tessa darling 🔥 aelin galathynius (bitchqueen) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2020-02-06 14:05:00 |
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Tessa didn’t know if her panic belonged to her, to Aelin, or to both of them, but it felt real, either way. It was astonishing to her that the carpet beneath her feet had not yet worn through where she paced as she’d been doing so for the past three hours since she’d taken the damned test. The damned positive test. She was pregnant. Pregnant. How could she be pregnant? She and Theo had been so careful. She’d never missed a dose of her birth control. She’d never imagined that she might fall into that 0.01%. So how could she be pregnant? How could six tests all come to the same conclusion? Tessa loosed a breath to steady herself, trying to keep not only her panic but her magic under control. Aelin was much better at both. The thing was, Tessa hadn’t been able to stop for a second to even figure out how she really felt about this outside of her kneejerk concern. Before she’d met Theo and fallen in love with both him and Zoe, she hadn’t wanted children of her own. She’d been happy to be the cool aunt of her sisters, knowing that both were more likely to have big families than she was. She hadn’t even been immediately certain what she wanted to be for Zoe even as she fell in love with the little family she’d found a place in. And even if her relationship with Theo’s daughter had inevitably shifted and changed into what it was now, wasn’t that still inherently different than having a baby? A baby. Fuck. Fuck. She was pregnant. A knock interrupted her thoughts. “Come in,” she called out unsteadily. She’d texted Theo and asked him to come by the townhouse when school was let out. She’d thought those three hours would last a lot longer than they actually had. She lifted her hand to her mouth and bit down nervously on her thumbnail. When was the last time she’d chewed her nails. She was a mess. A pregnant, panicked mess. Theo thought nothing of the text that Tessa sent him, inviting him over after school was out. It wasn't that uncommon of a request and he knew that his mom wouldn't mind holding onto Zoe for a little later into the evening than normal; his after school office hours meant she was picked up by her grandmother most every day, anyway. He stuck around as long as he had to, only having one student stop in to confirm the homework assignment for one of his classes, and then he was free to leave. It didn't take long for him to drive across town to Tessa's townhouse. He briefly wondered as he parked his car in the short driveway if he ought to have asked her if he should bring dinner or something else, but it was too late for that now. He could always make a run, if necessary. Theo knocked twice to announce his presence, then opened the door as soon as he heard her voice. In the time that they had been dating, he had gotten to know Tessa very well. He could read her well and see her subtle shifts in moods. This wasn't a subtle shift, though. Just looking at her, chewing on her thumbnail, something he had never witnessed her indulge in, had him immediately concerned. His expression changed from the easy smile he normally gave her to one of worry. Theo's mind started to race through potential worst case scenarios as he asked, "What's wrong? Did something happen?" Tessa was simultaneously relieved and...not to see Theo, the latter solely because three hours had not been nearly enough time to find her words. She'd been preoccupied with worry and less important things like having Jules clear her schedule for the remainder of the afternoon. But now he was here and it took all of her strength to not let the relief of his presence wash over her and out of her in tears. But no. No, she would not cry no matter how terrifying this was. More than Celaena Sardothien, more than Aelin Ashryver Galythinius, she was Tessa Fucking Darling and she could do this. She could suck it up, tell the man she loved what was going on, and figure it the hell out. There was nothing, nothing in this world that she couldn't do and if she could help build a fashion empire from the ground up, she could sure as hell stand up straight and say the words. "Nothing's wrong," she started and surprised herself with the truth of it. She took a deep breath. "But six out of six pregnancy tests agree that I'm pregnant." Theo didn't know what he had been expecting. Perhaps something had happened to one of her family members or there was an issue with some design that she had been working on for a client or something else work related. On the list of things that could have possibly happened to have her even a little out of sorts, her being pregnant had to have been last. He'd had this conversation before, of course. The situation had been similar, but so very different. He and Theresa had been married, but young and not even remotely financially secure. He was older now and had something of a savings, with a career that he was established in. He had been a father for nearly six years, all but a month of that time spent as a single father, at that. He loved Tessa and thought that he would have liked adding to their family with her if she wanted, but also knowing that he would have been perfectly content with the three of them, too. It all laid for what was a calm foundation -- and yet, it didn't change the fact that this was so incredibly unexpected. It took a few seconds for Theo's mind to catch up with what it was Tessa was saying. Once it did, he blinked rapidly, brow furrowing before he repeated hesitantly, "... pregnant?" It wasn't a very inspired response and he knew he could do better. Trying to rein himself in, he took a step toward Tessa, reaching a hopefully comforting hand towards her. "I'd ask if you're sure, but six tests seem pretty indicative." Without