WHO: Eve and Niall Malone WHEN: Evening of October 25 WHERE: Their home SUMMARY: Eve and Niall talk about the parts of their other lives that are missing in Dunhaven and make a decision about their future. WARNINGS: None BINGO PROMPT: All's well that ends well to end up with you Â
"I want to stay with you forever. Daddy -- Mommy!"
Asuna didn't know in that moment what broke her heart more. The words themselves, which seemed to be pulled from Yui almost reluctantly, as though she didn't actually want to voice them at all, or the way she reached out toward Kirito, her tears streaming down her face but evaporating into nothing before fell from her cheeks. It didn't matter which was the cause of the emotions that were surging through her in that moment, though; all Asuna knew was that Yui -- her daughter, no matter how short a time she had been in their lives and no matter what sort of program she was that made her exist at all in the first place -- was hurting and she would do anything to stop that.
A sob of her own escaped Asuna just seconds before she hurried forward, her arms moving to wrap around Yui and pull her close. Gone were the thoughts of clearing the game or the front lines or even the guild. All she cared about was Yui and the family that the three of them had made. "You will. We'll be together forever, Yui."
"Yeah," Kirito agreed, moving to complete the family embrace, Asuna feeling as his own arms came around herself and Yui. "Remember, you're our child."
It was a good moment, one that Asuna was sure they would have plenty more together, until Yui spoke more truth. "It's too late."
Asuna moved as one with Kirito, giving Yui more space as he asked, "For what?"
Listening as Yui explained the circumstances of how she had been able to save Asuna and Kirito from the monster that had been so close to killing them both with the console she was currently sitting on, Asuna felt the panic begin to rise. It wasn't until Yui said, "I'll probably be deleted at once," that she reacted, though, standing with a gasp and an emotional, "Oh no!" as Kirito expressed his disbelief in hope that they could do something to stop such a permanent end.
Yui didn't bother entertaining any other options, instead looking up with a smile behind her tears. "Daddy, Mommy -- thank you. This is goodbye."
It only took a few seconds for the words to sink in and Asuna immediately felt as though her heart was breaking into pieces. With a sob, she rushed forward once more arms around Yui. "No, I don't want that! Stay with us," she pleased, her eyes closed tight and doing little to stem her tears. "Please stay! We just started living like a real family."
Her words, nor Kirito's similar plea asking her not to go, could only do so much, though, as Asuna felt and watched Yui begin to light up, the deletion that she had warned them about obviously happening in that very moment.
"Whenever the two of you are around, you have a way of making people smile," Yui said. "From now on, and for me, please continue my work. Keep helping people. Share your happiness with all of them."
"I can't, I won't!" Asuna sobbed, clinging to Yui tighter than ever, as though that would change anything that the system was doing to her. "You have to stay with us! I can't be happy without you!"
As she cried, Asuna felt Yui raise her hand and press it to her cheek. "Smile, Mommy." And then, when she opened her eyes, all she saw was the remnants of her daughter, bits of data that had once been whole and real in her arms now sparkling as the system deleted her.
Before anything else could happen in Aincrad, Eve woke with a gentle start. Her eyes took a long moment to adjust to the dark of the bedroom, slow understanding registering in her mind that the sleeping form that she was looking at belonged to Niall, not Kirito. What truly brought her back to herself, though, was the shifting of Yui, of the dog variety, as she stretched from where she had been curled up at the foot of the bed and took slow, sleepy steps up the mattress, between her parents. With a soft huff, Yui flopped back down, her small body pressing into Eve's chest.
As Eve let her fingers bury into Yui's fur, she took the chance and let her thoughts linger back on everything she had just experienced. It wasn't the first time that she had seen those events play out. It wasn't even the second or third. The first time had left her crippled with sorrow as deep as what Asuna had felt, even after Kirito had created Yui's heart -- bringing answers to a mystery she and Niall had been wondering about, ever since Eve had bought the necklace that now hung around her own neck. Even then, she felt Asuna's pain as thoroughly as though it was her own, because it was her own.
Though Eve knew that it wouldn't be the last time that Asuna and Kirito would see Yui, the latter having taken precautions to ensure that they would see her again in some capacity, it didn't erase the longing. They had even found Yui in their own way in the world she existed in with Niall, the Yui that was cuddled up next to her so uncannily and almost eerily similar to the Yui from Sword Art Online, despite being a dog. As good as it was and as much as she knew they both loved their dog, Eve knew it wasn't the same as being able to talk and laugh with her, to see her experience new things or actually hear mommy and daddy from her.
Eventually, Eve did drift off to sleep once more. When she woke, Yui was still right next to her. She and Niall fell into their morning routine, even if she did find it a bit harder than usual to go their separate ways, their goodbye kiss a bit more lingering than usual before she let him leave for his office and she took off for a day of manning the food truck.
