ruby atwater ⭐ lorna dane. (polaire) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2019-03-26 17:19:00 |
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The day had been a long one. Between the impromptu drive to New York, plus the last minute accommodations that needed to be made if they didn’t want to be driving back so late at night, it had become unexpectedly busy. But, as Ruby lay side-by-side with Matias, their hands up and fingers interlaced with an array of lights swirling around them, she thought that the extra work had been totally worth it. Things had been better between the pair recently and Ruby knew it had a lot to do with the fact that she was being more transparent with him than she ever had been. The world had not split in two when she’d been honest with him about her circumstances like she’d anticipated it would, so that had made her gradually more confident in telling him things she’d spent too many years wearing as silent armor. Slowly, arduously, her armor was falling away for him. It had seemed impossible that anyone could manage such a feat, but here they were and, rather than running away from her, Matias had only pulled himself closer to her. He had seen the worst of her and somehow, inexplicably, Matias still wanted her. Still…loved her. Even if he didn’t say it again, it was no less there, no less real, no less palpable. Ruby felt the moment she stopped breathing, her chest tightening in a not entirely unpleasant way. She lifted a free hand to let her fingers dance through the lights, deciding that they had been right in the assessment that there was no natural phenomenon that could compare to this physical manifestation of their connection. A heartbeat passed, then another before she let out the breath she’d been holding. “Matias?” she started, breaking the comfortable silence between them, then hesitated. “Do you think it’s possible to promise me that you’ll always be here?” Despite having been lost in his own thoughts only seconds before, Matias found it easy to shift his focus to Ruby when she said his name. His head turned, breaking from where his eyes had been tracing the dancing lights that floated above and around them where they lay; it was becoming easier for him to wrap his head around the fact that it was their connection that could create that beauty. At her question, though, Matias felt a slight weight on his heart -- not because it was a question that he didn't want to answer, but because any honest answer he could give her wouldn't be the one he wanted to give. What he wanted to do was promise her that he would always be there. He wanted to tell her that nothing could ever happen that would be able to separate the both of them. Despite their brief separation (or, he considered, because of it), Matias felt as though their relationship was stronger than it had ever been. There was an added layer of honesty between them that he hadn't necessarily realized they had been lacking previously. It made him appreciate her all the more -- made him appreciate them. Because of it, though, he couldn't lie to her. "I can promise you that here is where I'll always want to be," Matias replied, reaching across to her to smooth back her hair with a rake of his fingers. "And that I will do everything in my power to make sure that I am for a very, very long time." Ruby nodded, not having expected a different answer from him, even if she’d been wanting something more sure. Something she could hold him accountable to. She knew it wasn’t in anyone’s power--at this point, anyway--to be able to see into the future and say with certainty that nothing bad would ever happen to them. She knew that it wasn’t even realistic to assume bad things didn’t happen all the time. She also knew, though, just how devastating it would be to lose him the way they’d lost her father, suddenly and unexpectedly and irreparably. It hadn’t taken her long to realize that she’d far surpassed the ability to shield herself from the devastation of losing Matias. The moment he’d walked away from her at the masquerade ball, she’d known that she was already a goner. That didn’t mean that all of the reasons why she’d run from him in the first place didn’t still exist. It was hard to erase years’ worth of fears and anxieties. “I hate the idea of losing you, you know?” She shifted to her side to look at him. “On the bad days, that thought is almost crippling. Which is so melodramatic and dumb, I know it is, but it is what it is. I thought I could avoid feeling like this, but I can’t change the fact that I do, and I don’t want to change it anymore. I’d rather have all of the good days, even if the price is the occasional bad day where my fears get the best of me.” As Ruby shifted, Matias did the same, mirroring her positioning to meet her gaze. "It's not dumb," he replied, because that much he knew for sure. Her emotions were anything but dumb to him; if anything, how she was feeling was more or less the most important thing there was to him. He didn't know just how that had happened or even when, but