having to even consider it, Tessa took his hand and it did offer some comfort to feel that solid, tangible evidence that he was there and that he wasn’t backing away to make his escape. “I bought the one test thinking I was just being paranoid. I mean, flu season is still in full effect and I forgot to get a flu shot this year. And when that one came back positive, I went and bought the rest of the tests on the shelf at Wilkerson’s which was somehow only five and they all came back positive, too.” She’d been thorough. As thorough as she’d been in always refilling and remembering to take her contraceptive. Yet somehow here they were. “I’m trying really hard not to freak out here, Theo. It’s honestly a miracle that I haven’t scorched anything.” Theo listened intently as Tessa spoke, his fingers gently lacing through hers where their hands were already linked. It was when she talked about scorching something that he reached for her other hand, without any hesitation or second thought. "I'm right here." He was surprised by how even his voice was when he spoke, sounding much more confident than he thought he might. Then again, it wasn't too surprising; Theo was, if anything, steadfastly loyal to his loved ones. Tessa had been counted among those for a very long time now. It felt important to remind her of that, to make sure she understood that he wasn't going anywhere. "I know that this is... very big. It's huge, I know. It's pretty scary, too. But I'm right here and I'm always going to be right here." He let his fingers squeeze gently around hers. "We're going to figure this out together." Tessa nodded along, her eyes falling to their joined hands as she took another step closer to her boyfriend. “I just...don’t want to force you into this, Theo. I love you and I love us and I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about this and I don’t want to force you into being ready for this.” "I don't expect you to know how you feel about this," Theo replied gently, lifting one pair of their joined hands so he could press hers to his chest, right at his heart. "I don't know how I feel about this either. It's a lot. I assumed if we ever ended up in this position, it would have been after a lot of conversation and planning." He smiled softly at that, dipping his head to look at her, but not doing anything to try to lift her gaze, not until she was ready. "But I'm with you. Whatever choice is made, we'll do it together. I'm not going anywhere." Tessa took one deep breath and then another, finally steeling herself to look up and meet Theo’s gaze. He was so...steady. Beautiful and remarkable and steady. She allowed herself a moment to let the panic that had slipped past her resolve to settle back down before she said, “It’s not about not knowing what choice I want to make, it’s not. It’s not even the thought of children. I love Zoe. You know I do. I love my nieces. I love Ella.” She swallowed, pressing her lips together. “It’s just--” she paused, trying to find the right words. “It’s just that this feels different. Oh, god, this feels really big, Theo. Like bigger than anything I’ve ever done before. Bigger than owning a company, or falling in love, or...fuck, bigger than being able to set the world on fire.” "It's big," Theo agreed, because he had never lied to Tessa before and he surely wasn't going to start lying to her now. He was managing to remain steady, which was better than he'd have expected of himself. But he had done very much the same the first time he'd had this conversation with Theresa; they were two very different women, but they were both very much loved by Theo and, just as he had tried to keep his panic at bay to be there for Theresa, he was doing the same now with Tessa. It wasn't the same kind of panic, but to have something so big -- as both of them were realizing it was so big -- bring monumental change into one's life, a little panic was expected. But, he could be steady for her. He would be steady for her. "It's very big," Theo continued, taking one of his hands to brush her hair gently behind one ear, then cup her cheek. "But this isn't something you'll be in alone. Besides me, you've got your sisters and friends. My family, too. And I know that knowing that doesn't make the worry and anxiety just up and vanish, but it's important to consider, I think." He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Tessa's forehead. Tessa wrapped her arms around Theo's waist and leaned into him, allowing herself to draw assurance from him. She closed her eyes and breathed in the familiar woodsy scent of him. "What comes next?" She asked, hoping that maybe the fact that he'd at least done this before have he'd have an answer she could tether herself to. "Well," Theo started, his arms falling securely around Tessa as naturally as can be. He thought back to the first time he went through all of this -- so different, yet somehow the same. "If you haven't already, you'll want to make an appointment with a doctor. They'll be able to confirm with their own test what's going on, figure out a due date, all of that." He let his head tip forward, his lips pressing to her forehead once more. "I'll come with you, if you don't mind." Tess nodded. “Of course. I think I need you to come with me, if I’m honest. I mean, I could do this without you and I would if I had to, but I don’t want to.” "Then I'll be there." Theo couldn't imagine being anywhere else, wanting to do nothing else but support her however he was able. This was definitely a situation that took two to get into and he wasn't going to let her do it without him -- even if he had just as much confidence that she'd be able to do it, like she'd said. Theo smoothed over Tessa's hair with one hand, giving her a little smile. "That's step one. There are a lot more steps after, but we can handle it. I'm sure of it." |