sydney sage 🌸 vampire academy (melbourne) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2019-08-11 17:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, * emily, * kit, c: connor reed, c: sofia nichols |
WHO: Sofia Nichols & Connor Reed
WHEN: Sunday, August 11, 2019; Late Evening
WHERE: University of Dunhaven
SUMMARY: Sofia's getting supplies for her pity party and ends up finding an unexpected guest of honor.
WARNINGS: None, really. Discussion of the symptoms of BPD.
Thunder clapped overhead followed by a flash of lightning as rain poured down in sheets over Dunhaven. Connor walked down the side of the road in the midst of it all, utterly indifferent, if soaked to the bone--and drunk. He’d been at a party with some old high school friends, and when Connor suddenly wanted to leave, he’d done just that--without even bothering to tell anyone. There was no one he really wanted to go home with, and no one who was in any better shape to drive, anyway, and so he decided to just walk home, irregardless of the weather and distance. Connor found it all oddly soothing, truth be told. The rain cleared his head, but not so much that he lost that relaxed buzz. Pausing, Connor tilted his face back to let the rain hit it head on, grinning as it did. Sofia was not the biggest fan of thunderstorms. They were fine when she was safely inside, but it wasn’t her preference to go out in them if she could help it. Apparently, that night, she couldn’t help it. It had been a few weeks since Eli had dropped the bomb on her that he was going to build a new house for him, Caty, and the baby and, while she understood the decision and had even expected it, she found herself randomly and on the odd occasion feeling sorry for herself. When she was feeling particularly sorry for herself, she needed cake, and the only place she knew to get cake that late at night was at J’s. So she’d gone out in the thunderstorm and picked up the most sugary, processed, frosted cake she could find at the convenient store and decided that, just this once, the calories wouldn’t count. She was on her way back to the house--where she was hoping to sneak in and into her bedroom with the cake without running into Eli for fear that he’d know what the cake meant--when she came upon the figure walking along the sidewalk. He was dressed too darkly to be immediately noticeable, though that may have had a lot to do with the fact that he was drenched. She might had mentally chided the stranger for his lack of proper nightwear, but then she noticed his familiar features and realized who it was. Brow furrowed in concern, she pulled her car up beside him and rolled down her window. “Connor? What are you doing?” At the sound of his name, Connor turned toward the car that had pulled alongside him. He had to squint and shield his forehead from the relentless rain before he could see that it was Sofia. He grinned some more at the sight of her. "Just walking home," he told her plainly, "How about you?" Sofia raised a brow at his nonchalance. Why on Earth someone would want to walk home in this storm was beyond her. “Just driving home,” she replied, pressing her lips together for only a moment before she added, “do you want a ride back to your place?” She wasn’t crazy about the idea of soaking her seats, but she didn’t think Connor really needed to be walking in this mess. What if he got struck by lightning? It was possible. “Actually, I’m insisting that I give you a ride,” she amended, pressing the unlock button on her door. “Get in.” Connor flashed a lopsided grin as he leaned into the window. "Are you kidnapping me?" he asked. Sofia tilted her head to the side and shrugged. “Twenty-seven percent of kidnappings are done by non-family people you know, so there’s a chance that I could be. Want to risk it?” Connor laughed--she would know something like that. Leaning his forearms against the window, Connor scrunched his face up into a contemplative expression, "I don't know...could be fun," he grinned, then fumbled with the door handle a few times before he finally managed to open it and slink into the car. Once Connor was safely in the car, Sofia rolled the window up as though the passenger side of her car wasn’t already as wet as it was going to get. She took in the way he’d fumbled at the door, and the serene look on his face and the faint smell of alcohol that clung to him and realized he must have come from a party, or something like it. Was that why he’d thought it was a good idea to walk through town in a thunderstorm? With a sigh, she asked, “Are you sure you want me to take you home to the mayor’s house right now?” She didn’t know his mom all that well, but she imagined him walking in drunk wasn’t going to be his mom’s favorite way to find him. “Or is there anywhere else you want to go?” Connor blinked at the reference to the mayor before he realized, oh, right, his mom. He was processing things more slowly, which was one of the things he liked best about being drunk--things in his brain slowed down a bit. He considered it. His parents might be out, but more likely in this weather they were home watching TV or napping. He would undoubtedly disturb that peace; they would want to know why he was so wet, for