Jordan Wolfe (fickleprince) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2019-03-31 00:28:00 |
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He had been looking forward to this day for months. He still remembered sitting on those steps the day that Sirius had gotten his letter. You’ll make new friends and forget about me… No I won’t! You’ll come to Hogwarts next year, Reg. We’ll go together. You’ll always be my little brother. Sirius had soothed away his worries with those promises. He had received a few letters in the months that Sirius had been gone from the house, though things had been...unpleasant. Mother and Father were furious that Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. Regulus had said maybe the Sorting Hat made a mistake and had suggested that maybe it could re-sort Sirius, but that wasn’t something that was done. Their mother had snapped viciously at him for even bringing it up. She had shouted and snarled about Sirius being weak and a disappointment...about how he was lucky they were allowing him to come home for Christmas at all after embarrassing them in such a way. Regulus had tried to ignore this. Instead, he held onto the hope of seeing Sirius and spending all of those days of Christmas break there with him. They would sit up in his room and laugh like they used to. Sirius would tell him all about Hogwarts, just like he had promised that he would. Regulus was eager to ask about his classes and the secrets he had discovered about the school. He even wanted to know about his brother’s new friends, who he had talked about in his letters. Maybe...maybe they could be his friends too, when he came to school next year. He waited anxiously by the door all day. Mother and Father had refused to go to Kings Cross to pick Sirius up, but he had said he was leaving Hogwarts for the break so he would be there. He had to be there. He sat perched upon a step, his small elbows biting into his thighs as he leaned his head into his palms. His combed hair was just slightly falling into his eyes, and he nervously chewed on the inside of his cheek. Shouldn’t he have been here by now? Then, the door flung open and there he was. Laughing, a grin stretched across his lips. He called something over his shoulder to someone and Regulus caught the words, “Just a minute!” He stood on the step, a hopeful smile on his lips as Sirius stepped over the threshold, but...he didn’t have any luggage with him, “Sirius!” His brother’s gaze snapped up to him, though the wide grin on his lips seemed to tighten a little, “Hey, Reg. I’m not going to be here long. Just grabbing something from my room. James asked his parents if I could stay for Christmas, and they said yes! They’re great.” He bounded up the stairs, passing Regulus and dropping a hand to ruffle his hair a little as he passed. “But…” the protest died on his lips as he watched Sirius climb the stairs to his room. He stood there on the staircase, dumbfounded and heart sinking until Sirius reemerged, a few odds and ends that he’d likely forgotten at the beginning of the year clutched in his hands. As Sirius passed him, he quietly claimed, “You said you were going to be here for Christmas.” “Mother and Father would prefer if I wasn’t,” Sirius’ voice was a bit clipped, but it did nothing to ease the loneliness that was gnawing at Regulus now. “But you promised --” Regulus protested. “I really have to go, Reg. They’re waiting,” Sirius sounded a little apologetic, but not enough to stay, “I’ll write you, OK?” He paused a moment, turning back just for a second at the door, “Happy Christmas.” Then, he was gone. There and then not in the blink of an eye. Regulus stared at the door after he closed it behind him...for how long, he wasn’t certain. Long enough that his toes went numb in his fine, polished shoes and the cavern that grew in his chest felt as though it had widened enough to swallow him whole. You’ll make new friends and forget about me… There were no reassurances this time. No counter-remarks. His fear had come to pass, and the promises that Sirius had made to him had been broken. “Oh, do wipe your face,” his mother’s voice was a cold snap from the bottom of the stairs, and Regulus reached up to hastily wipe at his tears. She held her hand up to him, beckoning him towards her. He reached up, finally, to straighten his hair as he descended the stairs towards her, not daring to meet her gaze. She was never a warm presence, but she put her hand heavily on his small shoulder and it was almost comforting, “You are better off forgetting about him, Regulus. You’re a good boy. You will do what’s right when you go to school, won’t you?” Her fingers caught his chin and he lifted his gaze to her finally. “Yes, Mother.” Jordan woke with a jolt, a breath hissing out of him as he sat up in bed and tossed his feet over the side. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands, trying to ignore the feeling of desperate loneliness and shame that was clinging to him like a second skin. Sometimes the dreams from when Regulus was young were some of the worst ones...because he got to see a glimpse of the sweet, kind boy that he could have been had his choice - his family - been different. He had retained some part of that good heart, even as his choices led him down darker paths. Jordan hadn’t seen it all yet, but he knew that he would. It was only a matter of time. Not for the first time, he thought about Lyra Rhinehart. He knew that she dreamt of Sirius from a time or two that she had mentioned it on the network, but he had never reached out. He didn’t know if she would want him to...if it would matter. Running his hand roughly over his face, he shifted and sank back into his bed, closing his eyes firmly. That, he decided, was something for him to think about in the morning. |