Soon enough, though, evening arrived. Dinner -- a comfort food meal of fried chicken and pretty amazing mashed potatoes, if Eve did say so herself -- had been eaten, leaving the two of them on the couch and rewatching an old anime, rather than anything new they had added to their Netflix queue. Eve was barely paying attention, even if her eyes were on the screen as she sprawled on the couch, leaning back against Niall as her fingers stroked through the fur of a very content Yui, who was comfortable on Eve's stomach.
Finally, something seemed to snap within Eve. She never lasted long when she was in one of these quiet moods, the comfort and support she received from Niall too tempting to deprive herself but so long. Reaching out with her free hand, she found the remote on the coffee table and pressed pause. Twisting, she looked up at her husband. "Can I ask you something?"
Niall, who'd become accustomed to reading Eve like his favorite well-read book even before they'd owned up to their feelings for one another, had been waiting for this question. He'd seen her retreating into herself that morning and he'd picked up on all the tell-tale signs throughout the day. Though it was his instinct to immediately push for whatever was bothering his wife so that he could try to fix it, Niall had learned to step back and just offer the comfort of his presence until she'd worked through her thoughts. When she was ready, she always found him.
Looking down at her, he lifted a hand to brush her hair back. “What’s up?”
Eve hesitated before answering, not out of a fear of voicing her thoughts or a reticence in opening up to Niall, but simply because she wanted to voice her thoughts properly. She took her time to turn, bringing Yui with her and letting her reposition into her lap as she did so, until Eve was full facing Niall, her legs thrown over his lap. It hadn't given her much extra time to consider anything at all, really, but it did mean she could look at him more easily and that did wonders to any sort of anxiety she might have felt over what had been bothering her all day.
"I know that we've talked about her a lot," Eve started, reaching for one of his hands to let her fingers graze along his knuckles and palm in idle exploration that gave her one more point of contact to ease her mind, "but I had a... dream last night and it's just had me thinking about Yui all day." Her brow furrowed for just a moment before she admitted, "That isn't really a question, I guess, but I think that I just needed to say it out loud, that I miss her so much, you know?"
Sobering at Eve’s words, Niall instinctively wrapped his arms more tightly around her and held her against him, taking comfort in the warmth and nearness of her. “I miss her, too, Eve. Every day. Sometimes it’s hard to wrap my head around that considering that we’re as much not them as we are them, but I do.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Do you want to tell me about the dream? Maybe it would help if we talk about her more.”
Eve turned in a bit closer to Niall, Yui jumping from her lap to make herself on the other end of the couch, and let her head rest against his shoulder. "It was when we had to say goodbye to her," she explained, knowing that she wouldn't have to go into much detail for him to fill in the blanks. "And I know that it isn't forever," she continued, her fingers rising to toy with the teardrop pendant that hung on her necklace, "but it hurts so much. They hardly had a chance to be the family they wanted to be, you know?"
Niall knew that memory all too well. He’d had it more than a few times himself. The necklace that now perpetually hung around Eve’s neck seemed larger between them, a tangible reminder of all that they had lost even while they had gained so much. He lifted a hand to brush his fingers over her ear as he said, “I know. It wasn’t fair. Most of it wasn’t fair but Yui, perhaps especially so.”
He caught himself lingering over thoughts of her sometimes, usually when he least expected it. While he always missed her, it was in those moments that the Yui-shaped hole felt especially hollowed out. “Do you ever wonder if we might have her here with us one day?” he asked, voice quiet and contemplative. He’d have loved to see any of their friends from that world. He’d have given anything to see his sister again, even if he’d been hesitant to say that out loud. But Yui...oftentimes it felt like their family needed her in much the same way they’d needed her there.
As Eve listened and considered Niall's words, she tipped her head to the side, her cheek meeting his fingers that had been at her ear. She had asked herself that question time and again -- and not only when she'd seen Yui in her dreams. After hanging out with Alee and Adelaide or babysitting for Hope, she'd feel that piece of her missing as she drove home or after one of her sister-in-laws took her niece to their own home. Parents would come to the food truck with their kids all of the time and she'd find her heart skipping in her chest when she saw a girl with the same dark hair or eyes. She was so happy for her friend and even the complete strangers that they had beautiful families, but it didn't stop her from thinking about how theirs was missing someone.
And so, when she answered her husband, it was with a sigh and a very honest, "All the time, Niall." Her own hand lifted to find his, fingers ghosting over his knuckles. "I don't know how many times I went back to that post on the network where people were saying who they were dreaming about, just hoping to see her name."
Niall let out a small breath, his fingers stalling for a moment before resuming their movement. “If I’m honest, I try not to look too often if I can help it. It’s like every time I see that the names I really want to see aren’t there, it hurts all over again. Like I have to resort to the same sort of compartmentalization I had to in Aincrad.” He closed his eyes and took another deep breath before looking at his wife again. “It helps me to focus on what we have here, even though I miss her, and them, all the time.”
"We do have a lot of really good things here," Eve said, one of her hands reaching up to brush the tips of her fingers gently along Niall's jaw. She latched onto the thought easily, though she didn't know if it was for her sake or his; the thought of Niall hurting in any way, especially in this way that she understood so thoroughly, was enough to make her stomach twist. "And as easy as it is to get caught up in what's missing, thinking about the good things helps me, too."
