All right, Dunhaven. I was told by one of my cousins that this town social media thing is real and not just some elaborate joke by the powers that be, so I'm here to check it out, see what's going on, investigate the haps, and whatever other things the kids are saying these days. (I'm not sure they ever said any of those things, honestly.)
Anyway, hey. I'm back. What have I missed? I want to know it all.