WHO: Theo Wolfe WHEN: Afternoon of April 2 WHERE: Around Dunhaven, ending at the cemetery SUMMARY: Theo takes a tour of his relationship with his late wife, then stops at her grave to tell her about where his life is taking him. WARNINGS: Loss of a spouse. PROMPT: Cemetery
Theo started the afternoon in the high school. It was the most logical place to start, given that he was already there. He waited until his office hours ended, thankful for once that none of his students had found their way into his classroom with questions about their assigned homework as he didn't know if he'd have been able to concentrate on it, before he gathered up his things, donned his jacket, and slung his messenger bag over his shoulder. The door to his classroom locked with a soft click.
His feet followed the familiar path from the science classrooms over to the language arts area. From there, he stopped in front of room 104. The door was open, its current teacher not inside; he was notorious for heading down to the lounge to catch up with one of the math teachers before leaving for the day, so Theo wasn't surprised by this. As he stepped over the threshold, he was no longer Mr. Wolfe, Biology teacher. With that one step, he was Theo Wolfe, freshman and jock. The teacher that had been in residence of this room in 2006 had long since retired and the current teacher had moved the desks around, but that didn't matter. He knew exactly where he had been sitting when Theresa Marlow had walked into that classroom on their first day of high school.
He moved, finding that spot near what had then been the back of the classroom. Turning, he could almost imagine her walking in. Though Theo only remembered her now as the confident woman she had grown to be, she had looked nervous that day. His not recognizing her told him immediately that she was new to town; the Wolfes knew more or less everyone in Dunhaven, either through his parents or one of his siblings. Despite her nerves, Theo had felt his heart skip. She was beautiful, there was no doubt about it, but it wasn't just her beauty that made him want to get to know her. He couldn't believe his luck when she sat down next to him. He began to wonder if he was dreaming when they were paired up for a project together only minutes later.
Theo didn't stay in the classroom for long, not wanting to have to answer any questions as to why he was lingering in there. Once he'd had his fill, he slipped out of the room and started toward the parking lot. He took a longer route, snaking through the hallways to pass by the locker that had once been his; Theresa would slip notes in through the grate, to float down for him to catch when he opened it between classes. He walked through the cafeteria, glancing toward the table that he and his friends would hold court, Max usually on one side of him with Theresa on the other. He even paused at the spot in the parking lot where he'd asked her to homecoming, just outside of her mother's car.
The rest of the afternoon was spent in much the same way. Theo climbed into his car and started a tour of the town he had grown up in, the one that had seen them through the years of their relationship.
There had been their first real date at Grandma's, that dinner that he'd made sure none of their other friends would be there for and he paid for out of his allowance. After, he had walked her home and kissed her on the front porch, just like all of the cliches. He had missed her lips the first time, but she had only chuckled, put her hands on either side of his face, and held him still as they tried again. He could still remember the way that the porchlight had turned on, her father letting them know it was time to say goodbye.
Then there was that summer street dance that Theresa had talked him into sneaking out of the house to attend when he'd been grounded, both of them trying to be sly when they arrived and realized that both of his parents were there and that their plan may not have been especially sound. Theo drove by the spot in front of one of the boutiques where his mother had finally caught sight of them both, securing himself another several weeks of being grounded. It had been worth it, just to dance in the shadows with her.
He drove by the drive-in, where they had gone to movie after movie. Sometimes they watched, sometimes they missed the plot entirely as they were too distracted with one another. There had been the one time that they had ordered every snack available and stuffed themselves with popcorn and nachos and various sweets as they ignored some romantic comedy on the screen.
And he couldn't forget the random street that Theresa had made Theo pull over onto, only blocks away from his parents' home. They had been on their way over for Thanksgiving dinner, but she couldn't wait until they got back home afterward to tell him the news that she'd found out only that morning -- that she was pregnant with the tiny life that would soon become his whole world.
Even the flower shop held memories, Theo realized, as he stepped into it to buy a bouquet of brightly colored peonies. Homecomings and proms where he had come to order her corsage, Valentine's Days and birthdays and regular weekdays where there had been no particular reason where he had picked up whatever reminded him most of her. That last minute stop before they made their way to the courthouse, the owner so charmed by their story that she built a beautiful bouquet for Theresa at no cost at all.