starters, and it would only get harder to act sober the more questions they asked. "Hmmm…" Connor considered, "I am taking a summer class, so I could go to my dorm," he said, "Yeah, that would probably be better." “That’s probably a wise choice,” Sofia replied with a small smile. They weren’t terribly far from campus at that point, so she easily rerouted her path to take Connor back to the dorms. She remembered which one he lived in thanks to it having been dropped in conversation at some point over the past months and, as she was a sponge for information, she’d retained it. She hoped he wouldn’t ask, though, because most people found her affinity for facts more off putting than impressive. As they pulled into the parking lot, Sofia turned off the car and said, “I should make sure you get to your room okay. Just in case a non-family non-acquaintance tries to kidnap you, or you get struck by lightning between here and there.” She hated the idea of just leaving him to his own devices, some deeply-rooted part of her feeling overly protective of her friend. Connor didn't think much about Sofia knowing where his dorm was; in fact, he'd rested his head against the cool glass window, closing his eyes to the sound of the rain pattering against the car as they pulled into the parking lot. Closing his eyes, even if briefly, only served to make his head spin, and when he opened them as the car jolted to a stop, the outside world was spinning a little bit too. He smiled but said, "Nah, that's okay, I don't want to hold you up more than I have," he said as he struggled to get a good grip on the door handle and finally stumbled out of the car. "Plus, I'm probably just going to get sick," he admitted. Sofia pulled the keys out of the ignition and, looking longingly at the cake in her backseat, decided that it could wait. She was going to feel even worse than sorry for herself if she just left Connor like this. Quickly, she opened her own door and got out of the car, immediately getting pelted by the relentless rain. She locked the door behind her and hurried to Connor’s side, wrapping an arm around his waist to steady him. “C’mon. My only plans were to go home and lament over the fact that it’s not going to be my home for much longer. Let me do this. You’ll be doing me a favor.” Sofia's arm around his waist steadied him, and also caused a jolt of…something in his stomach that he didn't want to think about. Still, he couldn't help leaning into her a bit, though that may have just been from the way the sidewalk was tilting. "Why's it not going to be your home much longer?" Connor asked, reaching into his pocket for his student ID and pressing it up against the keypad. He pulled the door open for the two of them to enter. Sofia already felt better that Connor wasn't fighting her about this. She'd have gone home and worried about him all night if he hadn't let her help. They were friends, weren't they? Or at least he was her friend even if she got the vague impression that he wasn't as into their friendship as she was based on the radio silence she often got from him between times that she managed to get going to hang out with her. Either way, she cared about him and caring about someone meant always wanting them to be okay, didn't it? She reached her free hand out behind them to catch the door and ease it close before letting him lead them forward. "My brother and his girlfriend are having a baby," she said with a small shrug, "so he's building a new house for them. I know I can't afford to buy his house now, or even rent it according to true market value, and I don't want him to undercut prices for my sake, even though I know that he would. So I guess I'm going to have to find somewhere else to live that I can afford. Maybe the dorms. I don't know, I have until December to figure it out." Connor frowned, "That sucks--not about the baby," he clarified quickly, "That'd great for them--and you're gonna be an aunt! But having to find somewhere else to live sucks," he said as they walked up the stairs to his dorm. "The dorms aren't so bad though….they'rr convenient, and for me I mean...I obviously don't need one, but it's nice to just…..have some space, you know," he said, fumbling in his pocket for his keys, only to drop them as soon as he got a hold on them. Connor reached down for them, but the rush of blood to the head made him stumble. Sofia quickly crouched down and grabbed the keys before helping steady Connor and right him on his feet. "Here, let me," she said trying a couple of keys before finding the one for his dorm and unlocking it. As she stepped in and felt along the wall for the light switch, she said, "But yeah. It's hard to be too bummed when I know it's because of things that make my brother really happy. And I am really excited about my first niece, and I'm also happy about having something to look forward to in December for a change." She found the light and flipped it on, keeping her hand on Connor's arm. "Hey, maybe we'll be neighbors," she smiled. Connor flashes a lopsided grin as he stepped into his dorm, "I would like that," he told her. The dorm was cluttered, but mostly with his artwork than any true unmentionables; sketches--some finished and some abandoned--paints