WHO: Jules Hart, with NPC!Ella Hart WHEN: Evening of November 15 WHERE: Their home SUMMARY: Jules thinks back on everything she had done to reach this point, then has a short conversation with her daughter about what she wants. WARNINGS: Teenage pregnancy, Jules's parents being crappy at parenting
When Jules finally sat down, it was with a weariness that she hadn't felt in a very long time.
She had a hard time feeling sorry for herself, however. The situation that she found herself in was a difficult one, there was no denying that, but it was a situation of her own making. It could have been entirely preventable, had the girl that she had been at sixteen not made so many of the decisions that she had made, had she not allowed so many others to make those decisions for her -- had the woman that she had eventually grown up to be hadn't continued those decisions well into adulthood.
Reaching for her glass of wine, Jules took a slow sip before she slumped back into her chair. Closing her eyes, she could so easily find herself back in 2007, only a month off from the anniversary of the night that she had broken down and told her mother and step-father that she was pregnant. She could see their livid faces, hear their cruel and angry words, and feel her step-father's fingers dig into her arm as he dragged her through the house and quite literally tossed her out onto the front porch, her mother doing nothing to stop him. It had been snowing in St. Louis and she'd been wearing nothing more than pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt that she'd taken from Gabe. Her stocking feet had been near frozen by the time she had walked to her best friend's house.
Jules had known that her parents would be upset, but she had never imagined that they would react that way. These were the people who had told her each night before bed that they loved her. These were the people who had fed and clothed her. These were the people who had claimed that they would be there for her, always.
But they were also the people who had cast her aside as soon as she didn't fit the picture of what they wanted their family to look like.
"Mama?"
Ella's voice at the doorway stirred Jules from her memories, making her straighten her spine as she looked over to her daughter. She smiled, albeit a small one, and set her wine aside. "Hey, baby girl," she replied, gesturing for her to sit down next to her on the couch.
Ella complied, taking a spot on the cushion right next to Jules. She seemed to hesitate just a moment, then kicked her long legs up onto the rest of the couch beside her before leaning into her mother's side. Admittedly, Jules felt a surge of relief at the gesture; to say that the atmosphere had been strained in the Hart home since the Shaws had come to town would have been vastly underselling it. Though she had always been relatively honest with Ella regarding her father and where she had come from, she knew it had never really been enough.
Jules let one of her arms snake around the girl, her fingers moving to smooth out her curls when Ella spoke. "Can I ask you something?"
"Always." The answer came without hesitation, just as it always did when Ella asked it. Even though Jules knew that the question would almost certainly be a difficult one, she wouldn't deny Ella of answers.
Ella hesitated, as though considering before she asked, "Why didn't you tell him about me?"
That was the question, wasn't it? At sixteen, Jules had been convinced that Gabriel Shaw was her always and forever. They had been joined at the hip since they were kids and the transition that they'd had from just friends to a relationship had been both gradual and inevitable. He was good to her, kind and loving in a way that she now realized she had been missing from her family. She tried her best to give him all that he gave her, though she never was sure if she gave enough.
And, in the end, she really hadn't. After having her parents react the way they did, Jules had been so scared that Gabe would do the same that she simply didn't give him the chance. She left, before he could leave her.
"I was scared," Jules said, the answer as honest as ever. "I was scared that if I told him about you, he wouldn't want anything to do with either of us." She paused, pulling in a slow breath before admitting, "I was wrong to do that, Ella."
Jules had known that from the moment she'd first laid eyes on Ella. As she'd held that tiny little bundle of blankets and perfection to her chest, her heart ached. Her grandmother was there, but it was Gabe that she wanted. It was Gabe that should have been there. But, she didn't call that phone number she had memorized before she'd even known her own, so worried as to what he might say. As technology became more readily available, she didn't look him up on Facebook. By the time it got easier to find someone on the internet, it had felt like it had been too long. She told herself that she'd do it eventually. Someday she would tell him, when the time was right. She hadn't expected that he would be the one to find her.
A silent moment passed before Ella stirred, looking up to Jules. "I really like him. He seems really nice."
Jules wasn't surprised by the admission. She had watched from afar as the two began to interact, not wanting to interfere or really look at Gabe for longer than she had to out of fear of what the ache in her heart and guilt might do it her, but she knew her daughter. Ella had been hesitant at first, but it hadn't taken long for her shoulders to relax. There had been an ease about her when she talked about him, growing with every day that passed. It was good and Jules was glad.
"He is," Jules replied, fingers pulling into Ella's hair again. At least, he was when she had known him. She didn't think that had changed. "Do you want to keep seeing him?"
There was no hesitation as Ella nodded. "I really do, Mama."
Jules turned her head, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to the top of Ella's. Her life had been full of routine and order before this week had started. She woke, made breakfast, took Ella to school, worked, picked Ella up, and they ate dinner. There was always variation, but it was neat. Very rarely was there anything truly unexpected -- nothing that she couldn't handle, at least.
But then this week had happened. The normal that she'd known would return in its own way, but it would be different. There would need to be set schedules for visits. Decisions on who would spend holidays and birthdays with her. There could even be custody arrangements at a legal level, if that was something that Gabe pushed for. All of it terrified Jules to the core, particularly the thought that she could lose Ella herself, but she would do whatever it took to make her daughter happy. She would put up with the discomfort that she felt with Gabe, if it meant her daughter would be able to have exactly what she wanted from her father.
"Okay, baby girl," Jules murmured. "Then that's what we'll do."