charlie parker ☆ leia organa. (alderaanian) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2020-02-13 20:13:00 |
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Charlie folded her legs beneath her in the computer chair as she sat at her desk too early on Thursday morning. 3am. That was a little better than the 2am she’d seen the night before when she’d slipped silently out of bed and spent the greater part of five hours unable to sleep. At least tonight it was only four hours with which she’d have to contend before she’d have to slip back into bed undetected before Finn awoke. Finn. She closed her eyes and let out a long, slow breath and, when she opened her eyes again, she was staring at a blinking cursor in the search bar of Google. She couldn’t decide what she wanted to search for tonight. What is the exact probability that using various methods of birth control could simultaneously fail? Is insomnia a side effect of pregnancy? I’m super fucked. Now what? But she knew the answer to each of those things. The exact probability was yes. The insomnia was her anxiety raging against going off her medication cold turkey. And now what? Now she had to figure out how to tell Finn and what to do about the fact that a positive pregnancy test hadn’t changed how much she did not want to be a mother right now. A positive pregnancy test didn’t make her feel a sudden bond with the sea monkey that was apparently in her womb. Was something wrong with her? Another question to add to the endless cycle inside her brain. A lifetime of trying to do everything right, perfect, and here she was a total mess. Her fingers closed around the handle on the top drawer as she pulled it out, once again looking at that damning test and its indication that it had come back positive. She shoved the drawer closed, wincing at the sound and hoping it hadn’t woken anyone in the neighboring bedrooms. So maybe tonight would not be spent in the office staring at a computer screen. Maybe tonight she’d go for a drive. |