and pastels and charcoals were lying about where he left them after moving from project to project. There was a stack of completed canvasses on the desk and a nearly complete charcoal drawing up on an easel. Connor laid down on the bed and slowly kicked his shoes off. "So the baby is due in December?" he asked. "Why do you usually not look forward to that month?" For a moment, Sofia smiled to herself while she took in the details of his room that were just so…him. It was a rare look into the person she was so sure he was when he wasn't busy being who he was around everyone else. She loved his art and might have stepped forward to study the canvas on the easel had she not been distracted by his question. Hesitating briefly, Sofia moved to sit on the edge of the bed and said, "That's when our mom died. It's never been the same since." "Oh, shit," Connor frowned, "I'm sorry," he said, then paused for a moment, letting the quiet soothe the moment, "It will be nice to have a new birthday in that month," he said after a beat. "No, it's okay," Sofia replied, quiet. It wasn't necessarily okay in that there was never a day that passed that she didn't wish that things were different, but she didn't expect everyone to know, or even understand, why she wished she could just skip winter altogether. Winter just reminded her of hospitals and chemo, broken promises and the buzzing numbness of funerals that didn't feel possible. "Hey, is there anything I can do for you? Are you still feeling like you might be sick?" "No," Connor said somewhat hesitantly, as if trying to determine what he felt--his head was pounding, and now that the initial high was wearing off, the inevitable low was starting to set in--but Connor knew well enough by now that that wasn't something he could throw up. "I don't think so," he concluded, leaving out the finer details, "But maybe some water?" Sofia nodded. "I can do that. Where are your cups?" She asked, standing up and looking around the room. "Or…is there a vending machine on this floor?" But then her eyes fell on the small refrigerator near the sink and she opened it, not paying too close attention to what else was in it as she grabbed a half full bottle of water from inside. Sitting back down on the bed, she uncapped it and held it out to him. "Did you have a good time tonight at least?" "Thanks," Connor said, taking a few lengthy gulps of it. He considered her question--there was an instinctual part of him that wanted to lie and keep up this facade that he was always having fun all of the time, but ...maybe he was just tried and didn't want to pretend, or maybe it was that he didn't want to pretend with Sofia, because he said, "Not really...that's sort of why I left," he paused, trying to figure out why he hadn't had a good time, "I don't know. It was with some people I knew in high school, and I think….I think I just don't like them anymore," he admitted. Frowning, Sofia said, "I think that happens sometimes, but I want you to call me next time, okay? I'll drop whatever I'm doing to give you a ride home from somewhere you don't want to be anymore. Or," she hesitated, feeling more self-conscious than she wanted to admit, "someone. It doesn't have to be me if you'd rather not call me. I'm just saying, the offer is an open one." And then, reaching out and touching his wrist, she said, "I'm sorry you didn't have a good time." Connor smiled, "I know you would," he said, "But honestly, my phone died. I was kind of a mess tonight, " he said. When Sofia touched his wrist, he felt that all through his body in a way that was disconcerting. He knew he should probably tell her not to touch him, because she didn't know what it meant to him when she did it, but...tonight, he just didn't feel like it. He liked her hand there. So he just shrugged, "It's okay." His words broke Sofia's heart, just a little bit. He just sounded so…something she couldn't quite put her finger on. It reminded her of the day she'd picked him up in DC. She hadn't thought about that day in awhile, mostly because it made her uncomfortable to remember how much it had hurt to find him in the state he'd been in when she'd had no right to feel hurt in the first place. He'd been so…unhappy, when he'd tried to explain to her where his head was, though, and she wondered if he was still stuck in that place. "Would you want to talk me through it, maybe?" Connor bit his lip, thinking--it was too late to play it cool, since Sofia seemed to have already seen through him. But it was never easy to put these feelings into words...plus, acknowledging them scared him. "Well...with them, I just feel like they have ideas about who I am that don't really fit me anymore, and I just can't remember why we ever liked hanging out in the first place," he said. "But it's  also...getting drunk isn't just a fun thing for me, and that scares me a little bit. That I don't drink for exactly the same reasons everyone else does." Sofia listened intently, not wanting to jump in with any assumptions, or words that wouldn't help. But when he paused, she asked, "Why do you drink, Connor? I promise, whatever you tell me, I won't judge." Her hand slipped from his wrist to his hand, giving it a supportive squeeze. Connor