Because they did have a lot of really good things. They had their siblings and friends. His business was doing great and she was transitioning into a new sort of career herself. They had found each other, largely in thanks to her brother for having found Niall through gaming in the first place, and they would always have each other.
"And," she continued, all those thoughts on her mind, "we have a lot of really good things to look forward to here." Her hand moved, taking his so she could press a gentle kiss to his knuckles. "That's something to focus on, too."
Niall smiled, a soft laugh escaping, as he asked, “You mean like more dogs?” He knew very well that she likely didn’t mean dogs, but he couldn’t help but to tease her, if only to make this conversation feel marginally less heavy than it did.
"I always mean more dogs," Eve replied with a teasing grin in return, his smile and laugh like a balm to her heart. "And also cats and maybe a guinea pig and an iguana and a handful of goldfish."
That was quite the menagerie she was imagining for themselves, but it wasn't what she was really hoping for in their future. Though she might never say no to another dog and still had that desire for a cat on her goals for 2019, thoughts of Yui always brought her back to one thought: their family. Not just the family that they had brought together when they had exchanged vows; the Malones and Ritters had always been a special sort of family on their own and hadn't needed legal ties to make them so.
"But," she continued, releasing his hand to reach out once more to graze her fingers over his cheek, "also, you know... maybe kids, eventually. Our own, I mean." She hesitated a moment before continuing, "I don't know if we'll ever see Yui here, but we do have the chance to have our own family here, one that we'd make together." She tipped her head to the side, leaning her cheek against the back cushion of the couch as she gave Niall a small smile. "That's something to look forward to."
Niall felt something flutter inside of him at the idea of adding to family he'd begun to build with this woman. His wife. His best friend. The only party member he'd ever truly wanted. A slow, lazy smile began spreading infectiously across his lips as he said, "Eventually. How eventually, you think?" Because he did want to look forward to that future. He wanted it more than he'd ever known he would and talking about it right now as though it were inevitable, a when and not an if, was probably the best distraction from what they didn't have that they could possibly come up with.
Tilting his chin down, Niall leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his wife's lips. He could miss the things from his dreams, but what they had right here would always be enough.
Eve's hand shifted as Niall moved forward, her fingers lacing into the hair at the back of his neck as she held him in place long enough to let that kiss linger. It was hard to do anything else after seeing how that smile had taken over his face. She could read her husband as easily as she could a gaming guide or a recipe and she knew without him saying as much that they were on the same page when it came to their future and the family that would come with it. They'd talked about it before, of course, but that had been before, when eventually felt very far off. Now, though, she wasn't so sure it was so far away.
Breaking the kiss -- and then leaning in for one more soft brush of her lips to his -- she looked up at Niall with a small smile. "I love our family just like this, with the two of us and our dog," she said, glancing down toward where their little ball of fluff was sleeping soundly at the end of the couch. "But I would love it if we decided to build on it, too. I feel ready for that, if it happened."
Niall nodded along in agreement. If it was always just the two of them and their dog, he would be content but that didn’t mean he didn’t want an alternate option for their future, too. “I feel ready for that, too. Is that...something you want to try for now? Or something you just want on the table for the future?”
Eve considered his questions for a moment, reaching out once more to brush her fingers along his jaw, unwilling to let go of that connection to him. It was almost impossible to consider that they were even having this conversation, if only because her life had looked so utterly different only two years before. Noah and Niall had only just moved to Dunhaven, though she had already found herself trying to unravel and navigate the complicated feelings the latter made her feel. Now they were sitting on their couch in their home that they lived together as a married couple, discussing the possibility of having children. It was amazing in all the best ways.
"What if we just let it happen?" Eve asked. "I don't necessarily want us to put a lot of pressure on ourselves or follow a schedule around my body's cycles or whatever, at least not at first." She smiled, shrugging once. "What if I just stop taking birth control and we just... let it happen, if it happens?"
If possible, Niall found himself grinning wider. Just let it happen. When it was supposed to happen it would. He’d never been exceptionally great at sitting back and letting things happen whenever they wanted to, but he had a feeling that this was one thing he could get behind doing just that. “I think,” he started, pausing before taking that next step, “that’s a really good idea. I want all of it with you, Eve. And even if it doesn’t happen in a year or ten, and even if it doesn’t happen exactly the way we picture it, I want whatever it looks like with you. So let’s start there. I’m in.”
Eve didn't think there were words to describe just how it felt seeing Niall smile like that and hearing him say exactly that. Her heart felt full, impossibly so. It wasn't that strange of a feeling in conjunction with her husband, but it left her no less set on remembering just how this moment felt, the moment when they decided to let themselves start a family together, however it happened.
Straightening up, Eve leaned in to steal a kiss. She stayed close after it ended, smiling as she said, "I love you, Niall." Her voice was thick, laced with more emotions than she could count. "Thank you for finding me."
Niall returned the kiss and, with as much confidence and assurance as he could possibly muster, he said, “I will always find you.”