Losing you was the hardest thing I have ever had to live through, Jun. I know that everything that happened between us was mutual and I will never pretend that I was a victim in some messy breakup, because that's not what it was and I know it. But it doesn't change the fact that it hurt to lose you and I missed you so god damn much for longer than was probably fair of me. I moved on, though, just like you did, and everything was fine, but then you were back in my life and I remembered how big of a part of me you were and having you here, even if it was just as my friend, was so good that I was terrified that if I told you, I'd just lose you all over again and I can't
None of that is an excuse. It doesn't change the fact that I was dishonest and you have every right to be mad and not trust me. I would never want to hurt you, but I did. And I'm so sorry for it.