little time before everything that had happened today was washed away, but she felt like that kiss brought them closer.

There was still that little prickle of fear at being tied down, but it was quieter now. He wanted this, far more than he had when they'd started. He wanted Alee, more than he wanted Nina. Nina could walk in now and offer herself and he felt confident that he would turn her down and choose Alee because at least with Alee, he was the first choice.

“I am yours,” he promised against her neck, having trailed kisses from her mouth downwards as his arms tightened around her, inhaling her unique scent of metal and hay and fall leaves and cinnamon.

As his lips wandered, she let herself enjoy it instead of pulling away. If he could forgive her brief insanity, then she could forgive him for his role in the lack of communication that had led to that insanity. The closeness helped to ground her, really. It made her feel like she was fully present again in a way that she hadn’t been before, “Can we just...go back to your cabin and share one of those really fantastic blueberry smoothie bowls you made and watch a movie?”

Lennox trailed his lips back up to hers before nodding. He stroked her curls again and answered, “I'll do you one better. I have strawberries, too.”

She sighed happily against his lips, kissing him again before she wistfully replied, “I love strawberries. I have been craving fresh fruit. I just can’t seem to get enough of it.” She pushed her own words to the back of her mind, though she knew that they likely would have no suspicious bearing on him, “I have to get up now, don’t I?”

The words didn't register anything in him except amusement. He had no reason to suspect anything. She was on the pill, after all. Instead, he only chuckled. “Yes, though you're welcome back on my lap when we get to the cabin. Speaking of which…” He shifted and pulled a key from his jeans pocket. “I’d been hoping to see you today so I could give you this.”

“You’re very comfortable,” she told him with a small grin, knowing that he tolerated her desire - her need - to cuddle even though he rarely initiated such things himself. As he held up the key, she blinked a little in surprise, not quite understanding. She reached out and gingerly took the key from him, obviously hesitant to assume too much, especially after the fiasco that had happened earlier because of her misinterpretations, she somewhat slowly asked, “This is a key to your house?”

“Yes,” he answered with a soft smile. “I wanted you to be able to stop if you got fatigued on a hike and… I might not mind if you randomly showed up from time to time.” He kissed her temple. “It scares the hell out of me, Alee, but I really do care about you very much.”

If she possessed a key, she presumably wouldn’t necessarily need to knock when she came over. He was offering to open up his home to her whenever she pleased, which really just proved that he had nothing that he wanted to hide from her. She closed her fingers around the key, leaning in to press several short, sweet kisses to his lips, punctuated with one longer one that lingered for several moments, “It scares me, too. Letting someone close...it’s not an easy thing to do when you’re not accustomed to it. I think it’s worth it, Lennox. As horrible as the rest of the day was, it’s still worth it. I’ll use this key.”

“I think so, too,” he agreed. His hands were rubbing up and down her back, tracing the curve of her spine with his fingers. A wicked grin cracked his features and he added teasingly, “You know, none of my other girlfriends have a key…” To drive home that it was merely a joke, he tickled her sides with both hands and laughed a little before kissing the tip of her nose. “C’mon, I have several pounds of fresh fruit calling your name, pretty girl.”

His joke made her narrow her eyes a little, though she was ticklish and it was near impossible for her to convincingly look serious when she was fighting off laughter, “Your other girlfriends best stay far away from me - and you - if they know what's good for them.” The warning was still playful, but she was still trying to ignore that feeling of jealousy that had pushed her over the edge earlier that day. Alee finally got to her feet with the temptation of fresh fruit in mind, but she didn't go far, “You're driving.” They could come back later for her motorcycle. Right now, she was hesitant to be far away from him, lest those unpleasant thoughts begin to creep back into her mind.

“Yes, ma'am,” he answered to both of her statements, stealing another kiss, this time on her lips, before leading the way out of the office with his arm firmly wrapped around her shoulders. He didn't usually display much affection publicly, so this was out of character, but he was feeling a need to keep her close.

She kept her arm wrapped around his waist, remaining close as they walked out of his office and towards his car. She was still unsure about what the future would hold for them, but right at that moment, she felt that it might be brighter than she had feared. If they already cared so much after just a month, she wondered where they could be if they continued to grow closer. For now, she just concerned herself with trying to relax for the rest of the afternoon. Time would prove if everything he'd said today was true. In the meantime, she was going to hold tightly to hope.