shrugged little bit, but he laced his fingers into hers and tried not to think about it too much, "It just...makes me feel a little bit better for a while. Like there's this sweet spot where it slows everything down and things seem easier. That's what walking home felt like, but then it's like….it hits a low after that, and that's not so great." "Maybe you should try to find something other than drinking to make you feel better, something that doesn't make you feel bad later," Sofia suggested, brow furrowing once more in concern. "What else makes you happy, or makes you feel good, Connor?" Connor considered the question--he had a handful of other vices that also made him feel good, but in the same fleeting sort of way. Besides, he didn't think that's what Sofia meant. "Art," he said after a beat, "But sometimes it frustrates me, too, and my ideas come too fast and I just move from one thing to another and that can be...exhausting. But when I find the right project, it's great," he said, nodding in the direction of the easel, "I could work on that for hours and everything just...slows and quiets down then too, and it's great. I like looking at art, too." “Okay,” she said slowly, taking in the information and trying to form ideas of her own. “How about next time you feel like you need a drink to feel better, you call me, and we’ll go to the art gallery in town and you can tell me what you think about each of the paintings that you see?” Connor smiled, "I'd like that," he said. "I can't promise….I don't think this drinking thing has an easy fix," he told her, "but I'll try." Giving his hand another squeeze, Sofia said, “That’s okay. All I’m asking is that you give it a chance.” She took a deep breath and considered whether or not it was her place to press further but Sofia had never been good at restraining herself regardless. “Is it-- do you think it’s because of the drinking? That maybe the problem is...drinking?” Connor hesitated--they'd petered on the edge of this conversation when she'd picked him up in D.C., and it was no less terrifying several months later. And yet he still couldn't outright lie to her, even if he could withhold a bit. "No...I don't think so," he admitted. "I mean, it's a problem, but it's not the only one...I don't think drinking is what makes me feel like this, because I feel this way when I'm sober, too. If anything….I drink to get away from those feelings," he said, pausing briefly and staring up at the ceiling. It was always so hard to explain how he felt and what went through his head, which was at least part of the reason he avoided it. "It's like….sometimes I feel like I'm not entirely in control of my own mind. It's either going too fast, like my mind is racing, and I'm….energized, but too energetic, and sometimes it's kind of nice, kind of great, even, but then I just want to slow down, but I can't calm myself down like other people can," he explained. "And then I just feel so….tired and down and sometimes there's a reason...but it's not always a good enough reason, like it doesn't make sense how I feel, and I'm aware of that, but I can't change it," he said. "But drinking makes me think and act in predictable ways, and if I do something or say something weird, well….at least there's a reason for it. It's kind of like...in a weird way, I feel like I have more control when I'm drinking," he took a deep breath then, "That probably doesn't make any sense, but that's kind of the main issue. A lot of things just don't make sense to me about my own head and it...scares me, so I try to get away from it." Sofia hesitated before responding, having listened quietly while Connor answered her question. It was even more than he’d given her that morning in DC and, though the fact that he was actually answering her was not lost on her, every word broke her heart for him a little more. There was definitely more to what plagued her friend than enjoying partying a little too much, but she was nowhere near qualified to be able to tell him what it was, or how to fix it. She wished she did know, though, if only so that she could offer Connor some relief from this overwhelming think that scared him. After a moment, she said, “I think, for tonight, you should try to get some sleep.” This felt too big to solve in a single night, and maybe it wasn’t something that could be tackled just then. But-- “But maybe...maybe after you’ve had some rest, we can try to figure this out...together.” Connor smiled faintly over at Sofia where she sat on the edge of the bed, "I'll try," he said, then hesitated before saying, "I...really appreciate how I can talk to you, and how you're always willing to listen. You really didn't have to do….anything that you did for me tonight, really." Sofia shrugged. "I'll always be here for you, Connor," she replied, and meant every word. She couldn't pinpoint exactly how or why Connor had become so important to her, why she held onto his friendship no matter how often it felt like she was the only one holding onto it. All she knew was that this connection between them mattered, both here and in other worlds that she tried so hard not to think about. "When it comes to you, I promise there's no other choice but to be here." |