The afternoon had been filled with memories, both good and bad, but it was his last stop that was the hardest. The crunch of the gravel below his feet was familiar by this point, Theo having made the trek across the cemetery countless times before in the last five years. When he reached Theresa's grave, he wasn't surprised to see the bouquet of sunflowers there, only just starting to wilt. Maybe Luke had been by or perhaps it had been one of her many friends that wanted to visit. Whatever the case, he was glad that she'd had company. Theo tucked the peonies he'd brought her next to the sunflowers, then stepped back.
"Hey there, trouble."
It had taken a long time for Theo to feel comfortable coming here and actually talking to his late wife. He didn't know what the actual state of the afterlife was -- was there one? And, if there was, could she even hear him? -- and after a time, he stopped wondering. He stopped feeling self conscious if there were others wandering around, once he realized that they were doing the very same as him. No one ever seemed too bothered by him, after all. No one ever seemed nosy enough to eavesdrop.
"I don't have Zoe this time around. I thought about picking her up from my mom before coming over here, but I think I needed to just talk to you alone. Just for a bit." He paused. "I promise that I'll bring her soon, though. I don't bring her enough."
Theo was quiet a moment, then sat himself down on the hard ground. Once comfortable, he continued, "I think everyone is doing good. My parents, my brothers and sisters. Your brother, too. He's going to watch Zoe for a weekend, which I think will be good for both of them. She always turns the radio on to listen to him when we're getting ready in the morning. I think that I need to talk to him about a more regular schedule for seeing her. It's convenient with my parents, but I know she needs that connection to you. I think Luke needs that connection to you too, to be honest."
He fell quiet once more, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket. "I went for a ride today, after school. Danielle mentioned it and I thought -- I think that I needed it. I needed to walk through some memories of us." Theo's gaze dropped for a moment. "It wasn't a goodbye, because I don't think I will ever be able to actually say goodbye to you. You'll always be a part of me, you know? But I've fallen in love with someone, T."
Theo wasn't supposed to have fallen in love with anyone else. When he and Theresa had gotten married at the tender age of 19, they had fancied themselves invincible. They were two young people with an entire lifetime to be spent together, but were unable to wait any longer to start on that journey. When she had been taken from him only three years later, he had assumed that was it for him. He'd been given a gift of his great love so early in life, only to have her taken from him -- but she had still been a gift. Theresa had been his one person and she had given him so much of her, including Zoe.
Meeting Tessa hadn't been part of his vision for his future. Even as he had dated, Theo had assumed that he would never meet someone new that he could love like he had Theresa. And, if he was entirely honest, the love that he felt for Tessa wasn't the same as that which he'd had for his late wife; it couldn't be, because they were two entirely different, yet wonderful women. He loved them both in their own way, but that love was strong and it was true and it was everything.
"You would have liked her, you know." Theo's voice had grown quiet, his gaze unfocused as he continued to speak. "She has that same fire as you, this passion to create and nurture her talents -- because she is so incredibly talented. She's kind and compassionate and keeps me on my toes. She makes me laugh. And, god, you should see her with Zoe. It's -- I don't know how I got so lucky."
Because, at the end of the day, that's how Theo felt. Lucky. Somehow, he had stumbled into the lives of two phenomenal women. Theresa had been there for him when he was his younger self, while Tessa had walked into his life after all of that loss and the changes in his life that had come with it. Just like he had wondered back when he had been paired with Theresa for that project, he sometimes wondered if he was still dreaming. How else could one man be given such good fortune?
Theo leaned forward, his hands splayed in the grass as his eyes settled onto Theresa's name on her headstone. "I know we'd never talked about it before, but… I know you wouldn't want me to be alone. It's taken me five years to understand that. I will always love you." He paused as the words dropped out of his mouth, drawing in a long, deep breath. "It's time, though. I never thought I'd feel like this again, but I do. I know that you wouldn't want me to turn away from that happiness. I know that you would want me to chase it, so that's -- that's what I'm going to do, Theresa."
Theo sat there for a long while after, this time in silence as his thoughts lingered on his late wife. He thought of the good times and the bad. He thought of the laughter and the tears. He thought of the long nights spent wrapped in one another's arms. He thought of the arguments, then their refusal to ever go to bed angry. They'd had eight years together and had packed so much into that time; they should have gotten more, but they hadn't. And Theo could no longer dwell on what had been lost, not when he still had a life ahead of him.
When he finally left the cemetery, it wasn't without one more long look at Theresa's grave. Theo would be back, of course. But, at that moment, his heart felt less full of lingering pain and loss than it normally did. At that moment, he felt hope.