it wasn't a new discovery for him. When Ruby had opened up to him more about her struggles, it only made his desire to be there for her and to support her rise. Her words had an immediate effect on him, though, his heart warming as she put to words everything that he knew he already felt for himself. Matias reached for her once more, his fingers skimming along her jawline. "I'll be here for the good days, but I'll be here for the bad ones, too. I know that I can only do so much, but I'll try to do everything I can to help with that fear." Ruby’s breath caught in her throat and she leaned into the touch. This was one of those times when what she felt for Matias felt so heavy and overwhelming and like it utterly consumed her. With her free hand, she rest her palm against his cheek and opened her eyes again so that she could see him. “If you can’t promise me that I’ll never lose you,” she said, her eyes, alight with a fire illuminated by their shared lights, searching his, “then promise me that it’s okay to be this terrified by the fact that I love you, too.” Because she did, she did. She’d known it the night that he’d told her he loved her, and she’d known it when she’d carried the last box out of his apartment. She’d known it when he’d touched her and the lights had flared between them at the ball, and she’d known it when he’d held her through the worst night of their separation with no expectation that she would give him anything more than she was willing to. And she knew it now with such vehemence and clarity that it seemed impossible to keep it secret anymore, even if the truth of it simultaneously terrified her and excited her. “I love you,” she said, again, as though she needed to make sure he’d heard the words. After Ruby had said the words, somewhere in the back of Matias's mind he felt as though he ought to have expected this conversation to go that direction. She had clearly been building up to something, but a declaration of love hadn't been what he had been anticipating. Though his feelings for her hadn't changed after he had told her that he loved her, there was no denying some apprehension on his part to say the words again after they had reconciled after their time apart; she may have still loved her, but it had been a catalyst and that scared him away from the words. Instead, he was going to just wait until she was ready. Apparently, he realized, she was ready, no matter her reservations and fears. Matias felt a warmth bubble in his chest and a lightness settled there. "It's okay," he assured her, his fingers roaming along her jawline and cheek once more. "It terrifies me, too. Losing you -- I don't like to think about it, so I try not to. I don't know what it would do to me. But it makes me appreciate being with you now and I'll keep appreciating that time for as long as you'll let me." He paused, then gave her a small smile. "I love you, too." There had been a small part of Ruby that had been afraid that Matias might not say it back after everything that had happened between them after he’d said it to her first. It had been clear in the way that he treated her that his feelings had not changed toward her, but Ruby wouldn’t have blamed him in the least if he’d been reticent to respond in kind. It was enough for her to know that he knew now where she stood, that he knew that they were back on even, solid ground. “I won’t run again,” she promised, because that was a promise that she could make to him. “No matter what. If I’m scared, if things are hard, if our dreams shake us, I’m not going anywhere. I meant it when I said I don’t want to fight the same fight here that we fought there, but this fight, the one for us, I’m all in for.” And then with a small smile, she added, “I’ll fight myself if I have to.” It was a relief to hear her make that promise, even if Matias had known that they were in a different spot now than they had been before. Though things had been shaky at first, he didn't know that he would have let her back into his life as he had without the knowledge that there had been some stability between them that perhaps hadn't been there previously. But hearing her voice her desire to stay, especially when alongside her love for him, he knew that he had made the right choice when he'd gone to her that night -- it had been the only choice in his mind, but nevertheless the right one. "I know, hermosa," Matias replied softly. "But if you ever need help fighting that fight, I like to think I'm pretty good at helping with that. I can try, at least." For a moment, Ruby was transported back to that moment that night just before Matias had confessed his feelings to her, just before she had very nearly ruined them. She knew she should have told him the truth then, but she couldn’t regret what had happened because here they were now, even stronger than before. Instead, a faint smile flickered over her lips and she leaned forward to brush her nose against his and then kissed him. Her lips still brushing against his, she echoed that night and said, “What did you just call me?” |